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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Floggin a LIVE Horse

Hey your glass is empty
it's a hell of a long way home
why don't you let me take you
it's no good to go alone


We went, we saw, and we had fun. Superior Hiking Trail ‘06 was a major success. I’ll have pictures tomorrow.

Now on to the…

Crap List

1. The Hot Tub
I came home a day early from my camping trip to my roommate and Mr. BJ very drunk. They asked about my trip but were itching to tell me about their “big deal”.

“We got, the best mother fucking hot tub. Ever!”

And immediately I was excited. The kind of excited when you’re a little kid and you find out you’re staying at a motel with a pool. I started to have fantasies where I’m in the hot tub making out with Jennifer Love Hewitt. That’s about as exited as I got though because they kept talking.

“This thing is TOP OF THE LINE and it cleans itself!”

That’s when I remembered my old friend Claire talking about hot tubs,
“Hot tubs are nothing but seamen infested troughs.”

And that is what this particular hot tub is going to be…and it’s going to be right outside my room.

“So if you want to use the hot tub it’ll cost an extra $50 a month because it’s expensive.”
You’re asking me if I want to soak in Mr. BJ’s seamen? For fifty bucks! What a deal!

“Of course we’ll have to come up with some signals in case we’re..ah..”in the middle of something.”
Oh make it stop. Leave, just leave.
“Like you could throw me my underwear or I dunno we’ll think of something.

LA LA LA I didn’t hear that LA LA LA

Motherfucker! And I know I’ll have one of those long days where I’ll get over my fears of said hot tub and actually soak in it. I can just imagine myself sitting in there with just my head sticking out wearing this disgusted, Charlie Brown type of scowl. Of course the ordeal wouldn't be complete without a bunch of sarcasm to compliment my fear,

"Wow, I feel like I'm swimming in boiling tartar sauce. Maybe I should be wearing protection being in here."

Or

I still have the same scenario as above with the Charlie Brown scowl and then the land lord comes in the hot tub with me.

Baaaaaaah

Or

The landlord and Mr. BJ both come in the hot tub with me!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

2. Good for Nothing Workers
You tell them and tell them. “Don’t do this because….”. You tell them so many times that it becomes laughable and they nod their head because they know you’re flogging a dead horse.

But the horse isn’t dead

Because

WHY THE HELL DO THEY STILL FUCK IT UP? WHAT CAN YOU DO LESS OF DOING THE FUCKING WORK FOR THEM? I swear to god some workers are not just worthless, they’re completely worthless!

3. 2006 Minnesota Twins
Baaaaah They work so hard to take the AL Central and then they get swept right away in the playoffs. I suppose it’s better that the A’s win instead of the White Sox or Yankees but still, it sucks.
For some reason I think the A’s just had it in them though to sweep. For some reason I can picture the A’s players in the locker room trying to pump themselves up before the game when the manager walks in…carrying a shot gun.

“HEHE HAHAHA ALRIGHT, IF YOU CRUMB BUMS LOSE THIS GAME OR ANY GAME FROM NOW ON, I WILL KILL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! HAHA HEHEHEHE PLAY BALL!!!! YAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA” (cht-cht BOOOM, cht-cht BOOM!)

And that’s what makes great managing!

1 comment:

Aliecat said...

Seriously, who buys hot tubs anymore? What is this, 1989? DO NOT GO IN THAT THING! It's a case of crotch rot just waiting to happen.