I will rise, I will take you
I will break you, never let you go
I'll shoot through your veins
I'll drive you insane
It’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve had a crap list so it’s only fair that I make up for it by shelling out a whole bunch of crap. Lets see if I can remember it now…
Last nights episode was so sucktastic that I wish I cancelled my HBO two weeks ago instead of 9pm last night. We waited two whole weeks for the “season finale” in which someone always gets “clipped” but no! No we just have to deal with AJ’s hornyness and Chris’ dumb ass.
No Johnny Saaks
No nothing. It was so damn bad. Now I (and all the other Soprano’s fans) have to wait until February to finish out the show.
2. Over anxious announcers
So there’d be a ball hit to the fence and the outfielder runs back, slows up a bit, and then makes the most pathetic bunny hop against the 4 foot fence and we hear,
“And Trickle’s running to the fence, LEAPS, AND……., ROBS RITCHELDS OF A HOME RUN! OHHHH MYYYYY WHAT A PLAY!!!! TRICKLE IS TRULY ONE OF THE GAME’S BEST OUTFIELDERS! HOLD THE MAYO AND BURN DOWN THE HOUSE BECAUSE TRICKLE’S COMIN TO TOWN!!”
When in fact, he made a routine play look unusually hard. To top everything off the outfielder will then go out of their way to “crash” into the fence. And that bunny hop… geeesh that should be an automatic $300k to the batter’s charity.
Half of this comes from the announcers who will suck anyone or anything to be on Sportcenter. Basically all one has to do is yell out a current catch phrase really loud and do anything short of spontaneously combusting and Stuart Scott will end the clip with,
“BOOO YAH my BOY! Now THAT’S how you ANNOUNCE! WORD!”
3. These god damn birds.
So working nights does have it’s perks (there are a some really small perks) but I shouldn’t have to worry about that for too long (BOOOO YA--er hell yeah). Anyway I understand that at around 4am the mentally retarded birds start chirping and it’s pretty much over from there: you’re up and you’re going to stay up so you might as well get dressed and head over to Burger King.
The thing is, these birds start out at 3am and it’s above a pond across the road from my apartment so the sound bounces off the pond and into my damn ear drums.
So one starts out and never stops, then another will start and pretty soon we got a birdy conversation going on.
Bird 1: tweetle deetle doo/ oh no I can’t get to sleep anymore! The Cottonwoods are tickling my cloaca!
Bird 2: tweet tweet tweet/ Please, I’m trying to sleep. I got work tomorrow!
B1: Tweetle deetle deet tweetle deetle deet/ I can’t help it! Oh no my cloaca! It tickles!
B2: Tweetie Tweetie twerp tweet tweet/ If you don’t shut the fuck up I will break your face! Shut the hell up so I don’t send the cardinals after yo ass!
4. Def Leppard
So I was watching VH1 Honors and they were inducting KISS, Judas Priest, Queen, and Def Leppard. Which one of those bands is not like the other? In terms of quality, Def Leppard by a landslide!
Judas Priest: was largely one of the biggest hitters in Metal
KISS: Like them or not, they had a huge influence on Rock in the mid to late 70’s
Queen: Nothing really needs to be said. Queen was amazing.
Def Leppard on the other hand made pop rock and they didn’t even try to get creative or establish much of musical credibility. Yeah they had their share of tragedy with the drummer losing an arm and the guitarist dying but lets get real, the only reason they were as popular as they were is because of Shania’s husband, Mutt Lange. Without the crashing drums, the cheesy background vocals, and Queen’s rip-off beats they’d be another forgettable band.
Each band on Honors had a clip with notable musicians talking about how great said band was. Everyone had great things to say like,
“Priest rejuvenated rock and metal in the early 80’s. Without Priest, we’d have a much different landscape!”
“Queen put on the most amazing live acts. Freddie Mercury was THE front man of all time.
“KISS rocked your ass off”
And so on.
Def Leppard didn’t have anyone introduce them. Instead they had the lead singer saying,
“In the early nineties, Kurt Cobain revolutionized music because he was sick and tired of listening to our stuff.”
AND THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE PROUD OF! THE FACT THAT THEY SUCKED SO BAD THEY INSPIRED MUSIC TO BE GOOD!
Now I must say that I actually grew up being a big Def fan. It was the first concert I ever went to, I had every album, and I couldn’t get enough of it. The thing is, after reading their thoughts on albums and how they developed the songs, they only did it for the sluts. They didn’t have anything to say--not really anyway. They weren’t pissed off about childhood or being beat up as a kid, they just wanted to throw a couple lines together and whip up a guitar solo and done.
High and Dry was sweet! Pyromania was damn good. Hysteria had some catchy songs but was WAAAAAAAAAAY over produced. Adrenalize was okay.
Basically the only good thing they have come out with were the B-sides in Retroactive, the songs that actually had some great lyrics and music to match, but they weren’t simple and it didn’t cater to complete air heads so they chucked them.
Oh, and they SUCK ASS live.
5. Nick Punto in the lineup
Why the hell is this guy in our line up as much as he is. The Twins will have no infielders injured and yet he still plays 3 times a week.
Also, Batista still plays! What the hell is he still doing in the lineup? I can’t believe Terry Ryan and Gardenhire could actually like this guy at 3rd.
I tend to believe that if Gardenhire should ever be a GM he’d sign nothing but utility infielders because to him, utility infielders can do everything. It probably also explains why Castro, Punto, and Luis Rodriguez would be in one lineup.
Are women seriously freaking out over giving birth on Tuesday? Are they really trying to hold it in or get push the kid out just to avoid 6/6/06?
I've actually heard people who I viewed as "rational" people who are very afraid of this day.
Women, people who are freaking out,
You are not going to give birth to satan's kid. It's going to be an everyday Tuesday and you don't have to fret when you fill in a date anywhere.
Afterall it would be one thing if Tuesday was 6/6/6 but it's actually 6/6/2006 which doesn't mean much.
It's basically just another 420, 69, 56, 755, 4, and so on.
Get a job people!