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Monday, January 16, 2006

Crappa Dappa Dingdong

You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
Well if the sky can crack there must be someway back
To love and only love

Lets get right down to it.

Crap List

1. That last review in that Pittsburgh/Indianapolis game.
Actually officiating as a whole on Sunday was fucking horrible but that Troy Palamaladingdong interception was a crock of horse shit! Late in the game Manning is starting to cry and force things to happen when he throws to a diving Troy paladkfjsoijfdu who: catches the ball, dives, gets up, and then fumbles. He did manage to recover the fumble but such a play gave the Steelers a victory.

The Colts review the play in grim desperation and somehow, someway the play is considered an incomplete pass. I believe it was something about a right knee being down if that means anything. It reminded me of watching the NBA playoffs of two years ago and how the Lakers (everyone bow down to the Lakers) never had one questionable call against them.

They showed the replay on CBS about 50 times and Phil Simms was about to read the list of credits after the ref was going to call the play as it stood. But no, they reversed the call because there was irreversible evidence on the review. The only possible solution is if someone from the booth was going crazy with a telestrator and drawing stick figures with another football because there was no such evidence.

None at all.

If that wasn’t enough, Pittsburgh lines up for a play and just about the entire Colts defense walks over the line of scrimmage with hands on hips until Rothlesbergergynskyopodopoulus snaps the ball. The play is immediately stopped.


You’d think there’d be a penalty somewhere, anywhere.

Take the flat out of your pants and call something! Illegal defense, illegal dry-humping, illegal use of the word “is”, or excessive swearing. ANY GOD DAMN THING AT ALL!!!

Don’t just call the play dead and have a re-do.

Then the non holding calls in those other games. Holy god…

2. Those turds at Tires Plus
Whenever I get my oil changed there’s always something wrong. Like clockwork they always call me up to the desk and explain to me what is wrong. I never have them fix anything because I know enough people to get 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinions on the matter. I also don’t know much about automobiles but I do know enough about what most things are, what they do, and how they’re put in so I would say that I know more than those blind dopes running that Steelers/Colts game yesterday.

Manager: Yeah it seems that your serpentine belt has numerous stress fractures on it. I highly suggest you get that changed right away. We actually have one of those on hand and can install the belt.

(behind him is my car, all finished with oil change, simply waiting to be pulled out with a couple guys standing around it, waiting.)
Boof: Oh it’s a belt eh?
Manager: Oh not just a belt it’s the serpentine belt which….yadda yadda yadda.
Boof: If it’s a belt I’ll just put it on myself.
Manager: (sigh) well okay but it’s quite the deal. You gotta take out a bracket and uh everything.
Boof: Yeah I’m gonna do it elsewhere but thanks.

$175 to change a fucking belt! One seventy five!

I look at the belt with my dad and it’s not exactly in mint condition but it’s not worth sympathizing by a manager for either.

Those fucking turds there. At least I know I could get a job somewhere like that.

Boof: Ah sir, as it turns out your rotator threshold valve is badly damaged and your interlocking rear wheel differenencial topical cream applicator reservoir needs some more viscosity wheel fluid. We actually have all the parts here and can get the job done today if you’d like.

Customer: Ah no, I believe you were just making stuff up and I was watching you guys the whole time. You, for one, were just trying to jump through you arms the whole time and the others were playing hacky sack.

Boof: We’ll you see you’re going to pull right out that lot there and your Bonneville is simply going to implode as you signal for your left turn. Yes, you’re car will turn into a blackhole and you’ll die. Hey, it's science but okay, I can’t keep you here. I tried to help but whatever. Have a good day sir and don’t say that I warned you!

Yeah it would be a cake.


Aliecat said...

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let those doucebags harass you about your serpentine belt. The guys that change my oil always tell me this, and my dad (who's a mechanic, and has been for 40 years) says that the belt gets cracks in it pretty much the second you put it on. Get a reputable second opinion, because I can guarantee you that this is an effective scare tactic in order to get you to spend an extra $200 for a completely unneccessary procedure. Plus, you actually can do it yourself and the part only costs about $20.

Boof said...

If it were five years ago the tactics may have worked but I know them too well to fall for that crap.

You'd think those guys would have a little dignity though. ugh.