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Monday, April 24, 2006

Microwaved Burnt Crap

The hammer clicks in place
The world's gonna pay
Right down in the face of God and his saints
Claim your soul's not for sale

Crap List

1. The stadium hearing last week.
This was the meeting in opposition to the potential new Twins ballpark and the 3 cents-out-of-$20 tax (yeah, people bitching about 3 cents). In my opinion it was fairly successful example of democracy in that everyone had a voice, people came in support (and against), and there were decent arguments for and against.
I’m not bashing the anti-stadium people because I understand their point but respectfully disagree. However there was one guy who seemingly tried to make things a little over dramatic.
Somehow this person figured that 3 cents out of $20 would end up being around $600 in 30 years and his opinion (to the tax committee) was that this money could be spent on his infant daughter’s education instead of a private entity. He stated how he is struggling financially and $600 dollars is a lot of money (I agree, $600 is a nice chunk of change and can mean the difference in lunch or no lunch for a month). He even had $600 in his hand to convey his point.

The argument was fine and dandy except for a couple things: the daughter’s education comment and the fact that he somehow is struggling financially but was still able to bring $600 to a tax committee hearing.

I take it this guy is either completely anti-stadium or delusional.

Being a recent grad from the U of M I laugh at that education argument because right now $400 doesn’t even buy a student books for a semester. When his daughter is 18 I’m sure $600 will all be spent on books and a weeks worth of Aramark’s flex plan. In 30 years, $600 will be enough to buy lunch in a month.

2. douche bag politicians
Like Shane eluded to on his blog, Greet Machine, (the best blog for the stadium issue! He makes everything moron proof, which I like) there was one representative that was one of the first to vote in the referendum of the stadium tax. He passed his vote until after everyone voted. Then when all the votes were in and his was virtually useless, he says “no” as a possible “on the record” type vote.

I don’t have a problem with him voting “no” but to wait and see how the vote turns out and then voting based on the tally up to that point is totally chicken shit behavior. I wonder if the vote was tied when it came to him that he’d vote “yes” just so stadium supporters don’t throw tomatoes at him.

I could understand it if, at his original time of voting, he was choking on a ham sandwich or napping but that‘s it. I hope his constituents are happy that he seemingly voted just for November.

If he was in my district I’d probably head over to his house and give his wife a plate full of hotdogs and meatballs because those are the closest objects in the household that will get her preggers.

3. Microwave popcorn

So I walk up to my floor at work and open the door and this stench of dry charcoal fills my lungs.
Someone burnt the popcorn again.

How can it be that hard to make microwave popcorn?

The problem is that everyone treats every pouch the same. They set the timer for 3 minutes and don’t put the time and care into each pouch. One pouch may take 2:45 and another may take 2:30 to pop. Take it from me, the expert at microwave popcorn popping. I’ll even share my recipe.

Boof’s recipe for Microwave popcorn
Place pouch in microwave
Set timer to 5 minutes (hold on, hold on…just go with me)
Watch the bag as it fills up with hot air and listen to the pops
When the popping stops for 3 full seconds, then take it out. (usually around the 2:30 mark)
60% of the time it works every time! Of course you could just put the timer at 3 minutes and then watch the popcorn but I’m convinced then it wouldn’t turn out perfect (because it would void my recipe then).

Of course if you set the timer for 5 minutes and then forget about it you’ll have a house reeking of charcoal for about a week. So…goodtimes!

My gift to you all.


Eric Wormann said...

Like 90% of fire drills on campus were due to people leaving popcorn in the microwave when I was in college. That sucks when it's 4:00am and you have a midterm the next morning at 8:00am.

Aliecat said...

I HATE the smell of microwave popcorn, ie, the diet food of every fatass woman that works in my office. I hate the smell of it burnt or when it's made correctly. My mom read a story that the fumes of fake butter that come out of the bag when you open it may cause cancer. Food for thought...

Barry Metropolis said...

I just used your technique for popcorn. Perfection, despite possibly the worst microwave known to man.

I really can't thank you enough.

TwinsGoddess said...

Properly microwaving popcorn is an art form that few come to master.

Congratulations to you.