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Thursday, November 30, 2006

Five Bits

But the lie goes creepin down down down
But we were sleeping
Suddenly we hit the ground


-I want to thank everyone for emails and comments for the healthy recipes and ideas. Perhaps I’ll go out and buy a whole pallet load of chicken and Tabasco sauce. Yogurt has also been my friend recently.

-MLB hall of fame voting is coming into the news and my feelings on Mark McGuire is that he SHOULDN’T go in until he admits something. Like Pete Rose, all McGuire has to do is have some sort of a tearful goodbye along with spilling everything that he did (and not necessarily what everyone else did) and the sportswriters and fans will be giving him a collective BJ in his garage of happiness.
The thing McGuire has going for him is his character (and that he’s white…kidding, kidding kinda) and everyone remembers how nice of a guy he was.
With that being said a lot of people use the “well, it wasn’t illegal at the time so what exactly did he do wrong?” and if that’s true then why doesn’t he use that excuse and point the gun back on Selig? I mean it seems like an honest response and I would think it would take the heat off him. If he actually used steroids, then just fess up because everyone is treating him like he used them anyway.
Then you get voted in the hall based on the sympathy vote.

-Sugartits recommended this show awhile back and I agree, Man Vs. Wild is a completely awesome show. The dude’s gotta survive five days in some sort of wilderness area. While he’s trying to survive he’s giving out tips about survival in eating weird things around him. One of the coolest things I saw was he killed this rattlesnake and cooked it over an open fire. The snake looked sooooo damn good.
Another show I saw him spear this salmon and then eat it like an apple. That looked good too! It made me want to go fishing with a spear!

-How to tell if your athletic program has had better times:
When being in the big ten, your football and basketball teams almost and do lose to a AA team.
When your basketball team loses three in a row to: Marist, S. Illinois, and Montana in a tournament no less
When the teams that beat you win with a Minnesotan shooting and they were never recruited by Minnesota.

-Whenever someone says "douchebag" it's instantly funny. Douchebag has been added to the category where "crackwhore" and farting where it's funny everytime.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Dieting?

How could she say to me,
love will find a way.
Gather round all you clowns,
let me hear you say


I’m trying to start up a mini diet just to change my lifestyle a little bit. I guess the main thing is that I’m drinking waaaaay too much coke and I blame that on Buffalo Wild Wings and how they have all the different NFL games on Sunday…oh and the waitresses that seem to refill your glass of pop after every sip. Anyway I figure if I drink only 12 ounces of pop a day, that should cut my caloric intake by… 500 calories (or something).

The real problem I’m having is the eating right thing. Before this mini diet, I would eat whatever I’m hungry for (usually burgers, pizza, subs, anything with a lot of fat in it) and now that I’m trying my healthier foods deal, it’s kinda hard. The first real sign of problems was when I went out of my way to cook myself some rice and tuna…and ate it…and thought, “wow, that tastes like a whole lot of nothing. Because I didn’t satisfy my apatite, I feel like eating some more.” and I had that crave to eat more.

I have this desire to go to the grocery store and, like a vegan, actually but fruits and vegetables and other stuff with green leaves then I’d cook said items into a nice entrĂ©e, and then actually like it. See, after I usually stumble around and make the food, I’m always disappointed because it doesn’t taste like anything.

For instance, salad, to me it’s like eating paper until you put the dressing on there (the most fattening part of salad) and then it tastes like dressing on paper. What do I do to make it taste better without making it more fattening? And why should I feel compelled to buy organic paper, prepare it, and then make it into a nice Tupperware container for work? I know the obvious answer is “because I’d be eating right, dummy” but I need more than that and advice.

With that, does anyone know any easy, healthy recipes that taste good? Like popcorn and beef jerky are great because they’re low calorie and taste great. I need more things like beef jerky and popcorn and then I’ll buy pallet loads of the shit.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Cheese on Pie?

The mind is grey like the city.
Packing in and overgrown.
Love is deep. Dig it out.
Standing in a hole alone.


Thanksgiving ‘06, Wisconsin

We had a full table of family complete with Grandma, cousins, uncles, aunts, and the token weird people who I’ve never met (there’s always weird people that I’ve never met at Thanksgiving). We were all eating turkey and exchanging pleasantries when we got to the topic of dessert. Somehow, someway we got to apple pie when the following dialogue happened.

Aunt: Well, putting a slice of cheese onto apple pie was how Wisconsonites do things sometimes.
Boof chuckling: haha yeah I bet. Might as well put cheese on everything eh?
Aunt: I’m serious. Putting a slice of cheese on a slice of apple pie is a old time Wisconsin thing.
Boof: No. I refuse to believe that. There’s no way that is true.
Grandma: It is true. “A slice without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze.” as we used to say.
Boof: Are. You. Serious?

And everyone was adamant that cheese on apple pie is something that does indeed happen.

I couldn’t believe it. It seems like every year these Wisconsonites surprise me with their Favre love and their bubbler talk, and now the cheese on apple pie nonsense. I mean I like apple pie and I like cheese but mixing the two is like “crossing the streams” and such a combination could be something found in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

It just doesn’t make sense and to top it all off, you put the pie (with cheese already lain on top) in the microwave so it melts over the slice! If you were to enter my world of weirdness, I always think of inside my body there’s this foreman enzyme who is in charge of whatever goes into my stomach. Periodically this foreman yells at his crew “MORE PIZZA COMING DOWN!!!” or “HE’S HAVING JO-JOS AGAIN, GET READY!” but if he was to see pie and cheese… “My god what the hell has he done now? He on an eating rampage and is mixing his pallets! Guy’s, today’s gonna be extra crappy!”

I told everyone I knew this whole cheese on pie thing and as we were drinking at the bar, we decided to try it. I figured that since Thanksgiving was over with, we could find a cheap apple pie at the grocery store. Hog then luckily had some leftover slices of American cheese so we were going to try this new concocktion of apple pie and cheese.

I either have (or will have) a video posted on my myspace page of me, Hog, and sweetcakes (my nickname for your gf Hog) trying pie with melted cheese on top.

Monday, November 27, 2006

November Crap

Well you're just another puppet
she's not even keeping score
And the lazy way she cheats you leaves me cold


I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving weekend.

Crap List
1. Old people and technology
Example 1: My dad got a new truck and with it comes a DVD player for the people sitting in the back. I think my parents are more excited for the DVD player than the truck because they made it a point to not drive home and watch their DVD (The Lone Ranger…old).
Now this DVD player has a screen and 5 buttons. Basically one would have to work hard to complicate things more than that. Of course my parents can’t figure out the damn thing.
Example 2: I got my dad Tivo for his birthday because he’s a on-the-go type of guy and people are always bugging him when he is watching tv so I figured if he could save his programs then he’d be much happier. Now I know I had my trouble with setting Tivo up, but I know I could easily figure it out. I mean they literally have a “thumbs up” button and a “thumbs down” button for whatever shows you like or dislike.
After I set up the Tivo and let my dad play around for a week I come back to him not even touching the damn thing.
“Why haven’t you fooled around with Tivo yet, Dad?”
“Well, to tell you the truth, I just can’t figure it out. I mean how do you record?”
“Well, there’s a button that says ‘record’ on it and you press that.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy.”
“Yes dad, it is.”

Going to my aunt’s place for Thanksgiving she had Tivo and my dad expressed his frustration with her.
“For as helpful as it could be, I wish it was easier to use.”
Aunt: “It’s actually not that bad. I mean just play around with it and you’ll understand it.”

And that really made me feel good because if a fellow baby boomer can tell him that then maybe it’ll sink in a little bit.

But really, how hard is it to “fool around” and start pressing buttons to become accustomed to technology? It’s like old people are afraid there’s some secret self destruct button and they’ll end up blowing up their hands in the process. And as for the DVD player, THERE’S A BUTTON WITH A PICTURE OF A MENU, SO IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MENU, PRESS THE GOD DAMN BUTTON! The button that has the arrow usually means play or skip. The manufacturers go out of their way to make these things retard proof so don’t prove them wrong please.

2. That one McDonalds commercial
There’s a commercial where McD’s is promoting their dollar menu and it takes place in someone’s house where the easy listening hip-hop is on and all the hotties are grinding it up. Then suddenly everyone’s holding a bag of Mickey D’s and they’re eating burgers and shit while bumpin in the house (or hizzy).
It seems like something I would come up with.
Then guys are hanging out by the door bobbin their heads and chomping into a cheeseburger and having a grand ole time.
I would love to do that. I would love to go to a killer pimpin club with a huge bag of Burger King and then dance away as I eat a couple double cheeseburgers. Then the ladies will be all over me for my bag of food but I’ll be like, “No bitch, this is my bag O’ food. Go get your own” and they’d be all over me wanting my food.
That would be awesome.

3. Notre Dame football
It’s still a joke that they’re in the top ten of college football. In fact, college football is a joke in itself when it has friggen computers determining the best team. But was it any surprise that Notre Dame sucks? They had a schedule about as easy as Minnesota’s non conference schedule (with exception to Cal) and wound up 10-1 facing USC. They almost lost to Michigan St. for Chrissakes!

I’m sure that a Notre Dame team could go 3-8 and still wind up in a bowl game because their Notre freakin Dame. Brady Quinn sucks too.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Bits, Picks, and Happy Thanksgiving

Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone


A ton to write about so here’s a bunch of everything

-Michael Richards
Woah, I honestly think he was in the middle of three things: 1) trying to show the heckler a lesson 2) completely cracking 3) showing a subconscious racist side to himself. I think the blow up is more shocking than the racial outbursts (and not by much either) I mean seeing a guy completely crack on stage is quite the weird thing.

I did find one person who found it funny. My Mom, when talking about the incident, couldn’t help but to double over and try to explain it to me. It was one of those situations where you laugh because someone else finds something so ridiculously funny. She says,
“It’s funny because he’s calling everyone a n**** and there’s an audience full of black people! Bwahahahhahahahahah I mean who does that in front of that audience? Aaaahahahhahahaha”

Somehow I found that kinda funny.

Richard’s apology on the Late Show, I felt, was honest and a little weird for the type of venue. I mean has anyone ever seen Jerry Seinfeld and Michael Richards that serious? The audience didn’t even know how to react with Kramer being so serious. They laughed at parts and Seinfeld had to scold the audience (which is oddly funny). Plus he said “afro Americans” and that’s kind of funny coming from Kramer.

Although it is interesting how everyone that appeared on Seinfeld is completely type cast. From the Wiz to the soup Nazi to Puddy, everyone is known for their role on Seinfeld. They all are known better for their character name than their real name.

Although Kramer will forever be Stanley Spidowski or the Bow Tie Killer to me.

-MVP
Being a huge Twins fan it may surprise you that I’ve always though that Jeter should be the MVP. With that saying I’m not going to argue with Justin Morneau winning the award. Here’s my reasoning.

You can’t compare the stats because they play two completely different positions and have two completely different roles in their line-up. Derek Jeter is a really really good table setter/base stealer/guy who will score runs for the heavy hitters coming up. Justin Morneau is a cleanup hitter batting 5th because they want to split up the Mauer and Morneau with a right handed hitter. Basically comparing stats is apple and oranges as far as I’m concerned.

But the one debate is how many games would their teams lose without them. No doubt that each team would lose more games but I would be willing to say the Yankees would lose more games because of the loss of the table setting role and the speed that Jeter brings not to mention his play at shortstop. See look at the White Sox, they had Thome, Konerko, and Dye all in a row and although you have a ton of power there is barely any speed in that part of the line up. Frank Thomas showed how many runs he can cost in game 1 of the ALDS whenever he was on base by almost getting thrown out at first from right field and not being able to score from 2nd (and yes I know he hit two solo shots). So without Jeter, I can see the Yankees just having a bunch of fat asses in Giambi, Abreu, Sheffield, Matsui and having no running game.

Where as the Twins would definitely struggle but I think they would find a couple (only a couple) more wins than the Yankees.

-With that being I have to argue with a lot of the sportswriters view that Morneau was the 3rd best player on the team. I admit he’s at least the 2nd best with Santana but he’s got the Cy Young anyway, which is a pretty damn good award in itself. Joe Mauer is the guy that everyone says is more valuable than Mauer and I have to disagree. Mauer is a better hitter but he doesn’t affect the lineup nearly as much as Morneau does. Just ask Michael Cuddyer (who had a phenomenal year with 100RBI’s, 100 Runs, .284 BA) who was transformed into a damn good hitter and Hunter who hit over 30HR despite missing a month. They were given good pitches because of Justin Morneau’s presence in the lineup. Morneau was that threat that the Twins always needed and the whole lineup had career years which were at least partly helped by Justin Morneau.

Mauer was indeed a great hitter and possibly even a better catcher but I doubt he had more of an effect on the lineup than Morneau had. Michael Redmond played almost twice a week in Mauer’s place and still batted .350.

So Justin Morneau is deserving of the award despite what a lot of others like to say. He’s just not a notable name yet.

-Growing up with my mom making the food for Thanksgiving I always wondered why she never made stuffing. All those years I had my eyes locked on to the mashed potatoes and gravy and it never occurred to me that we never had stuffing at our table.
I asked my mom about this the other day.

Mom with a scowl: ugh, stuffing. I hate stuffing. Just the texture and the other crap. Just…bleh. It’s like a bowl of puke and…yuck. Why?
Boof: Well, I was curious and I kinda like stuffing.
Mom stares at Boof in an incredulous look
Mom: WHAT?
Boof: Do you really hate it that much?
Mom nods
Both staring at each other: (blink:blink) HOW CAN YOU [NOT] LIKE STUFFING!?
Mom: You don’t like nuts but you like stuffing? What the hell?

Later on my dad comes in.
Boof: Did you know that Mom never made stuffing because she doesn’t like it?
Dad: yeah, that sounds about right
Boof: do you like stuffing?
Dad preoccupied hunched over the mail: nope
He then stops and looks back at me: Why? Do you?
Boof: well, yeah.
He then stops what he’s doing and steps in the living room: You like stuffing?
Mom: I know! I can’t believe it.

It was like a thanksgiving edition of “coming out of the closet”. I can’t believe they feel that passionately against stuffing. I wonder if my brother secretly likes the stuff as much as I do. They’d probably disown us.

After years of ignoring what isn't on the table and focusing on the mashed potatoes and gravy (I swear, if I should receive a big bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy for Christmas it would be the best Christmas ever).

*****************
So I need to put in my picks for this week since I’m not going to be able to come on until Friday and I’m busy on Friday. Here goes nothing.


Last week I went 8-8 because who the hell could’ve guessed that the damn Colts would lose and the Titans would beat the Eagles. I did manage to correctly guess the Redskins/Bucs score so that’s pretty cool.

Overall I’m 100-58

Miami over the Lions
Dallas over Tampa
Denver over KC because the Broncos have to be pissed after that Chargers game
Carolina beats Washington because the Redskins suck and the Panthers defense is coming around
New England beats Chicago because I will never go against a AFC team playing any NFC team
Cleveland beats Cincinnati because I the Browns have a good passing defense
Jets beat Houston
Buffalo beats Jacksonville
New Orleans beats Atlanta
Tennessee over the NY Giants NFC/AFC matchup (see above)
Indianapolis beats Philly because….NFC sucks and most notably the Eagles
Baltimore beats Pittsburgh
Rams beat the 49ers
Chargers over the Raiders (what a joke)
Seattle over the Packers
Finally
Arizona beats the Vikings because the Vikings are the most boring fucking team in the history of the god damn world. Their play calling is predictable and why the hell do they go for it on 4th and 1 at their on 30 yard line in the 2nd quarter? Good god. I can totally see Boldin and Leinert blowing up for 300 yards against this boring ass team

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

decisions, decisions

Large fingers pushing paint.
You're god and you've got big hands.
Colors blend.
The challenges you give man.


Going to my Aunt’s as a family or me and my bro driving separate
Pro with driving separate: We don’t have to deal with our parents because my dad just got this new truck with all the bells and whistles and he and my mom like to go out of his way to use these whistles and bells. FOR INSTANCE, this new truck comes with a DVD player and my mom actually admitted to me that she has bought and has purposely watched movies in the truck just to use the DVD player. No one will be even driving the vehicle but she’ll be inside the parked truck using the DVD player.

(blink:blink) and yet she refuses to use my DVD player for her own tv because she “already has a VCR”.

Good lord, I will never understand old people and their refusal for technology.

Also a pro about this is that my bro and I will have a getaway car for when my dad has this need to talk and talk…and talk so my bro and I can just say bye and sprint out to the car. For some reason I believe it to be really weird to be driving as a family to places because it seems so “loser-riffic” like when will it stop? Will my bro and I be 50 and 52 riding with our 120 year old parents down to Milwaukee?

Ugh

Con: Being a graduate in natural resources and on the local environmental commission, it’s a real thorn ot the side of me to use another vehicle just for the sake of using it. I mean it is carpooling and I’m 100% in favor of carpooling even when it’s with people you don’t necessarily want to carpool with.
Also I actually kinda do want to see all the bells and whistles of the new truck. Perhaps if Mom is sitting in the passenger seat we could slap in a porn and she would never know. Or I could bring legit movies. Hmmm. Or I could sleep since we’re leaving at 7am.

Australian Pink Floyd concert
Pro of going: I get to see some awesome Pink Floyd music. The though goes: The actual Pink Floyd is so old that the though of seeing a decent show is slim seeing as their 65, not actually together with Roger Waters, and not actually together. So why not see a bunch of 30 year olds playing the same songs with the lasers, lights, and actual decent singing voices. Also they might play the entire Wish You Were Here album which would be epic as hell!
Con: They still are a cover band and the idea of paying $40 for a cover band is kind of sickening. Plus I don’t have anyone to go with, which isn’t a big problem seeing as I usually go to a lot of concerts by myself (who else would go see Bryan Adams with me). Of course there is the thing that I may not be able to score tickets being this late in the swing of things.

This guy who wont stop talking to me
Pro of yelling at him: I could get him the crap away from me so I can continue doing other things and not have to listen to him talking about his kid or his damn fuel injector gasket (or whatever). It would also make me feel good in a King-Kong-aggressive-alpha-male type of way. There’s always something exhilarating to telling someone to “shut the fuck up and get the hell out of here”.
Con: I don't want to hurt his feelings and perhaps he just needs to vent. Of course it's not my job to make sure everyone is venting but I sure would like a person to vent to every now and then...wait, I have this blog to do that so screw him!

Here’s what I think will actually happen,
I’ll go with my parents because I’m too lazy to drive and I’d rather sleep with all the bells and whistles
I’ll also forgo the concert because I don’t want to make the effort.
The guy has already left so I don’t have to tell him to shut the crap up.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Worthless Crap

I'll shoot through your veins
I'll drive you insane
I'll poison your breath
And I'll love you to death


1. Thanksgiving ‘06
As it turns out, I’m going to my Aunt’s in Wisconsin. The Packers aren’t playing on Thanksgiving this year nor is there anything bad with my relatives from Wisconsin (other than they’re Packer fans). The thing I dreading is them seeing my shaved head and getting the usual conversation.

Relative: You shaved your head.
Me: yeah, I did.
Relative: Why did you do that?

My mom does this to me too. Do I ask you why you have YOUR hair the way it is? Do I ask why you wore that particular shirt or blouse? No because that would be considered rude and if I have my head shaved it’s because of two reasons.
1) I’m going bald. This should be one of those ‘don’t bring it up in front of him’ type of deals because that’s why we have so many shaven head nowadays, because they’re going bald and they don’t want to have that weird balding look. It’s to the point where I want to respond with a “I’M GOING BALD YOU DUMB SHIT!” but that would be considered rude.
2) I like it. I like having a shaven head. The women folk seem to especially like it and I kinda like the feel of it myself. It’s easy to maintain and it feels so damn good in the summer. It’s weird because when I had hair I wore a cap most of the time. Now that I have it shaved off I like to let the world see my bald head.

Also about Thanksgiving this year is that I got to wake up at 6am because we apparently have to get there at 10am for no god damn reason. This is why I hate spending a lot of time with my family, because they don’t do things the way I want them.
If I had it my way, I’d leave at noon, arrive at 4:30pm, eat, and then go home because that would be just enough time to catch up and not have to play trivial Pursuit against all those people who actually have room for all that useless knowledge.

2. The end of that stupid Vikings game
How more pathetic can it get when everyone has to wait for a team to kick an extra point when they already lost? Why doesn’t Brad Childress just read Romeo and Juliet at midfield while we’re at it? I know you don’t want to associate yourself with quitting but…you lost. Because your receivers suck and the quarterback is 40 years old, the offense is just nothing more than a quarterback and a running back and 5 yard dump offs.

3. To the people waiting in line for video games
I can understand the people who turn around and sell them for $2500 but for the people waiting outside for four days just to play the system for themselves and worse yet, the people who pay $2500, what the hell is wrong with you? I mean do you REALLY need to play the system that bad?
Obviously I don’t get it. I used to be as big of a Nintendo freak as they come…nearly 20 years ago but if I wanted to waste some time I would take a nap or take a dump or something and not wait in line for 4 days. Good god, why don’t they wait until it’s $100 cheaper and readily available.

Friday, November 17, 2006

week 11 picks

We never took quite enough chances
We never had quite enough time
I did about a thousand dances but
nothing would change your mind


I finished season 4. It was a marathon of DVD watching like nothing else since I went on that Sopranos 2 day bender. This time I didn’t feel forced to watch it but I was glued on it and I had to see what happens next. As I was watching it I realized that some of these episodes were so good that the 45minutes seemed to go by in like 5 minutes.

As for the picks. With all the upsets on a weekly basis, I feel awesome as hell to come out with a winning record and to pick upsets like the Atlanta/Cleveland game and almost pick the upset in the Houston/Jacksonville game.

Last week I went 10-5 (because I never put a prediction on that damn Houston/Jacksonville game…dammit)
Overall I’m 92-50 which is okay.

Atlanta @ Baltimore
Ugh…. Vick vs. that gangbanger defense…Ray lewis wins this because he’s on crack.
Ravens 24 Falcons 13

Buffalo @ Houston
The Texans seem to be on a roll and this game bores me so I’m picking the home team.
Texans 21 Bills 17

Chicago @ NY Jets
Hmmmm I want to say the Jets because they actually beat God’s Patriot team. But….I’m going Chicago because…just because.
Bears 17 Jets 3

Cincinnati @ New Orleans
Good god do the Bengals suck Kevin Jones’ ass. I mean they had a 300 point lead last week and they end up screwing it up. The Saints though seem like they could tear some ass in this game just because I don’t have any faith in that Bengals team. Give ‘em enough rope and they’ll certainly fuck things up.
Saints 30 Bengals 24

Indianapolis @ Dallas
The Colts remind me of a poor man’s ‘98 Vikings in that they’re not flashy but they have a really good offense with not much defense. They give up like 6 yards per carry for Chrissakes! Tony Romo though has a name that is thoroughly fun to say.
Colts 33 Cowboys 17

New England @ Green Bay
God’s team playing in God’s country. Hmmm You gotta bet that God will be watching this one.
Patriots 20 Packers 10

Oakland @ Kansas City
I actually think the Vikings made some wise decisions in getting rid of Moss and Culpepper looking back now. Moss would be lucky to go for half of what the Vikings got a couple years ago for him and Culpepper would be lucky to go for a 5th rounder.
Chiefs 37 Raiders 17

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
Cleveland is death at home. I’m going Cleveland in this one because I don’t trust a team playing the Browns in Cleveland
Browns 17 Steelers 14

St. Louis @ Carolina
Geez lets just invite Cincinnati and the Vikings in on this game and we can set up a tournament. The one thing about this tournament is how each team would do whatever they could to try to lose. It would entertaining in an inverse kinda way but I would pay a couple bucks to watch that.
Rams 24 Panthers 21

Tennessee @ Philadelphia
McNabb is going to pass for 1200 yard. Good Lord
Eagles 30 Titans 17

Washington @ Tampa Bay
Pfff Idunno, Bucs?
Bucs 20 Redskins 17

Detroit @ Arizona
My friends have this weird hatred for Kevin Jones because I’m sure he continues to screw someone out of points. Anyway someone made a comment about ‘Kevin Jones sucking so much that he eats his own ass’ or something. It was really funny so the other day I had to call a guy at work who had the exact same name. Luckily he didn’t answer because I couldn’t stop laughing and I really wanted to leave a message asking him how his ass tasted like. I figured that wasn’t very professional so I didn’t say that.
But I wanted to though!
Lions 12 Cards 9

Seattle @ San Francisco
Ugh…
Seahawks 31 49ers 14

San Diego @ Denver
Whoaaaaa mama, I’m gonna watch this and this should be an awesome game. I hope to god that LT scores, like, NO touchdowns and gains a whopping 20 yards total just to spite Hog and his damn Goodfellas. This is quite the intriguing game though because the only team that could cool off the Chargers would be the Broncos.
Chargers 21 Broncos 14

NY Giants @ Jacksonville
Pfff god damn Jacksonville, they should be in the NFC with how stupid they are. NY is no better because they seem to suck when you least expect it. I gotta go Giants because I don’t trust the Jags
Giants 24 Jags 13

Minnesota @ Miami
There is virtually nothing that gives me any confidence in the Vikings. When you play as badly and boring as the Vikings have, it’s a wonder how they beat Seattle a month ago. This team is so god damn boring that they might as well have church service inbetween plays just to liven things up a little. I hate to say it but I think Joey Harrington and Miami will and should win this.
Dolphins 17 Vikings 15

Thursday, November 16, 2006

24 bits

And when we're dancing
It almost feels the same
I've got to stop myself from
Whisp'ring your name


-My 24 addiction is nearly over. I’m halfway through the 4th season and so far this season is the best. Oh the drama, the explosions, and the dialogue is just completely awesome. I’m at the point where I’m watching like 7 episodes a day. I was a little disappointed that Sara was kicked off CTU because she was incredibly hot. I don’t know what I’m going to do for this upcoming season because I wont be able to watch it..well, at least not in HD which is a deal breaker for me.

-I have not met one woman who understands the power of high definition. All of them say that they cannot tell the difference which is completely numbing to me. I mean, how can you not notice the clearer picture, the 5.1 sound, and the wider aspect ratio? I mean good lord!
I have also not met one guy who doesn’t get HD. Everyone who I’ve shown HD to has dropped their jaw to the sheer magnificence of HD

-I’m torn on seeing the Australian Pink Floyd show coming up on Thanksgiving weekend. Last year I didn’t go because I didn’t want to pay $40 for a cover band but I heard from a couple different people that the show was awesome. Also, they played the entire Wish You Were Here album which kinda broke my heart.
But the thing is, if the British Pink Floyd were to ever tour (ha!) they would probably sound crappier than the Aussie counterpart because the Aussies were actually born after 1940. So that makes me want to see them--for $40 and I haven’t been to a concert in awhile.

-ugh that’s all I know actually. Nothing to report. No strangers walking into my room, no wild crazy hot tub stories, or anything.

-I guess I did eat a bunch of my brother’s Dairy Queen cake the other day. I found out that eating such cake makes me really hyper.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Hello From Iraq

I done most anything,
keep 'em doin' anything 'cause
Sometimes I just wanna do nothin'


The other day before I went to work, I received one of the most shocking messages ever. Usually when I have a voice message on my work phone it’s either someone who doesn’t understand that I work in the afternoon, someone who has the wrong number, or something’s wrong and they decide to call me.
So I access my messages

You have one message…
New message…”Hey Tom this is J from (company), I’m just here in Iraq and I was just wondering how you were doing. I’ll try back again later sometime. Bye”

I nearly dropped my phone. J was a worker of mine from the summer of ‘05 and he was a decent fellow who worked hard and I would joke around with him. Still, we were nothing more than acquaintances and I didn’t think I would ever see him again. I knew he went to Iraq with his buddy and I just took things as a “people come and go” type of deal.

This message though, took me away because J apparently took my number to Iraq and then decided to call to shoot the breeze and I’m sure phone calls don’t happen all the time for the soldiers. What makes me feel guilty about it is that I missed the call and--even if I was home--I would’ve said ‘eh, I’m not at work so I’m not answering it’ and that would’ve made me pretty sad.

Even if I was there I can’t imagine I would be all “there” while talking to him. I can imagine myself thinking about where he’s calling from and knowing that there’s a bunch of people that want to kill him and his company. And with that being, I think the usual, “So, how’s it going?” seems a little degrading or maybe I’m just being a little too dramatic.

I mean if I was making the call I would probably blow up at my mom knowing her phone calls,

Mom: Tommy, how’s Iron?
Me: It’s Iraq mom, and it’s going about as well as things can go around here.
Mom: I got some more mail for you. You want me to throw it away?
Me: baaah, no! What is it?
Mom: Publisher’s…..house…sweep…
Me: Throw it away
Mom: but I also have something from T-mobile
Me: aarrrrrrrgh keep that!
Mom: we’ll I’ll just put everything in a little basket over here
Me: baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Is dad there?

Monday, November 13, 2006

Obliterated

Hesitate when I feel I may do harm to her.
Wash it off cause this feeling we can share.
And I know she's reached my heart in thin air.


It was like nothing else, maybe being fucked by a freight train, maybe having you’re fingers cut off one-by-one, or it was like listening to Andrew W.K. in a padded room.
Needless today it was a humbling experience.

No, I’m not talking about the Packers beating the Vikings in the metrodome although that’s a humbling experience in itself. No, I have to say that the President’s Cup is not in my possession.

Crap List
1. Doing pretty well in fantasy but not quite reaching Hog’s watermark of excellence.
It’s 9pm on Sunday night and I have 102 points which is excellent. I would probably defeat 90% of any team playing me.
Hog, on the other hand, has 131 points which is tops in the league…for the year.

(blink:blink)

131 points. I even had two guys in that ludicrous Chargers/Bengals game except it was the most worthless players in Kaeding and Gates. Everyone else and their grandma scored at least 3 touchdowns in that game.

102 points and not even within twenty points of the lead. Good god.
So the past 12 hours I’ve held a steady regimin of crying and masterbating (and sometimes both) just to wash the pain away, but it wont go away.

Baaaah, I lost to Hog! Oh the humanity

2. The intersection of I94 and I694
Basically there’s an on/off ramp that’s about 5 yards and if you need to get on this ramp and there’s about, say 6-18 wheelers all in a row, well, you have no chance. It’s like the smokey and the bandit semi wall from hell. Basically I’ve had to eat the exit and get off at the next ramp which is about a mile away because there’s no way I’m going to whip in and out of a semi. I’ve seen people do it and that’s not my cup of mocha chino (or whatever).

3. The thought of going back to school again
I’m really tinkering hard on going back to school again. I found a subject that really tickles my fancy and I want to know more about it. Still the 20000000% yearly tuition hikes and the $1.5M they’re paying that worthless football coach really turn me off.
The though of school excites me though (for some reason). I’m thinking that building design may be something that I can truly enjoy and the different aspects that go into it really intrigue me.

But then again, this might be a flavor of the month type of thing. Who knows.

But anyway, GOD DAMN YOU HOG. Ugh 102 points with a loss. geez

Friday, November 10, 2006

Week 10 Picks

I swear I recognize your breath.
Memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising.
Me you wouldn't recall for I'm not my former.
It's hard when your stuck upon the shelf.


I believe since we started doing the President’s Cup in 2004, we’ve played 5 times and I’ve won 4. I mean it’s pretty sad actually that we’re trading a imaginary cup to which hasn’t left my lair in two years but whatever.

Hog, I will crush you once again. I don’t care how many points you’ve scored or Ladanian Tomlinson, or your damn 7-2 record. I’m still gonna beat ya ass.

Last week I went 10-4 which is good--I’m back on track. And overall I’m 82-45.

Baltimore @ Tennessee
Tennessee is the team that I look at every week and hope that I have fantasy players playing against them. This week I don’t but I gotta think that Tennessee could be on offense all day and still lose by 20. I would like to see that actually.
Ravens 28 Titans6

Buffalo @ Indianapolis
Seeing as Buffalo has no running game, the Colts will blow them away.
Colts 45 Bills 20

Chicago @ NY Giants
That Bears game last week was one hell of a turn off. I mean I know the media is all crazy for them and Brian Urlacker is king of everything but you lost by more than ten to the dolphins? You lost to Joey Harrington! I’m sorry, that’s not worthy of me picking them anymore. Yuck
Giants 24 Bears 13

Cleveland @ Atlanta
Then what the hell is up with the Falcons losing to the Lions? Good lord that’s crap. I actually think the Browns will win this game just because I gotta pick an upset somewhere in the bunch.
Browns 28 Falcons 21

Houston @ Jacksonville
This is the classic upset game according to how these last 4 weeks have gone. It seems as though Jacksonville should obliterate the Texans like I’m going to obliterate Hog, but there’s something really fishy about this game.

Kansas City @ Miami
I can’t believe that Joey Harrington could win his second game in a row on the road. I just wont believe it. It just can’t happen.
Chiefs 33 Dolphins 20

New Orleans @ Pittsburgh
As a luke warm Steelers fan, I have to say it quite the crappy deal that the steelers suck so back. But because I’m a lukewarm steelers fan, I don’t care THAT much so it’s all good. For that matter I’m actually hoping the Saints win because they’re my new flavor of the month.
Saints 24 Steelers 21

NY Jets @ New England
I got to think the Patriots win this game. I did have a good time listening to the Pats/Colts game last week. I unplugged the center speaker on my 5.1 and it cuts out ridiculous John Madden and annoying Al Michaels so all I heard was the PA announcer and the fans. Those fans like to swear, it was really cool.
Pats 27 Jets 17

San Diego @ Cincinnati
Bengals suck. I thought they were going to be killin this year but no. Bengals still suck.
Chargers 30 Bengals 17

San Francisco @ Detroit
I don’t even want to think of how stupid this game is. I guess I’m going to pick the Lions because they’re playing at home but then there is the whole Matt Millen factor which could automatically make the 49ers win (or any other team for that matter).
Lions 23 49ers 3

Washington @ Philadelphia
If Donavon McNabb throws for 350 yards, he should be the MVP.
Eagles 24 Redskins 20

Denver @ Oakland
Joke…
Broncos 35 Raiders 13

Dallas @ Arizona
Dallas rolls
Cowboys 27 Cards 7

St. Louis @ Seattle
Rams are pissed about the last time these guys played so I’m thinking a complete whoopin is in order.
Rams 30 Seahawks 24

Tampa Bay @ Carolina
Steve Smith will blow up.
Panthers 27 Bucs 16

Green Bay @ Minnesota
The Vikings fans wont be shy about booing when/if the Vikings end up sucking it up. If the Vikings continue with their boring style of dump offs and 2 yard gains then I don’t know if anyone will be around for the 4th quarter except those Favre followers. If the Vikings don’t win this, Brad Childress wont be taken seriously again.
Vikings 20 Packers 14

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Weird Bits

Down and out
It can't be helped but there's a lot of it about.
With, without.
And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?


-So tell me if this is weird (part I)
It’s like 4:30am and I’m sleeping like a lion. I have some easy listening music on and it’s about as serene of a place as can be. For some reason I get one of those intuition things waking me up--kinda like when a centipede is like 4 inches away from your head. So I open my eye slowly, groggily until I find this tall dark object in my room.
My grogginess immediately turned into fright as it was evident that there was someone in my room. I shook a little and took a deep breath as I tried to stay still and study this person’s movements.
Who is this? Why is this person in my room? What are they doing in here?

I then recognized the person and it was Mr. BJ (from my move-in story) and blurted out,
“D? What are you doing?” and he stopped and muttered something and then darted out of the room.

It was at that point I was in severe ’WTF?’ mode. I mean that’s really, really scary and crazy to see someone in your dark room.

-Weird part II
Sunday morning I’m laying in bed listening to my new Ipod. I have the pre game shows on and I’m resting my eyes, enjoying the Sunday morning when I hear this, RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT on my window facing the golf course.
What the hell?
Could it be a golfer? Maybe it’s my roommate warning me that they’re going in the hot tub? Maybe it’s some drunk idiot?

So I opened my blinds not knowing what I could be in stake for.

As I flipped my blinds open I saw my mom outside with a little smile and my dad standing in the back with his hands in his pockets, also with a smile.
I was even more puzzled at this point because, simply, what the hell is going on? I open my window,
“Mom? What are you doing here?”
“I was hoping you’d give me a tour of your place”
“uh….okaaaaaay”

And I gave them a tour. But just think if I brought a girl home that previous night (don’t laugh too hard).

Sara Evans: What is that at the door, sexy?
Boof: What the hell? It’s uuhhhh. It’s--oh come on, not now…
Sara: Who is it?
Boof: It’s my parents
Sara: Why are your parents tapping on your window on a Sunday morning?
Boof: I’m asking the same thing right now.

-One interesting thing about the election was Congressional District 4 where Betty McCollum was running against Obi Sium. I knew both of their kids and I would like to share my favorite moments with each.

Betty McCollum’s kid: I was in the scouts with him and I remember when he got kicked out of our troop for attempting to kick the ass of one of the other kids-literally. He threw his foot back and then gave all he had to kick this kid in the ass but he missed and ended up landing on his back. It was funny and a nice swan song to his tenure in the Boy Scouts

Obi Sium’s kid: The only kid I ever had a fight with other than my brother. I remember it was 3rd or 4th grade and he threw a shoulder at me. I then chased him into the classroom where we exchanged a series of movie style, weak punches. He then gave me this Karate Kid-esque kick to my balls and I clocked him in the face. He cried, then the teacher took us by the shirts to the principal and then I cried.

-I don’t know why I got the urge recently. Maybe it’s because I practiced curling a couple weeks ago or because I saw a skiing billboard somewhere but I miss the Winter Olympics already. Last week I thought to myself, ‘when is the winter Olympics coming back? 2010! Oh god dammit that’s right it was this year.
But! 2010’s Winter Olympics is in Vancouver and I’m going to do whatever I can to go. I don’t care if I have to take out Vancouver’s trash, I’m going.
With that, I found one of my favorite moments in television with the closing ceremonies. Y’all are going to think this is the corniest thing ever but this clip is so beautiful, it nearly brings me to tears. Beautiful voice, beautiful brides, and one hell of a production.

Review of the Transformers: The Movie 20th Anniversary DVD

To stand divided we will surely fall
Until our darkest hour
When the light will save us all


(update 7/5/07 Just curious, what link is bringing you all to this entry)

I like to laugh at “fan boys” if nothing else but their severe nerdyness. I’ve never been one to associate with such nerd-dom and have stayed out of all Star Trek conversations. I was so NOT a fan boy that I never saw Star Wars until 1998 and I usually don’t care for most science fiction. The only chink in my fan boy armor has been the Transformers to which I fell in love with when I was 5. With that being, I’m proud to be a Transformers fan boy and I’d still sucker punch an autistic kid if he were holding a Rodimus Prime transformer in his/her hand

Now I want to talk about a movie that I really, really like. A movie that me and my brother grew up on. A movie that we taped off of the TV and missed the first ten minutes and we did whatever we could looking through 3 years of TV guides to find and tape those first ten minutes.

I’m talking about The Transformers: The Movie which was one of the highlights of my childhood. That dubbed vhs copy taped from channel 9 was pretty much worn out in a matter of 3 years because all we would do is watch that movie--over and over. I remember my brother and I rocking out to the cassette soundtrack whenever our parents would dare leave us home on a Saturday night. I remember thinking that Stan Bush was a rock god (Stan Bush sings the ‘You Got the Touch’ song which appears in the movie). This movie was what I was living for.

Of course twenty years later I know and can find all the inconsistencies and flat-out mistakes in the movie but I don’t care. This movie still has a nice warm place in my heart and no one can take that away from me.

The movie was finally released on DVD yesterday for it’s 20th anniversary. The past five years I have been burning the crap out of this Canadian bootleg release of the movie to which it’s very ghetto. The ghetto movie contains an interview of the soundtrack producer and the interview looks like it was taken in a Kmart bathroom.

When I went to Circuit City at 11am to buy this I found only 3 copies left and this nerdy fan boy almost ate my hand off when I reached for one of the three copies.
“I hope this has more stuff on it than the last edition had.” said the nerdy fan boy
“uh yeah. I think it has more stuff on it.” replied the very manly me
“I’ve been waiting for this for the last couple years. I can’t wait for the Michael Bay movie next year.”
“uh yeah. I can’t either.” and then I walked away as fast as I could. I don’t know why I treated him like that but it just didn’t seem like the time and place to come out with my fanboyedness. Plus, the kid looked like a creep and I had bad gas so I had to get away.

The DVD has a little more than the Canadian bootleg I have. It’s got some deleted scenes which aren’t terrible cool, there’s some old US and Japanese commercials which are really cool, and then there’s the commentaries. The commentaries are of the director and another with webmasters of current bigtime Transformers websites.

I especially enjoyed the beginning of webmasters commentary with out they point out all the mistakes and what they felt when they watched the movie as a kid. I thought the comment on the Autobot’s Perceptor was funny,
“Here you are in the middle of intergalactic war and this guy turns into a friggen microscope.” which I never thought of before but it was a funny ass point. Also why does Megatron turn into a little wussy gun? Every Transformer has it’s own gun so it seems a little redundant that a damn transformer turns into a gun. At least Galvatron turned into a really big gun.

I also enjoyed the commentary about animated movies during 1985. At this time there was pretty much only Disney movies and little kid movies out until Transformers came along. It was shocking for an animated cartoon to show death on a big screen and it’s even more interesting to know that the movie, with all the death --and swearing, it was still a PG movie.

I did manage to see a featurette of 2007 Transformers live action movie which is already highly anticipated (not by me though). In the featurette Michael Bay tells how making this movie gives him the same goosebumps he had when he was making Armageddon.

(puke)

I can’t believe he said that.

Anyway it’s worth the $13 I spent on it.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Boof's Borat Review

Behind her eyes there's curtains
and they've been closed to hide the flames.
She knows their futures burning
but she can smile just the same.


I had to see it. The KQ morning show was pimping this movie like nothing I’ve ever heard of. The local newspaper dubbed this movie as the best comedy ever and both papers gave this movie a 4 star ratings. On rottentomatos.com the movie received a 95% fresh rating, the highest rating I have seen. Beyond that, on Saturday I was hearing reports on how great this movie was from my touch football team. Just one day after it was released, the buzz was going crazy.

Borat the movie was something I had to see. I’ve only watched a couple episodes of the Ali G show and I never really cared for it although the short clips that I have heard of Borat were pretty entertaining. I couldn’t even wait until next weekend to see this movie with Hog and company (President’s cup VI this Saturday btw) next weekend. I had to see it right now.

With all that being said, I’m fully aware that out of a million people, 999,999 will find this movie so funny that they need to bring in a toilet into the theatre to keep from making a mess, the other one person just may not have gotten it.

I’m actually that one person. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think the movie was bad but 80 minutes of Borat is about 60minutes too much as far as I’m concerned. Not to mention it felt like I was watching a little of the old Tom Green show which annoyed me more than anything.

The Tom Green Show had these bits with Green dressed up as an old man and he’d be on a motor scooter pretending to be unaware of his surroundings. He’d run into on coming traffic which would cause good Samaritans to help him out only for him to continue on with his stupid antics. Borat had at least one scene like this in an antique store and it was completely stupid. I don’t think it’s funny as much as I get empathize with the antique store owner (if that wasn’t staged) and think, “god, what a annoying ass guy!”

Anyway I think my main problem with this movie is that I could see what they were trying to do--make Borat a character that everyone could love but he just doesn’t understand the American way of life--but you could tell a lot the movie was staged. When that happens, the fakeumentary is kinda dumb and loses it’s luster.

The one really funny part of the movie I enjoyed was that bear that was locked up in the ice cream truck that Borat and his friend were driving around the country. They stop in a residential area where the kids see the ice cream man and run up to the vehicle, like happy little kids do, until a giant bear roars out of the window and scares the crap out of all the little kids. That was comedy gold but the rest of the movie is just an assortment of Jew jokes, gypsy jokes, gay jokes, and women jokes. It’s like a stand up routine that just never changes subjects.

It’s also very formulaic. Basically Borat is traveling across the country and he arrives somewhere, meets someone, and says/does something really shocking. Once you know the formula the movie doesn’t really surprise you. Also the ending is generally predictable.

What I find really surprising is that I’ve heard a lot of people say, “If you don’t find this movie ‘crap in your pants’ funny then you gotta take a long look in the mirror.” which is absurd. I mean I know Borat is popular but it’s not a watermark in ones personality.

Borat wasn’t a bad movie but I just didn’t think it was worth the price of admission. I noticed the person in front of me checking out the time on her phone and I was generally more interested in that than the movie. It’s not 4 stars but it’s probably 2.

Of course Borat could be a movie that grows on me like Anchorman and The Big Lebowski in that the more times you watch it, the funnier it gets.

Boof's Borat Review

Behind her eyes there's curtains
and they've been closed to hide the flames.
She knows their futures burning
but she can smile just the same.


I had to see it. The KQ morning show was pimping this movie like nothing I’ve ever heard of. The local newspaper dubbed this movie as the best comedy ever and both papers gave this movie a 4 star ratings. On rottentomatos.com the movie received a 95% fresh rating, the highest rating I have seen. Beyond that, on Saturday I was hearing reports on how great this movie was from my touch football team. Just one day after it was released, the buzz was going crazy.

Borat the movie was something I had to see. I’ve only watched a couple episodes of the Ali G show and I never really cared for it although the short clips that I have heard of Borat were pretty entertaining. I couldn’t even wait until next weekend to see this movie with Hog and company (President’s cup VI this Saturday btw) next weekend. I had to see it right now.

With all that being said, I’m fully aware that out of a million people, 999,999 will find this movie so funny that they need to bring in a toilet into the theatre to keep from making a mess, the other one person just may not have gotten it.

I’m actually that one person. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think the movie was bad but 80 minutes of Borat is about 60minutes too much as far as I’m concerned. Not to mention it felt like I was watching a little of the old Tom Green show which annoyed me more than anything.

The Tom Green Show had these bits with Green dressed up as an old man and he’d be on a motor scooter pretending to be unaware of his surroundings. He’d run into on coming traffic which would cause good Samaritans to help him out only for him to continue on with his stupid antics. Borat had at least one scene like this in an antique store and it was completely stupid. I don’t think it’s funny as much as I get empathize with the antique store owner (if that wasn’t staged) and think, “god, what a annoying ass guy!”

Anyway I think my main problem with this movie is that I could see what they were trying to do--make Borat a character that everyone could love but he just doesn’t understand the American way of life--but you could tell a lot the movie was staged. When that happens, the fakeumentary is kinda dumb and loses it’s luster.

The one really funny part of the movie I enjoyed was that bear that was locked up in the ice cream truck that Borat and his friend were driving around the country. They stop in a residential area where the kids see the ice cream man and run up to the vehicle, like happy little kids do, until a giant bear roars out of the window and scares the crap out of all the little kids. That was comedy gold but the rest of the movie is just an assortment of Jew jokes, gypsy jokes, gay jokes, and women jokes. It’s like a stand up routine that just never changes subjects.

It’s also very formulaic. Basically Borat is traveling across the country and he arrives somewhere, meets someone, and says/does something really shocking. Once you know the formula the movie doesn’t really surprise you. Also the ending is generally predictable.

What I find really surprising is that I’ve heard a lot of people say, “If you don’t find this movie ‘crap in your pants’ funny then you gotta take a long look in the mirror.” which is absurd. I mean I know Borat is popular but it’s not a watermark in ones personality.

Borat wasn’t a bad movie but I just didn’t think it was worth the price of admission. I noticed the person in front of me checking out the time on her phone and I was generally more interested in that than the movie. It’s not 4 stars but it’s probably 2.

Of course Borat could be a movie that grows on me like Anchorman and The Big Lebowski in that the more times you watch it, the funnier it gets.

Monday, November 06, 2006

E-85 Crap

Sleep baby sleep
Now that the night is over
And the sun comes like a god
Into our room
All perfect light and promises


Crap List

1. That gawd awful Vikings game yesterday
Holy crap if I could only have those lousy three hours back, I could probably have done something constructive like raking an old person’s yard or go to church, or not watch a fucking field goal fest. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spoiled by the video game offense that the Vikings always seem to have for the last ten years or maybe it’s the fact that they suck ass and their five yard dump offs just are soooooo painful to watch. Either way I think it’s time we put in a black quarterback and watch the scoreboard light up (yeah, I’ll admit that I’m racist against white quarterbacks).
Maybe then, perhaps we could score more than 7 or 3 points and then we could actually win a game! 3 points against the damn 49ers. Oh god, I could’ve been watching Borat in that amount of time.

2. John Mellencamp’s Chevy song
You know, the “this is our country” song that is played during every commercial break during any football game. That is literally the case because it’s always on and if the commercial is going to be running through the damn Superbowl and even into the March Madness crap I’ll just go ahead and kill myself now. I hate having to sit at Buffalo Wild Wings every Sunday and listening to that same twangy crap every fifteen damn minutes.
(Chevy Exec talking on the phone to CBS)
CE: So I would like you to play this awesome tune as much as you can.
CBS: Like are we talking about 4 spots per game or 3 spots?
CE: I'm thinking about 200 spots per game. Like maybe have a complete commercial break with back-to-back-to-back-to-back Mellencamp and then kickoff and then Mellencamp, Mellencamp, and more Mellencamp. Then when the viewer will think they've had enough Mellencamp we'll launch even MORE mellencamp at them!
CBS: Okaaaaaay. But isn't that a bit much?
CE twitching and with eyes wide: hehe NO! hehe more Mellencamp. MORE COCKSUCKIN MELLENCAMP!!!! HAHAHAHAHA YAAAAAHAHAHAHAH

*********
With that, what the hell is wrong with car commercials nowadays? Can they not ever come out with something cool? Do they need to pick the most annoying, stupid, and worst commercial ideas ever? There is one commercial I like, I can’t remember what vehicle it is but it’s got this hottie in heels and she’s just showing the different features of the car. It’s remarkably effective and…If I could only remember what vehicle it was. Hmm maybe that commercial isn’t that effective.

3. Judi Dutcher
If you are running for Lt. Governor of Minnesota, how the hell can you not know what E85 is? Last week a reporter asked her on her stance for E85 (the ethanol fuel which Minnesota is a leader in) and she responded like the reporter made something up or was reading an atomic number off a table of elements. She even thought E85 was something off of a college quiz bowl. Better yet, she asked what Mike’s (Mike Hatch, the man running FOR Governor) stance on E85 was.

How the….What the….how do you…..?

Everyone who drives a car in Minnesota knows what E85 is because when gas prices go up, there’s always a gas that is 40 cents cheaper than regular unleaded. It’s at that point you look to the road and say,
“fuck, I wish I had a vehicle that took E85 so I could save a little money.”.

I heard that audio in the morning when I was waking up for the day last week. I was resting my eyes listening to the radio when I heard that audio clip from Judi Dutcher. I just about peed the bed!

I can only imagine what Mike Hatch’s reaction was. I know if I was him I’d probably say something like,
“You retard of epic proportions. You just screwed over two years of work!”
Or
“AAAAGH YOU FUCKED IT UP! YOU FUCKED IT UP!!!!!!!!!”

But Hatch responed by calling a reporter a “republican whore” bwahahahhahahah oh don’t you just love adults sometimes?

For the record, I’m not republican.

Good lord no! haha

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Week... I Can't Remember Picks

Get out of clothes time
Grow out those highlights
Come around now cant you see


Oh my picks are terrible lately.

Oh my stars they’re terrible! Last week I went 5-9 so the past couple weeks I’m like 10-140 and I completely and utterly suck.

Ugh… Overall I’m 72-41 geeez and it was looking so good before.

Atlanta @ Detroit
Good lord, they’re really going to play this game? Michael Vick has been doing awesome this week.
Falcons 34 Lions 10

Cincinnati @ Baltimore
I came into this season thinking that the Bengals would be out scoring everyone 50-10 with constant touchdown passes to ocho cinco and houchamanrussia. Then when the defense gets all spread out they could hand off to rudi and he’d run for 200 yards for the touchdown. Nah, the bengals, they indeed suck.
Ravens 15 Bengals 12

Dallas @ Washington
See now that Dallas is surprising everyone they’re due for an upset but see this is the game where TO starts burning everyone with a flamethrower and completely disrupting the Cowboys. Then the game will be forfeited because TO burnt everyone to a crisp and can’t play the game.
Redskins 34 Cowboys 31

Green Bay @ Buffalo
See I’m playing Donald Driver so I’m sure the Packers are going to suck it up. Basically that’s the way things have gone so I’m actually going to say Buffalo in this game. Hell yeah, good times.
Bills 24 Packers 13

Houston @ NY Giants
Tiki Barber destroys the Texans. I mean he has to right?
Giants 35 Texans 21

Kansas City @ St. Louis
See these are two other teams that just completely screw things up. Torry Holt and Larry Johnson…what the hell are they going to do? They both can’t be awesome nor can they both suck it up so I guess I gotta settle with the home team… actually I’m going Kansas City because they seem to be doing alright.
Chiefs 24 Rams 13

Miami @ Chicago
Joey Harrington Vs. the Bears defense. That’s comedy gold!
Bears 1200 Dolphins 0

New Orleans at Tampa Bay
Saints…nothing else to say about that.
Saints 17 Bucs 10

Tennessee @ Jacksonville
Jacksonville runs all over the Titans. Hopefully it’s Drew-Parker-Prinze or whatever
Jaguars 27 Titans 21

Cleveland @ San Diego
This is a complete joke and the Chargers should roll.
Chargers 67 Browns 14

Denver @ Pittsburgh
Now how the hell can the Steelers lose to the Raiders? I mean good lord, it’s gotta be awful to be a Steelers fan and to have watched that. You go from world champs to losing to the damn Raiders. God damn.
Broncos 31 Steelers 28

Indianapolis @ New England
How’s this for a game? Basically this is the type of thing were some announcer spontaneously combusts while gushing over Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. It’s every white man’s dream.
Patriots 20 Colts 17

Oakland @ Seattle
Yuck. I’m definitely not going to be watching on Monday Night.
Seahawks 20 Raiders 14

Minnesota @ San Francisco
This reminds me of all those playoff games where the Vikings were stuck playing stupid Joe Montana and Jerry Rice and would always lose 50-0. I’m hoping Jerry Burns and Anthony Carter come out and thrash the damn 49ers and punish them for all those years of ass kicking.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I Hate Dating

When everything feels all over
(Let my love open the door,)
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four leaf clover
(Let my love open the door,)
Take all the worry out of your mind


The past 4-6 months I have done the most dating as I have ever done. In the last 4-6 months I have been on cloud nine a couple times, been crapped on at least once, dated two people at one time, and been freaked out on more than one occasion.

I’ve even been called a “player” by more than one person.

(blink:blink)

That’s right a player. Bwahahahhaha

Now for those that don’t know me very well I’ve never been one to date or have girlfriends or even have much of any info about the ladies. Needless to say I have learned a whole hell of a lot about these subjects in the last couple months.

Things I’ve learned

1. There are a ton of variables involved into dating
For instance: Are they having fun? What did the tone of that last comment mean? That slight roll of the eyes, that’s gotta be bad. Did I say something stupid yet? What does it mean when they lean forward and then lean back? She started out with little eye contact but now she’s locked on.
And for some reason while I’m listening to the other girl talk, I feel the need to look into the deeper things like why did she wear what she did? What does she want out of this? Is she telling the truth? What is she hiding?

And one girl I couldn’t help but notice that she looked similar to my mom. Throughout the date I was thinking of Oedipus Rex and my mind just wandered from there. I think there are studies out there that say how women are looking for their dads and guys are looking for their moms but I am in fact, not looking for my mom.
I love you mom, but no.

2. A good date doesn’t mean anything
Say you and some other person goes on a date and completely hit it off. You may imagine the feelings being mutual but the shocking thing is that they may not be. I mean I guess people can make out with people they don’t care about and still play the part. I have no idea how that happens but people just go with the flow of things.
Especially online dating, it seems as if people are always looking for that greener grass and things just end up being a continual frog leaping competition for Sara Evans or Mr. McDreamy or McRib or whoever he is.

3. I’m absolutely no good at the unknown
Mostly it’s the uncontrollable urge to control things. I’m talking about when you’re not with the date and you want to know if they’re thinking about you and if things are still cool. It’s to the point where I wish I had some sort of a infatuation monitor on my wrist and to see how things are gauging. Things can be so unbelievably good but I will still have doubts and doubts lead to me being a nervous wreak on the inside. Then I’ll get that phone call or email and everything will be right for a short period of time.
Perhaps I need a thicker skin or I need to drop something really heavy on my foot. Perhaps that’s what I need to do, break my arm or something. Hmmm (no, I’m not actually going to break my arm…I may drop something really heavy on my foot though)

4. It’s all just too much
I hate juggling all this stuff. It’s just not good for the ole’ Boofer’s head. The looks, the tells, the signs, the beers, everything is just crazy. Damn, I need a beer now.