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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The White Glove Test?

White Cadillac, white man at the wheel,
white faces on the mountain,
wounds that will never heal


I probably shouldn’t be posting this since it’s violating blogging privacy acts with you all getting to hear my voice and seeing the world through “Boof vision” but I figured I’d get all interactive and shit. So this is a clip of me giving y’all a tour of my old apartment. Let me know if this ends up working or not.



So after that was shot I had the inspectors come and find anything that didn’t get cleaned or destroyed. They came in, showed me all these secret hiding spots which I had no idea ever existed, and then handed me a broom and a rag so I didn’t get screwed out of my deposit.

So I cleaned, scrubbed, sweated my ass off, and cleaned these areas they defined. For any 26 year old guy, my apartment was spotless--no, newer than brand new kinda clean and I was proud.

Then this evil bitch of the west comes in wearing her white gloves and starts wiping everything to see if the white gloves turned anything other than white. Like if they were slightly discolored from two specs of dust, then I had to clean that shit off again.

I struggled to keep up but I managed and it was turning into an endurance race as this old lady rapidly goes through my apartment wearing her white gloves.

I took a break while this crazy bitch goes around my apartment to talk to the care takers.

Boof: So I guess there was a lady that died here before I moved in.
The guy: OH that was this apartment?
The lady (not the white glove lady): what happened?
Guy: apparently some old lady died in here and the neighbors were complaining about a terrible smell from 305. Yeah they had to replace everything because the stench was so bad.
Boof: did she get her deposit back?
Everyone: baaahahahahahahhahahaha

Haha I made a funny.

As It turns out this crazy old lady found a water stain from my room which could end up costing me but I doubt it. I would figure this water stain came from my waterbed fiasco from a year ago.

Which leads me to my favorite memories of my apartment.

-throwing my waterbed over my balcony: because it was the easiest way to get rid of it
-Superbowl 39 and winning --actually it seemed more like losing--the white castle eating contest by eating 24.5 white castle burgers and signifying the end of my eating competitive career.
-the time where the outside water grate filled up: I woke up the next day to this huge friggen lake outside my window. It was awesome as hell.
-nearly being kicked out by having a dirty apartment: lets just say I went to vegas without cleaning my apartment, surprise inspection, and BAM-”clean your apartment or else”

Whatever though, this new place rocks. I’ve already collected 4 golf balls.

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