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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Baseball Radio Personalities

A comfort, a friend
Only upstaged in the end By the Uzi machine gun
Does the recoil remind you?
Remind you of sex?


There’s nothing more baseball than listening to the game while working in the garage, getting a bj in the garage, or sitting on the boat on that lazy evening. I grew up craving those weekends where the Twins would play on the west coast and play until 12:30 so I could stay up and listen to them on the radio. Even if the Brewers were playing late I could just barely get the game from western Wisconsin and listen to Bob Eucker give the play-by-play.

Last year and earlier this year--before a firewall prevented me from enjoying it further--I would enjoy listening to the Twins opponent’s radio broadcast to hear anyone other than John Gordon or the Dazzleman Dan Gladden. So here is my thoughts on radio personalities for baseball

John Gordon Twins play-by-play
He’s got a great baseball voice but if you listen to him on a nightly basis you almost have to wonder if this guy is all there. For instance there will be a deep fly ball to center and he’ll go,

“And Carew hits one back! Er Polonia hits this back I mean, WAY BACK! …and this one is go-CAUGHT BY CAMERON--er Hunter for the 2nd out of the game--Ah inning, excuse me.”

He’ll seriously pull that crap and as a listener you have to wonder what the hell he’s talking about. I could give a better play-by-play without even watching the game for the fact that I’m in the right decade and watching the correct team.
Voice: 10 he’s got a great baseball voice
supplies the Imagination: 3 terrible he’s slow and cannot describe the game
Dead air: 8 he does a good job of breaking up the dead air

Dan Gladden Twins color commentator
I actually think that Dan offers some quality commentary. He seems to come from the old school baseball era where it’s alright to bean batters and paybacks are regular happenings. I love his ‘I don’t really care’ approach because it’s not exactly PC nor does it seem like being on air scares him at all. In a couple years Gladden may be something really cool but right now he’s missing pitches, being late on calls, and is very awkward when unique plays start to happen.
Voice: 8 pretty good and fun to listen to
Supplies the imagination: 4 not much better than Gordo
Dead air: 5 he needs some help in this category.

Bob Uecker Brewers play-by-play announcer
Although he is in the broadcast hall of fame and he is one of the most popular broadcaster in baseball; he really sucks. I’ve listened to him a bit and his dead air is so prevalent that you could turn the station and listen to half a song and come back and he’s still not talking. Yeah he’s good in Major League and when he’s on the national spotlight but as a Brewers play-by-play announcer, he sucks.
Voice: 7 good but animated pewkey kinda voice
Supplies the imagination: 7 he’s alright from what I hear
Dead air: 2 tons of dead air

The White Sox announcers
I don’t know who they are exactly but I listen and I enjoy. They have a complete Hawk Harrelson-esque homer side to them but their anecdotes and basic game calling is fantastic. Although I only listen when they play the twins, they always have something interesting to say about what the rival is up to.
Again, I don’t know who they are but they are good
Voice: 7 good but nothing spectacular
Supplies the imagination: 9 very good and knowledgable
Dead air: 9 keeps the game moving with anecdotes and in depth info.

Indians announcers
These guys are so terrible. I end up listening to Gordo and the dazzle man instead of these crack heads. Basically any Indian player that hit’s a base hit is worth having a heart attack for.

“Sizemore HIT’S A TEXAS LEAGUER TOWARD LEFT FIELD. GRADY’S NOW ON FIRST!” or when a home run is hit you’d think he’s spontaneously combusting in the radio booth.

Voice: 4 their voices sound annoying
Supplies the imagination: 6
Dead air: 5 I’d rather they give me dead air

Vin Scully
H is right. Scully is the best radio announcer out there. It is an absolute treat to listen to this guy call a game with his knowledge of the game and his classic voice. I would go into my garage and start demo-ing something just to listen to this guy call a baseball game.
Scully began his baseball career broadcasting for the Brooklyn Dodgers (of all teams) and worked alongside Red Barber (this is almost biblical type of stuff). Since then he’s remained the Dodger play-by-play guy even when they moved from Brooklyn to Los Angeles.

He’s got it all and is the reason why a pewking voice is nothing to be desired in
Voice: 10
Supplies the Imagination: 10
Dead air: 10
Vin is awesome!

Basically I hate the way that some radio stations are going. They are going with the younger pewking voice without substance instead of a slower, elder guy full of anecdotes. If listeners really need to be excited then they shouldn’t be listening to the radio.

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