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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

.5 Games Back

And the world looks just the same
And history ain't changed
'Cause the banners, they all flown in the last war

The Twins are now a half game behind first place.

A half game!

This team is really looking intriguing and I like the makeup now compared to whomever they started with. All of a sudden the names Tony Batista and Juan Castro seem completely hilarious to me right now. Those guys were the starting 3rd basemen and shortstop respectfully and god damn did they suck.

When they talk about MVP there’s a lot of talk about Justin Morneau (or Porno if you will) and Johan Santana but I actually think the MVP of the team is Jason Bartlett just because he’s not Juan Castro and Nick Punto because he’s not Tony Batista. I cant even remember or want to believe that we started Tony Batista at 3rd while Jason Bartlett was in the Minors.

Also the beginning of the year the Twins had Bartlett, Boof, Garza, and Tyner in Rochester and Cuddyer was sitting on the bench. That seems completely crazy being that Cuddy now is a 100 RBI guy.

I would also give the MVP to Mark Redmond simply because it sounds like he IS the Twins clubhouse. It sounds like you just have to drop a nickel in this guy and he’ll lead a chant of tavern chants and bar tunes and run around naked while doing so. The day after Nick Punto met Francisco Liriano on the mound and gave his “oh shit” eyes the Twins rookies pranced around Jacobs field in Halloween costumes. Even with such a terrible injury it’s hard not to laugh at Alexi Casilla in a Bam Bam costume, at Jacobs field, with about 50 days away from Halloween. I’m willing to bet that Redmond had something to do with that.

In fact I love the guy so much that I wonder what he says to the pitchers when he comes to the mound.

Redmond: huhuh hey, I got a bottle of baby powder in my back pocket. I threw a whole bunch on my ass before the game.
Garza: Why are you telling me this? Is my slider alright
Redmond: Slider’s fine- so I want you to spank me in the ass right now. Then there will be a huge cloud of white smoke coming from my ass and it will be the most bizarre thing ever. Then any of your pitches will work
Garza: Dude, if you don’t go away Anderson will walk over here.
Redmond: quick just do it.
(Garza takes his hand back like he’s going to smack him and Redmond takes off for home)
Redmond: bwahahhahaha PERVERT! Hahahah

I don’t know if he’d do that but that would be cool just to see someone spanking their own ass on the pitchers mound and seeing a bunch of white smoke coming from their ass.

I’ve always viewed the Twins as a sappy, the most un edgy, vanilla team in terms of off the field stuff. Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau’s interviews prove this because police sirens in the distance are more entertaining than listening to these two talk.

Also Nick Punto has been awesome at 3rd. I never thought he would amount to anything but that bitch has a fire in his belly. He’s made a ton of outstanding plays at 3rd and his name is Nick Punto. With a name like that the guy has to be short. It’s almost a knee jerk reaction to say “little” Nicky Punto whenever he does anything.

What I really, really like about this team is the speed or piranhas as Ozzie Guillen likes to call them. They have so much speed that nearly any double is lethal. Any runner on first is very likely to score on a double just because guys like Bartlett, Tyner, Ford, Punto, Castillo, and Casilla can run.

A half game behind with 12 more to go. Screw football

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