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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Sick as a Dog

When I read the letter you wrote,
it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me,
it made me sad sad sad.

Sorry about yesterday. I basically went to bed at Friday night/Saturday morning at 1am and slept and tried to sleep until Monday at 1pm.

Last week completely sucked and here’s why. After reading this you’ll all be so sympathetic to me that I will rule the world

1. The headache
Yeah I know headaches are kinda wussy and I’ve always silently consider people who skip school or work because of a headache. This one on Monday though, was like the game “dig dug” and the guy was diggin in my temple. A couple times he would pump up those bad guys which would make me shed man tears and when they popped! Oh man when that dig dug guy popped one of those bad guys, it hurt like a mother.

2. The backache
And this was no run-of-the-mill backache either. When you stand in your kitchen and your back makes you curl to the point where you’re in the fetal position on your kitchen floor, things are not good. Also when you’re in bed shuffling and turning and forget you have back problems, and you tweak your back making a loud “AAHHHHHAARRRRGGGG” at 3:30am, then things are really sucky. I was looking longingly at my roommate’s walker (why she has a walker, I may or may not ever know).

3. The flu
I remember waking up in the middle of the night last week when I had to cough. There was nothing to it but I know I never wake up like this and my throat is never this dry. I kinda told myself that this was the first sign of getting sick.
Oh was I right because I spent the whole weekend in bed (and not in the cool Hugh Hefner way either). I didn’t want to leave and when I did leave it was to buy drugs for my sickness.
Oh it was so bad and then the Vikings didn’t win and the Colostomy Crushers were losing and I had to listen to my roommate and if I had a dog it would’ve died too I’m sure.

It’s to the point where I want all the female readers to come over to my place and give me a nice backrub. Then say stuff like, “oh there, there” or “it’s okay, it’s okay” and stuff like that. Then I want the guys to come over and reconfigure my room so that there is nothing but plasma screen TV’s with HD on them surrounding my room.

Oh also I want the ladies to feed me grapes. I don’t care about the color but it’s the just act of feeding me grapes that’s what's important.

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