Someone dug a hole six long feet in the ground
I said goodbye to you and I threw my roses down
Ain't nothing left at all in the end of being proud
With me riding in this car, and you flying through them clouds
I was bored one night so I decided to go gambling over at the local card club. I’ve never been there before but I heard they have all sorts of crazy card games to try. I even heard they have War there, which seems completely crazy. Tangent: last year when I was in vegas we passed by a $20 War table where some dude was betting hundreds of dollars on War. The guy had a monstrous losing streak and he probably lost about $500 in about 5 minutes. Why the hell anyone would waste any money on this game is beyond me. For a long car ride to Arizona, that’s a different story.
Anyway I stopped in and it was wall to wall tables dedicated to poker. Way in the back was another separate room where they had the three hand poker, black jack, Caribbean stud, ect. They also had Pai Gow, which is a great time waster of a game. I’ve watched tons of Pai Gow before being a curious bystander, but I’ve never played.
Pai Gow is a game where you’re dealt seven cards and you need to make a hand of two and a hand of five. The two card hand cannot be higher than your five card hand (so if you only have one pair, it’s gotta be in the five card hand). Then the dealer has their own seven cards to which they sort out in front of you. There’s really no need for secrecy and your not competing against anyone except the dealer. In fact the dealer will help you sort your cards for you. It’s the most laid back game ever and great for bull shitting!
So in order to win you have to beat both of the dealer’s hands. If you only win one, you push.
Needless to say, there’s a ton of pushes.
When it comes to gambling, I’m a bit of wuss. I remember my 2nd time in Vegas I was playing $2 blackjack at 8am. We were having a good time when I asked a guy sitting away from the table,
Boof: Hey, come on over and play some blackjack with us.
Dude: Nah dude, I can’t. If I lose two bucks I want to rip someone’s head off.
And that’s pretty much how I feel.
I walked up to the table, said my hellos, and put my money down. The other guys at the table were waiting for a poker table and casually had hundreds of dollars on the table. They were having a good time and nervously set my five dollar chip on the table. I was dealt seven of the worst cards ever, so I split them up accordingly.
I had nothing and there was little chance to win, but I kept cool and focused on what the dealer had. The dealer had next to nothing, which completely beat my hands of nothing. I didn’t do anything until the dealer read my cards and took my chips away.
Dealer: oh I’m sorry. (takes $5 away)
Boof putting his hood over his head and pulls the strings: ff. ffff. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK! FAAAAAACK!
When I opened up my hood I noticed pretty much everyone was looking at me like I was a psycho, which is understandable. I told everyone that I wasn’t going to do that again and I immediately began to loosen up with the game.
As I kept playing the other guys really didn’t care about Pai Gow at all. In fact they would leave and simply let the dealer play for them.
I was shocked!
I did end up talking with the dealer about the place.
Boof: So ya got any good stories?
Dealer: yeah check this out. So I’m dealing at this texas hold ‘em table where there’s ten people including this 20 year old punk and this lady who was 50 something independently wealthy woman. The kid and lady had been bitching at each other throughout the day. They must have known each other before, but they thoroughly hated each other. At the end of the night I dealt them their cards and they immediately start betting heavy. Everyone but them folds.
They eventually battled their way until most of their chips were in the pot. Now if someone gets defeated despite having a great hand, they get a “bad beat jackpot” and the winner gets twice that jackpot amount. Basically the two with high hands are in a win-win situation.
Well the woman knows this kid has a monster hand, but she has an even bigger monster. What does she do? She says,
“You’ve been a prick all day. I’m not going to let you have it” and she folds some sort of a super monster hand to void all jackpots. Basically she would’ve won $20,000 dollars and givin the kid $40,000 or vice versa but she hated the kid so much that she lost thousands of dollars just so that kid couldn‘t win anything.
Dealer: yeah. THAT’S hatred.
Anyway, I lost my $40 in a span of 3 hours (instead of the ten mintues it took one other time), so I wasn’t feeling happy but it was more like a feeling of ableness.
And then I had ribs.