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Monday, April 03, 2006

April Showers Brings May Crap

god told the angel: "go see about john!"
so he flew from the pit with the moon 'round his waist
gathered wind in his fists, and the stars 'round his wrists
crying holy, holy to the lord

Crap List

1. Whatever the hell it was that I ate.
I don’t know what the deal is with my body but it’s doing some crazy things.

Thursday night: I end the night with a dry throat (usually means start of a cold)

Friday: I felt like complete crap and yearned just to go home and into bed. Once I finally got home I had a huge fever and some wicked chills. I was completely bundled up in my apartment and I threw four blankets on my bed. I crawled into bed shivering and trying to generate any possible heat. I woke up two hours later and it was like an oven in my bed but I wasn’t even sweating. I did end up feeling a ton better but wide awake though.

Sunday morning: I only put on the usual two blankets on my bed and I woke up completely drenched in sweat. I could’ve been churning butter for five hours in the hot sun and not sweated as much. I mean it was so bad that I had to take an immediate shower.

I figure I had to have eaten something terrible because what hits you right away and then leaves the next morning?
It must’ve been that sandwich that I found at the park. I wasn’t going to give it all to the crows and squirrels!

2. Belittling the bereaved
So say someone of a popular figure passes away. The figure didn’t have a perfect life in that they had troubles with alcohol, drugs, abuse of some sort, or any vice you can think of. You’re not one of the family or friends but you do fell a bit sad of such a death. When you talk to an acquaintance they’re like,
“Well, I don’t know how you could feel sad for such a person that (insert past vice here).”

Hmmmm While such a vice or crime was probably true I think it’s absolute subtle asshole thing to say to someone who is in mourning--granted not a family or friend but still mourning.

A. Such a comment is almost saying that the person lived their life up to the time of their death as a user or abuser or whatever crime they committed.
B. Such a comment is the saddle that leads to sitting on a high horse. It’s like a pathetic attempt to gain superiority.

See life is tough and everyone goes through phases be it good or bad. No one’s perfect and we’ve all done things we regret. Still I don’t believe it’s the time or place to put such a malaise after every positive sentence about the person who passed. It’s also a very cold hearted thing attempting to put the grieving in their place.

3. Rob Schneider
Either this guy can’t read or he’s got a terrible sense of humor. From “The Hot Chick” to “The Animal” to whatever crap hole he’s coming out with next, he just sucks so bad. Duece Bigalow was ok but it was ok just if you found it just before slips into the gutter. He’s an alright bit character but he’s not main character type stuff. He’s one of the main reasons why so many SNL-type movies bomb (with the exception to a couple Adam Sandler and most of what Mike Myers movies.
His agent must be crack head!

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