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Friday, January 06, 2006

Viruses 2X (and picks)

You fall to your knees
You embrace the storm
You no longer care
If it's cold or if it's warm

I think those bastard viruses have left and here I am downtrodden and a shell of my former self.

The story of my viruses.

Sunday, December 25
I was watching the Vikings game with Hog and I noticed my throat was unusually dry. It didn’t hurt or anything and I actually thought there was something wrong with the heat register pumping out dry heat or something. I kept drinking water but it wouldn’t go away.

I felt a little funny and the dry throat was still there. I also noticed I would walk up the steps and get winded easily, but I didn’t think any different.

Boof: Hey, you wanna go see King Kong?
Raymond: I probably shouldn’t. F is sick and he gave us all his sickness.

That’s when it hit me.
I caught F’s sickness (probably)

I was over at Raymond’s place on that Friday before and did indeed notice F being sick.


And in went Billy virus sliding down the esophagus and ready to cause some high jinx.

“Oh where do I start?” said Billy virus as he looks around the insides of Tom. Billy was just a little virus with high expectations. Tom was is first host and he wanted to make sure he left is mark.

“Let’s see, I’ll start out with a nagging dry throat, a little fatigue, and I’ll see if I can get that right ear a little plugged.” thought Billy Virus.

Tom was a pretty good host because he doesn’t know how to eat or live right.
“bwaahahahaha POW” Tom said with a mouth full of powdered sugar doughnuts while watching Saturday’s NFL games.

Slowly and surely Tom was feeling a little more tired than usual and started drinking tons of orange juice.

The slight colt was just that and it was nothing in terms of ill feelings. In fact on Thursday I looked up at the ceiling and exclaimed,
“I’M BETTER!” and smiled my way through the corridors at work.

Saturday, “New Years Eve”
Billy Virus was packing up his bags and started to say his goodbyes because the white blood cells were starting to piss him off.
“Oh where should I go from here?” said Billy virus. Just then a splash of Champaign came down and with it came bad ass Vinny Virus.

Vinny was a tall, strong virus with poise and intellect. Billy was in awe as he appeared.

“Hello Kid, how’s this host been treating ya?” asked Vinny Virus.
“Not bad. Tom’s just too strong for me. I can’t sustain anything for longer than a day.” Billy said frustrated.
“Don’t worry kid, I’ve been around the game for awhile I’ll show you some tricks. Just show me around.”

And Billy did. He showed Vinny the gut rot of barbequed meatballs, the bacon wrapped sausages, the Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and how everything was drenched in Coca cola.

“What you gotta do is get the guy really tired and fatigued. I see you have the right idea but you gotta REALLY get him tired.” said Vinny as he pointed his finger toward the mouth.

“Then you gotta do the standard snot in the nose bit and I think his ear could use more fluid up there.” and he waved his hands and sure enough Tom’s ears were full of fluid.

“Now give him a caffeine headache, a powder white face, and my own special trick I’ve been working on, two completely blood shot eyes.” and it was done. Vinny had completely owned Tom. It was remarkably effective work by this new super powered virus.

Come Tuesday I felt like complete crap. I actually went to work that day and had fantasies of decapitating myself since all my sickness was in my head. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I couldn’t hear anyone, and whenever I talked it sounded like I was shouting.

I came home that night and went right to bed and turned on the soothing sounds of public radio (of all things). It was actually really soothing and comforting hearing all those English voices and learning all about the tin can.
I woke up the next morning and instantly called in sick. The first time in almost ten years that I have called in sick for anything and it was definitely needed. I slept all day and drank a gallon of water in the process. I also even got to watch that awesome Rose Bowl too.

Whatever it was, I got it bad and I hope I got it out of my system.

What’s weird is the moment you feel better and you look around your apartment and gaze all the endless snot rags scattered around the room.


Playoff picks.

Washington @ Tampa Bay
Ah… I don’t know. Do the NFC playoffs really mean anything? I certainly don’t think so.
Redskins 21 Bucs 20

Jacksonville @ New England
And New England was complaining about having no respect. How about the Jaguars who are 12-4 and still have to play as a wildcard? I don’t think the media thinks they’re alive. Probably rightfully so seeing as I wont be betting against the Patriots during these playoffs.
Patriots 28 Jaguars 9

Carolina @ NY Giants
I’ll tell you how pathetic I think the NFC is, I think any team in the AFC can beat every team in the NFC. That’s right, I easily think the Steelers could spank the Seahawks in Seattle. They shouldn’t even play the NFC playoffs as far as I’m concerned
Panthers 27 Giants 24

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
This is the match up I’ve been waiting for. The Bengals have been playing like crap lately and the Steelers have a crazy defense.

I’m going for all the road teams
Steelers 30 Bengals 13

Whatever, ya know?

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