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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Holiday Bits

Now somewhere in the distance
I feel a strange insistence
I long to be there once again


-I had the weirdest dream the other night. I was the President and I came into work in some dump hole abandoned building where there was a secret service guy next to refrigerator. I walked up and the man opens up the fridge and says,
“Would you like something to drink Mr. President?” to which I nod and take a look inside the fridge. There wasn’t much in the fridge other than half opened juice boxes and 16 ounce containers which had varying amounts of juice.

Then I woke up. I wonder what all that is supposed to mean?

-I think the dream came from me watching a marathon of season 5 of 24. I have to take the season back to the library and I’ve already renewed it twice so it was either watch it or wait some more.
I must say though, season five was cool but a bit predictable. It’s probably because I really didn’t care for that President Logan dude.

-It’s pretty sad when I need a can of pop at home. Because of that cool mini vending machine that I have I have to sit in front of the thing (since it’s on the floor of my room), dig into the cutesy little pink pouch that holds these fake token things, place the token in the cutesy coin deal, and then select my pop (which is two selection of regular coke). It’s like I’m partaking in a kiddy tea party but luckily no one is there to watch me because I still think it’s awesome as hell. I actually get kinda giddy when the pop comes out.

-My mom makes it a point now that I make my own stuffing for important meals. I believe she thinks that I secretly hate the stuff and that I’m just trying to eat it for comedic leverage. Therefore, she makes me make a huge amount of stuffing and then gloats when there’s a ton of stuffing left because no one in my family likes it. So now I have a ton of leftover stuffing that I need to eat which isn’t a bad thing.

-I have noticed that the term “soil” is added onto phrases that are trying to emphasize effect. Like “Worst tragedy on US Soil…” or “terrible attack on US soil” or “The biggest ice cream caper on US soil since…” and it’s always to emphasize the bad things. Why don’t they use that on the good things like,
“This is the biggest hot dog ever on US soil” or
“I grew the biggest watermelon using US soil” or
“The most embarrassing moment on US soil”

I don’t know why that occurred to me but what the hell does soil have to do with anything? I keep thinking of soil horizons and B horizons and shit.

-Saturday we have our annual buddy Christmas party in which we all buy wacky gifts and then exchange them randomly. Last year I received a Hardees thick burger with a bite already taken out and I gave the Jones Soda Holiday gift pack which included turkey and gravy soda. I can’t help but remember the sight of the living room floor on the morning after: the burger thrown around the floor, bottles of Jones Soda scattered around, and torn apart diapers everywhere (someone actually bought diapers). It was a sight out of Pink Floyd’s The Wall.
This year I bought _______ and I think it’s an alright gift. I know I could’ve done better and I actually wouldn’t mind the gift but I don’t think you can go wrong with ______.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here's the thing with stuffing...it's impossible to make in small quantities. It grows. So here's the trick...

Don't cook all of it! Just cook what you want for the special meal, then take the rest home and freeze it. Then take it out and cook it in the oven at 350 when you want some with a hot dog or pizza or pie with cheese. It's all already cooked anyway (the sausage), or it's raw ingredients that won't give you salmonella, so it prob won't kill you if you screw it up. Then you can satisfy your stuffing craving whenever you want and you make your mom think you actually like it (regardless of whether you do or not) because you're eating it at home all year!

Too...much...time..spent...on...stuffing...thinking...not...enough...time...spent...eating...it!