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Monday, November 27, 2006

November Crap

Well you're just another puppet
she's not even keeping score
And the lazy way she cheats you leaves me cold


I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving weekend.

Crap List
1. Old people and technology
Example 1: My dad got a new truck and with it comes a DVD player for the people sitting in the back. I think my parents are more excited for the DVD player than the truck because they made it a point to not drive home and watch their DVD (The Lone Ranger…old).
Now this DVD player has a screen and 5 buttons. Basically one would have to work hard to complicate things more than that. Of course my parents can’t figure out the damn thing.
Example 2: I got my dad Tivo for his birthday because he’s a on-the-go type of guy and people are always bugging him when he is watching tv so I figured if he could save his programs then he’d be much happier. Now I know I had my trouble with setting Tivo up, but I know I could easily figure it out. I mean they literally have a “thumbs up” button and a “thumbs down” button for whatever shows you like or dislike.
After I set up the Tivo and let my dad play around for a week I come back to him not even touching the damn thing.
“Why haven’t you fooled around with Tivo yet, Dad?”
“Well, to tell you the truth, I just can’t figure it out. I mean how do you record?”
“Well, there’s a button that says ‘record’ on it and you press that.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy.”
“Yes dad, it is.”

Going to my aunt’s place for Thanksgiving she had Tivo and my dad expressed his frustration with her.
“For as helpful as it could be, I wish it was easier to use.”
Aunt: “It’s actually not that bad. I mean just play around with it and you’ll understand it.”

And that really made me feel good because if a fellow baby boomer can tell him that then maybe it’ll sink in a little bit.

But really, how hard is it to “fool around” and start pressing buttons to become accustomed to technology? It’s like old people are afraid there’s some secret self destruct button and they’ll end up blowing up their hands in the process. And as for the DVD player, THERE’S A BUTTON WITH A PICTURE OF A MENU, SO IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MENU, PRESS THE GOD DAMN BUTTON! The button that has the arrow usually means play or skip. The manufacturers go out of their way to make these things retard proof so don’t prove them wrong please.

2. That one McDonalds commercial
There’s a commercial where McD’s is promoting their dollar menu and it takes place in someone’s house where the easy listening hip-hop is on and all the hotties are grinding it up. Then suddenly everyone’s holding a bag of Mickey D’s and they’re eating burgers and shit while bumpin in the house (or hizzy).
It seems like something I would come up with.
Then guys are hanging out by the door bobbin their heads and chomping into a cheeseburger and having a grand ole time.
I would love to do that. I would love to go to a killer pimpin club with a huge bag of Burger King and then dance away as I eat a couple double cheeseburgers. Then the ladies will be all over me for my bag of food but I’ll be like, “No bitch, this is my bag O’ food. Go get your own” and they’d be all over me wanting my food.
That would be awesome.

3. Notre Dame football
It’s still a joke that they’re in the top ten of college football. In fact, college football is a joke in itself when it has friggen computers determining the best team. But was it any surprise that Notre Dame sucks? They had a schedule about as easy as Minnesota’s non conference schedule (with exception to Cal) and wound up 10-1 facing USC. They almost lost to Michigan St. for Chrissakes!

I’m sure that a Notre Dame team could go 3-8 and still wind up in a bowl game because their Notre freakin Dame. Brady Quinn sucks too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Amen! Watching my Dad on the internet or going through the digital cable menu is like Chinese water torture! Why can't old people figure out how to do things a little faster??