the place where I come from, is a small town
they think so small, they use small words
-but not me, I'm smarter than that
I worked it out
I've been stretching my mouth to let those big words come right out
1. Pushy telemarketers
Boof: Hello? (in my morning, ‘you-woke-me-the-fuck-up’ voice)
Telemarketer: Hello Tom? Tom, here at the press we have a fabulous offer we are going to offer you. It’s the press on Thursday-Sunday for only $_______.
Oh, no thanks
You have a balance of $4 right?
Yeah, probably. Go ahead and send me a bill
Well if you take my offer then we’ll cut that bill in half.
You mean $2? Nah, nope I’m not interested, sorry
We’ll I really think you should reconsider because that’s a good deal.
I couldn’t take any more of that pushy bitch. If it were actually 2pm I would actually talk and work out my little telemarketing piss off tricks but not at 8:30am. Good lord no. There should be some sort of telemarketing ethics (ha!) that after the 2nd rejection then both parties should both end the call or talk about their family…or something. I do have a bit of regret because I wanted to see how far she would take the phone call and to see how long I could keep her on the phone and thus, losing out on potential commissions. I bet I could’ve kept her on the phone for at least 20 minutes with me acting stupid and/or debating my side of $4.
2. Computer buzzwords
I’m not a huge computer guru by any mean. I believe I have an average understanding on what is good and I’m pretty awesome at Windows. By default, I’m the guy my parents ask for info whenever it comes to computers and the discussion always ends with me saying,
“bottom line, you guys gotta get a new computer.” because they have this Micron 3 gig, windows 95, dial up, old has been to which I cannot understand how anyone could put up with such a dinosaur.
So I check out one particular problem on Windows and one of my parents will stand behind me and watch as I go. The thing I don’t like is when they throw around solutions that revolve around current PC buzzwords to which they have no idea what any of it means.
Me, at the computer struggling to figure out some Windows program): Damn, what’s up with this?
Dad: Have you tried click N’ drag?
Me trying to ignore him: hmmm lets try this
Dad: Perhaps there’s something wrong with the blue tooth.
Me noticeably annoyed: hmmm lets try the properties menu
Dad: or it could be the firewire…wall thing
Me: BAAAAAH, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT ANY OF THAT STUFF IS OR DOES?