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Monday, May 15, 2006

Crappy Cakes

Cause if they catch you in the back seat
Trying to pick her locks,
They're gonna send you back to mother
In a cardboard box.


Crap List

1. That excuse for a game last night.

That Twins game last night was easily the ugliest I have ever seen. Let me explain,

Sarah Jessica Parker moment #1: the first inning Silva gave up 3ER and, if it wasn’t for a couple of outstanding plays, the game should’ve been 6-0!

SJP #2: 2 errors by the White Sox in the bottom of the 1st. Of course this is a good kind of ugly-the kind where you laugh at Hawk Harrelson’s face kind of ugly.

SJP #3: I got to watch the Soprano’s with the Twins having a 7-4 lead and come back an hour later with them being down 9-7. Carlos worthless Silva gave up 8ER in 3.1 innings! BAAAAAH! If you can’t win with 7 runs behind you, you’re awful!

SJP #4: Twins down 9-7 runners on 1st and 2nd with no out. Castillo is at the plate (the best hitter on the team). Luis throws down the worst bunt in the history of bunts, 2 runners going on contact, and Punto not even looking back, and 3-4-6 triple god damn play.

I…I just cannot express how sickening having a triple play going against your team during an important rally is like. It’s like throwing grape kool-aid in a glass of water and drinking it only to find out you just sprinkled freeze dried poop in a glass… and now you’re drinking poop-aid.

Between Punto, Stewart, Castillo, and Silva; they should’ve all chipped in and paid for all the mothers and children that went to the game. The three just for that gawd awful triple play and Silva FOR BLOWING A 7-3 LEAD!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD!!!

I WISH THEY WOULD GET RID OF:
BATISTA
SILVA
AND TC THE ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE’ BEAR.

2. The weather lately
It’s pretty much rained everyday since Thursday. There used to be 10,000 lakes in Minnesota, now there are only 30 great big lakes. It’s just been really crappy weather for ten days or so.

3. The Crap List

It has been brought to my attention that some of my friends feel a little intimidated by the weekly whine list that I type up for every Monday. When I heard this I had the smallest feeling of surprise because I had no idea people could be afraid of “The Crap List” and I think that’s kind of funny, but I was almost completely shocked because I never realized how much of an irritated bitch it makes me seem.

I don’t mean to be a bitch nor do I want people to feel intimidated. Basically the crap list is my therapy. Everyone gets annoyed and gets mad at everyday things and I just happen to write everything that annoys me or whenever the twins give up A GOD DAMN TRIPLE PLAY!!!!! It’s an easy entry and writing about the bad things in everyday life is easy and therapeutic so that’s why I do it.

Think of it this way, the crap list prevents me from waking up in a cold sweat at 4am and setting fire to my couch while I stab it with a plastic knife to the bass drum of “Run Like Hell”.

Also, I know people get annoyed by me and I don’t even want to pretend that I don’t have anything to do with anything to make these crap list points to happen.

With that said….

4. Hog

For…
-kissing my bald melon
-you and your mom kissing my bald melon
-lying on my hood and getting swass all over
-and telling me to screw off at White Castle!

Even so… it was fun as hell and you finally graduated!
Congrats.

3 comments:

Hog said...

I told you to screw off?? In what context was this? Sorry I have no recollection of that at all.

Boof said...

I don't know I said something to someone else and you blurted out,

"HEY.......faaaaaaak you!" There was really no context to it. You just really wanted to swear is all.
haha

Aliecat said...

I skimmed this list...hahaha! Just kidding!