I was walking after midnight
Yeah, out in the moonlight
The way we used to do
I'm always walking after midnight
Searching for you
1. TV volumes
So you sitting at home at like 3am watching worlds strongest man competition and you have the soothing sounds of Brent Musberger as you’re drifting off to sleep.
Brent: And Guapo Elliot wins the ‘toss big buckets of gasoline over the nearby pharmacy’ tournement. We’ll have the award ceremony after this.
Then comes a relaxing bow flex commercial with hotties gently humping things and looking all fit.
Silence… sleepy time. Serenity. Everything calm.
COME TO FRANKS LIQUOR DEPOT AND FLOWER GARDEN!!!!!! WAAAAAH WAAAAAH BUUUUUUHHHHH BUUUURRRHH WAAAH WAAAH WE GOT LIQUOR AND TOOTHPICKS WAAAH WAAAH
Basically it’s some weird public access commercial that has the volume all the god damn way up. Then you jump off the couch looking for the remote but that was lost a couple hours ago in the depths of the couch and now you’re afraid you’ll wake the neighbors.
WAAAAAH WAAAAAAH COME GET YOUR FLOWERS AND LIQUOR AT FRANKS WAAAAAH WAAAAAAH
Then you find the remote and the gentile sounds of Brent Mustberger come back.
2. Duke always playing at home.
Every damn year Duke plays the first four rounds of the tournament in their back yard in North Carolina. I know they place the best teams in the brackets closest to them but can’t North Carolina just take a year off? Can’t Houston take a couple rounds for once or Jacksonville or Phoenix.
Can we try to get Duke away from Marlboro country for once? Can we actually give Duke a spot in Chicago or somewhere west of West Virginia?
I think those rich bastards can afford it.
They’re like the Gopher hockey of college basketball or something.
3. NFL offseason hype
I fall for it every time. There’s always some announcer, radio host, or some moron fan hyping up the Draft or mini camp or free agency and I follow it. Last Friday night was the start of the free agent signing date and everyone was waiting for 11pm to hit.
Supposedly at 11pm there was going to be a flurry of NFL signings and a circus of deals going on. 11pm hit and…NOT A GOD DAMN THING HAPPENED!
It was just like any stupid fucking draft or dumb mini camp or anything do to with the NFL other than the games.
It’s all total bullshit! At least baseball doesn’t hype this crap up.
I’ve given up on the NFL, the off season, hall of fame, and everything other than the actual game. It’s all just suck, suck suck, BORING!!!