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Friday, June 30, 2006

Wiggle, Jiggle, and Jam--Bits?

I've come up with riddles and jokes about war.
I figured out numbers and what they're for.
I've understood feelings and I've understood words but how could you be taken away?

- “So when are you going on days?”
Everyone and their Mothers have been asking me this and the truth is, it’s soon. The thing that really bugs me is that everyone knows more than I do because after they ask that question, they’ll follow with what they know. Then all the heresy is complete rumors and stuff that you need to take with a grain of salt. I mean they already hired the guy who’s supposed to take over and I met him today.

Then at our meeting today they even announced that so-and-so is the guy replacing me which made me stand up and clap. After giving my standing ovation I was then told by my boss who then said,
“Yeah Tom will be going on days but first he’ll be training (so and so) in for about a year on nights.” which was probably the most effective sarcasm that I have ever felt.
I wanted to break his face.

-After going to a Pearl Jam concert the thing to do is to go out and order the bootleg since they’re known for producing nice and fancy bootlegs. In years past I’ve had to go online and “check the box” for the concert and then wait about a month for the cd to arrive in the mail. The whole thing cost about $20 which isn’t bad for a double live album.

This year they’ve done without cd’s and have gone the internet route. They have a program to download where you can order the concert for $10 for the mp3 or $15 for the flac (the new generation vinyl for computers). The whole process is completely online like ordering a song through itunes. I got the entire 2 shows in under 15 minutes. I was a little blown away by the whole thing.

I already have the boot from the past couple nights in fact. Not only that but it comes with the artwork intended for the disc’s, front, and back of the cd case for which you gotta provide. It also comes with a bunch of digital pictures which makes for a pretty phat package of stuff.

-The Twins actually gained a half a game yesterday when the White Sox actually lost a game. Now they only have….ugh, too many games to go to make the playoffs .

-Last Saturday night K and I went to see “The Lake House” which though it’s a chick flic, and it does have mr. “woah” in the movie, it’s really not that bad. It even has a gaping huge plot hole (like ‘pink elephant hanging around in your living room watching matlock’ huge) and Reeves says some incredibly stupid things like,
“I need to go there to find my woman of the future.” or something like that. It sounds like something out of a bad sci-fi flick.

Even after all that complete crap, it’s not really that bad. It does have it’s moments and the ending even had me “duped” which I almost feel ashamed about. Still, I’m sure it’s better than Garfield 2 (why the hell would they make a second one?)

-The huge rip off called the Taste of Minnesota is this weekend and there’s going to be a free concerts by Alice Cooper, Los Lonely boys, Soul Asylum, Davy Jones from the Monkees, and David Cassidy. Despite all of those bands, Steph still wants to see “Wiggle, Jiggle, and Jam” from the Disney stage.

Whatever Steph, that sounds dumb! hahaha

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Brokeback Mountain Review

With your empty smile
And your hungry heart.
Feel the bile rising from your guilty past.

I rent movies all the time. I mostly rent movies because they give me a reason to go back to the community center --community center and library are in the same building-- to work out because if I skip a day, then the movie I rented would be late. So while I was flipping through the movies I noticed they had Brokeback Mountain, the movie about gay cowboys.

I figured it might be worth a look since it nearly won Best Picture of 2005. Before I get into my review I just want to give my opinion on the “gay” topic and everything.

Homosexuals don’t bother me at all. I don’t care if they hold hands, sit on each other’s laps, and I certainly don’t care if they love each other and decide to get married (or civil union or whatever). In fact if I was sitting at bench at a park and there were a gay couple holding hands and then an ugly hetero couple doing the same thing. I would probably be more repulsed by the ugly couple.

If Nick Van Exel and Star Jones (or Sarah Jessica Parker and Bill Walton--or you can mix and match however you like) decided that they completed each other I wouldn’t have a problem with it but I may make a face that mirrors my reaction during 7th grade health class watching “The Miracle of Birth”. I don’t think they should legislate against that though. I mean the thought of Exel spooning Jones is nasty but if they love each other, I really don’t care. I mean I’m not gay but I’m not willing to take away rights of those who are just because I don’t understand it.

As for Brokeback Mountain, I’m certainly glad this didn’t win best picture because it was nowhere near “Best Picture” material. The love story between the two cowboys wasn’t all that good. In fact I’m a little pissed at it. I mean if you’re going to make a movie about a gay couple, don’t have them act like complete pussies and worry through the whole movie. Maybe give them a moment where they collectively shout out,
“Fuck this, I’m gay!” to the people of Townsville. Then the guys would get together and exchange glances as the townspeople hang them in front of city hall. I think that would be a better ending than this.

Throughout the whole movie we have to watch how these two cowboys struggle with their gayness and it just drags on and on.

For me the best part of this movie was the setting. It takes place in the Wyoming and for those who haven’t been there, Wyoming and the surrounding area is breathtaking. They also did a great job in containing the wide blue sky in most of the movie.

Also, Anne Hathaway is very good in this movie which brings me to my main barb in this movie. With all the press and all the reviews of this movie, why wasn’t I informed that Anne Hathaway is topless in this movie? I mean all I ever heard was the homosexual cowboys and how controversial it is and blah blah blah, but no one ever mentions Anne Hathaway topless. No one! Also I thought it was interesting that Hathaway gets progressively uglier as the movie goes on. I didn’t think that was possible.

Overall the movie is slow and I didn't find anything too special in this movie.

Basically, don’t rent this crap.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Petty/Pearl Jam part 2

Well I’ve got arms (and I’ve got arms)
Lets get together and use those arms

Lets go…..
Time’s a waistin’


Night 2 was ingoddamncredible! Whatever the hell I was bitching about yesterday is already forgotten because this, night 2, was actually worth the $100 and then some.


The guys indeed had everything cranked up to “11”.


Pearl Jam played an almost completely different and fantastic set with “Hail Hail”, “Not for You”, and “Glorified G” to say the least. The crowd was completely into it.


Then came “Black” and Black was one of the best moments I have seen in all the PJ shows I have attended. This number alone was worth the price of admission. PJ ended their set with Alive which also sent chills down most everyone’s spine.


Tom Petty changed things around a little and he was still as good as the night before.


This was a damn good concert!





Petty/Pearl Jam part 1

Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out, for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there


When I bought my tickets for the Pearl Jam/ Tom Petty shows they labeled it as a double bill in that both acts would play the same amount of time. What the real deal was, Pearl Jam was just the warm up act for Tom Petty.

Had I known that before the concert I would’ve been thoroughly pissed. I believe the sentence,
“I paid $100 for a fucking warm up band?” come to mind.

After seeing the show, I’m almost glad PJ was the warm up act because Tom Petty was awesome and blew me away.

Now I don’t have anything against Tom Petty because I totally respect him as a musician. I have his greatest hits album and I thought that “The Last DJ” was very good if anything for it’s backlash against the radio station conglomerates. For this show, however, I was there for Pearl Jam because I’m a fan. I bleed Pearl Jam (yuck).

So Pearl Jam come on stage at 7:30 and played a 90minute set of typical stuff off of Ten and a bunch of songs from their new album. Nothing was really that memorable and there weren’t too many of their jams which made for a mediocre show. Perhaps they were just playing their part as a warm up band or it just happened to be the set they were performing but nothing really stuck out of PJ’s time on stage except when Eddie Vedder fell down during “Alive”. I was hoping for some deeper tracks like “No Way” or “

Tom Petty came on at 9:45 and I was left with my arms crossed and kinda irritated that PJ only had 90 minutes and I felt a little “duped”. Tom Petty then performed two hours of his greatest hits and it was fantastic! Learning to Fly was intimate, Refugee was electric, and American Girl was sung with Eddie Vedder and that was a special moment.

Basically Tom Petty’s set made me forget all about Pearl Jam’s performance which is very surprising.

Needless to say, I can’t WAIT for round 2 tonight.

Here's a clip of Pearl Jam playing Jeremy from last night.

Monday, June 26, 2006

More Twins Crap

Oh lie
I thought you were golden
I thought you were wise
Caught you returning
To the house you caught fire


-No progress
Back in 1991 the Twins won 15 games in a row which gave them the confidence to make the playoffs and eventually win the world series. The Twins started that winning streak being an everday, average team in the AL West and eventually moved to the top of their division.
Basically it was good times.
Recently the Twins have had a similar streak,--a streak that happens to a team once ever couple years where the pitching is air tight, where everything is hit in the clutch, and all the throws are on the money. It’s the baseball equivalent of the Midas Touch.

After winning 14 of 16 games you’d think the Twins would be screaming their way up the standings. I mean you have to right? They haven’t because the last week in a half I would go through this motion,

Check twins score
“Oh cool, they won again. Hopefully the Tigers lost.”
Checking Tigers score
“Faaaak, they won again!
Checking the White Sox score--a score which they were losing 5-2
“Son of a…! They came from behind to win their game too!”

Since the Twins have had their excellent run the Tigers --division leading Tigers-- are also 14 of 16 and the White Sox have even gone 16-4 over their last 20 games.

Basically whatever kool-aid the Twins have been drinking the Tigers and White Sox have been drinking the exact same thing.

The worst part is they’ve been winning against decent teams too. St. Louis (2nd best team in the national league) came to Chicago and…the Sox swept them. The Sox then tossed those Cardinals towards the Tigers who then torched the Cards for three more wins.

And then a 9-2 lead against the sox isn’t quite enough for the Astros!

Twins have barely gained a game on these two teams as a result of all the damn kool-aid drinking.

-Minute Maid Park
So if you were to sneeze at home plate at Minute Maid park you’d probably hit your head on the left field fence because it is so rediculously close to the plate. The dimensions of this silly place are a complete joke and should never ever ever ever ever ever ever be copied for the sake of this beautiful game.
When I heard this quote from shooter's column,
“What the Twins don't want is a stadium comparable to those in home run-friendly Houston, Cincinnati and Philadelphia.
"We don't want a band-box park," St. Peter said.”


PRAISE THE LORD!!! I felt the need to contribute all $20 in my pocket to the Make A Wish Foundation. If they were to build a bathtub stadium I would vomit like no one has ever vomited before.

-lab managers
At work I’m in the midst of lining things up for a air quality maintenance of certain buildings. I need to fill out this “Shut Down Notice” so that all building occupants are aware that something will be turned off whether it’s: water, HVAC, bathrooms, ect.

I fill out one shut down notice all these lab managers think they know all about HVAC units.

These lab people may be incredibly gifted at looking at the chromosomes of a frog and then turning around and using those same chromosomes to make a car or something, but they have not a damn clue when it comes to construction and maintenance.

Phone rings
Lab manager: So are you really going to be turning off the ventilation to our building everyday for 3 weeks?
Boof: For one thing we’re not “turning off” the ventilation. We’re going to be affecting the ventilation to the building
LM: Well, is there any way to do this some other time?
Boof: ah no, this is the only time we can do this.
LM: Well, wont we suffocate without ventilation?
Boof: *sigh* no-sir you wont even notice a difference.
LM: Well I’m a pretty big lab manager here and I work until 6pm a lot of nights. I work hard for my family and own a Dodge Stratus and I think this could affect…

Blah blah blah…It’s those kind of conversations that I somewhat enjoy because it’s painfully obvious that the guy doesn’t get the respect he would like at home or in the office and as a result he wants to lecture me at my job. It's not like I grill him about making cars out of chromosomes or anything.

Tom Petty and Pearl Jam for the next few days so I may or may not be around.

Friday, June 23, 2006

More Video Game Baseball

Were gonna cause talk and suspicion;
Were gonna give an exhibition.

Were gonna find out what it is all about.

After midnight, were gonna let it all hang down



Liriano is king!
That’s all I can say.


Since he’s been a starter,

44IP, 24 H, 8ER, 42K’s


And is 5-1...Not bad for a rookie.

Now why the hell didn’t they start him in April?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A Couple Bits

How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time


-So my future landlord has already shown me a pretty wild mood swing, a wacky and weird sense of humor, and she’s already “drunk dialed” me and I’m weeks away from moving in. Last week I get this call--out of the blue-- from a really happy landlord and she’s rambling and laughing and telling me stuff that I really don’t care about. It was actually a pretty entertaining conversation on my end.

The next day I get this message,
“Hey Tom, apparently I called you last night and I have no idea what I said. I’m really embarrassed and freaked out. I just want to apologize for whatever I said. I’m kinda embarrassed.”

Now I’m a pretty tolerant roommate. I’ve had to deal with lazy asses who sit all day on the couch, ones who make the entire room smell like an ashtray, ones who decide to fit 4x8’ table in a dorm room that’s about 6x10 while you’re away on vacation, and others who wake up at midnight thinking it’s 6am (classic moment in H roommate history). I have never had a roommate this…unusual (for lack of a better term).

-I’m in the midst of a pretty big transition period. I’m moving in a couple weeks, work is about to change significantly in regards to shifts, and I feel like I’m on drugs. Perhaps it’s been the recent string of great days or my anticipation for my “transition period” (or my period, if you will hahaha) but lately I have the benefits of being drunk without the bad things associated with it.

For one thing, I’ve been really talkative lately. I can usually handle conversations nicely but lately I’ve been chatting it up with everyone. If there was someone that I knew from the past going grocery shopping or something I would try like hell to avoid them just to save myself from the tiring “so, what are you up to” conversations. Now I go out of my way to talk to these people.

Even the upcoming family reunion is something I’m kinda/sorta looking forward to and that’s always been a pain in the ass.

I’m thinking I should buy a hammock or something.

-The big story around the cities is how a couple boys tortured the crap out of a puppy. Everyone has been talking about this, including sugar tits. The radio shows have this as one of their top stories, anchors are playing the “mourning music”, and people are probably crying.
Out of the three boys, two were 6 years old while the other was 8.
While it is cruel, shocking, gross, unethical, and gives these kids bad karma I just don’t see how this is news.

As a rule of thumb, 4-8 year old boys are completely screwed up (at least me, my brother, and the kids we hung out with were). They are pretty much just a little smarter than dogs but not by much. They'll still crap in your yard if you'll let them!

I guarantee if you take a gang of 6 year old boys and have them roam wild around the neighborhood, shits gonna happen. One could leave a 6 year old for 5 minutes in the back yard and a fire will start somehow, someway, and somewhere. If there’s an animal around, all bets are off, especially with a group of kids. It all has to do with the puppy dog tails and snails deal because little boys are completely crazy. None know any better and none have the ability to care.

Hell, 13 year old boys are crazy. I remember we had school mates that put bleach in thier mini water guns and sprayed people!

Boys do varying degrees of stupid things because they simply don’t know better. Take it from me, when I was 7, I was forced to play soccer and one time I urinated on the field in protest because the coach wouldn’t put in a sub for me. It was shocking, gross, unethical, and enough for the other parents to look at my mom like ’spank this kid right now’. There was about 30 people looking in horror as I was doing my little pee-pee sway out in the field.

To me the story about these kids doing stupid crap to a puppy is no different than a headline like,
7 year old kid urinates on soccer field, scores a goal"

-Kyle Lohse has to go.

RIGHT NOW!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Cowbell Time!

Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out, for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there


Twins are on fire. YEAHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!

They’ve won 8 in a row and there’s nothing that can bring them down. Last night, even with Radke giving up the 3 run homer to Lance Berkman, the Twins still came out with the win. Even after Joe Nathan gave up that game tying homer in the bottom of the ninth the Twins still countered with a Justin Morneau homer to take back the lead in extra innings.

And it all started when the Twins dumped Tony Fatass and traded Juan Castro. Ugh just the thought of those two in the lineup every night makes me want to spontaneously throw up all over.

Their replacements haven’t been doing too bad either.

Nick Punto (of all players) has been playing some decent 3rd base. The guy has more range than Fatass (who has as much range as a chair) and lately he’s been doing some little things that keeps the innings going.

Jason Bartlett (who should’ve been the damn short stop from day one) has only batted 10 for 26 and is hitting at a .455 clip which a bit of a difference than .230 batting Castro. Why the hell Gardenhire has kept this guy in AAA is beyond me.

Now our lineup from 1-7 looks really damn good.

Castillo: is always good at getting on base
Punto: not a bad 2 hitter but I’d rather have Bartlett here
Mauer: .378
Cuddyer: has shown very good power this year and his arm in right field is awesome!
Morneau: Justin Morneau will likely hit over 30 homers this year! He’s also in the top 5 for RBI’s in the league.
Hunter: meh…
Kubel: has like 4 homers in the last ten days. He’s solidified the left field position
Bartlett: has shown that he can get on base regularly.

Then all that’s left is a DH which is actually the weakest part of the order. I hope to god that when Shannon Stewart comes back that he’s the new DH instead of the left fielder again. Stewart sucks in left field! I think I have a better arm than that guy.

Then, THEN the pitching has come around.

Thursday Francisco Liriano will be facing against Roger Clemens. ESPN is horny as hell over Clemens 2006 debut and Liriano could take them by surprise. Liriano could be the 2nd best left hander in baseball. You know a guy is good when in his last 36 innings (as a starter) he gives up 20 HITS! That’s just phenomenal stuff--it’s video game baseball. Not a bad throw away pick ay Hannes?

And the biggest thing, the Twins are now 35-34, over .500. I never thought they had enough to make it to .500 especially this early but that’s what a nine game winning streak does.

So the Twins should be making some huge ground in the central eh? Nope, I think in their nine game winning streak the twins have gained like one game on Detroit. When the Twins decided to have their hot streak, Detroit AND Chicago are having theirs.
Dammit!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

World Cup Fever

All alone we go on day after day
All alone we suffer
Oh, steal your heart away

My schedule of my weekend.

Saturday
9am wake up and get ready to go to the bar
10:30 arrive at The Local (Minneapolis Irish pub) to watch soccer with H and company.
4:30pm leave the pub and head for home
5:00pm take a nap
7pm head over to “Star Central” to watch MiniKiss, four midgets (or is it little people?) who are dressed in make up and perform the music by KISS. It was interesting to say the least.

Sunday
7am: wake up and get ready to go to the pub again
8am: watching soccer at the pub
Noon: St. Croix Father’s Day cruise.

Rest of the afternoon: sleep.

So yeah I woke up and went to the pub early on both days and I loved every second of it. Me, the person who drinks about two beers in a week, having beer at 8am because Bass pints were $3-how could you go wrong?

Like I said yesterday, I really do have World Cup fever. I never thought I would ever wake up early to watch soccer, ever. Sure enough the last three days I have done so and I can barely break away from it.

On Saturday we were watching Ghana Vs. Czech Republic and there were actually two Gyans (Ghananites? Ghananans? San Diegons?) guys there and after the first goal by Ghana, they--and a dozen other people in the pub--were bouncing off the walls. The place at 11am erupted into cheers and yells from everywhere inside. It was starting to get fun.

Then as the game progressed people started filing in for the US/Italy game coming up at 1pm (I think). At game time there was barely any room to stand around as the place was packed wall to wall. People in the pub were starting chants (just like the other countries) and the scene was electric. There were even a couple Italians in the crowd who were jeered whenever they came walking by. When the US (actually the Italians) scored their first goal the place almost lit fire with all the excitement from within.
It was one of the best environments I have ever been in.

We liked it so much that we went the next morning at 8am and yes the bar was open at that time. For the early game they had Croatia Vs. Japan and there were a couple Croats(?) there cheering their team on. The match ended 0-0 but it was still a good time.

The next match was Brazil Vs. Australia and the place had a pretty big Brazil contingent. Everyone was wearing Ronadinho jerseys and green and yellow. I couldn’t stay for the entire deal but I wish I could’ve.

Thursday the US will play Ghana in a match where the winner may qualify for the second round. I’m gonna try to go to the pub for this too. It’s too great of an experience to pass up. Even if it’s during rush hour.

World Cup fever--CATCH IT!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Father's Day Crap

I want a a love that's on the square
Can't seem to find somebody
Someone to care
And I'm all alone on a road that leads to no where
I need a Sunday kind of love


Let’s just say I have World Cup fever. I honestly do.

Crap List


1. Father’s Day

Actually after seeing about 15minutes of the US Open you’d think it was Tiger Wood’s Father’s Day with basically everything involved with that event. Firstly, one could basically pencil in Tiger as the 2006 US Open champion with the coverage of ESPN and the media. It seemed as if the general consensus was that Tiger was going to win the event by going 127 under par by the time he finishes on Sunday. It was as if he was going to ‘strike down upon thee’ because the event was going to end on Father’s Day and his dad died…and his dad is the only dad to have ever died…ever in the history of mankind.
Then there’s that Nike commercial which is basically showing old family clips of Tiger and his dad through the years. It truly was Earl Wood’s Day!

Now I sympathize with Mr. Woods about his dad. I really do. It’s gotta be tough when one losses their father, but when I want to watch golf, I don’t want it to be a huge funeral. Some of the radio programs and tv programs I saw almost made it feel like a funeral.

It was a lot like when Brett Favre’s dad died. You’d have thought that Wisconsin and the NFL world was on it’s knees when the news broke. Yet when Trent Green’s dad or anyone else’s dad passes we get a blurb like,
Trent Green is Probable for Sunday’s game. Missed Thursday’s practice due to the death of his dad.


And that’s about it. My point is, I hate it when the media picks fathers that we should care about and then we should grieve with family in that process? Sucks but that’s life. Death is an important step of the life cycle!

Why don’t we ever see anything about Derek Jeter’s dad?
Why don’t we ever hear anything about Vladdy’s dad?

2. Passwords

So at work I have passwords,
One to get into my computer, to get into the program I need, to get into my work email, one for the program where I can see plans, another to log on to training, and another to insert my hours.

Then there’s my regular email, gmail account, blogger, my bank accounts, 401(k), mlb.tv, radio, and numerous other websites that all take passwords.

I feel very proud to say that I could tell you all passwords to all those areas. I know all that stuff and it’s in my head. It’s tough though, some are simple passwords, some require letters and numbers, some need eight characters, and others need to be the “smart” passwords which include letters, numbers and one of these: !@#$%^&*() signs.

I can barely tolerate the “smart” passwords enough to shake my head a little bit and take an extra ten seconds to type in that ridiculously long and obscure password. I can do it but it will take about twelve hours off my life just to get the energy to remember such a ridiculous password. God herself could not possibly sit on my computer and haphazardly guess this password!

So then two weeks later I get this message,

Password is outdated, please change your “smart” password

Jesus
So now I’m completely fucked. My cup runeth over and now there’s crap everywhere. I’ll change it but there’s no way in hell I will remember this new insane password.

No way.

Now I’m about ready to call up IT,

IT: Hello IT, how can we help you?
Boof: yeah,…What the fuck is wrong with you guys? (hang up)

So you basically need to write it down--oh but you can’t ever write down your password because then one can steal it. AAARRRGHHH!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

An Intervention...

Dear Orbitron,

This is an intervention.

First, we want to say that we love you.

This is nothing personal, but we feel that we need to take this step before you can further develop your relationships with those you care about. We can't understand 97.3% of what you say when you don't write it down. And we feel that it's impacting our ability to effectively and efficiently communicate and share our lives with you.

We believe that your cell phone, although it looks like it comes from the 22nd century, contains electronics from the first Texas Instruments calculator. At times, it sounds as though you have wrapped a crumpled up brown paper bag around your phone and dunked your head in a bucket of water while bobbing for apples. Other times, you call us when the New York Symphany Orchestra and the Boston Pops have lined up next to each for the big finale during the 4th of July fireworks display at a NASCAR race.

Please spit the marshmallows out or gulp them down before talking. This is not a campfire. It’s a conversation. And you can't ignore the reality of a conversation about the inevitable Tigers breakdown in July by thinking that an unclear connection will lead us to forget about it. No, Orbitron, we remember. And we will still laugh. Even if we can't hear your response.

Now clean up that venti light java chip frappachino no whip double-blended that just got spewed, and just talk to us.


And also, don't cry WHEN THE TWINS TAKE OVER THE CENTRAL!!!!!


Friday, June 16, 2006

A Prairie Home Companion Review

You're gone, the trees are so quiet
When your hand was in my pocket
How they swayed from side to side
Now the meddling sky and my snowy eye
Sees a different night


So with all the movies with settings in Minnesota you’d think that we’re all aliens with the fascination with the cold, the hockey, and “yoooooooo betcha”. We kinda are alien in that we completely “get off” whenever someone says anything kind about Minnesota or especially where you’re from.

If someone should say anything the least bit bad then we just kind of blow it off and walk away mumbling,
“I will kill yooou in yooour sleep yooou god damn pretentious motherfaaaaker. I will ice the crap out of yooour sonofabatch stooooopid asss car. Faaaak yooou and yooour damn tanned face!”


So when a movie by “one of us” decides to make a movie I want to be a little biased no matter what it’s about. Throwing my biased opinion out the window, my feeling on A Prairie Home Companion is that it’s the greatest movie in the whole history of the world…and other worlds.

Actually it’s not. Actually I’m a little conflicted on the movie despite it being set in the Fitzgerald Theatre in St. Paul.

For one I hate musicals but I love old school radio.
I love St. Paul but Garrison Keillor is from Anoka and he doesn’t talk like “one of us”.

Well, I actually thought it was a decent movie. Like I said before, I’ve never listened to the show but if this movie is any similarity to the radio show, it’s kind of nice. I picture myself sitting on a porch at sun down with Keillor’s crazy accent-thing singing about buttermilk flour and songs about duct tape.

In this movie, some Texas tycoon buys out the show and plans on destroying the theatre. It has a bit of a Norm Green moving-the-north-stars-to-Dallas type of feel but has a warm feeling to it (as opposed to egging the hell out of Norm Green’s house). It’s the last show with 40 years of shows under their belt and everyone feels the need to air their dirty laundry and find some closure to the outdated radio show.

It definitely has a certain calming quality about the music and the dialogue between the characters. In one scene a man actually dies and instead of widespread panic, there’s a bit of a “oh that’s such a shame” type of mentality to the death. It also has a great feel of the theatre and what happens off stage. On one area there’s Meryl Streep’s character talking to Lily Tomlin about the old times living in Wisconsin. I can’t remember what they were talking about but I’m sure it had something to do with drinking beer and watching the Packers lose, but it actually resembles the stuff that aunts say.

Then the there’s two cowboys who come from the range in Worthington or Alexandria or something and they are the funniest characters in the movie. They play a song called “bad jokes, we love ‘em” and the jokes are pretty good. They’re too risqué for public radio and old guys hanging out on their porch but that’s where part of the humor comes in. I slapped my knees on more than one occasion during this number.

Basically this movie is worth the matinee price but not $9 and it’s certainly a change from stupid explosions and bad dialogue.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Bada-Bits

And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you


-Tuesday nights Twins game was so damn good y’all should simply go blind right now in case you missed it. It truly was great in almost every aspect: great *great* pitching, good fielding, runners thrown out on the bases, and a grand slam in extra innings by a rookie to top things off. Did I mention that it was a great pitching performance? Let’s just say that Santana struck out 7 of the first nine hitters he faced and his change up was bug bunny-like.

-Then there’s the grand slams the Twins are hitting. Cuddyer has 2 in the last ten days, Morneau has 2 more, and Kubel had one last night. Basically we’ve had one hit almost every night in the past week or so. Amazing! Now it’s my turn! I wanna face Jesse Crain.

-THEN, the Twins told Tony Batista to find the key to the batter’s box while the Twins drove off. Finally, we don’t have that fatass playing 3rd and they realize that Sugar Tits playing 3rd is basically better than Tony Fatass.

-THEN, they FINALLY called up Jason Bartlett (an actual SS) who has been in the minors batting over .300 while the twins shove the .200 hitting (and 3 times more expensive) Castro in that position. Good lord playing “the right way” sure has it’s share of bullheadedness.

-Enough with the Twins,
With the final episode of The Sopranos not being shown until the Twins ballpark opens I’ve been hooked on another show which has already been cancelled. The show is called “Dead Like Me” and it’s about grim reapers in a modernized sense. These main characters don’t roam around in black cloaks or anything, but they actually take the form of complete strangers (to the public) and they’re in charge of taking out the souls of the soon-to-be dead. It’s not as complicated as that just sounded, but it’s really god damn interesting.

Also the main character of George (it’s a woman) is fascinating. She has this great voice that sounds like she just rolled out of bed but yet she has this weird voice fluctuating thing that is very unique. Basically she doesn’t do voice-overs like a professional but more realistic to true life. She also visits her old house where her sister is struggling with George’s death.

It’s really good. It has a real Quantum Leap quality about it.

-I’ve actually be watching the World Cup when I can. I’ve usually held the notion that soccer sucks and I don’t want to have anything to do with it, but I love worldly competitions so I need to watch. I don’t know how to evaluate talent when it comes to soccer-football but I do know that Brazil can do some crazy shit with the ball.

My prediction is that the US wins it all. Bwahahahhaha I keed, I keed.

-Yesterday I woke up early to go to the gym. I immediately gather all the stuff I need (shoes, socks, shorts, ect) and made my way. Once I got to my car, I forgot my water, so I went back to my room to get it.
I then drove over to the community center and found out that I forgot my Ipod. There’s no way in hell I’m running to the sound of the wind, so I had to drive back to my apartment and fetch it.

I came back to the community center, opened my bag and began putting on my gym stuff…
UNTIL I REALIZED I FORGOT ONE OF MY DAMN RUNNING SHOES!!!!!

Just one of those days I suppose, so I went to get a new remote for my tv.

-Comcast must make really POS remotes because this was the 3rd remote I’ve had in a span of 15 months. It’s also easy as hell to get a new one.

Lady: Can I help you?
Boof: yeah I need a new remote.

Lady then snatches my old remote and throws it in a huge bin full of broken remotes and gives me a new one from this equally huge bin filled with new remotes.

No questions asked, she just gave me a new remote.

Those things must be made of unflavored fortune cookies or something.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Ogling

I pledge my grievance to the flag.
Cause you don't give blood then take it back again.
Oh we're all deserving something more.

Phone call on Friday,

T: So you’re going to The Rodeo with us tonight right?

Boof: The rodeo? Uhhh I don’t know

T: yeah aawwwww come on! It’s soooooo fun.

Boof: hmmmm

So I thought, maybe it would be worth taking a night and seeing what a country bar is like. It could be interesting if they played some Willy Nelson or Merle Haggard and if there was a mechanical bull. Oh and then there’s the hot ass cowgirls and their ass pants and…oh, cowgirls riding mechanical bulls...slowly.

So yeah I ended up heading to The Rodeo in Cottage Grove except it’s now called “The Rush”. No big deal, there’s tons of pick-up trucks in the parking lot so it must still be a country western style bar.

Not really. The bar was a club and at this club they played the typical stuff that I cannot stand. Me and my friends (or “my crew”) bought some drinks and found T, L, and company which are all female.

Like I said, we couldn’t stand the music but the people watching was great. We actually saw “dance offs”, the thing where 7 guys get into a circle and take turns doing hand stands and spinning, and then there were the dirty sluts.

Which leads to the source of the entry…

So like I said, we’re in the corner mostly gawking at women when this incredibly hot and equally slutty girl comes out and starts dancing.

Me and Raymond are watching and conversing,

Raymond: Wow.

Boof: Yeah. Wow.

So slutty starts dancing and we’re still people watching and keeping and eye on slutty. Slutty then stands on this corner stage right in front of us (pretty much over us) and starts dancing.

T-Bone: yeah so basically I went over and--

Raymond: uh T-bone…

T-Bone: --and I told him to shove the stupid watermelon--

Boof: whoah, T-Bone, uh T-Bone

T-Bone: --and we--woah

And there we were, jaws dropped, 4 of the 5 senses completely useless, and watching this slut doing these Shakira type ass moves in this ultra short skirt right above us. We were pretty much zombies.

Any guy that walked around our area was soon 'a pepper' too as their vision locked on this ass going to the side and rocking back and forth. We all were under the spell of a slut with a hot ass.

My female friend T then came up to me,

T: My god, that woman has no self esteem. What a whore.

Boof still staring: yeah, uh… yeah.

Because it was true, she didn’t have any self esteem. After all, “I have no self esteem” was even tattooed on her ass…along with the rest of the bible.

We were simply trying to read the bible…

My excuse is that I’m a full fledged ‘assman’ so I’m just playing my role in society.

Little did us guys know (or were aware of) Slutty’s friend was standing right there looking at all the cattle staring at her friend. Friend then gives slutty some money trying to provoke the rest of us to give slutty some money.

Is she actually asking for money for such blatant whoring around?

She was and that’s when T and L and their friends basically wanted to cause a throw down. I’ve never seen them so vindictive and pissed off. It was very…interesting.

So I’m trying to look at the situation through the eyes of a woman so bare with me.

So the scene is about a dozen guys in a trance looking at a slut dancing around above them.

1. T and company could be jealous: I kind of doubt this because I don’t think anyone they were interested in was watching this slut.

2. It’s just rude. That could be it because it may be considered rude for a slut to shake her as in front of them. Could be.

3. It’s just plain old cheap: This could be because T and L could just of easily done the same stuff (wearing the short skirt, ass dancing in front of guys, and getting oogled) and got the same reaction but they actually wanted to find guys the conventional way with dancing (getting caught in the middle of a ‘manwich’) or getting a dude to buy them a beer. At least then they can get to know the guy before playing the “ass card”.

I suppose that would be a bit frustrating because basically us guys were nothing more than cattle looking at this rapidly shaking ass (and reading the bible too) and based on the way we are, we cant help the ogling.

Hmmm or maybe it’s something else. Maybe there was a memo sent out to women to not dress all slutty and go “the full nine” and Slutty forgot to read said memo.

Hmmm any thoughts?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Holy Crap

Under my thumb
Her eyes are just kept to herself
Under my thumb, well I
I can still look at someone else


Crap List

1. Southern hockey

For some reason I firmly believe any team that plays hockey below the mason/Dixon line should completely be terrible at hockey. I also want to believe that the more north you travel, the better the hockey team should be. Therefore I have this vision of a dozen really bored guy in Nunavut who all they do is play hockey and play it better than anyone can dream of.
On this team there’s probably a couple forwards that are fast as hell, can pass better than anyone, and can handle the stick as if they were a damn tree. Defensemen who pound the hell out of opponents who have killer shots and are accurate as hell. Finally a goalie that is fat as hell and can out perform a brick wall in the net.

So when, say Tampa Bay plays Calgary in the Stanley cup I picture a very good hockey team playing a bunch of old people, Cuban transplants, and other latinos with crazy ass hockey jerseys who’ve never seen ice before and wearing skates for the first time. I can’t seem to accept Tampa Bay winning anything when it comes to winter sports. I cannot accept that. At all.

But Carolina? In hockey? Where Nascar and basketball are king? It just doesn’t seem right. It would be like a French baseball team winning over the US in baseball.

Basically if any Stanley Cup comes down to a Canadian team and a southern team, it should go to the Canadian team without even playing. I can’t stomach the thought of any more southern hockey teams winning in hockey. I know that is incredibly geographicist (if there is such a thing) but that’s crap.

2. A day of catch

So I go and toss a baseball with a dude who can throw harder than anyone I have ever played catch with. What’s worse is he can do all sorts of crazy shit with the baseball that makes it go all bugs bunny like in the air. I’ll stick my glove -- my Kirk Gibson glove from when I was 11) -- out way to the left and his slider will almost hit me in the chest causing me to palm this 70-something mph slider right in the palm.


After an hour of catching weird stuff, my index finger looked like a 300 pound man’s finger.

Then when I’m trying to hit these crazy balls, he throws a slider behind me, so stay in the box and think it’s going to get by. Nope, it’s a slider so it slid right into my chest which gave me another Samantha.

I gotta get a big boys glove and keep playing.

3. Ugly Trophy’s

Speaking of trophy’s, that NBA championship trophy is ugly as hell. It’s also annoying with that gold basketball just sitting on the side of that huge rim-thing. It looks like something that should be placed in the middle of a beautifully landscaped yard. They should have a treasure chest of gold and spices. I think that would be something worth fighting for.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Boof Vs. Giant Jug O' Milk

Oh my sparrow it's too late
Your body limp beneath my feet
Your dusty eyes cold as clay
You didn't hear my warning



I will admit right away that I got this idea from bat-girl's legovision so don't point at me and yell, "wannabe" or anything.

Today in the adventures of Boof,


It's the ultimate showdown between Boof and....THE GIANT JUG OF MILK IN THE OUTFIELD. We start things out at the new Twins stadium called 'Loni Anderson field' which is also nicknamed "The Lunchbox" with its uncanny resemblance to an actual lunch box. It's also called Loni Anderson's Lunchbox by the simple minded folks. Boof has plans to find his way inside the stadium and destroy the giant jug of milk!

Loni Anderson's Lunchbox and all it's glory (Hard to believe but I swear I'm not an architect).



It's even got a retractable roof.


Our Protagonist: The almighty Boof

The antagonist: Giant Jug O' Milk!


Boof: bwahahahah Today's the day that I will reach my glory! I only need to check into the ballpark which should be easy.


Usher: Uh I'm sorry sir, we can't allow you into the ballpark.

Boof: Why the hell not?

Usher: Well, for one thing you're green and look very suspicious. Two, you have a giant gun pointed at my crotch.

Boof: I most certaintly do not have a gu-oh, I guess I do have a gun-a rather large one at that. dammit

Usher: Try again next time you green freak! bwahahahah

Boof: dammit, it's not easy being green...and constantly pointing a big-ass gun at everyone. Sigh,
Oh well, I'll have to do my deed from outside. I'll use my mutant powers (like in X-Men) and destroy that huge piece of plastic!

Boof: GO-GO GADGET-HIBBITY DIBBITY-I'VE GOT THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL..uh GIANT BOOT GO SMASH...NOW...por favor!

The boot falls from the sky and simply bounces off the jug of milk.

Boof: Ah blast! My powers are of no match for the Jug of Milk! I'm all out of plays. It looks like I'll have to live with the Jug. NOOOOOOOO!

Boof: Wait a minute! That's it! I KNOW HOW TO DESTROY THE JUG OF MILK!

Boof: If I find the weak spot of the Jug of Milk perhaps I can weaken it to the point where the boot will be effective.

Boof: That's it! Lets try it again!

Boof: HIBBIDY DIBBITY DANCIN' ON THE CEILINGS SHE BOP-SHE BOP

CRUNCH!!!!

Boof: ah my day is done. I have finally defeated my arch nemesis. My work here is done. All that's left is to grab a couple dome dogs and fight little kids for foul balls. My work here is done.

dun dun duuuuuuun

To be continued?

Burt Reynolds Bits

All of rubins cards were marked in advance
The trial was a pig-circus, he never had a chance.
The judge made rubins witnesses drunkards from the slums
To the white folks who watched he was a revolutionary bum


-Joe Mauer* is a hitting stud! He’s also from, ahem, St. Paul like Dave Winfield and Paul Molitor. He’s only batting .180 points higher than Rondell White. (picture taken from Bat-girl)

-I figured out through google earth that the 45th parallel is almost in my back yard. That’s probably only amazing to me but I thought I’d mention it anyway. :]

- bad pick up line…

Walking up to an attractive woman slicing some cheese at the deli I blurt out,
“So, cutting the cheese eh?”

She actually had a good laugh over it so it wasn’t like I was handcuffed to the bed or anything.
That line might actually rank up there with,
“Wow, you’re looking…better.” which I actually did say.

-funny conversation

Phone beeps because of a text message

C: What was that?
Boof: oh it’s a text message from T-bone. He says, “shoopy poopys” hahaha. He usually texts me when he’s going to the bathroom.
C: *pause* WHAT?!?
Boof: yeah it’s a thing we do and we try to have a rhyme to it like “poopy doopy” or something like that. It’s pretty sweet!

-I got some more ideas for the new stadium

The St. Paul Company field: I know through mergers it’s called St. Paul Travelers (or something) but I think it would be sweet just for the confusion. For some reason I revel in the thought of people wandering around St. Paul looking for the Twins ballpark. It makes me want to sit in my recliner and laugh really sinister-like.

Loni Anderson field: Then we could get rid of TC the Bear and have a big Loni Anderson mascot running after a Burt Reynolds mascot throughout the game. Bring in the Trans Am and have them fight in different places.

Announcer: Awww look it’s Loni running Burt over with the Trans Am. Ooooh and now she’s getting up and kicking him in the groin!

-Clerks has been one of my most favorite movies of all time and I have been vehemently opposed to the up coming sequel. Clerks seems like a movie where a sequel is unnecessary and the chance to ruin the whole theme seems very possible.
After seeing this trailer, I now think this could be something worth seeing. The trailer is funny as all hell!

-Birth of a humming bird. Damn awesome and small.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

5 Things

You live in a church
where you sleep with voodoo dolls
and you won't give up the search
for the ghosts in the halls


Well what do ya know. 6/6/06 ends up being a beautiful 80 degree, sunny day. Too bad everyday couldn’t be like 6/6/06. Pffff


Alie want’s to know what’s in my closet so I figured I’ll play the little blogging game.

5 Items

5 Items in my fridge

-Beer
-a bunch of Coke
-Carrots
-barbeque sauce
-that cool whip which was there last time when I took a picture of my fridge. Does cool whip go bad?

5 Items in my closet

-Boxes
-Text books ( hey I paid $100 a pop for them. I’m not going to sell them for $4)
-shirts
-some winter stuff (gloves, winter hats, ect)
-my tool box

5 Items in my car
-CD’s
-safety glasses
-oil change invoices
-3 sticks of gum
-rain gear

5 Items in my purse
-Jimmy Hoffa
-Lindburgh baby
-The entire 1st and 2nd seasons of Duct Tales on VHS
-white cheddar cheese nips
-a case of Clear Pepsi

Riveting isn’t it?

So I guess I’ll tag (Ron, The Steph, the person who wanted to rip my head off for that Def Leppard blasphemy the other day, Everyday Super Goddess, and Barry Metropolis--wait he just got married-- uhhh The Hannes.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Goodwill

Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin' through Kashmir.


So here’s what needs to happen today,

We need 13 gay couples to get married on 6/6/06.

Then if nothing happens: society doesn’t get sent to hell, God doesn’t strike down apon thee, or the world turns into a ball of flames. Then we can pretty much put to bed the whole “6/6/06” scare, the gay marriage argument, and any other superstitious nonsense.

My old home address had three 6’s in it and I’m not the devil.

Anywho last Saturday we had everyone and their mom hosting a garage sale in my neck of the woods. Basically everyone throws their crap alongside their driveway hoping that people will buy it. It’s pretty awesome if you’re looking for knick knacks and everyday things and it is very addicting.

I actually folded my clothes and decided it was time to take some stuff to the Goodwill. Getting rid of stuff has always been the center of arguments growing up. My dad and I are packrats, we’ll save everything we can just in case we’ll need it in the future. My mom is a minimalist and will throw away anything and everything if she deems it unneeded, which is ALWAYS up for debate. That’s why me actually taking clothes and getting rid of them was such a big deal.

I had to part ways with a couple of notable items.

My Southwest State Shirt was somewhat hard. The collar was well worn out and there were little ugly holes everywhere. I used this shirt as something to sleep in because it wasn’t even good enough to wipe up oil after my car. This shirt gives me memories of me visiting the old school. Sigh

Basically everything my dad has ever given me for Christmas. I never really missed any of this. All the Vikings and gopher stuff was horrible

My Daunte Culpepper jersey: I figured that I probably wouldn’t wear it anymore and I kinda hope the big bitch sucks in Miami

My prized Mitch Berger AWAY jersey: I pretty much shed a few tears because I took pride in having a punters away jersey. I remember the day I bought it for $10 and the store manager looked at me like I was screwed up in the head. I will always remember that jersey.

Sorry Steph (don’t kill me!)

My Jackson Hole sweatshirt: I remember there was this smoking hot woman wearing some tight ass leather pants. My eyes were glued on that fine ass and I couldn’t pay attention to anything. Somehow I managed to find this sweatshirt and buy it…and continue following that hot ass around.

My brown shirt: basically I remember wearing this to Hog’s Hawaiian party in which everyone was to wear Hawaiian shirts. I didn’t have any Hawaiian shirts so I wore this brown one instead. As it turns out, I ended up face down on Hog’s floor wearing someone’s Hawaiian shirt and a bunch of lays.

Tomorrow I talk about my fridge again.

Monday, June 05, 2006

June Crap

I will rise, I will take you
I will break you, never let you go
I'll shoot through your veins
I'll drive you insane


It’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve had a crap list so it’s only fair that I make up for it by shelling out a whole bunch of crap. Lets see if I can remember it now…

1. Sopranos
Last nights episode was so sucktastic that I wish I cancelled my HBO two weeks ago instead of 9pm last night. We waited two whole weeks for the “season finale” in which someone always gets “clipped” but no! No we just have to deal with AJ’s hornyness and Chris’ dumb ass.
No Pauly
No Meadow
No Johnny Saaks
No nothing. It was so damn bad. Now I (and all the other Soprano’s fans) have to wait until February to finish out the show.

Baaaaaah,

2. Over anxious announcers
So there’d be a ball hit to the fence and the outfielder runs back, slows up a bit, and then makes the most pathetic bunny hop against the 4 foot fence and we hear,

“And Trickle’s running to the fence, LEAPS, AND……., ROBS RITCHELDS OF A HOME RUN! OHHHH MYYYYY WHAT A PLAY!!!! TRICKLE IS TRULY ONE OF THE GAME’S BEST OUTFIELDERS! HOLD THE MAYO AND BURN DOWN THE HOUSE BECAUSE TRICKLE’S COMIN TO TOWN!!”

When in fact, he made a routine play look unusually hard. To top everything off the outfielder will then go out of their way to “crash” into the fence. And that bunny hop… geeesh that should be an automatic $300k to the batter’s charity.

Half of this comes from the announcers who will suck anyone or anything to be on Sportcenter. Basically all one has to do is yell out a current catch phrase really loud and do anything short of spontaneously combusting and Stuart Scott will end the clip with,
“BOOO YAH my BOY! Now THAT’S how you ANNOUNCE! WORD!”

Ugh

3. These god damn birds.
So working nights does have it’s perks (there are a some really small perks) but I shouldn’t have to worry about that for too long (BOOOO YA--er hell yeah). Anyway I understand that at around 4am the mentally retarded birds start chirping and it’s pretty much over from there: you’re up and you’re going to stay up so you might as well get dressed and head over to Burger King.

The thing is, these birds start out at 3am and it’s above a pond across the road from my apartment so the sound bounces off the pond and into my damn ear drums.

So one starts out and never stops, then another will start and pretty soon we got a birdy conversation going on.

Bird 1: tweetle deetle doo/ oh no I can’t get to sleep anymore! The Cottonwoods are tickling my cloaca!
Bird 2: tweet tweet tweet/ Please, I’m trying to sleep. I got work tomorrow!
B1: Tweetle deetle deet tweetle deetle deet/ I can’t help it! Oh no my cloaca! It tickles!
B2: Tweetie Tweetie twerp tweet tweet/ If you don’t shut the fuck up I will break your face! Shut the hell up so I don’t send the cardinals after yo ass!

4. Def Leppard
So I was watching VH1 Honors and they were inducting KISS, Judas Priest, Queen, and Def Leppard. Which one of those bands is not like the other? In terms of quality, Def Leppard by a landslide!

Judas Priest: was largely one of the biggest hitters in Metal
KISS: Like them or not, they had a huge influence on Rock in the mid to late 70’s
Queen: Nothing really needs to be said. Queen was amazing.

Def Leppard on the other hand made pop rock and they didn’t even try to get creative or establish much of musical credibility. Yeah they had their share of tragedy with the drummer losing an arm and the guitarist dying but lets get real, the only reason they were as popular as they were is because of Shania’s husband, Mutt Lange. Without the crashing drums, the cheesy background vocals, and Queen’s rip-off beats they’d be another forgettable band.

Each band on Honors had a clip with notable musicians talking about how great said band was. Everyone had great things to say like,
“Priest rejuvenated rock and metal in the early 80’s. Without Priest, we’d have a much different landscape!”
“Queen put on the most amazing live acts. Freddie Mercury was THE front man of all time.
“KISS rocked your ass off”

And so on.

Def Leppard didn’t have anyone introduce them. Instead they had the lead singer saying,
“In the early nineties, Kurt Cobain revolutionized music because he was sick and tired of listening to our stuff.”

AND THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE PROUD OF! THE FACT THAT THEY SUCKED SO BAD THEY INSPIRED MUSIC TO BE GOOD!

Now I must say that I actually grew up being a big Def fan. It was the first concert I ever went to, I had every album, and I couldn’t get enough of it. The thing is, after reading their thoughts on albums and how they developed the songs, they only did it for the sluts. They didn’t have anything to say--not really anyway. They weren’t pissed off about childhood or being beat up as a kid, they just wanted to throw a couple lines together and whip up a guitar solo and done.

High and Dry was sweet! Pyromania was damn good. Hysteria had some catchy songs but was WAAAAAAAAAAY over produced. Adrenalize was okay.

Basically the only good thing they have come out with were the B-sides in Retroactive, the songs that actually had some great lyrics and music to match, but they weren’t simple and it didn’t cater to complete air heads so they chucked them.

Oh, and they SUCK ASS live.

5. Nick Punto in the lineup
Why the hell is this guy in our line up as much as he is. The Twins will have no infielders injured and yet he still plays 3 times a week.
Also, Batista still plays! What the hell is he still doing in the lineup? I can’t believe Terry Ryan and Gardenhire could actually like this guy at 3rd.

I tend to believe that if Gardenhire should ever be a GM he’d sign nothing but utility infielders because to him, utility infielders can do everything. It probably also explains why Castro, Punto, and Luis Rodriguez would be in one lineup.

6. 666
Are women seriously freaking out over giving birth on Tuesday? Are they really trying to hold it in or get push the kid out just to avoid 6/6/06?

I've actually heard people who I viewed as "rational" people who are very afraid of this day.

Women, people who are freaking out,
You are not going to give birth to satan's kid. It's going to be an everyday Tuesday and you don't have to fret when you fill in a date anywhere.
Afterall it would be one thing if Tuesday was 6/6/6 but it's actually 6/6/2006 which doesn't mean much.

It's basically just another 420, 69, 56, 755, 4, and so on.

Get a job people!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Movies

Little girl from Cherry Lawn
How can you be so bold?
How did you know that golden rule?


In the past week I have seen a bunch of different movies. Instead of giving an annoying informal review of each I thought I would give an annoying quickie half-assed review of each.

So here we go.

X-Men 3: The Last Stand

I never read any comics as a kid. I would read Archie but only because my ignorant family dentist would hand them out free (tangent: wow that guy really did follow the book on old school dentistry…aka: waiting until the teeth turn to soft and brown until something gets done). I never got into traditional comics for some strange reason because I was very much anti-reading and pro-Nintendo.

I came into this moving having seen the first movie but I can’t remember a thing about it-I think I must have fell asleep halfway through it, so I didn’t know anything about the background story. I took the crash course and was amazed at this movie. My jaw dropped with all the action and decent dialogue.

I did notice the obvious foreshadowing the movie is forced to take when the mutant powers are revealed because you know it will come back at some point in the movie.

After walking out of the movie I asked my friends on their opinion. I was expecting a “awwww yeah that was awesome” or “sweeet as hell” but instead I got a, “eh, it was alright” or “I wouldn’t call it a ‘bad’ movie but…”. I was the one who was wide eyed and ready for more.

I don’t know my comics but I liked this movie a bunch.

Mr. 3000
I checked this out from the local library and this was absolute crap. Bernie Mac plays a hall of fame hitter who just relies on his 3000 hits in order to enter the hall of fame. The thing is, Bernie Mac plays an asshole who doesn’t care about the team..
Blah blah blah…

don’t rent this horseshit


Murderball
Another movie I checked out from the library and this was 180 degrees from Mr 3000. This was excellent!
Murderball is a documentary about the US quadriplegic rugby team which is basically a team version of smear the queer in wheelchairs. The movie explains the fascinating sport and the fierce rivalry the US has with the rest of the world and especially Canada. What’s even more fascinating is the story of each of these players and how they‘ve dealt with injuries.
If you’ve ever wondered how a disabled person deals with everyday life, this movie is a decent primer. While it’s obvious to assume their limitations what isn’t obvious is what they can do. This movie explains what they can do including…that certain question that you are afraid to ask.

Story wise this movie has you continuously rooting for the US and I found myself hating Canada for the first time since that annoying kid in my homeroom who was so obnoxious. I did end up breaking his “unbreakable comb” so I had that going for me.

Anyway, rent Murderball!