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Monday, October 02, 2006

An ESPN Rant

I won't weigh you down
with good intention
won't make fire out of clay
or other inventions

First thing is first,


Since then, I’ve been watching ESPN’s recap of the season which leads me to my ultimate rant toward ESPN.

-The analysts
ESPN is the leader in retarded sports analysts. It begins and ends with Stephen A. Smith and somewhere Chris Berman (and his annoyingly retarded “WHHHHOOOOOOP” call) is in there. Also in there are the baseball analysts
I heard the most asinine arguments while watching this ‘postseason preview’ show with Tim K, Jeff Brantley, John Kruk, Steve Phillips, and Karl Ravich. The only opinion I respect out of the group is Tim K’s opinion, the others are entertaining in the ‘I-can’t-believe-he’s-that-stupid’ aspect.

Last night was no different.

When it came time to talk about the AL MVP, the panel of retards all gave their choice for MVP and why. Here’s how it went.

Brantley: Johan because he was the best pitcher in baseball
Tim K: Jeter because he’s the captain and can hit
John Kruck: Jeter….same reason
Phillips: Morneau because he helped the Twins in the 2nd half of the season.

All very good points in my opinion. Then they started arguing about each other’s pick.
Brantley’s argument against Morneau is that he’s not designating an MVP who stayed on the bench last year due to a headache.

(blink:blink) Jeff, we’re talking about the 2006 AL MVP not 2005. Justin Morneau is a much different player than the .200, 20HR guy he was last year.

Then Steve Phillips’ reason for having Morneau over Jeter was that Morneau has more RBI’s and HR’s than Jeter. He also explains how he hits .350 in the games the Twins win.

(blink:blink) Did he really just compare the hitting stats of Justin Morneau and Derek Jeter? Any idiot knows that Jeter is a table setter and Morneau simply hit’s the guys in. To compare home runs (of all stats) is completely ludicrous…and this guy was a mlb general manager!

THEN Brantley continues his anti-Morneau bit saying that “he isn’t a clutch hitter”

At this point I stood up and said,
“You are a stupid fucking moron Jeff Brantley” I said that because clearly *CLEARLY* Justin Morneau had more clutch hits than anyone on the Twins. Basically if there’s a guy on 2nd with 2 out and Morneau is up, he’s hitting them in. You don’t collect 130 RBI’s in garbage time (that only happens if you bat 6th for the Yankees…I could bat 6th for the Yankees and find a way to drive in 80RBI’s).

Then…*THEN* Brantley says that Torii Hunter had WAAAAY more clutch hits than Morneau this year.

(blink:blink) At this point I wanted to cry because that was, without a doubt, the dumbest thing I heard all day. Clearly Torii’s having a great September, but to say he--Torii “rally killer” Hunter--was more clutch than Justin Morneau is laughable at the lightest. If there ever was a garbage collector on the Twins, a guy who specializes in the 10-1 8th inning solo shot, Hunter is the guy.

Why do they let these people on the air? How did these people ever have a career in mlb?

-The playoff times
At first I was happy to avoid playing the Yankees because it meant going without all the annoying Yankee gushing (27 time world champs, the Yankee mystique, and hallowed Yankees stadium BS).
I believe mlb is in charge of the start times for the playoff games but I firmly believe ESPN has a huge say in how the result.

You’d think that ESPN would rotate games in primetime to make sure casual fans can see most of the playoff teams. At the very least you’d think ESPN would set a time so that the two cities involved would have a good chance of seeing their team’s games.

Twins Vs. Oakland

Tuesday 12pm (central) 10am (West)
Wednesday 12pm (central 10am (West)
Friday 3pm (central)

So lets just make the games nearly impossible for the cities of both teams involved. I think that would generate some grand ratings! Lets have two noon games in a row during the week!

Then for one of the teams involved, lets have two of the games start at TEN IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING…DURING A WEEKDAY!

ARE YOU INSANE ESPN? I know you have to*have to* have your precious Yankees on in primetime but to totally disregard the other AL series is so disrespectful and mindless of ratings that I can’t even fathom.

Not to mention that anyone on the West Coast will probably not watch this game since they’ll be at work at the time and still drinking coffee.

I’d rather the Twins and A’s play at midnight instead of 12pm. At least at 12am everyone who wants to watch the game can do so and not have to take a day off of work. I’d rather the game be on at 9pm because then at least the Oakland fans can watch their team at decent time.

-The love fest over the “subway series”
ESPN is gushing all over the thought of having a “subway series” with both New York teams in the playoffs. Why the hell ESPN would want that or hype that is beyond me because it has been proven that no one outside of New York really gives a damn about a subway series. The 2000 subway series was the worst rated World Series ever because it only involved one market. Granted it’s a big market but it’s still only one market.

Wish for New York and someone, anyone other than the other New York team because at least there’d be a good story involved.

Okay, I’m done


Aliecat said...

Gross, I can't believe you put the word "moist" in your blog title. I just threw up in my mouth a little...

The Steph said...

It's actually only at 26 World Series championships - unless you are attempting to predict the future :) GO YANKEES!

Aliecat said...

Boof, you sick fuck, don't be bringin' that trash talk to my site! Hahahahaha!