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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Conversation With the Parents

War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
Love, sister, it's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away

I stopped by the parents place last weekend.

Ugh

I’ve heard through my brother that things haven’t been to great between my parents so I decided to see for myself exactly how bad things were…and I wanted to see if I had any mail.

Boof enters the kitchen: Hey what’s goin on?
Dad: Hey! What’s new?
Small talk and the whole rigmarole

Boof walking into the living room: so what are you doing Mom?
Mom: I’m just watching Martha Stewart. I saw you on Monday! You were LATE! I thought you were stuck at work or just plain forgot about the meeting--
Dad yelling from the kitchen: YOUR BOY DOESN’T FORGET THOSE TYPE OF MEETINGS.
Mom: HEY! SHUT UP OVER THERE! So, yeah I was going to give you a call and--OH, how’s that athletes foot you’ve been having?

Boof: *sigh* I think it’s gone thank you.

Mom: Because we have some powder you can put on there. Here, let me get it out (gets up)
Boof: ah noooo I told you I don’t have it anymore. Just sit back down
Dad: HE SAYS HE DOESN’T HAVE IT ANYMORE.
Mom: I thought I told you to shut it. (gets the powder)

Mom: Here, take this. Sprinkle this on your feet. It’s better than that bleach water stunt you did last time.
Boof: Well, I don’t have the athletes foot as a result of the bleach water stunt and I DON’T NEED THIS POWDER!!!
Mom: Well, the book says it will help get rid of it
Dad: I JUST KEEP MY FEET THROUGHLY WASHED AND THEN PUT SOME OF THAT CREAM ON MY TOES. I HAVEN’T HAD IT FOR YEARS.
Mom: Are we talking to you?
Boof: Mom have you had athletes foot before?
Mom: No.
Boof: Well maybe I should be listening to Dad since he’s had it before.
Mom: He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Let me get the medical book out and take a look.

Boof: aaaaaaaaah NO I don’t need the medical book! I don’t have any foot problems anymore!
Mom: Well I don’t like that bleach water remedy because you don’t know how much to put in.
Boof: MOM, I already did the bleach water remedy and it worked and I only put in a couple dabbles of bleach. IT WORKED. LET’S DROP THE SUBJECT!
Mom comes back with the medical book: Lets see here, it says to keep it cleaned and put some powder on it after….
After that I came in the kitchen to talk to my Dad.

Boof: So who’s winning the race?
Dad: Well…racing jargon…blah blah blah
Boof: Oh, well that’s cool. How about so and so from work?
Dad: Yeah he’s been dragging his--
Mom: Are you talking about athletes feet?
Boof: *sigh* NOOO we’re talking about work.
Mom: Oh who did you have in this week?
Boof: I had the usual guys in.
Mom: Oh what are their names?
Dad: Do you have anything to add?
Mom: Hey, I’m asking him a question. Now what do I need to do to shut you up?

It was weird because it was very aggressive arguing but it quickly turned to playful flirting.

Boof: Ah okaaay, I think I’m gonna make like a baby and head out.
Mom: ‘make like a’ HEY, that’s naughty!
Boof: bye bye!

I’ve come to the conclusion that my Mom takes the Sunday paper and hides it before my dad gets off the thunder bucket. Then after his ordeal he goes and looks for the paper and asks my mom for it. When my mom refuses to give him a portion of the paper he gets mad and then they yell and wake up my brother.

Case closed.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This means when you look in the mirror it should explain a lot of what you see!