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Monday, August 07, 2006

Dick Trickle Crap

Carbon planes draw a cage round the air force base
(Where the needle touched down)
My foot on the brake it's ok to fly low
Over poor Spanaway

Crap List

1. My dad at these family gatherings
First let me say that I love my dad. He’s great but when you put him around my Iowa relatives then things get really god damn annoying.

First his outfits; now I’m not one to even have an idea about fasion (I can’t even spell it right) but I know that whatever my dad wears is something that you don’t want to look at.
Picture this, a man wearing some sort of brand new truckers cap and donning a skin tight Nascar polo shirt. This NASCAR polo shirt is so tight you can almost see his belly button which bulges out of this man who looks like he’s 10 months pregnant. This polo shirt is also tucked into some khaki shorts which exposes his bony albino legs and his tube socks that ride up to his calves. Throw in a pair of steel toed tennis shoes and you now have my dad.

I’m not embarrassed by him because it’s like having that dog that sniffs everyone’s crotch, you can’t control him so might as well let him do his thing.
But good lord, find a mirror!

But that’s not what bugs me, it’s his actions that bug me.

He has to constantly brag about his vehicles and be so damn loud. He drives his new Cadillac right up in front so everyone can see and then stands by it to try to convince an uncle to come over and look at it. My uncle does and sooner or later more uncles are over there and he’s popping the hood open and telling them anecdotes about his caddy.

Ugh. Then he’ll start to talk Twins baseball…
Lets just say that whenever I try to correct him he just ignores me like I don’t know what I’m talking about!

Then thank god no one mentioned Dick Trickle, his favorite racecar driver. He’ll go on and on about how many races he’s won and where he lives and the time where he went to his house and the time where he met his daughter at a hot dog stand in NC and the time he talked to him in Wisconsin and… it never ends.

2. Department heads
It happened again! After giving out a shut-down notice in an office building I got a message like this,

“Dear Mr. Berg
That shut down notice is unacceptable. We still have people working and I don’t think you want 20,000 people to go home early do you? This shut down will have to wait until 6pm.”

He’s telling me when we can work. I should shut off his air for the entire two weeks!

The response I wanted to give him was,
“dear smuggy,
Because I’m sure you had a hard day when you sent me this email I’ll give you a free pass. However, just because you can’t get that respect from your coworkers and the 3 people that work under you does not mean you can try to power trip me. I know you drive a Dodge Stratus and that’s cool, I’m happy for you. We will start at the time I said so because that is the time we start. I highly suggest that next time this happens that you try to find out more information instead of being an over dramatic prissy little bitch.
20,000 workers? Haha you’re too much. “

3. ESPN’s love for David Ortiz
Papi Vs. Larry Bird? Are you really comparing the two?

When the hell is it going to end? They are pretty much giving him more love than before ESPN found out the public didn’t care for Barry Bonds. Every night it’s the game winning homer, it’s the game tying homer, and it’s the meaningless solo shot in the 6th inning that closed the deficit to 8-1.

I wish that all the big market teams were terrible then maybe, just maybe the national coverage would be objective! Can you imagine that?
Fox Saturday game of the week would be the Detroit Tigers Vs. Oakland A’s, ESPN would air a Brewers/ Reds game, and ESPN would also not start out every episode of sportscenter with Big Papi.


1 comment:

The Steph said...

Just to throw a Monday barb in there, too. How's that wild card race looking. Damn Yankees are out of it. CAUSE THEY ARE IN FIRST PLACE IN THE DIVISION. Hahaha. I'll take it for however long it lasts. It's just funny how anti-Yankees fans love to rub it in our faces when we're not in first place in anything. But we come through sometime for at least a little bit and then you all get soooo quiet :) Happy Monday to you!