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Monday, April 10, 2006

.091? Are You Kidding Me?

The flies have quit their buzzing
Even Bear has stopped his barking
They all sense something brewing
up the James and headed this way

1. Twins Baseball
Well that didn’t take long did it? Just one week after I was touting how this offense improved itself and should win more of those 1-run games and then this 1-5 crapfest begins. Rondell White has two hits so far this year and is our clean up hitter with a .091 average *shudders*. Then, watching Torii Hunter’s approach to every at-bat makes me clutch my neck and yell in the closet. Oh god he’s terrible.

And then Gardenhire is not doing much better.
--I understand how Morneau should be coddled and all but the day after his 2-homer game shouldn’t he have been the clean-up hitter? Especially with a righty starting for the Indians?
--I understand if sometimes one is forced to play utility infielders to fill out a lineup in, say September after call ups or after a bad injury plagued season BUT NOT IN GAME FIVE!!!!!! Do you realize how painful it is watching a lineup with Nick Punto, Juan Castro, and Tony Batista? That’s like four wasted innings of batting.
--What is even more ridiculous is Punto batting 2nd in the lineup. What a great compliment for Mauer and ugh Rondell White (if he could hit)

2. My right ear
Yeah it’s plugged again which wouldn’t necessity be crap list worthy but I’m kinda worried. This Thursday I’m heading off to Chicago to see David Gilmour perform and the last thing I need is to appreciate a $116 Concert (closer to $250 when you factor gas, room, and another $100 in all the pizza I‘m going to buy) and only having one good ear to absorb the concert in.

Perhaps if I ask nicely David Gilmour would delay his show for a week or so until my ear becomes unplugged.

Boof: Hey, I was wondering if you could delay the show for a week because it would be noticeably inconvenient for me with one good ear and all.

DG management: Um…yeah. I think we can do that. Just give us a call when you would like the concert to happen and we’ll do our best.
Boof: Wow! That’s awesome! You guys are the best! Yeah I’ll give you a call.
DG management: Wow, you’re retarded.


Barry Metropolis said...

So after months of anticipation of the season, isn't this start a shot to the man-parts?

Love your blog. Some hilarious stuff here.

I've been posting some Twins stuff on mine. Check it out if you want.

Anonymous said...

Your ears wouldn't be pluggin up if you would quit all that kinky
standing on your head in the closet, beating your boneapart stuff.