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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Move (part 2)

A strangers light comes on slowly
A strangers heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Continued from yesterday…

What did I do?

I chose C because there was no god damn way that after 12 hours of moving in 101 degree heat that I was going to drive around and wait. There is absolutely no way.

Had I not moved that day I probably would’ve done something else because guys have this unwritten rule that if one is in the “middle of something” then it’s just really bad karma and a complete asshole move to interrupt such fun.

So I was conflicted on more than one topic.

Plus, I’m sure this guy had a bucket full of beers and to be a drunk and with your Johnson in someone’s mouth is a pretty vulnerable position to be in. Like if a deer was to dart out and scare the crap out of them, the guy would probably go and try to wrestle the deer until the deer understood that you don‘t scare a couple in the middle of a bj…then return to the bj.

I was this deer and I saw that door and darted.

I’m not terribly sneaky so I just went for it and I accidentally let the door kinda sorta slam behind me.

As I slammed that door I heard,
“OUCH AAAAAH!!!!!” and I basically started bolting to my door even faster. I sat in my new room completely freaked out that this dude just got his dick chomped off by my landlord.

Stranger, drunk, in the middle of a bj, and left with half a dick as a result of my darting is not a good place for Boof to be in.

I heard a yell from upstairs and I think the dude was yelling at me but I wasn’t going to leave my room. For all I know this guy is pissed at me for ignoring the unwritten guy rules and my landlord is completely freaked out.

Hell, I was expecting a naked dude with numb chucks to come barging through my door!

I woke up the next morning at 5am with another shout from upstairs. At this point I was pissed. I paid rent and I had every right to go to my room. If they want to do a bj in the garage --which is a complete ‘Wisconsin’ thing to do-- fine but I have to walk through that sight. What the hell was I supposed to do? Go back to my car and give my landlord a voicemail?

“uh yeah this is Tom, I’m just hanging out at the grocery store with all the other stoners and if you could just give me a call when your dude blows his load…that would be cool. Until then if you need anything from Cub let me know.”

The next morning I needed *needed* to take a shower…the stank was unbearable and I had plans! So I had to show my face to these people. Would the guy, still naked, lunge at me and show me his bitten off family jewels? Will my landlord be so freaked out that she’ll need a padded room?

I took my shower and no one was around.

I then went back to the bathroom to brush my teeth, nothing.

I then went up again and I heard this,

“Hey! Well, it seems that you’re having a better morning than us. Huhuh, we had a lot to drink last night and she’s a little hungover haha.”

I thought this was a little ploy to get me to come over and make nice UNTIL THEN HE BASHES ME IN THE HEAD WITH HIS WATERBOTTLE MAKING IT THE UNTIMELY END OF BOOF!

“haha my name is Tom by the way.”
“D, good to meet you”

And it seems as if we’re on good terms. , no bad blood, No 3/4 Johnson, no bad times.

No bad times means good times right?

I like good times!

So we were cool after that. I figure perhaps the dude remembers and is overcompensating his anger by being really nice to me and the landlord just forgot. The landlord has a tendency to forget things when she’s drunk because she’s already drunk dialed me and forgot about it the next day.

It seems to be the incident that no one is to mention. I fear that hell’s fury will reign down on me if I should mention this scenario to any one of the members.

So, for god’s sakes, don’t do bj’s in the garage. That’s just so ghetto!

1 comment:

Aliecat said...

What if we're in the car while it's in the garage? Is that ok?