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Monday, July 17, 2006

BJ Crap

The look on your face yanks my neck on the chain
And I would do anything
To see you again
So I’ve fallen behind…

wow, there's nine letters in "etiquette". I did not know that.

Crap List

1. Bad BJ planning
I’ll elaborate more on this tomorrow but I accidentally came across a B-Jobber in progress. I cannot stand people who don’t think ahead when it comes to BJ’s or any other sexual act. Either figure it out if people will be seeing you or go the fleeting route and want people to see you. Don’t go in-between because then it’s just confusing.

Because you, as the observer, are now stuck because you don’t know if you’re supposed to be seeing this or if it’s a complete mistake. Are you supposed to continue what you’re doing? Do you try to tip toe around it? What is the role you should play?

Me, as I demonstrated last Saturday night, I don’t care where the BJ is being performed nor do I care who is involved because if there is an in progress BJ blocking me from doing my everyday needs I’m going to act like nothing is happening. If this BJ party gets mad, well I’m going to give them the best argument in the history of mankind because I need my damn sleep.

If President Bush and the First Lady were the ones in the middle of the BJ *shudders* I would walk right in front of them and slam the door just so they can learn something about giving BJ’s in plain view. I’d hope they jump up and GW gets teeth marks on his penis as a result of such a jump.

It’s a lot like the stupid kids who accidentally leave their porn in the VCR (remember those) just so their mom’s can come into the room and be engulfed in ‘Dances with Whores’ at that one key moment. I have no sympathy for those kids. That’s just terrible planning.

2. Torii Hunter
I knew this guy would come around and screw the Twins. July marks the month where the Twins had to figure out what to do with Hunter.
A) Trade him: Then the Twins could rape and pillage some other team’s farm system and save some money in the process. Of course this would also signal the end of the Twins ‘06 season.
B) Sign him to an extension: Then we wouldn’t have to pay him $12M next year (which is re-god damn-diculous) and then his price would be cheaper
C) do nothing: and let him become a free agent at the end of the year. Basically the Twins would get no value for him.

Now after his damn injury, it looks like “A” is out of the picture and B will be the decision the Twins will make. Now we’ll have to deal with this .250 “power hitter” in our lineup.

The guy is a great center fielder but he is not much more than a $6M player.

3. The ESPY’s
Does anyone watch this? Between the ESPY’s and the grammys, which one is more worthless? If I had a huge cabinet full of ESPY’s I would take a picture and send it to one of those websites because it would be the funniest thing ever.
“look at the idiot who collects ESPY’s” people would say as they point and laugh at the picture on the screen.

Maybe if you combine an ESPY, Grammy, and an MTV movie award then someone may give a damn!
Probably not though.

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