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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Last One About the Olympics

I believe there is a
distance I have wandered
to touch upon the years of
reaching out and reaching in
holding out holding in

I mentioned that I watched the Olympic Closing Ceremonies the other night and when I typed that out, I certainly did. What I didn’t tell you is that I watched it again, for another four hours. I spent 8 hours watching the closing ceremonies. That’s a whole work day.

It was amazing though. The lights, program, and the whole production was spectacular. It was the most beautiful night in the open air stadium and everyone was dressed in jackets and ski caps. I can only imagine how much the tickets cost but I’m sure it was worth it. There are very few moments that I witness were I totally wish I was there

I can’t exactly tell how the program started because NBC was forcing the taped nodic skiing marathon and the racial prejudice the US Army had over the blacks in WWII (what that had to do with anything is beyond me) but the production started out with the medal ceremony of the Nordic skiing. It was somewhat weird seeing the Italian laying down in the snow celebrating the win in one shot and appearing in the Closing Ceremonies in the next, but whatever. It was damn cool watching all the Italians go crazy singing their national anthem for their fellow nodic champion. Finally, they had the huge parade of athletes and the countries they represent enter the arena.

They then went to this clown band from the Alps. They played some weird marching band songs and actually performed the whole YMCA deal. Again, weird but who cares. Just go with it. At the end of the music they turned all the lights off and the mood started to grow more somber. They had a spotlight this powerful fan turned toward the sky with these sky floaters popping up in the air with different symbolic Olympic events. It was quite hypnotizing and they cranked up the power for the last person who seemed to float about 80ft in the air.

After the floating dudes were over they had a couple flag lowering ceremonies signifying the end of the Torino experience. Even more somber now the program gradually turns into a giant tear filled goodbye. They lowered the Olympic flag and had the Olympic chairperson speak when a dude ran out and nearly clobbered the dude. Canada now had the stage to present their Vancouver games in 2010 to which they had Avril Lavegne singing something to a bunch of Canadians building the Vancouver games symbol. Avril Lavegne didn’t appear as the “against the grain” pop artist from a couple years ago. She had long flowing blond hair which she wasn’t trying to hide. She actually looks hot.

Now was the time for the extinguishing of the torch. A very sad and remorse program featuring Andrea Bocelli, a notable Italian singer who has an amazing voice, singing a song with verses in different languages. The song had a very slow tempo and featured 400 Italian brides stepping up to the stage with a bouquet of lit up flowers. Now I’m not one to care about weddings at all, but anytime you throw in 400 Italian brides signifying hope, it’s something very beautiful. They didn’t have some stupid story or some dumb mascot named Scoopy acting as some sort of Olympic villain. No they had these brides slowly making their way to the stages with the beautiful sounds of Andrea Bocelli. Once everyone was on stage they formed into the outlines of a dove signifying, more or less, Christianity (in my opinion), which was even more beautiful. Finally the a popular Italian gold medal skiier (also a bride) stepped up to the main stage and extinguished her bouquet while the 400 others joined in and the main Olympic torch folled suit. Oh it was so sad and beautiful. They followed with some spectacular fireworks.

Then they brought out Ricky Martin… ARRGGH

Why the hell they did that, I have no idea, but what a way to kill a mood.

Despite “shake your bon-bon”, the event was spectacular and everything was perfect. They successfully started out with joy and laughter and ended with yearning and reminiscence. I would’ve given anything to have been there and hang out with the athletes and witness the whole thing in person. No doubt that witnessing the event in person would probably make my head explode of emotion but simple high definition television did enough to bring me to tears at certain points of the ceremony.

As a result of watching this beautiful event, I’m going to make it a habit of befriending as many people as possible from Vancouver. That’s right, in order to save money on hotel rooms, I’m just gonna try and transient my way around Vancouver in 2010. I’m gonna be an Olympic bum.

Rock on

Monday, February 27, 2006

Bye Bye Olympics

Did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love
Is it over now--do you know how
Pick up the pieces and go home.

Crap List

1. South Dakota…WTF?
Say what you want about the general topic of abortion, but lets just talk about the specific examples of rape and incest in regards to abortion. One may be more inclined to think abortion would be an appropriate step in such extreme circumstances.

Not according to South Dakota government. No way. Trying to be the first state to challenge Roe Vs. Wade with the newly appointed chief justices, Sodak wants to make thier point clear. With this new bill, if you happen to get knocked up from rape or incest in Sodak you are, by law, forced to HAVE THE KID.

Gidigid-wha who could- digi munbu…WHAT THE HELL?!?

At least there’s one exception (if the mother’s life is in danger), but if someone gets preggers out of rape or incest they have to go through: all trimesters, all the ‘eating for two’, and all the emotional baggage that goes with it. And if a doctor decides to go against Sodak law and perform an abortion anyway, he/she faces felony charges.

I would think that this new bill brings a scare to the females of South Dakota. One may want to wear saran wrap tear offs around the vagaina next time they decide to move to Sodak, but for guys it may not sink in. Let me paint a picture,

You’ve been turned into a woman and after the first two years of ‘never leaving the house’ and masturbating, you decide to go out and get a job and do all that independent woman type of stuff. You end up being employed by a restaurant and decide to walk home since you only live a couple blocks away after closing up a successful day of waitressing. You walk down the street when a huge hand comes out of nowhere and locks on your delicate wrists. He pulls you into a dark garage and tapes up your mouth and is now in complete control over your body. He throws you on a table where he completely dominates you with is pathetic little penis. After the torture is over he takes a nearby wrench and clocks ya to unconsciousness where he can then flea like the coward he is. You wake up the next morning hoping it was all a terrible dream but the bruise alongside your head and your tattered clothes are physical proof of what happened. You unable to feel emotions anymore and sensible thought are nonexistent as your life will change forever. On top of all that, you’re now pregnant and you have to live the through the rape everyday for the next 9 months knowing that the fetus has the genes of a rapist.

Or guys, imagine your beautiful wife just getting knocked up from rape during the time you were both trying to have a kid. I know if that were my wife it would completely devastate me knowing that my wife 1) was raped 2) is going to carry the kid from this rapist and 3) that the kid you tried so hard to conceive wont even be yours.

Of course there is the morning after pill (I’m assuming Sodak hasn’t banned that) but rape/incest victims don’t exactly know much of anything after such an event (and rightfully so).

Here’s where I think ethics and morals are different. I believe it’s completely unethical for a woman to be forced to have a kid out of incest. However, a lot of people would say that it is completely immoral to kill a kid. That’s why I don’t believe legislation should look into morals.

The whole thing leads me to believe that the legislature in Sodak is filled with 50 something year old men who severely lack social skills and feel the need to plant their seed while they can. Why would you not add these exceptions? Why would you go out of your way to explicitly say that incest and rape victims are SOL from this new bill?

Good lord!

2. People who ‘follow the crowd’
I have become increasingly fascinated with the number of people who seem paralyzed by what complete strangers think. People who are afraid of attending events by themselves because “oh what will people think” or people that are so afraid of failing or making a mistake for the fear of being wrong or people laughing at them. I’m mostly talking about the people who do things just because others do.
Grow a set of balls and stand your ground. If they criticize you for thinking differently or going against the norm, tell them to go blow themselves. It’s really that easy because we don’t need a world of clones.

3. The winter Olympics ending.
Oh what a closing ceremony that was. It was absolutely beautiful and I even shed some quality tears. Honest to god, it was one of the greatest productions I’ve seen on television. Now I have to wait until 2010 when it will be in Vancouver and I’d be lying if I didn’t have thoughts of taking a trip to Vancouver in 2010. Of course I’ll be 30 when that happens. 30! Well, I’m already going bald so I guess I can’t look forward to gray hairs so never mind.

4. That fan at the T-wolves game
KG tossed a ball into the stands that the game yesterday and it hit a middle aged guy in face. The guy had to leave on a stretcher and has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Looking at the replay it was nothing more than a toss that would cause a someone to sneeze if it hit them on the nose (unless it was another throw that they didn’t show). In any case it appeared that the guy is looking for a couple bucks out of the deal. KG shouldn’t have tossed the ball but…what a douche bag. Do us all a favor and wear a helmet everywhere you go.

Thursday, February 23, 2006


They had sex in Pennsylvania
A Brazilian grew a tree
And a doctor in Manhattan
Saved a dying man for free

-I forgot to bitch about this on Monday but what a damn dumbass that US snowboarder, Lindsey Jacobellis, is. She was blowing away the competition away in the snowboard cross when she decided to start Cadillacing’ it on the last jumps by holding her board and wipes out. The Swiss snowboarder 50 yards behind ended up winning the event based on Jacobellis’ showing off.
You dumb bitch! You had an easy shot at the gold and blew it. Not only that but you fed the egos of those European countries like France. Look at all those other athletes that train for years just to medal in something. Now think of losing the gold because of your own dumbassiness and settling for silver.

Aaaargh I don’ t even want to think about it.

-To the person that decided to check out season 3 of the Sopranos at the Library,
I hate you. Here I am strung out on the Sopranos, the first show I have been completely into since…Knight Rider and now I have to settle for On Demand, 3x4 aspect ratio crap which is a pain in the ass to rewind.
God damn, what a good show though.

-Do you realize how much ESPN will milk the Barry Bonds 715 deal this year? Oh my god it’s going to completely shameless and insane. It’s already started because they have one reporter completely dedicated to Bonds, recording everything he does. No doubt 715 is a historic number but…it’s Barry Bonds. It’s really strange how some of these power hitters have completely regressed in some manner ever since steroid testing was mandated.

-oh my god I can’t wait until summer. Twins baseball, baseball road trips to Milwaukee and Cleveland, Pearl Jam is going to tour (East Troy most definitely), and chillin on the balcony.

-after doing my taxes I found out that I can pay off my LASIK surgery which would mean that I am completely debt free. Not that I was ever in debt problems or anything but it’s nice knowing that all your shyt’s paid for.

-Parents get weird when they get older.

Boof: hello?
Mom: Hi Tommy, I saw you on TV. I didn’t even recognize you.
Boof: Oh really?
Mom: yeah. Well, just wanted to let you know that I saw you on TV is all.
Boof: Oh…? Cool
Mom: bye

I know I’m not the best to talk to on the phone but damn.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

What The Hell Does It All Mean?

Whatever happened to
The life that we once knew?
Always made me feel so free

I guess dreams are a gateway to the subconscious and that dreams tell a lot about the current situations in life. Psychologists can determine where stress and anxiety comes from and what true beliefs are.

With that being said, I had a pretty crazy, and screwed up dream the other night. I think my anxiety lately can be linked with one man (apparently). This man hasn’t done anything to me and he was barely alive in my own lifetime. I am talking about John Lennon.

I can’t remember a lot of it but I was living in a beach house in Florida or California or something and for some reason I was living my own Jeff Spicoli dream world with crazy cocaine buffet parties and ‘the dude’ type people always hanging around. Throughout the time there would be John Lennon with some bimbo (not Yoko) and he would just hang out and pretend like he was my friend.

Oh it seemed like such fun just hanging out with such losers and wearing neon green tank tops and the like. I was king of the losers and everyday I would find something of significance missing from me. First was my house keys (after awhile there were just no doors on my beach house anymore but just an open space for a door to go into), then my car keys which I didn’t even care about for some reason, finally my wallet was stolen.

Then it seemed like the lifestyle party was ending with me being without everything and the last think I remember is John Lennon treating me like a dink just before he drove off in his Jeep. I remember walking back to my beach house saying,
“Gawd dammit, fuck John Lennon! That ignoramus!”

And then I woke up really hating John Lennon and his bimbo.

It was really weird.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Album Review: Pale Sun, Crescent Moon

A finger traces the path of a satellite
you're drawn to a distant copse of trees
a voice as sweet as mares tail clings to the prairie breeze.

Nothing to particularly talk about today so I’ll review one of my favorite albums

Cowboy Junkies
Pale Sun, Crescent Moon

Cowboy Junkies are:
Margo Timmons (Vocals)
Micheal Timmons (guitar and main writer)
Peter Timmons (Drums)
Alan Anton (Bass)

If there was ever an album that garnered a certain mood or feeling Pale Sun, Crescent Moon would definitely be a huge candidate. When I spent a summer in South Dakota working for the Forest Service this was the album that stayed in my cd player throughout the duration of the trip.

Although their success has never been as high as it was during their first effort, The Trinity Sessions, the next series of albums have shown that the band can be as diverse as any. Their previous effort, Black Eyed Man, explored the genres of blues, folk, and country and spends a great amount of time explaining intricate battles in relationships and the beauty of friendship and love. Pale Sun explore deeper topics of native Americans, domestic abuse, and struggles of young mothers.

1. Crescent Moon
One of Margo’s finest vocal efforts in her high, sultry voice melts over the relaxing beat of symbols and whiney strums of Micheal Timmon’s guitar. The lyrics spend a great deal of time describing the sky and the symbols of a past love and her emotion shows how long it’s been since the last meeting.

2. First Recollection
Definitely one of the best Junkies songs ever. The song takes you through one complete year of the struggles of motherhood and keeping a new family in the north. The song also talks about the mother leaving this struggling life behind due to all the disrespect she’s receiving.
I've sat and watched my troubles
pile through the summer
now I'm sitting, hearing my youngest cry
down the hall

The song is one of the faster Junkies songs and it allows the listener to feel what a Montana winter could be like with a spouse that doesn’t give respect.

3. Ring on the Sill
This could almost be a reprise of First Recollection except that it focuses on the good times for both the man and woman. The music is slow and picks up in the middle of the reminiscing until it is determined that these memories are “nothing to hold on to”. In the end they both realise that relationships are a constant road of understanding and that “there’s a long road ahead”. A very touching way to end the song.

4. Anniversary song.
Without a doubt the most positive Cowboy Junkies song in their entire catalogue. This song is more or less a celebration of love and marriage. It’s not really my cup of tea because I love the dark nature of the band, but it’s definitely a decent change of pace. One interesting thing is that, for a love song, Micheal Timmons has a way to strip off all the pick fluff of ballads and use more metaphors and down to earth examples of proposing.

5. White Sail
I guess in my opinion this song explains the start of a fantasy relationship with comparisons of midevil times. Tons of metaphors in this piece and a mellow song that showcases Margo’s voice.

6. Seven Years
Very interesting song that could easily deal with a mother putting his kid up for adoption.
Haven't seen the sun for seven days
November's got her nails dug in deep
Haven't seen my son for seven years
and the chances are we'll never again meet

The lyrics refer to places filled with judgment and how “she recalls what senses eagerly leave behind”. Along with the haunting lyrics is the haunting music with the wild slide guitar and the unusual beat. It definitely has the western feel without the twanging and whining.

7. Pale Sun
This could be my all-time favorite song. The lyrics are amazing in how they portray the hidden issues behind the Black Hills and what happened in the 1800’s.
White Cadillac, white man at the wheel,
white faces on the mountain,
wounds that will never heal
The song definitely sympathizes with the native Americans and how their land has drastically changed in the last couple centuries. Whenever I hear this song it instantly takes me back to the Black Hills and the overall feel of the land. The particular lyric I always found fascinating is in the chorus,
Pale sun falls without contest
Here is obedient darkness
Which is another outstanding metaphor referring to Pale Sun as a representative of a Native American and the fall of his tribe.

The gentile riff of the guitar and the background of guitar feedback and harmonica only add to the mood of this song as Margo narrates the downfall of the native Americans.

8. Post
The song is interesting in that the verses feature nothing more than adverbs stretched over fantastic slide guitar and simple beats. This is also a candidate for best vocal performance by Margo Timmons in that her sultry voice touches on surreal beauty while balancing the slide guitar. Definitely a western feel but more honest and genuine. It’s almost as if the Cowboy Junkies wanted to make a country song from their perspective and without the help of Hank Williams or Johnny Cash.

9. Colt Tea Blues
Very strange in that the song is about two in a half minutes long and sounds like a hallmark greeting card. If it were a card, it would be better than 90% of all the shit cards out there. There’s only two verses that act like choruses and it compares love to making tea. I must admit that I never really got into this song.

10. Hard to Explain
Blues coming from the Junkies sounds excellent because they take in all their influences and actually perform blues (or country, or folk) in their own way that conveys their message. Hard to Explain takes the feeling of a bar and takes the listener through Micheal Timmon’s reflection of love. Just another reason why I love this band.

11. Hunted
This song pretty much takes on men’s asshunts into a woman’s perspective as a woman’s struggle to keep men from ogling and glaring at her in public. The song talks about three woman being eyed by bad boyfriends, thief’s, and the threat of ass hungry guys. Definitely a clearly conveyed woman’s perspective in being surrounded by men or criminals.

12. Floorboard Blues
I love this song for how simple it is. This example of blues by the Junkies could be a reprise to Hunted with a lonely highway type of feel. The song spends time identifying some old rich pig that picks her up and has bad intentions. The song and album ends with the woman basically telling the guy to ‘fuck off’ which serves as a damn great ending to an album that explores the difficulties that a woman can have with relationships, marriage, and everyday life. Not that I know what it feels like, but it it’s a damn fine way (and album) to figure it out to.

It’s gems like Pale Sun, Crescent Moon that gives distinct hope that little known gems of music exist. When picking this album up a few years ago, I never thought I would hear such remarkable lyrics, beautiful music, and wonderful lyrics. The price of the album is about $15 but the music is priceless and some of the best I have ever heard.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Why Do They Even Play It?

I wished I was smarter
I wished I was stronger
I wished I loved Jesus
The way the my wife does

*sigh* the more I watch Nascar, the more I learn to apreciate it. My dad actually came over to watch the Daytona 500 with me and it was a decent time. It’s one thing just to watch cars racing around in circles while listening to commentators go nuts, but it’s something different when you’re watching it with someone who can explain things and answer questions. That being said, I’m not going to buy and crew members jackets or place any pathetic “8” stickers on my car, but it’s just another alternative to NBA basketball.

Crap List

1. Bryant Gumbel’s comments and how people are taking them.
Ok first off, his comments weren’t racist as much as they were completely stupid. Here’s why,

A.”…despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention”
I’ll tell you why there’s a “paucity of blacks in the Winter Games. It’s actually the same reason why there are very few athletes from South America and why there’s a lack of porn stars competing and why there’s a lack of people named Cody in the Olympics.

People named Cody either didn’t participate in the Olympics for whatever reason, or they’re just not good enough in the specific events. Bottom line. There’s really no racial discrimination unless there’s a country purposely preventing African dissented athletes from competing in which case then there’s a profound point, but I haven’t heard any of that. Just in case Gumbel was wondering there is also a lack of Mexicans and Egyptians in the Olympics. I wouldn’t blame the Olympics on that or even put blame out for that.

B. “Try not to point out that something's not really a sport if a psuedo-athlete waits in what's called a "kiss and cry area…”
Why I don’t care for figure skating, I do believe those people are athletes. And if he was pointing out that these Winter Olympics do not feature the best athletes in the world I would like the hear his definition. While I could watch almost any sport and question if these people are the best athletes (in general) I would be hard pressed to say that for people that participate in Iron Man competitions. It all comes down to the subjective nature in the question being the word “best”. I think Nordic skiers have a crap load of endurance and I would call those guys pretty damn good athletes. I would also even go as far as to say curling takes quite a bit of endurance to continuously and vigorously sweep in front of the rock for fifty feet. The sport of curling takes much more endurance, strategy, and tactical measures than the “sport” of bowling could ever even dream of.

If it’s the summer Olympics that he’s saying has the best athletes in the world, it could be but even the summer Olympics have dumb “sports” like shooting and table tennis.

Basically, the bottom line is that Gumbel is a dick.

2. The movie “Dirty Love”
I’ve seen some really bad scenes in my life but….Jenny McCarthy running through the aisles at the grocery store with blood dripping from her vagina easily takes the cake.

I think I can rest easy knowing that I’ve seen the grossest, and nastiest scene that I have seen and ever will see in a movie.

The movie as a whole was…lets just say that Jenny McCarthy doing impromptu is a good compliment for a shotgun pointed to the head.

3. NBA all star game
People actually pay to see this.


Friday, February 17, 2006

I Laugh at Begging

The bright light is lying down
The earth and the sea and the sky
Is at rest with the ocean
And the days go by

Phone rings……

UofM woman: Hello Tom, I’m calling on behalf of the U of M alumni association (oh god) and I would like to ask you a few questions about your current status.
Boof: ah…ok
Woman: do you still live….and go by the number….?
Boof: yup
Woman: and what did your degree help you get a job in right now?
Boof: Well, actually I’m still looking for a job in natural resources. Most of my fellow graduates are in a similar boat I’m in and they have thousands in student loans due.
Woman: **fake laughter**yeah I know I have a friend who went to SCSU and it’s been a couple years of doing other things and she’s still looking.
Boof: yup I know the feeling.
Woman: and when you were at the U what sort of scholarships were you involved in?
Boof: pffff none.
Woman: Well that brings me to my main reason for this call (here we go). The university is seeking for more scholarships so that we can….We were wondering if you would like to pledge $250 for this program.
Boof: hahahah hmmmm let’s see. Bwahahahahahhahahaahahha I think I’ll donate $1000--no wait--make it $2000 WAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA…
Woman: sir?
Boof:…HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA You expect me to contribute $250 even after I told you that I hadn’t found a job yet? BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Woman: sir?
Boof: AAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAahahahahahahah heehawed he he. Ahem bwahaha *cough, cough* ahem ahh heheh eh. Sigh. Ok I’m done. hehe
Woman: Well, how bout $200 instead?

Well, I didn’t do all of that. But I wanted to.
I really wanted to reply with “Well, why don’t you talk to Glen Mason about contributing? I heard he makes almost $2M a year from you guys.” but I didn’t.

The whole thing just makes me want to throw up.

Thursday, February 16, 2006


And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul

-I actually invited my old man over on Sunday to watch the Daytona 500 and I think he blew me off.

Boof:…so you can come on over and watch the race in HD if you like.
Dad: oh well…hmmm ah probably not. Ah… you’re mother gets mad when I’m not around.
Boof: Oh, well ok just thought I’d send out the invite.

I guess that means more Olympics for me

-The Canadian mens hockey team played Italy today and I was talking to one of my Italian friends about it.

Boof: bwahahaha I bet those Italians just eat spaghetti and jump on turtles all the time eh?
D: Well, you know, Italy isn’t really known for hockey.
Boof: Yeah I suppose “Yay I got a goaleo!” doesn’t exactly sound right.


Well, I thought it was funny at least. I even wrote it in my blog to read later so I can say “I said a really funny thing….
Well if you’ve seen anchorman you get the idea

-Speaking of which, Anchorman is completely growing on me. When I first saw it, it was dumb, predictable, and just unneeded. But like The Big Lebowski, Anchorman just has a way of coming into mind when you’re sitting in church, waiting at the bus stop, or listing to a really boring person talk. The jokes just seem to gain momentum with each passing day.

I can honestly say that I am now a fan and that movie is just comedy gold now.

I still think Shaun of the Dead is completely boring though.

-My bro has been experimenting with sheet metal the past week or so and he’s-- **setting down testosterone cap for a second**-- he’s making these really cool metal flowers out of the scrap he’s got around the house. They look really cool and I told him he could probably sell them for a damn good price at some craft fair or something. I mean if a woman came up to my door and gave me a bouquet of sheet metal flowers, I’d be delighted.

**puts testosterone cap back on**

Puh arrgh *cough, cough* yeah football and beer…man things ect. Flowers are dum

-I asked Eric about how the snow was affecting his area and he responded by threatening to slit my throat. In any case I really do with we got that 27” instead of them. Of course I don’t have to shovel anything either, so it would be convenient for me to say that.

-I know all award ceremonies are complete jokes (why exactly are the grammys even around?) but I would like to replace Capote with Walk the Line in the “Best Movie” category for the Oscars. Not that Capote was bad or anything, I just think Walk the Line was better than anything I’ve seen the past couple years.

-Not that I have been following the T-wolves or anything but on one of those crappy ESPN shows the hosts were talking about trades they’d like to see. One of the big ones for the T-Wolves would be to trade Garnett to the lakers only to receive Lamar Odem and Devean George in return.

If that were to happen then Glen Taylor may as well sell the team because I can’t imagine anyone willing to shell out $20 (let alone $100 or more even) for a ticket to see that crappy team and league to go with it.
Like I said, I’m not a NBA guy but that trade would be like walking off a bridge.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Meeting

On a chicken-hunt, huntin' for a chicken
Get paranoid when you hear my Glock clickin'
Speakin' to the punk that's tweakin'
With the bitch-ass styles I hit you like Deacon

I really felt out of place stepping up to the local city hall in my dress shirt all ready for my first local environmenal meeting. Something about the thoughts of that enormous dump I took minutes before and the well lit city council room just didn’t seem to mix. It may have also been the fact that I hadn’t experienced using parliamentary procedure since scouts almost ten years ago.

Was it,
“I’d like to motion for a move” or “I’d like to move for a motion? I know one is right and the other causes the chairman to put their head in their hands. So unless anyone was going to bring up that completely struck a cord, I wasn’t going to contribute much in this first meeting.

I walked into the city council chambers with a couple guys setting up the video cameras and the table well lit for the upcoming meeting. The meeting, like all of them, are broadcast live over the local public access channels so I knew my mom was going to watch.

I was early so I approached the table only to see my name on a fancy nameplate. I’ve always secrety loved nameplates because it’s nice to know someone took the time to place your name on them. Of course if you had a name of Jim Anderson the effect would probably wear off a little bit. I sat down in the audience seats because I was the first one there and I didn’t know how things went. I didn’t want to sit down and instantly start pounding my fingers with the gavel because it’s childish and I didn’t want to give the wrong impression (impression that I’m just a local goofball…which--never mind).

I was referred to the seats where all the packets and the agenda was nicely placed and I was told how the microphone works. At that point I sat in the chair.

Oh my god. The chairs up at the city council table are about as good as chairs can get. One sinks in right away and the swivel like any dream chair would. No resistance and no having to pick up the chair and manually nudge the rollers in the right direction because these were the best damn chairs I’ve ever sat in. I immediately felt the need to kick the feet up and tip backward for a good four hour nap but not today, I’ve got meeting stuff to do today.

Eventually everyone came in and we all took our seats. Once everyone saw themselves on the monitor we knew we were ready for the meeting to begin.

The meeting was kind of awkward because it’s hard to turn and talk to someone when they‘re all facing a non existent audience. One almost has to look at the monitor to gain some sort of eye contact with anyone or just do the popular ‘look-at-your-notes’ thing that everyone else seems to do.

I’ve always disliked the feeling of sitting higher than anyone so in that respect it’s a little power trippy. Overall it was quite interesting in how everyone exchanges environmental news and opines on each article. It allows everyone to keep up to date on everything.

Next meeting though will be different because now I know how things work and I wont be curious on what happens next. Plus, I now know I don’t necessarily need to be as dressy as I was.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Olympic Fever

Ah, is there room for both of us? Ah, both of us apart?
Are we bound out of obligation? Is that all we've got?
I kiss the earth and then I get to thinking, I don't want to think I want to feel.
Oh how do I feel? And fucking how do I.

Is it weird if someone is up at 4am and watching live curling and enjoying it? I swear it’s a better sport than what others say. It’s actually compelling and dramatic because my heart was actually going crazy watching the double hits and the gentile placing of the rock.

And by the way, a big ‘fuck you’ goes to the egotistical Bryant Gumbel for giving his spiteful editorial at the end of Real Sports. He was saying how the Winter Olympics are pretty much just a waste of time and just television filler. He was also saying how the Winter Olympics are nothing more than a GOP convention.

Whatever, until you can ride the half pipe and do what those guys can do, you’re opinion will suck and is just nothing more than filler itself.

All weekend I watch the Olympics and enjoyed all of it. Watching the Canadians beat the hell out of the Italians on Saturday wasn’t even video game hockey, it was a dilemma. I mean what does a team do if they are that much better than their opposition? It was like watching me playing basketball against Jason Kidd. Every time an Italian would handle the puck a Canadian would whip on by and simply take away the puck as if there was no one there. The game was a constant Canada power play and every time an Italian would control the puck, the crowd would cheer.

The crowd cheered about a couple times in the game and the Italians were out shot 66-5 and lost 16-0. It was a fantastic train wreak.

Then the downhill skiing is completely fascinating. Watching a guy ski off a slight drop off at 80mph, losing balance and have one ski vertical and the other way off to the side, and him actually landing so he doesn’t wipe out is amazing. How can it not be? All the naysayer to dislike the Winter Olympics probably have not seen any ski jumping where a guy can be floating in the air looking at 10000 spectators watching his every move as his head is snug between his vertical skis in mid air. How can someone not get excited about that? How can someone not imagine being that skiier and all the thoughts that goes through his head as he’s floating 15feet in the air?

Then the snowboarding! Holy god damn crap these guys and their 1080’s (by the way Micheal Wilbon, a 1080 is where a guy spins 3 times and a 900 is 2.5 times. It’s not that hard to figure out!) Speedskating and how these people can cluster up and take those turns.

My point is, the Winter Olympics are awesome as all hell and Bryant Gumbel can bite me.

Monday, February 13, 2006

ooooh I Got Memories, I Got Crap

How the mind does shout for rest
When the bodies shaken, yeah
Oh the tightness in my chest
Still your leaves I'm raking

Crap list

1. Cheney accidentally shoots hunter
There are numerous problems I see with a story like this. For one, all the conservatives point at their tv and say “Liberal media!” and wont even try to absorb the story. Two, I don’t hunt but I’m all for it and I know that most hunters are very careful about where they are pointing their gun, knowing where everyone is at all times, and make absolutely sure you know what you’re shooting at before you shoot.

With this story all that comes to mind but the overall question I have is what the fuck is a 78 year old man doing out in the woods with a gun? I know there are a lot of 80 year olds who are still functioning great and are as quick as anyone but come on.

I would be very cautious of a 78 year old driving let alone handling a gun.

Then how the hell does one turn, shoot, and end up “peppering” his buddy? Was he not looking at what he was shooting at? Does he not know how to hunt? Has he ever taken firearms safety? Does he even have common sense at hunting? Wasn’t there a similar scene in Wedding Crashers?

Imagine, locking in on a pheasant, following it with your shot gun, and then shooting only to end up pointing the gun directly at your partner and shooting right at his upper body. What does one say?

“WHOOPS!” haha

2. Those weird Charles Schwab commercials
Those commercials that have the weird animation where someone just drew over the actual video are awkward. I can understand cartoons because the creator is just creating the characters to his/her liking, but drawing over video is just too creepy.
Charles Schwab could learn something from Emerald nuts in how to be creative. I know I would buy them…if I ate nuts.

3. I’m not at the Olympics.
I watched about 24 hours of Olympic coverage all week. I even watched almost all of the Canada/Italy women’s hockey game on Saturday. With every winter Olympics that I watch I can’t help but to wish I were there, hanging out at the Olympic village and taking everything in. I would love to just step in and out of an arena and watch hockey all day and then check out some speed skating. Then I would hang out and hang out and watch the luge--even if I’d only see them for a split second.
I think that would be an awesome time to shoot the breeze with someone, at the luge track. You can talk about anything and the lugers would be tearing across and you wouldn’t even have to break the conversation at all.
Then the crashes, oh man, that would be a sight to see.

Boof: So I was washing dishes when I felt a tug at my back pocket
Frenchie: yeah?
Boof: yeah it was my friends--(whoosh!)

(an upside-down bobsled with four people rolling around track come wizzing by)
Boof:…friends mom. Yeah, what a whore!

Friday, February 10, 2006

That Scar...

This time when he swung the bat
And I found myself laying flat
I wondered
What a way to spend a dime
What a way to use the time
Ain't it baby?

Throughout my life I have had short hair for about 75% of my life. I’ve never liked the idea of combing my hair and putting all the crap in it so I just had a buzz cut for as long as my Mom would let me. One question that people always ask me is about the scar on my head. I have a small scar on my head where no hair grows at all. It’s noticeable but nothing worth pointing at and nothing ugly at all.

Person X: How’d you get that scar on your head?
Boof: uh, I really don’t know.

It’s not the satisfying answer one would want. It seems that someone should just make up an answer when it comes to a semi-noticeable scar on their head. I ca

The thing is, I have no idea where it came from. I’ve always had the scar and I have never been able to answer that question. I’ve always asked my parents about the scar and asking them is worse than talking to a wall (at least a wall wont respond with another question).

Not to mention I know how it would go with my mom.

Boof: Hey Mom, how did I get this scar on my head? Did you drop me when I was a baby?
Mom: pff more like you dropped yourself.
Boof: What does that mean?
Mom: I told you already. You just don’t like my answer

The blood boils just thinking about that conversation.

I do have a couple ideas though.

1. The cigarette butt
I have heard a story that my dad stopped smoking when he accidentally dropped a cigarette butt down my back when I was a baby. It wouldn’t surprise me--knowing my family--that he secretly smoked one up and dropped one on my head and THEN vowed to himself to not smoke another one.
It doesn’t seem plausible if it was my dad, but it could be the case.

2. Playing oscar the grouch
One of my favorite stories is when me and my bro were very young playing in the driveway. We were big fans of Sesame Street and we noticed the empty garbage can nearby. Apparently I climbed in the garbage can and started acting like Oscar and my bro was playing along. It was all fun until my bro found a rock from our retaining wall and decided to drop it on my head. My mom heard the crying and yelling and found me in the garbage can crying like crazy. (reality check: if you should ever find your child crying inside a garbage can, don’t tell anyone. It may be acceptable in, say…Haiti but not in a developed country.)

So that could very well be the creation of this scar.

3. Playing on the playground
My grandparents were celebrating their 45 wedding anniversary and we had a short get-together at a park in Rochester. I was playing on the playground jumping around, yelling, and throwing sand with my brother. I remember jumping off a platform right under the metal slide. When I jumped, I hit my head on the bottom of the slide and my head started bleeding. I went crying to my family and eventually things were alright. If one should ever see the family picture from my grandparents 45th wedding anniversary, that is indeed me smiling with blood trickling down my temple. Awww

I’m not convinced on any one particular story because two I don’t remember and the last one seems to have happened after the scar but I can’t remember.

I also have false hopes that my parents were telling the truth on how they have no idea where my scar came from. I’m sure my mom was shredding cheese on the side of the counter when I walked by or something and she has been too embarrassed to say anything because what would she say?

Mom: I do have a confession to make to you. That scar on your head is because I was shredding cheese too close to the edge of the counter. You walked by and I clipped you.
Boof: you….CLIPPED ME?!?! WEREN’T YOU WAT………

And a half hour later I’d be finally storming out of the house with a red face and a pocket full of venison.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Thursday, February 09, 2006


We don't move in any 'ticular directions
And we don't make no collections
I want you to join together with the band

-My new show that I am addicted to is the Sopranos. I’m only about 6 years too late to enjoy it episode by episode but this first season is damn good. It opens the door for so many Italian jokes that I really need to use.

-speaking of nationalities, I remember hearing about a fairly new exhibit in the Minnesota Historical Society titled “If these walls could talk”. I guess they have make shift rooms of old houses with quotes from the people who lived within those particular walls.
It sounds very interesting to me because I get a total kick out of stuff like that. I love looking in old, old sheds, barns, and huts. Even existing foundations from shelters of 200+ years ago fascinate the hell out of me. Even sites where certain events happen make me sit back and think. For instance last Thursday,

Y opening a door to a lab and sees me standing in the middle of the lab and looking around wide eyed: What the hell are you doing in here?
Boof: Guys, just five hours ago the most powerful man in the world was standing right here.
Y dazed: So…
Y: no? NO! That’s just stupid.
Boof: You don’t give a damn that the leader of our country was standing right here?
Y: Ah no I don’t and you shouldn’t either after all, you didn’t even vote for the guy.
Boof: Well then… close the door so I can bask in the aura.

Anyway last weekend one of my good friends (who I’ve known for almost 20 years) tells me that his family is one of the families featured in “If these walls could talk”. It was lucky that he even told me because I had no idea and he never mentioned anything of the like.
I can imagine the quotes from my family,

Dad: Yeah here is the floor where my boys were hurting in pain after punching each other in the balls in the summer of ‘86. That learned them good or so I thought.

Mom: Here is the living room where my kid decided to stick his hand up the vacuum cleaner while it was running. No, I didn’t give birth to mentally retarded kids either or so I thought.

Tim: Back in ‘84 my brother got in this garbage can thinking he was Oscar the grouch and then I dropped this big ass rock on his head. He cried really hard.

Tom: This was where we decided to smash up all our Dad’s antique model car collection he had. He came home, yelled, and cried and that was the only time I saw such a scene. He was sure mad.

-For all you Debra Messing fans, I was watching the movie “A Wedding Date” (not worth any amount of money) and I swear I saw a nipple. I backed up the movie and I still think it was a nipple, which is cool but it‘s nothing worth using a right hand over.

-Although I don’t agree with everything they say, the KQRS morning show is without a doubt the best radio show…ever. Everyday I listen and it’s the only show that makes me pound the table with laughter.

-Is it even worth looking at how a retirement fund is doing if you wont see any money in, litereally, 40 years?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Internet Fads

Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

I remember when my parents first got a hold on the internet superhighway. They pretty much had the computer set up and they said, “here ya go, now learn dammit.” without knowing anything about it. I believe they figured, “hey, our kid has glasses! That means he must be good at computers.”
Sure enough I was the only one using that computer because I was the only one who was interested in trying to figure it out. My friend gave me a whole crap load of games and I was discovering something everyday on the internet.

Then I stumbled on Talkcity where hundreds of people would join a room and talk. If there were only 5 people involved then things were alright and a conversation may happen, but most rooms had 80 people in there and basically the screen would scroll with,

Timmy3823: 17/f
Gmapants88: alright
Kroppyu238: how are U 2day?
Indosy293: 77/m
Pinkypink83: I’m a blond hared blu eyed lifeguard

…over and over and over again. It was fucking chaos and all the idiots were somehow rounded up in the busiest room. It was like me and my buddies in the pinnacle of drunken madness in a small room.

Then came ICQ. Remember that? You could tell who was online and you could chat and shoot the shit with all your buddies and send files while you chat. That was awesome at the time and I was hooked on that for a couple years. The concept was awesome.

Then came the aol thing, netscape probably had something, and msn had their thing too. It caught on like wildfire.

Lately I’ve been hearing all rave about myspace on how it’s “so cool” and “people are always talking” and “it’s so fun”. I also hear about all the pedophiles hooking up with 13 years olds…so I decided to try and see what the fuss was all about. Perhaps I’ll hookup iwht I added my buddies, my favorite artists, and screwed around with the functions. After a couple days of getting it set up I’m convinced that it is an organized joint for attention whores, advertising whores, whores, ADD whores, and spam whores. There’s a crapload of stuff going on and I find the whole experience very awkward.

The second day I started getting the coded spam,

“Hello I was here talking to my friend and I’m so embarrassed but I think I know you and I was too shy and…. Bla blah blah.” and there’s a picture of this attractive female on the picture. It took me a couple hours of annoying posts to figure out she’s probably some dude who sends out those fake pay pal confirmation emails.

What I find most frustrating about myspace is that your friends can post comments on your page and you cannot. I’ll get a message like,

“hey man, remember when you screwd that cow and then fell down with that cow and then got trampled by that cow? That was crazy man. Anyway hope you’re doin good!” So I’ll respond but I get “You need to be a friend to post a comment.” so I’m stuck. I can’t retaliate to comments of me screwing cows and stuff of the like. It sucks. With blogger I can respond with,
“I hope you die you son of a bitch.” or I could simply delete it which I have never done.

I’m getting messages from all sorts of people and it seems like a floodgate is open. WHO ARE THESE DAMN PEOPLE? It’s making me nervous.

I do end up biding my time by posting random things and I think that may be my niche.

I don’t know, I’ll live I guess. I should get drunk and go back to Talk city.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Real Superbowl Deal

Man with a badge came knocking next morning
Here was I surrounded by a thousand fingers suddenly
Pointed right at me

Okay lets get a couple things straight. Superbowl XL may have had questionable calls but it was nowhere near the worst officiated game ever. Oh everyone is up in arms about how the officials jobbed the Seahawks and how they should’ve won. Again I admit, the Seahawks were the victims of a couple calls but neither really changed the game at all.

This should end all arguments.

Rothlesberger’s Touchdown
Although I wont call this an obvious call, I would say that it is a touchdown. When you see Rothlesberger diving toward the line, the ball does touch--that’s all it needs to do--the line and everything else is worthless. I’ve watched the replay about a dozen times and each time I do feel that it’s a touchdown. For people to say that it was SO OBVIOUS THAT IT WASN’T is just people who are blind or blindly root for the seahawks. I will gladly watch the replay and pull out a T-square and show everyone that it was a touchdown.

They even reviewed it (not that reviewing is fool proof) and still said it was a touchdown.

End result: good call

Pass interference in the end zone.
This is the call that everyone is clearly wrong about. Darrel Jackson had one hand on the dude’s chest, one hand on his shoulder, and pushed off. You can see the defender forced back a half step right when Jackson’s arms were extended.
Night and day
Cut and dry
Not ticky tack
Not questionable
But it was CLEARLY pass interference. Granted Jackson didn’t shove him into the ground but he did give himself a noticeable advantage with that push. I know Cris Carter got away with his share of doing that same stuff but that doesn’t make it right.
I mean it was COMPLETELY obvious. Completely.

Against any team and any player this should be called pass interference.

Now for the complaints I agree or will give the benefit of the doubt.

Hasselback’s block/tackle
Yeah that was bullshit. He actually made the tackle so there shouldn’t have been any penalties.

Probably right. I can’t remember the play but I’m sure the officials got it wrong. Pretty much every game there is a holding call or no call wrong in every NFL game.

Pittsburgh offsides
No one has talked about this yet but I do believe that some dude on the Steelers could be offsides on a couple plays.

There was no conspiracy. I have seen MUCH worse officiating games than this. A Viking/packer game from a couple years ago comes to mind when the NFL actually admitted having 7 blown calls.

Seattle just lost the game. Their receivers dropped too many balls, the kicker missed two field goals, and Seattle’s secondary should’ve had more interceptions.

There was no fucking conspiracy.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Superbowl Crap

I might get to the end of my life
Find out everyone was lying
Look like you are not afraid anymore
I say that I would rather die trying

Crap List

1. That Superbowl
In a word, meh. I’ve seen worse but that Superbowl was very uneventful. Even in the bad ones you can always say,
“Remember when…” because there would be one interesting moment. Not in Superbowl 40, that was just… ugh. I guess that reverse option was pretty cool but Seattle should’ve known better. Even the Rolling Stones were okay and even disgusting with Jagger thrusting his old ass pelvis around.
I don’t know, there’s not much to say about this game. Almost every playoff game was better than this.

2. Grey’s Anatomy
I’m not one to get caught up in the soap opera type shows because I never have the opportunity to watch them. I did have the chance to watch the “Code Black” episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

Spoilers below********************
There’s a bomb in a dude’s body, a pregnant hospital worker ready to give birth, and… that’s it. Nothing happens and the show never goes anywhere. They took the plot of this show, the show that supposed to keep the residual audience from the Superbowl, and basically shove the conclusion to next week. As far as I’m concerned they just wasted an hour of my life by milking this episode.

I’m done with this show. Fuck them.

3. Pepsi commercials
I knew it! I totally fuckin knew it! Pepsi thought just the presence of Diddy would make their commercial worth any time and money they spent.

A word to Pepsico,

Let me write and direct your next commercial. I’ll work for free and I’ll come out with something so much better than the shit you have come out with the last twenty god damn years. Basically Coke doesn’t have to spend money on Superbowl commercials because you fall on your ass attempting to try something catchy. No Diddy, no Britney or Shakira can save your terrible writing and directing.

In a Superbowl where there were a ton of good commercials (I believe this was a good year) Pepsi really sucked ass.

Friday, February 03, 2006


Driving and driving
Thinking about you
Keep the car in the lines
What else would I do

Well it may not be "Woah" news (or maybe it is), but it's sure been an amazing week for me.

This past week has been: crazy, exciting, a “clusterfuck”, amazing, busy, and efficient. This past week was definitely not like any other I have had before.

Usually while working when the boss comes to see what you’re doing, it can get a little annoying and intimidating. Then when the CEO comes along things can be very stressful and people go insane in all the little departments but it’s still, it’s still a week to remember.

But when the President comes to visit your place of employment…holy crap.

Lets just say that there are no drawers left unopened and there’s no inch of space left unviewed and analyzed. On my end, work usually is a struggle with a couple groups fighting over the same work. Things get done slowly and department heads always clash and slow down work dramatically. This week all the barriers were knocked down and work was incredibly efficient. All of a sudden all the bosses, engineers, and supervisors were out and about and ready to start helping.

Deadlines were not, “Could you try and get this done by Thursday morning?” but more like, “This WILL get completed by 8am on Tuesday.” No one argues and everything gets done. Overtime is suddenly not something carefully thought out, examined, and controlled instead it’s just like, “Whatever, just get it done.” My colleagues were constantly talking on cell phones, on their feet all day, and a liaison from all the different parties involved.

All my normal work was completely cancelled because it all was in the buildings where the President was supposed to be.

Boof: So should my guys be anywhere on site tomorrow night?
Security: Ah no. Nope. No way.
Boof: I gotcha.

And that is all on “our” end. As for the everyone else, it’s just amazing how everything works.

What I find more amazing and awesome is that the places where the President visited at work I (to some very broad respect) had something to do with it.

For instance,
-I briefly helped coordinate the painting in the lab that the President visited
-The air that everyone breathes in these buildings was cleaned and filters replaced by my crew
-the auditorium (where he had his speech) was remodeled with partial help from me coordinating it.
-Foxnews broadcasted from an area which I always pass

Not that I *did* that stuff but it’s just kinda cool that you took part in that work and here it is being used by the President.

So yeah, this week has been crazy. It wasn’t even like we had weeks to prepare. We just found out on Monday!

Superbowl Picks….
I think the Steelers have this game wrapped up unless Rothleskldjoaigjdsi gets the chills and starts screwing up.

Steelers 27 Seahawks 6

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


I'll write some stuff tomorrow.

The kind of stuff where you may be like "Woah, that's awesome".