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Monday, January 02, 2006

New Years Crap

There's a blade by the bed
And a phone in my hand
A dog on the floor
And some cash on the nightstand

Happy New Year everyone.

Here’s some crap.

1. New Years Rockin’ Eve
Someone has to say it and there’s no decent way of conveying the message. But, Dick Clark (like he really reads this blog), perhaps it’s time to step down. Just go out and enjoy life a little bit. You have all the money one could ask for and a year isn’t going to be destroyed if people don’t have a chance to see you.
For that matter, SOMEONE should’ve told him that he could make an appearance as long as he doesn’t talk because listening to him talk was…awkward, painful, and unnecessary. The man had a stroke earlier in the month and he played it down like it was just gut rot.
But imagine rockin out to New Years rockin eve (if that’s your cup of tea) and fat Mariah Carey is there, Hillary Duff is talking about something, Ryan Seacrest is functioning properly, and the Bangles are looking better than anyone. Then comes Dick Clark and he’s struggling to read the teleprompter and you’re looking at the person next to you like, ‘Are they really letting him on the air like this?’ and you leave the living room bewildered.

2. Who would win between the 1908 Wolverines VS. 2005 USC?

How bout you play Texas first before you compare USC vs. the all-time greats. Last time I checked this was supposed to be a decent game, so why the fuck is ESPN ramming this daily poll of crap? Yeah I know Reggie Bush can destroy college defenses, yeah Matt Leinhart is a LA celebrity, yeah USC is good but good lord, wait until after the Rose Bowl to make these stupid polls.

3. Gophers sign Glen Mason to five years.
The most delusional fans ever are U of M alumni. A lot of them think Mason ranks up there with Stoops, Bowden, and Paterno. Some even think that Penn St. will want Mason when Paterno retires. When Mason loses it’s because of the lack of facilities and an outdoor, on campus stadium. When he wins it’s just good coaching.
Therefore, he can have his cake and eat it all he wants here at the U.

ARE YOU PEOPLE ON CRACK????? Mason has defeated a Penn St. team when they were the best in the country and Ohio St. and…Lakeland dental academy nine times in a row. Why the hell would we re sign this guy? Why the hell would we give him a raise for mediocrity?

4. Picks.

Hannes beat me by one damn game


1 comment:

Eric Wormann said...

ESPN should have done a series on who would win: USC or Texas, because apparently they didn't do enough research to see that Vince Young would run for like 8 miles of yardage on them.