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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I Hate Dating

When everything feels all over
(Let my love open the door,)
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four leaf clover
(Let my love open the door,)
Take all the worry out of your mind

The past 4-6 months I have done the most dating as I have ever done. In the last 4-6 months I have been on cloud nine a couple times, been crapped on at least once, dated two people at one time, and been freaked out on more than one occasion.

I’ve even been called a “player” by more than one person.


That’s right a player. Bwahahahhaha

Now for those that don’t know me very well I’ve never been one to date or have girlfriends or even have much of any info about the ladies. Needless to say I have learned a whole hell of a lot about these subjects in the last couple months.

Things I’ve learned

1. There are a ton of variables involved into dating
For instance: Are they having fun? What did the tone of that last comment mean? That slight roll of the eyes, that’s gotta be bad. Did I say something stupid yet? What does it mean when they lean forward and then lean back? She started out with little eye contact but now she’s locked on.
And for some reason while I’m listening to the other girl talk, I feel the need to look into the deeper things like why did she wear what she did? What does she want out of this? Is she telling the truth? What is she hiding?

And one girl I couldn’t help but notice that she looked similar to my mom. Throughout the date I was thinking of Oedipus Rex and my mind just wandered from there. I think there are studies out there that say how women are looking for their dads and guys are looking for their moms but I am in fact, not looking for my mom.
I love you mom, but no.

2. A good date doesn’t mean anything
Say you and some other person goes on a date and completely hit it off. You may imagine the feelings being mutual but the shocking thing is that they may not be. I mean I guess people can make out with people they don’t care about and still play the part. I have no idea how that happens but people just go with the flow of things.
Especially online dating, it seems as if people are always looking for that greener grass and things just end up being a continual frog leaping competition for Sara Evans or Mr. McDreamy or McRib or whoever he is.

3. I’m absolutely no good at the unknown
Mostly it’s the uncontrollable urge to control things. I’m talking about when you’re not with the date and you want to know if they’re thinking about you and if things are still cool. It’s to the point where I wish I had some sort of a infatuation monitor on my wrist and to see how things are gauging. Things can be so unbelievably good but I will still have doubts and doubts lead to me being a nervous wreak on the inside. Then I’ll get that phone call or email and everything will be right for a short period of time.
Perhaps I need a thicker skin or I need to drop something really heavy on my foot. Perhaps that’s what I need to do, break my arm or something. Hmmm (no, I’m not actually going to break my arm…I may drop something really heavy on my foot though)

4. It’s all just too much
I hate juggling all this stuff. It’s just not good for the ole’ Boofer’s head. The looks, the tells, the signs, the beers, everything is just crazy. Damn, I need a beer now.


Bitter Mistress said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aliecat said...

Oops, I commented as my alter ego there...

Like I said, I'm looking into getting a mail order husband...

Anonymous said...

Girls are stupid. Uh, I mean...boys are stupid...uh...damn.

Anonymous said...

boof.. I see the little hearts of adoration floating above your head (Read it with the tone you had when you said that same phrase to me -Smiling with hands held upward helping the hearts float up into the air.....)


Danielle said...

Who in the hell called you a player? I have known you for what....six years now and though I have never dated you, you do not come across as a player. I think someone was on crack when they made that comment. Dating is frustrating, but that is the fun of it! If it were easy everyone would meet their perfect match right away! Good Luck!!