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Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Well, told you once and I told you twice,
That someone have to pay the price
But here's a chance to change your mind,
'Cuz I'll be gone a long, long time

For the record, I’m not giving up. I realize that it is the beginning of May and that there is a lot of time for the Twins to turn things around. I’ll still attend games and I’ll still root them on. I’m not one of those fans that say ‘eh, they’re not winning so I don’t care’ because those people are not fans.


You know the feeling when you purchase a baseball video game and you try it out for the first time. You chuck the instructions because they’re too complicated to read anyway and you just want to play. We’ll you start out pitching and basically mashing buttons until you figure out what a fast ball, curve, slider, change up is and you experiment.

First batter you play around with the pitching controls until,
“CRACK!” and you suddenly master the hanging breaking ball. Ok, it’s expected for the first time playing and you fight through.

2nd batter you try to paint the corners and throw the slider to the inside of the plate,
“Crack” and you learn not to do that.

Then throw in the mistakes in the outfield by not knowing the controls and that 700’ homerun to Adam Kennedy and you’re now down 24-0 with two outs in the top of the first. You’d like to take the pitcher out because 24 runs can certainly do a job to his ERA but you don’t know how to. Your reaction is,
“Bwahahahah, Jesus I’m getting hammered.” as you just laugh your way through this crap.
Finally you get the last out and now you are ready to hit.

When hitting, the only thing you know how to do is swing so you swing at every pitch because you cannot identify a ball. The opposing pitcher is the ace and can fire the ball 95mph. The pitch comes and 3 seconds after the catcher catches the ball, you finally swing because, for some reason, you think you can catch up to the ball by pressing the triangle button fast.


1-2-3 strike out
1-2-3 strike out
1-2-3 strike out

“bwuhuhuhuhuhuh damn”

And now it’s time to pitch again.

This is pretty much how the Twins have been playing this year.
They can’t pitch, they can’t hit, their manager can’t really manage, and there is a lack of fundamentals.

the Twins have been outscored 41-3 in the last 4 games.

I’ll let that sink in for a bit…

But what really pisses me off is,
-The awesome starting pitching sucks so much ass
-gardy waits until the starter gives up 8 runs until he pulls him
-the bullpen then sucks
-anyone hitting cleanup and below are terrible hitters. Actually beyond terrible-they’re lucky if they can hit .200!
-A sac fly takes about 1000 rosaries
-our $10.75 man says he doesn’t need hitting advice and he continually strikes out on three pitches!
-The same players brags about how his approach to the plate is just hacking! And he’s an actual major league ballplayer!
-Gardy continues to play Punto while Luis Rodriguez sits on the bench.
-there is no one anywhere near anything resembling a clean-up hitter on the team.
-They continue to screw Cuddyer in the ass by not playing him everyday!

And that is just to say a few.

The Twins are playing baseball as if they’re just figuring out how to play. This wouldn’t be so bad if they were rebuilding and didn’t have a payroll of $66M, but they do and they really, really suck so far this year.

At this point I’m just wondering which team will have a no-hitter off the Twins first.

There is losing and then there is not even playing. The Twins are not even playing. The players shouldn’t even be paid for these games and their money should go to charity the fans should be reimbursed, and food should be half off after a four game stretch like this.

This could mean the end of the Twins run because a small market team is either contending or rebuilding and it doesn’t seem like they are doing either right now. Plus, if the stadium gets the big ok, I can see this team rebuilding just for the opening year of Bestbuy’s Puckett Park or whatever they’ll call it. Then they wont worry about attendance at the dome or payroll because the value of the organization will probably double in 2010 with this new stadium.

The window might be closed and we could be reliving the mid nineties again.

Then again, they could start winning and all the problems will be alleviated.

So WIN!!!!!


Barry Metropolis said...

Nice work. If it was a video game, I would've gone for my patented move: the reset button.

To clarify "blow 'em up" sentiment, as much as I hate the Twins right now, I love them. Know what I mean?

Boof said...

oh yeah it's just really dissapointing right now.