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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The C-clamp Caper

Hey fellas, have you heard the news?
You know that Annie's back in town?
It won't take long just watch and see how the fellas lay their money down.


I recently remembered one decent story from shop class back in middle school. So with out further addai (or whatever) I’m going ot dazzle you with it.

The time I pranked the teacher.

1994 shop class

Shop class for 8th grade was fabulous. It was pretty much a homeroom for 13-14 year old boys to which there were plenty of expensive tools around. Basically you take a bunch of kids that finally have some alone time from girls and they all just go nuts and want to break things and destroy things as creatively and elaborately as they can.

Teaching this class was Wayne. No one called him the traditional Mr. whoever because he was the only teacher of his kind. Wayne probably shouldn’t have been teaching because it was clear he could teach one person but not a classroom full of 30 kids. Wayne was very attentive to what he was doing but noticeably inattentive everywhere else. Needless to say you could probably murder a kid and he wouldn’t know until his broom was stuck on a blunt carcass.

The kind of stunts performed in this class were memorable. I remember when Beef purposely jammed a piece of wood in the drill press and weighed down the bit until the room was covered in smoke. I remember when someone took the nail gun and jammed a nail right through the air hose (this was as mad as I’ve seen Wayne). I also vividly remember when G stole Wayne’s grade book. I specifically remember when someone threw an actual throwing star and it was millimeters away from slicing my neck during his wind up. And of course the time when I took my friend’s shovel after he got an A on it, sanded off the A, and then gave Wayne the same shovel and got a B for it. I wanted to complain but I’m always satisfied with a B.

Anyway during homeroom this particular period me and some other kids were discussing what we could get away with in that class.
“You could probably start a bonfire in the back” one said
“nah, it wouldn’t work because the sprinklers might turn on and someone might start the fire alarm”

“hmmm how bout taking apart the drill press”

“nah, that’s too complicated”

Then the best idea came up

“What if someone sold Wayne his own tools?” And immediately we all just pensively rubbed our chins and thought about it. The pensive look turned into wide eyed smiles.
“That just might work!” I exclaimed and the idea just grew from there.

So now comes shop class and the students are literally out and about causing trouble. The C-clamps were my tool of choice because who pays attention to C-clamps? I told a friend K about this and naturally they were like,
“Dude, do it. That would be so damn awesome!”

So I had to do it now. The audience was growing and I wanted to see if I could get some money from Wayne so I went for it.

I took two C-clamps from the shelf (one was clearly marked “property of …school”) and I approached Wayne.

“Hey Wayne, my dad works at (company) and he can get tools for really cheap. Here, he got these C-clamps and I would be willing to sell them to you for two bucks each.” I didn’t actually think it was going to work and on top of all that, my friend who I told my scheme to, was telling Wayne what my plan was.
“Don’t do it, he’s scamming you! Those are your own C-clamps!” said my EX-friend K.

I thought I was foiled of my plan but Wayne pulled his wallet out and grabbed $4 out.

“nah, this is a really good deal and if he brings in more, I’m gladly going to pay him the money. Thank you so much!” I couldn’t believe it. K was as astonished as I was because Wayne just bought his own tools from me!

Word quickly spread around and I stopped my pranks because nothing was going to top me selling a teacher their own tools in class no less. Nothing.

Nowadays I really feel bad for the teacher. I feel like I took advantage of an idiot and I later found out he was down on his luck. Therefore I plan on donating four dollars to the salvation army just to make me feel better.

Thanks Wayne!

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