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Sunday, April 30, 2006

Tons O' Crap

I've seen you smiling in the summer sun
I've seen your long hair flying when you run
I've made my mind up that it's meant to be
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me


This will be quite lengthy because there was a ton of crap this weekend.

First things first though, what an awesome episode of the Sopranos last night! That was truly rockin’ dude!

1. Fuckface strikes again
Do you have any idea how frustrating it is working with someone who doesn’t know how things work but still think they have authority over you? Especially in the incredibly wussy corporate America setting?

In a nutshell, Fuckface wants me to do a very lengthy, time consuming job. I can do this work no problem but I need the paperwork that says I need to do it. Without the paperwork, technically there’s no money backing this job up and it screws up the accountants. Basically the emails have worked out like so,

Fuckface: I’ve told you I need this job done
Boof: I can certainly do this but I need a ‘work request sheet’ in order to do so. Can you please generate one?

Two weeks later
Fuckface: I’ve told you over two weeks now that I need this job done. Why haven’t you done anything?
Boof: I haven’t done anything because I need a ‘work request sheet‘. Can you please send a work request sheet so I can go about this job?

One month later,
Fuckface: I have told you repeatedly that I need this job done. Why haven’t you done anything?
Boof: Like I stated previously, I need a ‘work request sheet‘. Until I have that, I can’t help you.

This has been going on for about 9 *NINE* months. I’ve stopped at his desk, I’ve told my supervisor, and I’ve told everyone else that has approached me. Nothing.

Recently I’ve tried to establish my “big summer job” that I’ve had for a couple summers now. I need to check things through Fuckface so I emailed him my plans. Here’s his response,

Fuckface: You will not do anything until I get my job, which I asked you last year, to be finished and then I will decide what happens.

Ooooooooohh you son of a bitch!!!! Every fucking year this happens…

~~~~~~~~~
2004- I had to get everything ready for the summer because I was going spend the summer interning at the Black Hills National Forest. I spent weeks making the schedules, figuring out the shipping dates for the equipment we needed, and tying all the loose ends to make the summer was seamless for the person working in my place.

July: I called my replacement and sure enough work was at a standstill and the equipment never arrived. It turns out Fuckface stopped my order because he didn’t know about something and my workers spent a month in unemployment.
End result: summer was fuct!

2005-about this time I was getting calls from everyone who needed to have work done ASAP. I had my guys ready but I had to wait for Fuckface to make a simple decision. The work was piling up and I had to tell pissed off people why we couldn’t do anything. The waiting took weeks. Finally someone gave me an urgent message telling me “NOW!”

I was done with this so I used some big corporate guns. I sent Fuckface an email saying “I need a decision right now” with the history of all the complaints and I sent this email to everyone. Everyone, the boss, the boss’ boss, everyone with the complaints, dept heads, supervisors, everyone. It made Fuckface to look like the dumb putz that he was. I had to do it and I had every right to do it.

It worked and he made a decision that next morning and I knew he wasn’t happy about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So after hearing that he’s putting a hold on this year’s job, I was red. I wanted to send him a reply like so,

Fuckface,
Please, for the love of Favre, get your head out of your ass and get me a ‘work request sheet‘. If you keep nagging me without one, I will give you a powerful hurricane uppercut to your gunt and knock you out cold. Once you’re passed out on the floor I will take a hammer and a nail punch to make hairline fractures in all your bones so when you wake and try standing, you’ll hear a giant, “CRACK” and end up lying on the floor in a big globule. Give me a god damn work request and shut the fuck up!!!

Love,
Boof

But of course that’s not exactly kosher in corporate America so I suppose I’ll have to water it down a bit.

2. Hostel
Speaking of torture (how many times have your heard that?) I saw Hostel as a request from a coworker. I must say this was one hell of a disappointing movie. It barely was a movie actually. It was just a poor, poor excuse to throw in a couple incredibly stupid torture scenes and really stupid characters.

I was actually surprised because I’ve heard how this movie changes people and gives people a new perspective on horror flicks. My coworker is a huge horror flic guy and he knows all the good stuff so I figured this was worthy of a view. Not really, I still subscribe to the notion that 98% of all horror flicks are boring and kinda funny in how stupid they are.

The one scene in this movie that was pure comedy was where this guy was running towards this other guy with a chainsaw. The dude slips and the chainsaw ends up sawing him in half.

Comedy gold in my mind! Really stupid movie though.

3. The new Vikings jerseys.
I don’t hate them but I don’t think they improved. Let’s critique everything.

Pants: I don’t mind the change in the pants although I really like the yellow and purple stripe they’ve always had. The pants are ok. I can live with the new ones. Plus, they brought back the purple pants so that’s really cool!

Helmet: They actually fucked with the helmet and once the public heard, a riot was in the motions of preproduction.
The change was subtle and I actually like the changes. The purple sticks out a bit more and the horn is more three dimensional. From afar, you can’t tell anything but up close the helmets look kinda cool. Way to go guys.

Jerseys: eeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh. I don’t care for them. They’re pretty much the same except for the collar and the ugly ass strip on the shoulders.

The away jersey doesn’t look too bad but I like the old ones better.
The home jersey looks really dumb. That white stripe on the shoulders is really fucking stupid and it gives the jersey a Giants, Falcons, Titans-type slender look and I’m not a fan of the gold collar. Rams comes to mind on this new home jersey and the Cowboys style lettering is DUMB! Lets just say I’m not going to be buying any of these crappy jerseys anytime soon.

To let you know where I’m coming from, my favorite football jersey ever is the Penn State jersey. It’s all white with dark numbers. Simple, looks fucking cool as hell, and it’s too the point. I even grew up to like Virginia’s white helmet with the blue and orange stripes.

The loops and swirls and twists and turns in these new uniforms just look too stupid. Bad medicine!

4. Dammit
And after running the Get in Gear 10K, my nipples chaffed. AAAWWWWF UCKING HELL!!!

Tomorrow unless Scott Baker throws a perfect game-I’m going to have a mighty huge rant on the Twins.

1 comment:

Barry Metropolis said...

Should Baker's outing really dictate whether you explain in perfect detail how bad the Twins suck right now? Even if Scott throws a Perfecto tonight, I still want the Twins rant.