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Thursday, September 07, 2006

I Ate...Not Enough Apparently

In his heart he wishes her stardom
His eyes want for her much more
That's not so different
Than the way that he said
"There are so very few stars left"

-This Saturday is my company’s golf outing and I’m going for the longest drive competition. Last year I actually had the longest drive but since my ball was in the rough, it didn’t count for anything. Knowing my luck and since I’m looking forward to the competition I’ll just slice the hell out of the thing and have to duck.
I admit, I have been looking forward to crushing (colostomy style) that 6’5 dude who dressed in that ugly ass polo shirt and talks all smuggy-like. Yeah I’m not shaving, I’m wearing my shorts and my ‘Dirty Sanchez’ shirt and gonna look like a bum.

And you know what, this bum is gonna win the longest drive competition!

-Speaking of Dirty Sanchez, how bout that no-hitter last night?

-Conversation I heard while shopping,

Owner: Okay, I’ve had enough of this shit. I’ve got motherfuckin sewage dripping on all my merchandise in the back. I think there’s a hole in the sewer line and I’m sick of this shit! Who the hell wants to buy piss soaked shirts? Huh? Who wants to buy shitted on pants? Huh?

That’s when I quietly left the store.

-I was thinking of what song I would sing if I tried out for American Idol. I think I would sing Bob Dylan’s Hurricane and bring an acoustic guitar and a set of bongos. I would begin and never stop until all 89 verses are sung and then they would have to let me into the semi’s.

“And that’s the story of the HURRICANE (dun-dun-dadun-dun) The man the authorities came NAME!”

-After hearing about a certain someone’s lost car in a parking garage it made me remember the time I got lost in the same lot. Hog and I went to a T-wolves game (this was a long time ago) and it was in the middle of winter. Hog and I were in the middle of our ‘sneaking into the white collar seats’ heyday and in the middle of winter if you enter a section without a coat, the ushers figure you have to be sitting there, so we did. It worked, kinda but the ushers caught on to our little scheme (I think we got too greedy) so we left or got kicked out of the game without our jackets…and we couldn’t find my car. Not only were we walking around the damn Target Center ramp for, what seemed like, ever but we were also freezing cold without our coats.

God damn that was stupid.

-The most amazing thing happened yesterday at the gym. I weighed myself and I was one pound less than what I was the week before.
So after eating:

4 pronto pups
3 slices of pizza
2 whole frozen pizzas
1 strawberry shake
2 orders of cheese curds
1 order of Luigi fries
1 order of Sweet Martha’s Cookies
1 order of Hot dish on a stick
2 small bowls of gelato
1 order of key lime pie on a stick
1 elk burger
1 order of gator fries
1 20 ounce Grain Belt
130 ounces of coke

I still managed to lose a pound.

1 comment:

The Steph said...

I shall call you "Mr. Metabolism."