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Thursday, December 21, 2006

I'm Gonna Get Raped

Tell what's wrong with having a little faith
In what you're feelin in your heart
And why must we be so afraid
And always so far apart

-Back in the day
Remember back in the day you would listen to the radio and hear that one awesome song. Such a song would give you chills and you would instantly have to punch everyone in the room just to get them to shut up. Such a song would be played at miscellaneous times throughout the day but you never had the chance to hear it without buying the cassette or purchasing one of those stupid cassette singles. Well those stupid cassette singles were only at places like Musicland where the damn layout was catering for 14 year old girls. Another way would be to dust off your jam box, use one of those awesome blank cassettes, and keep your fingers planted on the “record” and “play” buttons for that one song to play.

Now in the internet age, one can find any song they want with itunes or trading or myspace so basically blank tapes are not around anymore.

I actually found myself in a 1992 situation of wanting, needing a certain song but having no opportunity to download it. The song was dangled in front of me back in June and now I wanted/needed this song. Through my extensive research the only way to acquire this song was to purchase this UK import of an album that I already have which cost about $20. After debating it for months, I decided to buy the fucking import and now I have that song on a continuous loop.

If only I had a jambox….and a blank tape…and if they played this particular song on the radio.

-I finally figured out what to get my roommate for Christmas. My 45 year old female roommate was rubbing it in that she already bought my gift and that she was wondering where hers was. After thinking, debating, and pondering the question I finally settled on the Final Episode of Will and Grace and National Lampoons Christmas Vacation for her gift. I was going to get her the 5th season of Will and Grace but that was about $40 and I wasn’t going to spend $40 on her gift.
I figured that the Will and Grace deal would be something she would probably like. As for the Christmas Vacation I figured that everyone and their mother loves that movie because I mean, who doesn’t? I’m sure Osama Bin Laden is in a cave somewhere laughing his ass off and watching that movie.
“Bwahahahhahahah he kicked baby Jesus! Praise be to Allah!”

-I also found out that I may get raped tonight too. Basically I wrapped up the gift and bj guy and the roommate were talking about how we’re going to go out and celebrate. Ugh fucking great.
They also said how they’re probably going to need a taxi to take us all home. Ugh now I gotta get plastered with them.
So I figure this is going to happen, they buy me drinks, they get me really really drunk, then they take me to my room and bj guy bites off my scrotum and does so with,
“HA! How do you like it!”

-I wonder how Carmelo Anthony is going to try to regain some street cred. I wonder if he’ll try to beat the crap out of some suburban Denver yuppie or a bridge operator or something.

1 comment:

Aliecat said...

Yay for male rape! Just kidding...