Search This Blog

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Barkley is God

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head

-Suns Vs. Clippers has been a fantastic series. I have actually been paying attention to all of the games they’ve played and thoroughly enjoyed myself. For a guy who’s mocked and ridiculed the NBA, the playoffs have sure been fun.

I’m not sure who I want to win but watching Cassell and Nash battle up and down the floor is great but the real treat is watching the TNT commentators: Kenny Smith, the obligatory white guy, Ernie Johnson, and the great Charles Barkley. Kenny Smith explains everything and gives great points about the game. He also--and get ready for this--doesn’t wave around a friggen pen while making terrible hand gestures! Ernie Johnson plays his role by being an annoying white guy and Charles Barkley is, simply put, a god.

Let me say a bit about Barkley, if I had to pick a handful of people who I’d love to sit down and pick a brain with I’d probably choose: Roger Waters, Bob Costas, Robin Williams, and Charles Barkley.

In fact, I would go as far as to say that Barkley is the modern day Jesus because I believe in him more so than any other person. The reason is because he never sugarcoats anything and is always himself. On TNT if Ernie says something completely stupid, Charles will simply ask,
“What the hell are you talking about?” and go on to explain how the refs screwed over the losing team and he’s always convincing. Chuck wont have good posture, he wont slightly move his head when he gives the audience a conjunction, nor will he give out a smile for no reason. He’s just himself and if you don’t like it, get ready to be thrown out a window. Barkley also has an aura that automatically makes you wrong unless he gives his blessing.

I’m also willing to bet that if Charles was walking along as Saddam was doing his genocide thing, Chuck could put a stop to it easier than anyone.

Saddam: bwahahaha stupid Kurds! You go squish now!
Charles: woah woah woah, hey what’s goin on here? Saddam, now come on you know better than this. Take out your anger on pizza and international soccer. Don’t take it out on your own people. Come on you gotta think man! Hell, I can’t stand a lot of white people but do you see me killing them? Nah, I just give them a good beating and grab a limo and get the fuck outta dodge!
Saddam: yeah I suppose you’re right
Charles: C’mon man. Get your head up, brush off them shoulders. Here, take some money and clean yourself up.

Or if he had George W Bush as a cabinet member had he been President after 9/11
GW: I highly suggest you invade Iraq because they have WMD’s, Saddam is still there, and they’re probably responsible for 9/11.
Charles: Now what the fuck are you talking about? For one thing Hans Blixen--or whoever the hell he is--couldn’t find anything. 2) We can take out Saddam any god damn time we want and 3) what the fuck are you talking about? That doesn’t make a lick of sense and I thought I appointed you as the Secretary of feeding my face, what the hell are you doing out of the kitchen? Bitch.

I firmly believe that Charles Barkley could do way more damage than Bono!

-I’m actually anxiously awaiting The DaVinci code which comes out on Friday. I read the book two years ago and it’s probably the second best book I’ve ever read next to it’s prequel, Angels and Demons. The one thing I’m worried about is the near fact that almost every movie based off a book has been horrible. Leading this notion is The Lost World which the book was amazing but the movie was just about the stupidest waste of film I may have ever seen.
Ron Howard directed DaVinci Code and Tom Hanks stars in it so I guess there is a little hope.

-Speaking of movies, I checked out National Treasure from the library the other day and I must say, it surprised me. I figured Disney--I must be really dumb and probably has a Sting or Elton John song in it somewhere. Actually this movie had a lot of what I was looking for; A decent treasure hunt involving American history, spy tactics, and a hot ass woman who just hangs out throughout the movie.

The main plot of this story is to find the treasure (of course) but in the process they need to steal the Declaration of Independence, break out some masonry from Independence Hall, and breaking into tombs to find a crap load of treasure!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here's a nice story on Charles and golf. Pretty funny. Apparently he REALLY sucks at golf. LOL