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Monday, June 05, 2006

June Crap

I will rise, I will take you
I will break you, never let you go
I'll shoot through your veins
I'll drive you insane


It’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve had a crap list so it’s only fair that I make up for it by shelling out a whole bunch of crap. Lets see if I can remember it now…

1. Sopranos
Last nights episode was so sucktastic that I wish I cancelled my HBO two weeks ago instead of 9pm last night. We waited two whole weeks for the “season finale” in which someone always gets “clipped” but no! No we just have to deal with AJ’s hornyness and Chris’ dumb ass.
No Pauly
No Meadow
No Johnny Saaks
No nothing. It was so damn bad. Now I (and all the other Soprano’s fans) have to wait until February to finish out the show.

Baaaaaah,

2. Over anxious announcers
So there’d be a ball hit to the fence and the outfielder runs back, slows up a bit, and then makes the most pathetic bunny hop against the 4 foot fence and we hear,

“And Trickle’s running to the fence, LEAPS, AND……., ROBS RITCHELDS OF A HOME RUN! OHHHH MYYYYY WHAT A PLAY!!!! TRICKLE IS TRULY ONE OF THE GAME’S BEST OUTFIELDERS! HOLD THE MAYO AND BURN DOWN THE HOUSE BECAUSE TRICKLE’S COMIN TO TOWN!!”

When in fact, he made a routine play look unusually hard. To top everything off the outfielder will then go out of their way to “crash” into the fence. And that bunny hop… geeesh that should be an automatic $300k to the batter’s charity.

Half of this comes from the announcers who will suck anyone or anything to be on Sportcenter. Basically all one has to do is yell out a current catch phrase really loud and do anything short of spontaneously combusting and Stuart Scott will end the clip with,
“BOOO YAH my BOY! Now THAT’S how you ANNOUNCE! WORD!”

Ugh

3. These god damn birds.
So working nights does have it’s perks (there are a some really small perks) but I shouldn’t have to worry about that for too long (BOOOO YA--er hell yeah). Anyway I understand that at around 4am the mentally retarded birds start chirping and it’s pretty much over from there: you’re up and you’re going to stay up so you might as well get dressed and head over to Burger King.

The thing is, these birds start out at 3am and it’s above a pond across the road from my apartment so the sound bounces off the pond and into my damn ear drums.

So one starts out and never stops, then another will start and pretty soon we got a birdy conversation going on.

Bird 1: tweetle deetle doo/ oh no I can’t get to sleep anymore! The Cottonwoods are tickling my cloaca!
Bird 2: tweet tweet tweet/ Please, I’m trying to sleep. I got work tomorrow!
B1: Tweetle deetle deet tweetle deetle deet/ I can’t help it! Oh no my cloaca! It tickles!
B2: Tweetie Tweetie twerp tweet tweet/ If you don’t shut the fuck up I will break your face! Shut the hell up so I don’t send the cardinals after yo ass!

4. Def Leppard
So I was watching VH1 Honors and they were inducting KISS, Judas Priest, Queen, and Def Leppard. Which one of those bands is not like the other? In terms of quality, Def Leppard by a landslide!

Judas Priest: was largely one of the biggest hitters in Metal
KISS: Like them or not, they had a huge influence on Rock in the mid to late 70’s
Queen: Nothing really needs to be said. Queen was amazing.

Def Leppard on the other hand made pop rock and they didn’t even try to get creative or establish much of musical credibility. Yeah they had their share of tragedy with the drummer losing an arm and the guitarist dying but lets get real, the only reason they were as popular as they were is because of Shania’s husband, Mutt Lange. Without the crashing drums, the cheesy background vocals, and Queen’s rip-off beats they’d be another forgettable band.

Each band on Honors had a clip with notable musicians talking about how great said band was. Everyone had great things to say like,
“Priest rejuvenated rock and metal in the early 80’s. Without Priest, we’d have a much different landscape!”
“Queen put on the most amazing live acts. Freddie Mercury was THE front man of all time.
“KISS rocked your ass off”

And so on.

Def Leppard didn’t have anyone introduce them. Instead they had the lead singer saying,
“In the early nineties, Kurt Cobain revolutionized music because he was sick and tired of listening to our stuff.”

AND THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE PROUD OF! THE FACT THAT THEY SUCKED SO BAD THEY INSPIRED MUSIC TO BE GOOD!

Now I must say that I actually grew up being a big Def fan. It was the first concert I ever went to, I had every album, and I couldn’t get enough of it. The thing is, after reading their thoughts on albums and how they developed the songs, they only did it for the sluts. They didn’t have anything to say--not really anyway. They weren’t pissed off about childhood or being beat up as a kid, they just wanted to throw a couple lines together and whip up a guitar solo and done.

High and Dry was sweet! Pyromania was damn good. Hysteria had some catchy songs but was WAAAAAAAAAAY over produced. Adrenalize was okay.

Basically the only good thing they have come out with were the B-sides in Retroactive, the songs that actually had some great lyrics and music to match, but they weren’t simple and it didn’t cater to complete air heads so they chucked them.

Oh, and they SUCK ASS live.

5. Nick Punto in the lineup
Why the hell is this guy in our line up as much as he is. The Twins will have no infielders injured and yet he still plays 3 times a week.
Also, Batista still plays! What the hell is he still doing in the lineup? I can’t believe Terry Ryan and Gardenhire could actually like this guy at 3rd.

I tend to believe that if Gardenhire should ever be a GM he’d sign nothing but utility infielders because to him, utility infielders can do everything. It probably also explains why Castro, Punto, and Luis Rodriguez would be in one lineup.

6. 666
Are women seriously freaking out over giving birth on Tuesday? Are they really trying to hold it in or get push the kid out just to avoid 6/6/06?

I've actually heard people who I viewed as "rational" people who are very afraid of this day.

Women, people who are freaking out,
You are not going to give birth to satan's kid. It's going to be an everyday Tuesday and you don't have to fret when you fill in a date anywhere.
Afterall it would be one thing if Tuesday was 6/6/6 but it's actually 6/6/2006 which doesn't mean much.

It's basically just another 420, 69, 56, 755, 4, and so on.

Get a job people!

7 comments:

The Steph said...

And even better question - why is Radtke still a favorite of Twins fans and managers everywhere? I think his record is 4-87, and he's only thrown about 15 games. That's amazing.

Here's the best quote about Tuesday I have seen: Still scared about the date 666? Jack Horkheimer of the Miami Space Transit Planetarium has a piece of advice: "If it really spooks you, you can stand on your head and it'll be 999."

Aliecat said...

My mom watched Rosemary's Baby when she was pregnant with me and was convinced she was prego with the antichrist...movies are a powerful thing!

Anonymous said...

Wow,so much wrong with your comments re: Def Leppard. I mean,of course you are welcome to your thoughts but they don't seem to be based on any reasonable thought.

4. Def Leppard
So I was watching VH1 Honors and they were inducting KISS, Judas Priest, Queen, and Def Leppard. Which one of those bands is not like the other? In terms of quality, Def Leppard by a landslide!

*you are so right,Def Leppard is easily the best band of that bunch. Ok,maybe Queen gets the nod but the other two bands? Ha! Judas Priest is so overrated. I'm sorry,but they are boring. They are another AC/DC..all thier crap sounds the same. Kiss? They haven't done anything remotely important for 20 years. Talk about an act getting old...the whole KISS thing was last cool about,oh,1985!

Judas Priest: was largely one of the biggest hitters in Metal

*And Def Leppard weren't? Ever hear of Pyromania?

KISS: Like them or not, they had a huge influence on Rock in the mid to late 70’s

*Yeah...the SEVENTIES!

Queen: Nothing really needs to be said. Queen was amazing.

*True.

Def Leppard on the other hand made pop rock and they didn’t even try to get creative or establish much of musical credibility.

*Are you insane! No creativity? First,you can't judge Def Leppard on their radio singles...to appreciate Def Leppard you need to dig into the album tracks and even the unreleased (b-sides) stuff.

*Yes,Def Leppard are a pop-rock band....so? Is that a crime! I hear more Def Leppard in a day on the radio then I do KISS and JP combined in a MONTH!

They are a mass appeal,commerical pop/hard rock band that is made to produce radio friendly singles and sell out arenas on tour. So what! They've never hid their agenda.
They want top 40 singles,gold albums, hot chicks at the shows and all of that. So they aren't trying to save the world...plenty of bands around to do that.

Yeah they had their share of tragedy with the drummer losing an arm and the guitarist dying but lets get real, the only reason they were as popular as they were is because of Shania’s husband, Mutt Lange.

*He made a lot of bands popular,etc. Yeah,thats what a great producer is supposed to do...take a good thing and make it great. Most bands had a great song writer or producer that pushed them over the top. Sorry,not everybody can be the Beatles.


Without the crashing drums, the cheesy background vocals, and Queen’s rip-off beats they’d be another forgettable band.

*And what exactly is memorable about JP? Yeah,they,DL, developed a particular kind of sound that became very popular in the mid-80's. This comment in particular could apply to 80-90% of all bands and is weak on your part. As for ripping off Queen,oh please...most bands rip off other bands. Plenty of bands have ripped off Lep. It all goes around...some bands hide it really good but not too much new ground is broken these days. It's all rehashed and recycled.

Each band on Honors had a clip with notable musicians talking about how great said band was. Everyone had great things to say like,
“Priest rejuvenated rock and metal in the early 80’s. Without Priest, we’d have a much different landscape!”
“Queen put on the most amazing live acts. Freddie Mercury was THE front man of all time.
“KISS rocked your ass off”

And so on.

Def Leppard didn’t have anyone introduce them. Instead they had the lead singer saying,
“In the early nineties, Kurt Cobain revolutionized music because he was sick and tired of listening to our stuff.”

AND THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE PROUD OF! THE FACT THAT THEY SUCKED SO BAD THEY INSPIRED MUSIC TO BE GOOD!

*Sorry but not every band needs to be U2 and have songs that 'say something'. How boring! The world needs and loves it Leppards and Poisons just as much as it's Beatles and U2's...both types of bands have their place. What exatly did KISS say that was so profound? Oh,yeah...lick it up! Wow,I'm speechless.

Now I must say that I actually grew up being a big Def fan. It was the first concert I ever went to, I had every album, and I couldn’t get enough of it. The thing is, after reading their thoughts on albums and how they developed the songs, they only did it for the sluts. They didn’t have anything to say--not really anyway. They weren’t pissed off about childhood or being beat up as a kid, they just wanted to throw a couple lines together and whip up a guitar solo and done.

*This following comment is so ignorant.
"They weren’t pissed off about childhood or being beat up as a kid, they just wanted to throw a couple lines together and whip up a guitar solo and done."

So,they suck becuse the don't write angry,depressing,sad music. So,GO LISTEN TO A BAND THAT MAKES THAT KIND OF MUSIC! Don't drag Lep down into your misery. Some people like fun,energetic music thank you very much.

*And if you consider Nirvana good...you are one messed up person.
Def Leppard makes music that is fun,catchy,inspires a good time and all of that...Nirvana makes you want to kill yourself...sure,I can see how that is so much better. Sorry,but I don't feel like being depressed all the time and when I am I want my music to pull me out of that state of mind..not push me deeper into it.

High and Dry was sweet! Pyromania was damn good. Hysteria had some catchy songs but was WAAAAAAAAAAY over produced. Adrenalize was okay.

*Hysteria was over produced,gee that hasn't been said before.

Basically the only good thing they have come out with were the B-sides in Retroactive, the songs that actually had some great lyrics and music to match, but they weren’t simple and it didn’t cater to complete air heads so they chucked them.

*So a song is simple! Again,who cares? Not every band needs to write a f*cking Guns N' Roses style 9 minute epic to be good or worthy.

Oh, and they SUCK ASS live.

*Def Leppard are regarded as one of the finest live bands from that era,even by their critics. Yeah,I guess the bands of today that can't play their own instruments and need backing tapes are so much better.
Def Leppard kick ass live. I doubt you've even seen them live. I'll admit they've slipped a bit in recent years but up through the Euphoria tour Def Leppard were an amazing live act. I'll admit Joe got fat around the X tour and his voice is slipping..but gee whiz..the man is in his mid-late 40's! Gosh forbid he get OLD! Still,even today DL are still a very good live act that can hold their own to just about anybody.

You hate Def Leppard and that's fine. I don't take issue with you hating Lep,I take issue with your reasons for it because they make no sense when you look around at music in general.

The VH1 thing was to honor bands that brought different things to music and to discount Lep's contribution is wrong. So much of what you said could be applied to KISS and JP (not much one can say bad about Queen) that it makes your whole post a waste of time.

You act as if VH1 had Slaughter or Trixter up their with Queen and the rest. Those are bands that brought nothing new to the table and to even attempt to put Def Leppard into a group of such bands is a joke.

Aliecat said...

Wow, Boof, I think ya struck a nerve, there! Watch out, I think the Def Leopard Fan Club is mad at ya!

Aliecat said...

P.S. I hate DL too...and I don't give a rip about a one armed drummer, either...

Boof said...

I seem to have touched a nerve.

While pretty much all of this is a subjective debate, I need to add a bit.

-I find it funny how it is believed that Priest (and AC/DC) for all sounding a like. I wont disagree with that but Adrenalize (with the exception of a couple songs) sounded alike too. In fact, before Euphoria when DL went out and publicly said how they were trying to copy the sound of Pyro and Hysteria makes them in the same boat too.

Kiss being a band in the 70's hit a nerve too. Is being from the 70's bad? Or is that a knock that they're old? All those bands on Honor's were relatively old including DL.

"*Are you insane! No creativity? First,you can't judge Def Leppard on their radio singles...to appreciate Def Leppard you need to dig into the album tracks and even the unreleased (b-sides) stuff."

That's my problem, their best stuff was the throw away B-sides. It tells me that they have the talent and they are capable of something away from the formula, but they refuse be a little different and continue to go along with the formula.

"*Yes,Def Leppard are a pop-rock band....so? Is that a crime! I hear more Def Leppard in a day on the radio then I do KISS and JP combined in a MONTH!"

Radio today is horrible. So is MTV and VH1. In order to find anything decent nowadays one has to dig.

"*He made a lot of bands popular,etc. Yeah,thats what a great producer is supposed to do...take a good thing and make it great. Most bands had a great song writer or producer that pushed them over the top."
True but listen to Bryan Adams, Waking Up the Neighbors--it sounds eerily similiar to DL. It really does.
Then listen to, believe it or not, Shania Twain. That even sounds like DL.

It's one thing to be a good producer but it's another when DL sounds like Bryan Adams which sounds like Shania Twain. That's not producer talent, that's a plague!

"*Sorry but not every band needs to be U2 and have songs that 'say something'. How boring! The world needs and loves it Leppards and Poisons just as much as it's Beatles and U2's...both types of bands have their place. What exatly did KISS say that was so profound? Oh,yeah...lick it up! Wow,I'm speechless."
And in response to "lick it up" I would counter with "Slang" or "Makin Love Like a Man" which were...ugh

I guess my point here is that DL has been horrible in PR. Here they could've said something about how the decade copied them but instead they said how they inspired a movement in music. I'm not saying I'm a big Nirvana fan but it's just that DL realized that they inspired a change in music because people were sick of thier "Lets get Rocked" and "Armageddon It". It's like the Village People saying they're the bomb because they inspired punk.

"So,they suck becuse the don't write angry,depressing,sad music. So,GO LISTEN TO A BAND THAT MAKES THAT KIND OF MUSIC! Don't drag Lep down into your misery. Some people like fun,energetic music thank you very much."

So I take it you're not a fan of "Love Bites" or "White Lightning" or "Gods of War" which were not exactly fun, fun, fun!

My point is that they really didn't have songs of substance. There's no real stories to most of thier songs.
Some were really good like "White Lightning", "From the Inside", and "Billy's got a gun" but for every one of those songs there's a "Heaven", or "Run Riot" or "Makin Love..."

As for DL live, I've seen them 3 times and each time I have not been impressed. A lot of that has to deal with Elliot not being able to hit those high notes anymore and that's understandable. Another thing would be that they only play the predictable songs and never play the deep stuff from Pyro or anything off of High and Dry. I just wish they could get more raw and spontaneous instead of hearing Hysteria the same way as it was 20 years ago with just 48 year olds belting it out.

For the record, I don't hate DL. I just don't think they belong in that Honors show. I don't think thier music was nearly as important as those other bands

The Steph said...

Boof...watch your back!!

I will say that DL is pretty cool. And they didn't sound like Bryan Adams until they started touring together. And I like them live - because they actually sound like themselves. I hate going to concerts where the singers/bands don't sound like they do on the radio...that's why I like them...because of what I hear on the radio. So don't feed me some artistic crap I don't recognize for 2.5 hours. Give me what I paid $14.99 for at Best Buy!