There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside
1. Craig Schelske
This man is a dumbass of epic proportion. He is, the perfect dumbass.
Schelske is the guy who committed adultery (allegedly), was an alcoholic (allegedly), and watched porn when his kids came in the room (allegedly) all of which prompted his wife to file for divorce.
His ex wife is Sara Evans.
Lets just have that soak in for one more second
This man, who had the woman with the amazing: body, singing voice, talking voice (oh how I love that southern drawl), and of course smile…and he fucked it up.
Who the hell would you rather sleep with when you have Sara Evans in your bed every night? For what purpose does one need to drink when you have that goddess to tour on the road with? Why does one even need porn when you’re married to Sara Evans and you don’t intend on watching it together?
These are the questions that I have which have momentarily put on hold my previous questions of “what comes after death?” and “will handwriting die in another 15 years?”
You were married to Sara Evans…and you pull all that crap. I just don’t get it.
I guess that’s all good because I can give her some of my good ole’ Berg charm and sweep her off her feet.
After all, I wouldn’t watch porn and allow her kids to walk in on me watching said porn.
2. Service Plans
When you buy something really, really expensive I can understand purchasing a service plan because there are duds out there. If you own something for 2 years and it breaks, it’s nice to know you have some insurance on the merchandise and you can save yourself from a headache.
There is one thing involved with the service plan, it disappears after a certain period of time. That’s right, it vanishes or it levitates and decides to burn itself or it simply just disintegrates after no time. It’s really weird but it’s ingenious. It’s like the pen ink that disappears after set time.
You could frame the service plan, have a couple neon lights flashing with arrows pointed at it, and set all the reminders in the whole damn world and somehow that service plan will disappear and turn to dust. They couldn’t just make the damn plan thingy out of whatever they made the Constitution with could they. Yeah, then it would last for 200+ years and then Best Buy would be screwed in 2206. That is, if you were to buy a 200 year service plan which I most certainly will do!
3. Euthanasia, on the first date?
Who in their right mind would even mention anything even close to the topic of euthanasia on the first date? How exactly does this topic come into come to fruition…at all?
Well, I’m asking myself this because I actually stumbled upon this topic during my mad whirlwind of talking during this particular first date.
See, here’s what I do, I talk and ramble and give anecdotes until we stumble onto a topic, story, idea, joke that sticks and then let the conversation go from there. It works! It works until you stumble on the wrong subject. Wrong subject = Extreme religion/politics, abortion, and euthanasia. These are the subjects where you wait until you know the person and THEN touch on it. You talk, yell, cry, make up, and then make wild passionate love and everything is alright. This scenario is hard in a first date unless you bought a hooker or are imagining the whole thing. Neither applied in this case.
So we drift into euthanasia and I have my cynical belief about people in vegetative states and she has the opposing view which I understand. We trade examples, suppressed shocked looks, and suppressed frowns until we mutually agreed to change the subject.
I forgot what the next subject was but I’m sure it was a hell of a lot simpler than euthanasia; it was probably boobs or baseball, subjects which are easy for me. As it turns out, we both mutually agreed to a 2nd date but good lord, Sara Evan’s probably wouldn’t put up with that crap.
I could’ve lost Sara Evans and you only get one chance at Sara Evans.
(Boof in a first date with Sara Evans)
Boof: I always thought it was interesting in Apollo 13 when Tom Hanks was thinking about, you know aborting the mission and risk not going on the moon? Do you believe in abortion at this point?
Boof slaps himself in the head: dear lord, I did it again.