It's hot as hell, honey in this room
Sure hope the weather will break soon
The air is heavy, heavy as a truck
We need the rain to wash away our bad luck
At the North St. Paul community center I found out that Bret Hedican, of the Stanley Cup winning Carolina Hurricanes, was coming to town to celebrate his Stanley Cup win and to show off the trophy in a parade. Hedican grew up and played hockey for the Polars at North St. Paul High. Lord Stanley’s Cup has always been a bit of a fascination with me and I’ve always wanted to see and feel that glossy goodness on the back of my hand…and face (yuck).
The deal behind this is if you win the Stanley Cup, each member of the team gets the trophy to themselves for one whole day, to do whatever you want with. With the Stanley Cup comes a guy who protects it (and apparently this guy is really cool). This Stanley Cup has been the center of many parties, has been drunken out of thousands of times, and has been in the craziest places.
Me, I have always thought I would buy a big box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and eat the whole box out of the Stanley Cup and then I would go Grocery Shopping (with two carts) and have the Stanley Cup in one cart and my groceries in the other. (maybe I accidentaly set the Cup on the checkout line…”oh ooops, that’s my Stanley cup”.
Then I suppose I would jog around the trail with the cup and keep some water in it and try to run and take a drink from my sippy cup (aka: Lord Stanley’s cup) as I run. Maybe later in the day I head over to my arch rival’s house from high school just to chit-chit a little,
Rival: Hey what’s that?
Boof: oh, I spilled some cereal on myself earlier today…or--Oh, do you mean The Stanley Cup?
Then take that one bastard who didn’t believe in me and bash the living hell out of him with the Cup.
(SO, TELL ME AGAIN, WHOSE PASSES AREN’T CRISP? *bash, bash, pummel* HOW BOUT A CRISP WHACK TO YOUR HEAD *pummel, pummel, bash*)
God that would be cool!
I must admit, for being the self appointed Hockey Emperor, I didn’t even know who Bret Hedican was, but I wanted to see the Stanley Cup so I figured I’d head over to North St. Paul and see the Cup. After doing some research I found out that this same Bret Hedican married Kristi Yamaguchi, the famous figure skater from--I don’t know--5 years ago?
For me being a HUGE Winter Olympics enthusiast I really was intrigued by Yamaguchi being in NSP. I’m NOT a figure skater lover (in fact, that’s the only competition I don’t watch during the Winter Olympics) but I wanted to see how tiny she was. I wanted to see if the Cup was bigger than she was (because it actually could be).
So ranking in what I wanted to see at this parade.
1. The Cup
2. Kristi Yamaguchi
3. Bret hadi…something
At first I got to NSP and these were the only two people there. I thought maybe it was supposed to be in SSP but I waited.
They had a couple booths were people could buy overpriced pop and Bret whatshisnutz water but there was still not that many people around.
Have you ever been to a parade and wondered what would happen if a really huge fire broke out? Well the parade was just making its initial turn and just when this fire truck was going to turn, there was a siren blaring from the distance. Instead of taking a gentile left turn this truck just went floored it straight and headed off to the sirens.
It was really cool
and yes, that's a mullet.
For some reason the Cup reminds me of Tom Servo from MST3K.
I'm sure by the looks of this picture that the cup has more mass than Krist Yamaguchi. I mean we're lucky there wasn't a stiff breeze in NSP because otherwise Kristi may have blown away.
Actually, I honestly don't know if that is really Kristi Yamaguchi because it could've been a body double for all I know. Hell, It could've been Sandra Oh or Bjork or Tiger Woods wearing a dress for all I know. (In bad taste, I know)
Following the parade was two of these huge ass coach busses. No one knew anyone in these busses but everyone waved regardless. The parade was actually the most efficient parade I've ever been to. The whole thing lasted no more than five minutes and everyone went home happy. Except me, I went home in mild delight.
Here's Bart Hemicam and a temporary tatoo of the Stanley Cup. I haven't used it yet either.