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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Baba Bits

What I wouldn't give for only one night
A little relief in sight
Or someday when times weren't so tight

-The real strange thing about this Vikings team is that they're winning against the crappy teams.  The typical viking curse does not call for beating the crappy teams.  In fact if the Vikings were to play the Patriots and then Dolphins the curse would call for a HUGE vikings win against the pats and probably the most excruciating loss ever to the Dolphins which would create tremendous heartbreak.

The Vikings curse needs 2 things

1. a realistic trust in the team

2.  a heart breaking loss

I don't think there's anyone with a realistic trust in the team.  Nationally it's the lack of talent.  Locally it's the vikings curse and armor that has built up over the years.  Somehow, someway this team will find a way to break our heart. 

'75 the pass interference that was never called.

'87 Darren Nelson at the goal line.

'93:  playoff game against NY--I vaguely remember this but I remember Cris Carter catching a ball at the Giants 20 and then fumbling it away with 30 seconds left in the game.

losing to the bears all those times.

'98 the unspeakable game

'01 forty one doughnut against Kerry Collins.  Cris Carter, Randy Moss, Robert Smith and not one garbage field goal.

Then there's 2003 when the Vikings beat the heavily favored Chiefs in week 16 but then lost to the ever suckable Cardinals in the last week of the year.  What was worse was that it allowed the Packers into the playoffs.

So that brings us to this week where the Vikes have a pretty big game against the Redskins.
With that being said lets look at the two rules for the Vikings curse
1.  A realistic trust in the team:  I don't think anyone has that.  Even now.
2.  A heart breaking loss:  A loss to the redskins wouldn't be heartbreaking but this team is unbelievable in that it finds the most ridiculous ways possible to create heartbreak.  Still, I can't see it. 
I don't think this team really has that traditional curse.  I don't think they're going to win it all but this team has a weird feeling about them.

-house hunting is still underway and I'm learning things everyday.  With the holidays coming I think I'm going to take a break from things.

This last Sunday I had my parents and Steph take a look at one house that caught my attention.  It was a decent house but I never had 'that feeling' about it and my parents were acting very weird about it. 

I'm finding out that my parents are giving out the best overall advice but every anecdote always ends with something so bizzare that it nearly knocks everything previously said into a questionable state.

For instance,

after viewing one home my parents were noticeably quiet.  As if they didn't want to piss me off quiet.  I asked them what the deal was because I wasn't mad and I wanted them to just tell me what they were thinking.  My dad went on to say that the house was good but.... and my mom agreed.  Then they told me about their first house and how they had no money with a kid (me!)

Then they started questioning the race of the neighborhood.  It was so innocent the way they asked but enough for a frown.

Then they gave showed me what they think I should be looking at for homes.  The two homes they drove by were frighteningly close to my place of work that I could literally look out my window and there's MMM looking right at me. 

Dad:  How about this place?
Boof:  I would never live here.  Please lets go home.

-Posting will be even more sporadic over the holidays because I'M GOING TO HOUSTON!!!!  Not that Houston itself is that cool but I'm going to be visiting a friend and going 'bowling' and it's going to be a warm 60 degrees (at least).  I can't wait.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Baseball Crap

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.

Sorry between the pressures of home buying and the Vikes game I just hadn't had time for a crap list.

Here goes nothing.

Crap List

1.  The Mitchell report aftermath

I will try to associate the blame as follows

80% Players and player association
20% the Commissioner's office

First I'll start with the commissioner's office.  I pretty much despise Bud Selig.  He brought interleague play in baseball which I've always felt was a terrible mistake.  It's kinda cool at first but it ultimately takes away from the World Series.
Then he brought the Wild card into the mix which does indeed bring more attention to pennant chases but it gives the wild card team more of an advantage with how "hot" a team is in September and October. 
Finally and what I will never forget was how the Twins were an "aberration", how they need a ballpark to compete (even though they have been competing), and he tried to destroy my favorite team with contraction.  He never said, "hey, let's try to make this work.  Let's try to keep that team in Minnesota as long as possible even though that fan base has been screwed by a cheap owner."  Oh no, he (and the cheap Twins owner) tried to destroy this team.  Nevermind that the blatant conflict of interest with Selig owning the brewers or overlooking more deserving teams with less of a history for contraction.  Oh no, he tried to contract a franchise that dates back to the 1900's.

I'll stop there.  I despise the guy.  But I can't really blame him too much in this case. 
He was as the mercy of the players union.  The last thing Selig wanted was another thorn in the battle of Owner Vs. Players and ultimately another strike.  The homerun season of '98 was the one thing that bailed MLB out of that hole.  No way that was going to happen again.  The players union would've never agreed to it and the fans would've crucified him. 
He tried to bring testing in the forefront but I believe it was rejected in the bargaining agreement.  Why would something like that be rejected?  hmmm interesting

How would one bring up steroids up in '98 without a severe backlash in the sport and themselves?

However I do blame him a little bit because he could've, at any time, held a press conference like so.

Selig walks up to the podium with 70 baseball writers patiently waiting.

Selig: *coughs*  First of all I would like to thank you all for the short notice and for being here on time.  Secondly I have a question for the players, Donald Fehr and the players union, the fans, and you the press.

That, right there would've tilted the axis of power between the players and owners with the fans riding the backs of the commissioner.  Fans certainly don't want to pay $20 a ticket to see a bunch of 'roiders. 

Now with the Players: 
1.  The players themselves know what they put in their bodies.  I mean their bodies are a multimillion dollar investment and steroids, being federally illegal, would definitely be a substance that strikes the 'red flag' in the conscience.  Did they not see that episode of Saved by the Bell?  The argument that it wasn't banned by baseball doesn't hold a lick of water because....IT WAS BANNED BY THE FEDS!!!  How could a non-roided baseball player tolerate such crap?  Oh, that's right because then the union would probably blacklist them.
During that federal hearing you guys pretty much told the world you did steroids with all that dodging you did. 
McGuire:  yeah funny how you don't want to talk about the past anymore.
Sosa:  It's very weird how you can't speak English all of a sudden
Palmiero:  Lie all you want you are a colossal dumbass for taking roids right after such a hearing.  Colossal, monumental, even a spectacular dumbass. 

2.  The players association was hiding this as much as they could.  How/why would they be AGAINST strict steroid testing?  For what reason would they be against that?  How come after that congressional hearing when the public was weighing you guys down with their frowns that you suddenly were for a limited testing of steroids.  Weird. 

So if I was to rob the next door neighbors it would be alright because, 'my roommate didn't tell me it was wrong'. 
It I was a MLB player and I took steroids, it would be alright because it wasn't explicitly banned by baseball.

What is even more alarming about this subject is how everyone is bending over backwards for the players saying stuff like,

Steroids weren't banned by baseball
The report is unsubstantiated
Selig shouldn't have had his head in the sand.

And the baseball reporters are truly showing their allegiances by defending the players.  They need the interviews, the Christmas cards, and the scoop when it calls and they wont land it if they start being *gasp* objective.

The players are in charge of what goes in their own body and if they take steroids, it's their fault.  No excuses, it's your fault and now pay the consequences.  

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


It's been a long time since the book of love,
I can't count the tears of a life with no love.

-I know, I know.  There was a major Led Zeppelin concert and I haven't even said one word about it.  I haven't even typed "led zeppelin" in months.  The concert was the biggest thing in music and I hadn't even said anything about it. 

To tell you the truth my love for Led Zeppelin is different from that of Pink Floyd.  With the Floyd I love how the music makes you think and imagine (even without drugs).  The  music is always stimulating and it's great to relax to.

Zeppelin is simply pure rock.  It's like I will listen to a couple albums, get revved up, and then leave it for a couple months.  It just happens naturally and the great part about it is that I keep "rediscovering" them.  I mean after a couple months of being zep-less I'll hear a song off the radio and it will be so exciting and fulfilling that the cycle will start again. 

In this respect the music of Zeppelin is probably better than Pink Floyd because that initial drum solo in Rock 'N Roll will literally get my heart pumping faster and make me....

okay, okay it's like sex.  Listening to Zeppelin is a lot like sex.  That's the best way I can say it. 

I'm a collector of concert DVD's and Zeppelin's "how the west was won" blows everything out of the water.

Zeppelin is my one big argument on why Vinyl is better than digital.  Zeppelin on a crackly record is phenomenal.  And you can't bring up Zeppelin on Vinyl without bringing up the awesome spinny wheel on Zeppelin III.

They played some audio from the recent concert on (Monday?) and it was so good that I nearly fainted.  I can't say that I'd do anything to see them in concert but I would probably feel that way about obtaining a bootleg of their show.

-Conversation online

Boof:  Would you like to see a movie sometime?
K:  maybe but what if I'm not what you expect.
Boof:  What do you mean?
K:  What if I weigh like 300 pounds?
Boof: Then I'd say you're not "about average"
K:  You're a prick!  Goodbye

-I've also neglected to talk about Vikings football.  It's a very weird vibe around the Twin Cities in regards to the Vikings.  I don't think anyone really thinks the Vikings are that good but I also think there's a little, "Wait for the dejecting loss" type attitude.  I don't know if they can keep this up but they're proving to be a very efficient football team. 

What would be really cool is if they had an outdoor stadium!  Let's imagine that Jesus comes down to earth and give Minneapolis a check for $900M and they get a stadium.  I think that would simply be bitching.  Especially if it snows.  There's nothing more peaceful than a slow snowfall.  You can't tell me that would be bad to be around.

-My friend from Houston called me to complain about how hot it was.  She had to use air conditioning even.  So I sent her some pictures of our winter wonderland

Monday, December 10, 2007

Anecdotes and Thoughts

And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
All do is keep the beat and bad company

I must admit that I don't have much of a crap list but I do have a bit of a humorous 'naked Sunday' bit.

Sunday I came back from Buffalo Wild Wings to my roommate, BJ Guy, and the neighbors in the driveway all dressed up.  I got out of my car and asked them where they were headed being so nicely dressed.

"We have the community Christmas party.  We're going to cause some controversy."

Then my roommate had the idea for me to take a picture of everyone and I certainly didn't mind.  Everyone gets together in preparation for the picture as BJ Guy comes over to me and shows me how to work the camera.

BJ Guy:  Alright you basically just press this big button right here.

The thing is he didn't just leave for the picture at that point.  He was flipping through his previously taken photos for some reason.  Perhaps to see how much space he had?

So I saw that he had a couple pictures of the new floor they installed, the new entertainment center, some boating pictures, a picture of a woman sucking a johnson from the hot tub, a picture of BJ guy and his mom, and some goofy picture from Halloween.

BJ Guy passed over the BJ pic somewhat rapidly and blurted out "whoops".

Then after he rifled through those pictures he comes back to the BJ picture and says,

"Pretty cool huh?"  and this is happening as everyone is waiting for me to take their picture.  pfff haha

I can't help but to throw up and laugh pretty at this last episode of Naked Sunday.


The house hunting is going well and I can't say that it's the most comfortable process in the world.  I've looked at about 20 houses and there is one that I've been thinking about lately.  I've looked at it twice already and I think it could be something that I would enjoy living in.  I like the area, I like the neighborhood, the yard looked cool...when it wasn't covered in snow, a dry basement, a cool porch, a miniporch in the back, and two killer skylights in the attic.  What I really like about it is the unfinished attic.  I like what I could do to it and it's the kind of project that I've been craving for awhile.

I really like this place but I always like it more as I'm driving away and I don't know why.  Perhaps home buying is just so stressful that I'm just so focused on finding the flaws in a house that when I don't find anything wrong I get disappointed or uncomfortable.  Also 'the game' is something that I'm unfamiliar with too. I know as a buyer that I'm in a good position but I don't want to overstep things.  I mean I figure to give lowball offers to people simply because it's a buyers market and every other day the front page has a story about how the housing market sucks ass. 

Then my roommate gives me the advice that I should wait because the market is going to suck for the next year.  I don't know how much emphasis I should put on that because 1) she was really drunk at the time and 2) I'm not sure I completely agree with her.  I mean I understand and agree that the market is going to suck in the next year but any house that I buy, it's a guaranteed 2 year commitment based on the market and just based on owning a house.  If the market sucks now well it should pick up in a matter of a few years anyway thus making it a good time to buy.  Especially with the rates being as low as they are. 

I suppose I'll take another look with the help of some people this weekend and then figure things out from there.  If anyone is interested in looking at a house with me this weekend, let me know. 

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Friday Bits

And we go running on faith
all of our dreams would come true
And our world would be right
if love comes over me...and you


I haven't done bits for awhile so I figured I'll do them now.

-House hunting is going on strong.  I've become more and more comfortable with the process and I may be closing in on one-BUT I'm still looking for that one thing wrong with it.  I've determined the area to which I want to live, the amount of rooms, style, and topography of where I want to live. 

I haven't determined if a bathroom or outhouse is what I want though.

-I had a really nice father-son moment the other day.  My blinker went out on my car and I read up on how you change the blinker because for all I know you need to loosen the vibration belt and undo the thingy which drains the blinker fluid and purges the silicon binders for the other thingy.  After scratching my chin and looking at my car with the hood open I figured it out so I was on my way home.

My dad was shoveling the driveway when I took his truck out of the garage, parked it outside and backed my car into the garage.  My dad looked on quizzically but I was trying not to stop my dad because he always ends up taking over the job for me and then complains.

Boof trying to take out the alternator

Dad looking on:  you know you should do that first
Boof:  okay I just...need to.... do this bolt
Dad: you know it would be easier if you do it this way.
Boof:  Well, I'm doing it this way.
Dad: Why don't you use this socket
Boof:  alright I'll go get it.

Then I come back and my dad is elbow deep in my car.  Dammit!

This time I was trying to completely block him from this small job.  I started to loosen up the bolt when my dad stopped in.

Dad: What's wrong
Boof:  nothing....just got a bad blinker
Dad looking at my new blinkers then looking at my car: hmmm
Boof seeing this he intentionally stands between the car and him so he doesn't get fixed on it.
Dad:  what are you doing?
Boof:  I'm going to do this this time!  I want to learn!
Dad:  Okay, okay
I then took a couple bolts off and placed them on a piece of paper in the next room so I wouldn't lose them.  I came back and my dad had my headlight assembly already taken out.  He even took out the blinker compartment and was working on taking the blinker off.  I was a little annoyed but I was a little happy that we were working together so efficiently because whenever my dad is working around a call he always ends up yelling at me. 

We got the light in there, bolted up, and it worked like new in like 5 minutes.  I then went to go clean up and my dad ran upstairs.  I finished up and went upstairs to venison laid out on the counter.
Dad:  Go ahead and try some of that and tell me what you think.
Boof: I've tried venison before.  We pretty much grew up on it.
Dad:  well, go and try that anyway.

I tried it and it tasted like venison.  It was pretty good and when I told him that it was decent he ran downstairs and started throwing meat into a grocery bag. 
Dad:  I'm sending you this meat with you so you can have it. 

I figured the passing of meat was a good father/son moment as well.  I mean when my mom leaves the farm she always comes back with a grocery bag full of meat. 

It was a tender moment.

-Here's my interpretation on the MLB winter meetings.

Twins:  Alright everyone, if you want Santana I only want serious offers.
Yankees:  Okay I'll give you this golden piece of shit, this bronze POS, and another smaller POS for Santana
Red Sox:  I'll give you this POS with potential, this POS with less potential, and this POS who we simply want to get rid of.
Twins:  no, no, no  If you guys are serious I want "this", "this" and "this"

Yankees:  But those guys are good!  What the hell?  Why wont you just give him to us?
Twins:  Don't be pulling that NY shit on us.  We're not giving Santana away.
Yankees:  oh my god... pfff I guess you don't want to trade him then.  Whatever.  We're going to give you until Monday to trade with us.
Twins:  okay?  Alright Red Sox we need this, this, and this from you.
Redsox:  okay but what if we water down that request a bit... by a bit I mean a whole lot
Twins:  NO!
Redsox:  okay how bout we water it down a little bit?
Twins: No!
Red Sox:  sheesh pfff okay god, you don't need to be snippy

And deal.

Not that I blame Bill Smith too much because the offers he has been given have been kinda crappy.  I mean Phil Hughes is nice but we're talking about Johan Santana here.  The best left hander since Koufax!  He'd win 24 games a year with an average offense.

-I bought Eric Claptons Autobiography.  I just have to hear about how he had the balls to steal his best friends wife. 

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Snap, Crap

Just a phone call away
Now there's nothing to say
As the days roll by, disconnected


Crap List

1.  Jewelry commercials

Stupid Zales!  Stupid Continental Diamond!  Stupid Aurther's Jewelers!  Shut up about buying women jewelry.  I get it and I know that diamonds are the stuff that women get pregnant over but enough with the corny ass commercials.  I can't stand the white collar family with the rich, nepotism-rich bastard and his trophy girlfriend/wife. 

Everything is so perfect for that couple!  They live in some rich dink house, they know enough to clean their hardwood floors, the promotion just went through, the morning after pill worked, the dog makes delicious blueberry muffins in the morning, and the mistress got a job. 

Life is great! 

I just wish the commercials were more realistic.  For instance maybe something like the Jack Links commercials with Sasquatch but instead of beef jerky it's diamonds...and they're eating a bag of diamonds.  


2.  My unwillingness to ask for help

Yesterday I pulled up my driveway and tried backing into my garage stall when I got stuck in the snow in my driveway.  I stepped out, looked at the situation, and began thinking of ways to get my car out of the mess.  I grabbed a shovel and started shoveling away the snow under my wheel and tried breaking free again. 


I pulled more snow from my car and tried it again.


I looked inside my place and my roommate and BJ guy were inside.  All I had to do was ask for help and I would've been in the garage in no time.  It would've been a piece a cake but I just can't.  Unless it's a dire need I'll stay out there and find a way, by myself, to get my car out of that snow even if I'll take me hours.  I just cannot ask for help.

It goes on to other things too.  I can surround myself with friends all weekend with the need to vent but I just cannot do it.  I hate the feeling of weakness and having to resolve to others in order to help ease my internal or external feelings.  If I need help with a recipe (in the unheard of case that I cook) I will do whatever I can to figure it out so I DON'T have to call my mom or ask anyone else.

What is even more alarming is that I could have someone highly encouraging me to ask them if I need help and I still wont ask them for help.  I just can't do it.  I can't risk the admittance that I can't do it by myself. 

What is even more ironic is the phrase that I use the most at work is, "if you need help, just let me know."  I want to help other people.  I want to be the person someone goes to for a lending ear and to steer someone clear of whatever internal demons they have but I can't do it for myself for some reason.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Twins Hot Stove

People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)

-I can't believe some Twins fans were surprised that the Twins didn't re sign Hunter. I find it even more surprising that those same people are shocked that they would trade Santana. I find it even more and more surprising that they're mad that Nathan is on the trading block.

Do you people even try to think ahead?

I mean when was it? Back in '95 when the Twins basically unloaded Tapani, Erickson, and Knoblauch. Then it happened again in 2003 with Cristian Guzman and AJ Pierzynski. So why is it so surprising that it's happening again?

I've got news for you. If Morneau continues to be the awesome hitter he was in '06 well then we probably wont be able to keep him. Same goes with Liriano. Don't act surprised! Please!

Hunter isn't even worth half of his paycheck (and yes I know the market is saying otherwise but screw the market). Hunter was a 5 hitter on the Twins which means he's almost a 7 hitter on a good team. I can't ever say that I went to a game to see Hunter because he seemed to be more disappointing than exciting just because he had little plate discipline. When you think of a guy like player like Arod, the highest paid player in baseball and someone like Jacque Jones Hunter seemed to be a lot closer to Jones than Arod. I don't think Hunter could ever take over games and be nearly as dominating as people think. I know he's been on plenty of highlight reels but so what.

We knew that Santana was going to be traded at some point last year. No way the Twins would seriously attempt to sign him long term deal and the whole idea of "hometown discount" is completely lost on me. If you mentioned 'hometown discount' to any agent they would probably have about 30 jokes starting out with "I got your hometown discount right here".

But look at it this way. Let me give you a potential line up and you tell me if you would've rather watched the Twins from '07 or '08


Jackoby Ellsbury
Delmon Young
Punto (hopefully a Nathan trade can fix this)


I think that might be fun to watch. I certainly don't think we'd be playoff bound but seeing as the average age of that team is 24 I think we might have something to grow on. I'm really doubting that the Sox would trade both Ellsbury and Bucholtz but for the sake of my imagination I'm going to just throw that in there. But good lord, Young and Ellsbury in a lineup with a good change of lefties and righties. Dang that's almost sexy!
Then you have the starting rotation with Clay Bucholtz, the guy who pitched the no-hitter in his 2nd major league start along with Baker who was showing some very strong signs of being a MLB pitcher. Boof needs a little time but has the stuff, Slowey will be decent in time and Liriano...woah. If Liriano is half of what he was last year the Twins could be in damn good shape for the future! 2010 would look great with these guys

Monday, November 26, 2007


We're so creative, so much more
We're high above but on the floor
It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side

Thanksgiving wasn't too bad this year considering it was in Packerland

Crap List

1.  Thanksgiving in Packerland
I actually felt a bit guilty rooting against the Packers.  Not because I hate the packers but everyone in my family was rooting for them so innocently as if they've been immune to all the Farve love for the past 15 years.  Even my 92 year old grandma had a Packers shirt so me booing the Packers as loudly as I was was a bit hurting.  I mean I'm certainly not going to stay quiet or, heaven forbit, root for them but when Joe Buck asks,

superdouche:  Troy, do you think announcers go a bit overboard when they give praise to Brett Favre?

Boof trying to hold it in:, no!  no!!! NO!!!! NO THEY DON'T GO OVERBOARD BECAUSE WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT ABOUT BRETT?  I MEAN THE GUY NEVER THROWS BAD PASSES HE JUST THROWS--okay, okay, sorry everyone.  I'm quiet now.

Soperdouche:  Look at how the lights glisten off his helmet.



2.  The Aunt making everyone play games.
Some people like playing games and some don't.  I'm warming up to the idea but when 10pm rolls around and we're all winding down at my Aunt's place, game time is about done.

Oh but no, she is practically lifting us out of our chairs to play.

Aunt:  Let's play scrabble
Family:  meh...bleh
Aunt:  well, lets play something.  I mean what else are we going to do?

Boof to himself: We could simply watch TV until we fall asleep since we did drive 4 hours to get here. 

But to ease the pressure I said that I'd play cribbage because it's a kick ass game.  My dad joins in and as far as I'm concerned it can end right there because my bro is an annoying putz when it comes to cribbage and my mom simply doesn't play.

Oh no, but Auntie insists that they play too so we have a 5 way cribbage game going.  Cribbage five ways is like trying to play four square five ways--it really doesn't make much sense.

So we play and my mom is struggling with the game because she's never played before.  Me, sporting a headache and belly full of turkey, is on a short fuse so I can't help but say my snotty comments when my brother is being a putz and my mom is trying to count to 31.

"Okay bro, do you have a card that less than 24?"
"Mom, lay down that five so we can get 2 points please."

I'm pretty much a dick when it comes to this but I don't care because I have a headache and 5-way cribbage is so, so retarded. 

3.  Tryptophan

I think I touched on this last year but I can't stand that person that has to bring up what tryptophan is and why it's we're so sleepy after eating turkey.  Please, spare me the useless medical knowledge because you're not smart.  Just because it's a word that has more than two syllables doesn't make you a fucking genius. 

Next year whoever says Tryptophan will get a Thanksgiving punch by me.  I'm making that a new tradition.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Boston Sickness

Haven't you heard it's a battle of words
The poster bearer cried
Listen son, said the man with the gun
There's room for you inside


Crap List

1.  The New England Patriots
There was once a time where I actually sided with most of Boston sports.  A time where I sympathized with the losing, the hatred toward New York, and even the heartbreak.  The humbleness that would be Boston sports was like rooting for the little guy to beat the favorite.  I loved stuff like this bit.  I rooted for the Sox in '04, the Patriots pretty much every year they went to the Superbowl and the Celtics. 

Then they all started winning like fucking mad.  The Celtics are like 9-1, the Patriots are playing video game football, and the Red Sox won the World Series.  Thus, my hatred for New York teams has been waning and now I'm starting to exert the hatred towards Boston. 

Take the Patriots for example they score 40 points every game.  Now for every team that has a prolific offense I get very bitter towards that team.  I hated--HATED-- the St. Louis Rams and all that 'Greatest Show on Turf' utter bullshit and sure enough I'm getting the start of that hatred toward this Patriots team.  It's all because of that '98 Vikings team and how they were the ones to play video game football only to lose it in the end.  We had that awesome offense!  We should have all the glory!  We should've beat the damn falcons and their dirty bird crap!


Take last night for example.  Video game football in play with Brady just throwing it to Moss and the poor, poor stupid Bills defense doesn't know how to cover Randy Moss.  You'd think after two touchdowns that they'd stop picking on the Bills and give it to someone Laurence Maroney.  But no, Moss left, Moss right, Moss down the middle--it's seriously that kid who runs up the score on video game football.

And I understand the whole 'there's no such think as running up the score in football' argument.  A team can get something going and make a game out of it.  Not with the Patriots though.  The Patriots can do whatever they want against a defense. 

What are they supposed to do being up by 40 in the 3rd quarter?  Kneeling the ball would be a bit of an insult but so would keeping in the starters and having them continue to kick ass too. 

My solution:  bring in a bunch of Make a Wish kids and suit them up to play the Bills.  Make the offensive line work their ass of to literally protect the life of little Billy who is terminally ill.  The kid can say they were a part of a Patriots dynasty and if they don't live through the game, well they went with glory!

Or better yet...FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST PUT IN MARONEY!  I drafted him thinking he would be rushing more than ten times a game and I'm getting mighty pissed off.  Have Maroney and Moss switch jerseys or something.  Just to screw around with the other team.

So now that I've established my distain for the Patriots I want to address the who's who of Boston sports personalities.  I'm talking about Denis Leary, Bill Simmons, and Paul Fitzgerald.  I loved listening to all of them for the heartbreak and the hatred towards New York sports.  I reveled in them complaining about the Sox and their comic routines with Boston sports being the punchline.

Now those same guys are pretty annoying with their sherry and gloating and their "Hey, I predict another Boston victory this weekend...FOR EVERYTHING!!! bwahahahhahahahahahah Wins for everyone!  Yay!!!"  Bill Simmons has his weekly article on how great the Patriots and Celtics are and it drives me nuts.  It's not even entertaining.  At least Packer fans who bend on one knee to the sight of Brett Favre is entertaining--that's like 'going to the zoo' entertaining.  This Boston orgy fest is vomit worthy.

The worst part about all this Boston love fest though is all the ex Minnesota players on all these winning teams.  David Ortiz with the Red Sox, Kevin Garnett with the Celtics, and Randy Moss with the Patriots(hell, throw in Manny Fernandez with the Bruins).  THEY WERE ALL HERE AT THE SAME TIME AND WE SUCKED.

So Boston is successful and guys are talking about it, what do you want them to do?
I want a major music festival in the form of a roast with Boston being the main butt of it.  I want a variety of different acts and I want all those musicians to give their distaste for Boston sports before each song.
Sarah McLachlan:  This next one goes out to everyone but people who root for Boston.  It's called Angel.

Then I want all those comedians: Leary, Simmons, and Fitzy to all stand in front of everyone with their hands in their pockets and apologize.  Just like their comedy acts started out when Boston sucked. 
Leary:  ah hehehe well, ah sorry about all the ass kicking.  We just wanted one championship not 5 hehe.

For that matter if the Packers and Patriots are in the superbowl I will probably be sick.

2.  "Music is my boyfriend"

I'm talking about the Iphone commercials with this new age and upbeat tune with some annoying voice telling us about what music is to her.

Music is my girlfriend
Music is my king sized bed...

And it never seems to stop.  That commercial is constantly being played and I do believe that song is ten times more annoying than "This is our country" by John Mellencamp.  Enough already, I can't afford a stupid Iphone so stop shoving my face in it.

The song is just the type of tortorous music I can't take either.  The really fast beat and the severe lack for a genuine voice (at least in my opinion).  I like music that is allowed to expand that centers around the voice and includes some good guitar, piano, and a nice comfortable beat.  This "music is my boyfriend" is so fast that I don't understand if one is supposed to dance to it, groove with it somehow, or lipsync.  I can't imagine anyone attempting to lip sync such a stupid song without losing ten dignity points. 

Moral of the story:  bring back that dancer woman who talked about her iphone.  She was easy on the eyes and it didn't contain a really, really stupid song.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Confusing Movies

I guess you finally stopped believing
That any hope would ever find you
Well I know that story,
I was sitting right behind you

For some reason I'm not really understanding movies like I once did.  About five years ago I could really pick apart movies and get good ideas on what was inspired by the bible or the hidden meanings behind certain cuts in movies.  I could probably give a detailed report on metaphors and shit like that. 

Nowadays it seems I'll watch a movie and be confused as to the simple things like who is the protagonist and antagonist.

For instance I saw in American Gangster I didn't know if was to be rooting for Russel Crowe or the suave Denzel Washington.  I mean the movie sets everything up to be rooting for Denzel because he loves his family and gives back to the community but he's also a drug dealer.  Then Russel Crowe is a Boy Scout cop who focuses way too much on work but is all for doing the right thing.  Crowe is trying to catch Washington and it's like 'who the hell am I pulling for?' 

Also I saw Knocked up again this weekend to which I had another bout of confusion.  So Paul Rudd's character continues to ditch the wife and kids for some band or something.  The wife continues to think Rudd is cheating on her.  She ends up finding out that he's playing fantasy baseball instead and only wanted some 'getting away time' instead. 

Wifey didn't like that one bit and threw a hissy fit.  Hot ass Katherine Hiegl then goes on to say that Rudd is an enormous ass and what he did was so unbelievably selfish.

Now I understand the whole lying part because he left the whole cheating suspicion wide open but wasn't it a good thing that he was playing nerdy fantasy baseball instead of banging some other woman? 

I also totally side with Rudd in that he couldn't actually tell his wife what he was doing because that would only start a huge argument. 

So the way I see it, it was good that he was taking some time for himself because that's what keeps him sane and not yelling at his wife.  In return I would like to think that he would allow her to have her time alone if she wanted it. 
What's wrong with that?  Why is that so unbelievably selfish? 

I guess I'm a little worried because that is exactly what I would be doing...I mean I would tell my bitch what is up of course, but I totally need and value my solitude.  The thing I'm worried about is that the movie just kind of assumed that it was a horrible thing to do and Paul Rudd was worth divorcing over.  To me he did a good thing because getting away from the family maintains his sanity and prevents their baby from having SIDS.

You make the call!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Seafood Crap

Cuz in the peaceful lull, the quiet spell
Seduced by the promise of bliss,
we soon forget that nothing's happened yet
We're living for moments like this

Crap List


1.  A night with the family
I consider myself pretty easy going.  When I'm with my family though I can barely take how irritating they can be.  This gives me the question:  Is it my annoying family that brings out the dick in me or does my dickiness bring out my annoying family? 

Let me start with us celebrating my bros birthday at Red Lobster.  Why he picked Red Lobster over any steak place, any deep dish pizza place, or a real seafood place is beyond me but it's his birthday so...whatever.  We go to Red Lobster and take a couple minutes to look at the menu when the waitress comes up.  We all order and the waitress says,

Waitress:  So it's Tim's birthday today

Everyone looks up in amazement.  My bro looked amazed until he realized that the card I gave him was sitting right there, face up with "Tim" written on the front.
Dad:  How did you know?  haha What a waitress!
Waitress:  What can I say, I'm psychic.
Dad:  Wow, that's very impressive.  I bet you impress all the guys with that.
Waitress:  Well I'm good like that
Dad:  Oh I'm sorry for kicking you.  It's been awhile since I played footsy with anyone
Waitress:  I would say excuse me but...

(blink:blink)  There's nothing more annoying than your dad flirting with the waitress with your mom sitting right next to him. 

Waitress then leaves but not without giving my dad a tender touch on the shoulder and we start to talk.
Mom:  So where did you watch the game today?
Boof:  Buffalo wild wings in south st. paul
Mom:  Say, I bet the waitress knew it was Tim's birthday because his card was right there.

My brother and I just shake our heads. 
Boof:  Thank you captain obvious!
My dad, still glowing from playing footsy with the waitress then asks,
Dad:  So where did you watch the game today?
Boof:  ugh, B-dubs in South St. Paul
Dad:  I thought you were going to Buffalo Wild Wings?
Boof:  That's what B-dubs is
Dad:  oh okay haha.  You know that waitress probably saw Tim's card and figured out it was his birthday.
Boof and Tim:  BAAAAAAAH!!!

I nearly exploded at that point but I tried to repress it and enjoy the food.

So my dad continued to flirt with the waitress and we continued to have the same conversation two times because either my mom doesn't pay attention or my dad can't hear.  Finally the bill comes and after all that flirting and my dad glowing as a result of such flirting he tips...12%.  Twelve percent!  Actually he shorted her a buck so it was more like 10% but he was like "oh well". 

I can't believe my bro still lives with them. 

2.  Seafood
I'm starting to try new foods because I have traditionally been a fussy eater.  When it comes to food, I know what I want and I don't want to take any chances on trying new things because if I don't like it, then I feel ripped off.  With that being said, I haven't really explored a lot of foods.

With seafood I have tried fish which I enjoy but everything else I'm starting to wonder about.  At Red Lobster I ordered the snow crab.  My parents gave me some tips on how to eat it with the cracker and the small fork so I worked away at those crab legs.  About 25 minutes later, after working my ass off, my plate and lap looked like a big kindergarten project with stuff everywhere and weird looking tools scattered around.  There really wasn't any meat to the crab legs and what meat there was just didn't taste like much.  My parents told me to dip it in butter for more flavor.  I tried it and it tasted like a glob of butter. 

As a rule of thumb, if you need to douse something with butter, it's just glorified popcorn.  The same thing goes for lobster...glorified popcorn.  That's not to say that if I was in Maine that I wouldn't try that lobster but not here.  Not at Red Lobster anyway.   

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Good news!

Now I'm here (now I'm here..)
Now I'm there (now I'm there..)
I'm just a just a new man
Yes you made me live again

I've been a bit down in the dumps lately.  Last week when I found out that my car was going to need about $2800 in service, I just couldn't stop crying and shitting in my pants.  Instead of walking around I moped and was being a negative nancy--er Boof.  I had a friend that just

Phone rings.... It's from the shop
It was getting to the point where if I saw the repair shop's number in my caller id that I wouldn't answer but I would wait about ten minutes to set myself up for more bad news.

Boof:  Hello?
shop:  Uh yeah, your car is done. 
Boof:  Sweet.
Shop:  It looks like your heads were good though so that's some good news.
Boof:  The heads were good?  YES!!!


So I came in the next day to pick up my car.  The woman behind the counter had a bunch of bills laid out on the table so she was looking for my bill. 

Lady looking at my bill:  Wow, that's a lot of money
Boof:  yeah I kno--WOAH, HELL YEAH!
They quoted me a price of about $2800 anticipating that the cylinder heads were cracked.  This bill was considerably less--about a grand less.  The woman looked at me like I was nuts while I was pumping my fist in the waiting area.  Apparently I caught the problem just in the nick of time and I got to the shop before it started to overheat.  The guys at the shop were surprise and I (doing my best Russian dance) was elated.

It was probably (and will be) the only time I ever get elated to shell out $1800.  Still, I'm looking at all the positives.

-Since I saved my heads it also means I may have saved the bearings.  At least to the point where I don't have to worry every time I drive it.
-I needed an oil change anyway so instead of one, I had two (because they needed to flush out all the coolant that was everywhere).
-I also needed a coolant flush and that was done
-I got a new gasket, water pump, plugs, and hoses so that's all tip top.
-I learned a little bit with the whole fiasco.  Never ever own a vehicle.
-I now feel the need to spend $1000 like crazy mad!  That's probably more of a bad thing what.

I'm experimenting with ways to develop propellers that will go over my head (like inspector gadget).  That way I can go anywhere I want.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Peterson Revisited

Oh, my baby, when you're older
Maybe then you'll understand
You have angels that dance around you shoulders
'Cause at times in life you need a loving hand

I must first apologize for I was lost and now I have been found.  I have witnessed this Adrian Peterson in the flesh.  I have witnessed the goodness, the power, and the grace.  Nevermind this post from a couple weeks ago...

You all know I'm a Vikings fan and you all know I am biased towards all of Minnesota sports.

With that being said,


You'd think the guy was Jesus, or Brett Favre, or the 2000-'03 St. Louis Rams or all combined.  This whole damn week people have honestly compared the guy to LaDanian Tomlinson, Barry Sanders, Jim Brown, and Eric Dickerson and I'm not exaggerating!  I pretty much had it when the Pioneer Press has "The Kid Who Saved the Vikings".

I know the 'kid' is leading the league in rushing and he looked really good against the Bears last week but let's drop the wiener and not get too caught up in things.  Lets wait until the guy plays--I dunno--ten games before we crown him as being the best back in the history of the NFL. 

Perhaps the Bears just aren't that good?  I mean a 2-4 Bears record doesn't exactly reflect greatness.

So if the guy posts 40 yards against the Cowboys let's not all kill ourselves.  Okay?

I now understand and agree with that whole 'peterson is awesome as hell' deal.

I have drank the kool-aid and now I take back everything I said.  Adrian Peterson is awesome.

Alright with that said,

Crap List

1. womam
Let us first take a look back and bask in the beauty of the first woman.  Olive skin, dark hair, dark eyes, a voice that makes me change my underwear, and her in that business suit...oh yeaaaah.  So when I first saw the beginning of a new ad I was leaning in my seat and anticipating the beauty of whatsherface when they showed this blond number who couldn't even carry whatsherface's panty. 
How could they do such a thing?  Do they actually think they can one-up the original woman?  As far as I'm concerned there is only about 5 women that could take her place.  Like if the esurance chick took over, I would not be upset at all.  I know she's a cartoon character but it's the imagination factor...and the voice.  The voice is so important.  Oooh, oooh or the woman in the Mercury commercials.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Dear God, I Hope you got the letter and
I pray that you can make it better down here.
I don't need a big reduction in the price of beer

I consider myself to be one that is very mild mannered and I don't get excited for much unless it's beautiful asses or transformers.  Other than that, I generally don't give much of a damn.

Tier one:  no difference.

This is where something random will go wrong and it could be big or small.  Usually for these instances I will say "shit happens" and move on.  My mood doesn't change at all, life goes on, and live and learn

Tier two:  bad mood

This is where one bad thing happens and multiple small things go wrong.  Usually they go hand in hand because I'll just be in a negative mood and noticeably troubled.  You might find me with my hands on my hips and shaking my head at this point.

Tier Three:  uneasy craziness

This is where everything is going wrong, where Murphy's law comes in to play and I want to outwardly kill Murphy.  The weird thing is that my mood is now better than tier two and it could appear that nothing is wrong.  In fact the whole shit storm of problems is hilarious to me and I'm waiting, yearning for that next thing that will go wrong so I can break into a giggling fit.  I'm almost afraid of my own sanity because at this point I could snap shut down.

I found the low coolant light on in my car.  No problem, just fill up the car with coolant.  After adding an entire gallon Tier one became apparent.  Something was very wrong with this because while I could understand adding a quart of coolant, I can't believe I would need to add a gallon without seeing any leaking. 

I called up my dad and added more until it was full.

Dad:  so everything is alright?
Boof:  I think so.  But where did all that coolant go.
Dad:  hmmm.  go check the dipstick

I checked the dipstick and the sight was probably one of the scariest things I have ever seen.  This thick poo color was caked on the dipstick.

Instantly Tier two was permanently all over me.  I knew I probably shoudn't drive the car anymore since it was now being lubricated with antifreeze so I parked it in the auto repair yard.

Yesterday I received a call from the shop

Guy:  ah yeah, well the head gasket is bad...
(blow one)
and usually with that the heads get cracked...
(blow two)
and I'm not done with the estimate yet but repairing all that would be about $2000-$2500  (as in two thousand- twenty-five hundred dollars) but I'll give you a call when i know more.

I instantly went into tier 3 and possibly beyond because I certainly felt kinda high and in a whole new world.  It was as if I was waiting to wake up.  Like I would look to the ceiling and say..."okaaaaay, alarm clock go off at anytime now"

I then got another phone call from the shop.

Guy:  Yeah I'm done with the estimate and it's going to be about $2600 plus tax

at this point I'm about ready to do a man faint.  This is also the perfect example of the difference between tier 2 and 3.

With tier 2 I would be yelling at the guy,


but instead I was like "woahhhh wuuhooooh spaghetti O's"  and completely out of it.  It was like I just had a lobotomy. 

So now I'm very numb and I feel really sick.  There's nothing I really could've done to spot the problem any earlier and 'when was the last time I had an oil change?' you may be asking?  It was about 2850 miles ago so I totally got screwed on the deal.

so.... yeah.  If you ever have a bad experience with car repairs...think of me and this last scenario.

With that being said, if anyone knows any funny jokes, videos, or pictures, or pictures of hot women I could certainly use them right about now.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Birthday '07

Shameless Sea
Aimlessly so blue
Midnight moon shines for you


Birthday 2007 was not as good as birthday 2006. 

Last year was kind of sweet in a way that only my family could resonate.  My brother bought me a really cool card, my dad got me money, and my mom bought me something so unbelievably weird (ceramic cows) that I just went with it.

This year was a let down.  I came home and my mom was all into her weight loss book where this guy says you need a series of shots.  My bro wanted to talk houses and my dad wanted to talk about work.  I guess all are good topics to talk about but I didn't get that weird present this year and didn't get any cake and no one sang happy birthday to me!  I feel kinda dumb for wanting it but I just think it's kind of sweet when you have the lights off with the candles while your family is singing happy birthday to you. 

Instead of cake my mom bought those cupcakes that people pretty much have to trample over when you first walk into a grocery store.  I was a bit annoyed with the cupcakes since I've always had Dairy Queen cake but oh well.

My bro got me a really nice 'The Office' talking card which I really liked.  My parents gave me a 'major league baseball' talking card which was cool too. I guess I can buy my own cake but I really missed the happy birthday song.  It's odd when it's not sung.  Oddly enough I did my mom's patented 'stupid present' too.  I was all ready for something so bizzare, something that she picked out of Goodwill that I was getting ready for it. 

At least this year I feel good about myself and not so down.  Last year (and previous years) it was always the motif that "uh oh, I'm getting older and I guess I need to start wearing tweed jackets with leather elbow pads" but not this year.

This year I say fuck the elbow pads and I'm happy to be 28.  I don't feel old at all and I'm ready to go out and eat dairy queen cake.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Naked Sunday

I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win.

First of all I would like to congratulate the city of Cleveland for holding the title of "loserville, USA".  I mean for how much our teams suck, at least we don't wait until we get deep in the playoffs to choke.  At least not lately.


Crap List

1.  Naked Sunday
I'm getting pretty sick of "naked Sunday" where my 45 year old roommate and the old neighbor people get together and drink and get naked.  It goes like this,

6:30pm:  Arrive home from watching football somewhere and having small talk with BJ Guy on how much the Vikings suck.  I then go to my room and watch more football.

7pm:  Neighbors arrive and the vodka and diet cokes get flowing

7:30pm:  I get hungry and decide to go to the grocery store to feast on delicious frozen pizza

7:45:  I get home and will probably run into BJ Guy being naked in the garage, kitchen, or the basement area right before the hot tub.  I then feel a little awkward and continue watching football.

9:30:  The party winds down and roommate and BJ Guy end up passing out in the living room or bedroom.

11:30:  I decide to start washing clothes and I catch them in the bathroom (my bathroom) with the door wide open, in the kitchen, or around the corner.  They get embarrassed or irritated and then walk away.

I can handle about one accidental naked glimpse in a year with really old and 'not-my-type-type of people but this is turning into a weekly thing and I'm bottling all this aggression until one day I blow up.


And believe me, if I was living with Sara Evans or that ballerina chick on the iphone commercials, that would be an incentive--a HUGE incentive--and I would be putting such a story in a Tuesday entry titled "I cannot stop masturbating". 

Please, wear some panties or a robe, or something that covers up your naked wrinkley ass bodies.

I guess there are some people that love being naked and I'm not one of them.  I can understand skinny dipping and the freedom and all that but I'm more comfortable in clothes.  I mean having a gonzo flopping around is not comfortable because you could slam a cupboard door on it or drop a knife somewhere in the vicinity of it.  Also when you watch tv it's like it's watching you with that one eye.

"I seem to grow whenever Cameron Diaz says 'sacks' and get smaller when she says 'shit soup', why is that"

"Quit talking to me you dick."

God I hate naked Sunday.

2.  The red flags

I guess it's good to get the red flags out of the way during a first date but it's like getting beat in poker. 

You're at a restaurant having really good conversation for the first 20 minutes.  You know the background of the person and she seems interesting enough until...
Date:  I think it's important to go to church every week.
Date:  I don't really listen to music.
Date on the phone:  I have a really flat ass.
Date:  I'm very much (insert hardcore political party here).

I keep getting the Price is Right loser tune whenever I hear something the red flag and I'm pretty sure I kinda shut down right after that.  Like I said, it's like poker in that you wish you could have a do-over and tell that person to not be so Republican or to make up some music that they like or to simply tell me that they have a nice round bubble butt that looks great in painted on jeans. 

Friday, October 19, 2007

Just Shut Up, Everyone!

You all know I'm a Vikings fan and you all know I am biased towards all of Minnesota sports.

With that being said,


You'd think the guy was Jesus, or Brett Favre, or the 2000-'03 St. Louis Rams or all combined.  This whole damn week people have honestly compared the guy to LaDanian Tomlinson, Barry Sanders, Jim Brown, and Eric Dickerson and I'm not exaggerating!  I pretty much had it when the Pioneer Press has "The Kid Who Saved the Vikings".

I know the 'kid' is leading the league in rushing and he looked really good against the Bears last week but let's drop the wiener and not get too caught up in things.  Lets wait until the guy plays--I dunno--ten games before we crown him as being the best back in the history of the NFL. 

Perhaps the Bears just aren't that good?  I mean a 2-4 Bears record doesn't exactly reflect greatness.

So if the guy posts 40 yards against the Cowboys let's not all kill ourselves.  Okay?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Transformers Bits

Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream
make a bad one good make a wrong one right
power of love that keeps you home at night


-When I read the Sunday advertisements I noticed that nearly every store had it's own Transformers giveaway.  Best Buy had a dumb comic, Circuit City had a dumb cap, and Target had a Deluxe Edition where the DVD case "transformed" into Optimus Prime. 

Which one would you pick?

The picture of the transforming DVD case looked kinda cool in the ad so I figured I'd buy the transforming DVD case.

In case you're thinking about buying it, don't.  It's a transformer like a chair that transforms into a chair that you can throw at a wall.  It's like a transformer for a really slow person.  Slower than me in fact.

-While I'm regaining my 2nd wind of Transformers goodness, I watched the commentary by Michael Bay hoping to hear about how the ideas came about.  I learned one thing about that commentary, Michael Bay is completely in love with Michael Bay.  In fact a couple times during the commentary it sounds like he's sucking on a popsicle but I'm sure it's his penis because he just cannot stop talking about how awesome he is. 

Despite my 2nd wind, I couldn't even finish the commentary because he was on point 58 out of 100 on why he's so awesome.  The man is the opposite of humble.

The man who directed Pearl Harbor and Armageddon isn't humble at all.  It takes a lot of arrogance to be that unhumble!

-I was talking to someone who is already fretting about Christmas.  She's got a bunch of nieces and nephews (ages 1-5) and she came to the conclusion that she's going to buy them savings bonds. 

I'm trying to remember what I was like at 5 (basically down about 5 pixie sticks and 10 mountain dews) and how I would react about receiving a savings bond.  I think the words, "Christmas", "Ever", "Worst" may be yelled in some denomination and a few may be shed tears if that's what I received from my aunt. 

Five year olds don't even know what saving is.  Saving is nearly taboo at Five.  If not then your kid is going to grow up to be a nerd.

-ALCS game 4, Boston is down 7-2 when Manny Ramirez hits a solo shot.  With his team still down by four Manny admires his shot over the center field fence with arms stretched.  He then slowly walks to first for his home run trot.  Again, his team is still down by 4.
It sounds like a spoof on SNL or something better but the fact that it's Manny and he's serious about it is both hilarious and disturbing at the same time.

Yes! Now we're only a grand slam behind!  Everyone bow in my presence!

-Next Saturday we're going to Gasthaus for 1)My birthday and 2) Halloween.  If you decide to go, just look for Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters because that's who I'm dressing up as.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Shoe Bitching

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all, it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall

Crap List

1.  Chuck Taylor All Star Sneakers.
I'm not one to know much about fashion.  In fact I really don't care.  The brown shoes with black pants red flag is mostly lost on me, the rule of colors between memorial and Labor day is mostly something I just snicker at, and 'popping the collar' is just completely douchebaggy and stupid. 
That being said there are a few things that I really can't stand.  One is the goofy bow tie and that one person that has to stick out by wearing his green polka dot bow tie.  I understand the need to be different and being an individual and everything but don't be 'that guy'.  I always have this sense that "that guy" and, I don't know, say child molestation or child porn or Hannibal Lector have some sort of a link but I don't know.

My next fashion pet peeve is the Chuck Taylor All Stars.  The way I see it, there is absolutely no need to wear these ugly ass shoes unless you're trying to act like a basketball player in the 50's or simply be a dork.  I'm seeing way too many people wearing something very nice with some dress pants or khakis and then there's the stupid god damn Chuck Taylors. 

What is the message that you're sending? 
That you're trying to be cool or different?  Because you might as well be wearing a bow tie because it's not cute.  You're not George Mikan.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Sharp Left Turn

You've got the money maker
They showed the money to you
You showed them what you can do

I must say, I'm in a malaise type mode.  I'm not getting excited about the little things, I don't find myself getting really, really hyper lately, and I'm sleeping a hell of a lot.  It's not that I'm depressed or anything it's just that I feel like I'm on that car on the Tilt-O-Whirl that doesn't seem to spin around really fast.  Instead it just kinda hugs the tracks and goes with the flow.

I suppose it's a nice change of pace from the past couple months where there never seemed to be enough hours in the day to do everything but...

Okay changing gears a bit.  I just saw a picture of Susanna Hoffs and I want to do a comparison to her and Sara Evans


Susanna Hoffs Vs. Sara Evans

Susanna Hoffs comes from The Bangles who some say she ruined them like Phil Collins ruined Genesis, but music schmusic-we're talking about ass here.  The band that Hoffs was leading was one of those chick party hard type of bands where THEY would be the one's throwing baloney on GUYS asses instead of the other way around.  Hoffs is about the same age as my roommate (why oh why couldn't I have been Susanna Hoff's roommate?) and she's definitely in the MILF category.

Sara Evans is one of the hottest country singers around and her newest video 'as if' is about as good as it gets when it comes to Evans.  She's sings country which isn't too bad and probably has a better voice than Hoffs.  Away from music she has appeared on Dancing with the Stars which I haven't seen and she's known for whining about her hardcore republican politician ex-husband on how he whacks off.  The blemishes with Evans is that she's hardcore Christian which I've always seen as kinda boring and it doesn't fit with my imagination with her being outfitted in tight red leather but whatever, it's my imagination.  She's also a milf but a younger milf than Hoffs.

With that being said... I'll take both if I can.  haha

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Leavin' Crap

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone

Crap List

1.  Friends moving away.
I'm a guy that values my solitude more than others.  With that being said my friends are the pillars that I can depend on whenever I need some sort of a release.  Whenever I get cabin fever staying at home, I can always depend on someone to watch the game with or to see a movie with.  I wouldn't say that I have a ton of friends nor would I say that I need a whole lot of friends but the ones I do have, I really do appreciate them.

This month two of my "inner core" of friends have already or will move away.  Just reading that last sentence is staggering to me.  It gives me that anxiety type fear that I usually get when everything seems to go wrong.

For Raymond I never honestly thought he would go away.  I remember having this conversation with him,

Boof:  So have you decided on where you're going to work?
Raymond:  Yeah I'm going to be a truck driver.
Boof:  haha nice
Raymond:  I'm serious.  I'm going to Tennessee in couple weeks for training

I never honestly believed him until he left and gave me the text that he was now a Tennesean and that his permanent residence was in TN.  That's when it hit me. 

I never believed that he'd move away because it seemed like a very impulsive move for a very non-impulsive person.  I mean Raymond has never been away from his family, his hardcore-close-knit Italian family and now he was by himself in Tennessee?  I can see some people doing this but Raymond was the last person. 

I feel really bad that he left without any kind of a going away party or any sort of 'water in the face' realization that he was going for good. 

The next person is T who I had met at the U of M.  T and I are big college football fans and we always find ourselves at a bar on Saturdays watching the Gophers lose.  Most importantly T would always be there for when I had frustrations in life and school or that one annoying person who we both couldn't stand.

T is leaving at the end of the month and because of Raymond, I'm preparing for T's move and how she wont be around anymore. 

It just flat-out sucks.  I'm really happy for them in that they're finding out what their niche is but It sucks that something is sort of coming to an end.  It's almost like a death-like category because suddenly I don't have the option of going to see the Gophers with T or playing football with Raymond.  Those options are now gone. 

I'm pretty sure both have no idea about how much I'm going to miss them and the thought that both are going to be gone soon almost puts me in a panic. 

It's just really sad and puts everything in perspective. 

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Grilling Bits

leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you

-I probably had the first nightmarish type of dream in years the other day.  It started out with me climbing up the buildings at my place of employment and me smashing them (Rampage style) until one-by-one they tumbled to the ground.  I was a bit possessed at the time for some reason.  It's like how you have a bag of fireworks and you just want to see if you can blow up a cup of gas.

Anyway I snapped out of it and I realized I destroyed part of my place of employment.  I then walked up to my boss and asked,
Boof: So uh, what do ya think?
Boss:  Well, obviously you can't come back here anymore.

And then I started to feel sad for getting fired and destroying a bunch of stuff.  As the dream went on I began to wonder what I will do for a job and how I'm going to relate with this.  This part of the dream went on waaay too long as far as I'm concerned.  Like practical joke-way too long. 

I then woke up and it actually took me about 20 seconds to realize that it was a dream.  I was actually relieved that I didn't destroy or kill anyone.  What's weird is that I slept from 2am to 11am without waking up between.  I usually always wake up about 4 times throughout my slumber.  It was heavy man!

-Last week team Giggity Giggity netted zero points from their running backs.  That includes the four other running backs on the bench too.  Probably not a good sign.

-That dude was totally safe on Monday night.  That ump should be fired or fined.

-My roommate is now noticeably bitter about me leaving in 3 months.  I'm pretty sure she had my future rent money already spent for something else and I completely screwed up her plans.  What really gets me is that when I told her about my notice she asked,
Roommate:  Is it because of Me and [BJ Guy]?

Which is insinuating that she knows that there could be a chance that 'they' could be the reason.  If so, why even have sex in the garage?  Why have sex in the garage that we both clearly use?  On top of that, why grill naked when you know that I always come out of hibernation whenever I smell something cooking on the grill?  I'll stop in from 20 miles away and it turns out they're grilling. 

Monday, October 01, 2007

Rattling the Hornet's nest

Shall we get into fights
Leave the lights on
Drop bombs
Do tours of the East
Contract diseases

Warning:  I'll probably piss off some people here with this particular entry so...don't take it too personally.

Yesterday was the first day of awesomeness as far as I'm concerned.  Yesterday was the first day the no smoking ban went into effect for the entire state of Minnesota and for me being a non-smoker this is music to my ears. 

No more of the wandering smoke from a smoker or the burning eyes from a smoke filled room.  No more of someone turning their head to exhale right in front of you.

It's about damn time.

I must admit though that I probably do agree with rebuttal about the government telling a private business what to an extent but for me this ruling is just for my own selfish desire not to put up with smokers in a bar that I want to sit in.  I mean I didn't agree with the Hennepin county banning or the Ramsey county banning.  Then you have all the smoker retreating toward the suburbs in order to find a bar that does allow smoking (which sounds kinda crazy if you ask me).  I don't care about the health effects of smoking or smokers.  I just want to come home and not smell like an ash tray.  I mean if you're doing something that bugs other people, take whatever you're doing out to where you wont be bugging people.  It's that easy!  It's common courtesy as far as I'm concerned.  When I have a phone call I walk out of the room so I'm not bugging anyone with my conversation.

I don't care if none of the smokers decide to quit just do whatever you're going to do in a place where I (or anyone else) will have to put up with it.

We can debate the topic all we want but the bottom line is...US NON-SMOKERS WON BITCHES!  Smokers, take your smoke and go outside and quit bitching!  No one is stopping anyone from smoking.  Just do it in a designated place.  It's too cold outside?  Then grab a jacket. After all we live in Minnesota and when I first step into my car in the morning it can get cold too.  Do I whine about that?  No, because who the hell is going to listen anyway.

In a year or two from now the whole idea of smoking in a bar is going to seem so foreign that it's a wonder how we ever accepted it in the first place.  After all, it was allowed in the work place for awhile and now it's hard to even imagine!

If you revolting smokers are going to strike by not buying anything on Saturday then I'm going to make it a point to buy EVERYTHING on Saturday. 

We won smokers, take your rebuttal and bitching outside and complain to all the other smokers while lighting one. 

Maybe next we can find a place outside for people with bad gas.

It happened again!

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe

Crap List

1. It happened again!
For those who don't remember, give this and this a good read before you move on.

Yesterday at around 5:30 I decided I was going to tell my roommate that I was handing in my 90 day notice. If I don't hand in my notice then I'll never have the motivation to find a friggen hizzy and live in it. Add to the fact that my architecture career lasted one week and with that I have a better idea of what I want to do. All I had left was to tell the roommate.

I had been hearing my roommate and BJ guy walking around upstairs so I knew they were around. I walked upstairs and couldn't find them so I thought I would look in the garage since the garage is awesome as hell to watch tv. I opened the door and there was my roommate who was sleeping on the chair and BJ guy passed out over the chair and on top of her lower stomach.

Or were they?

Then I heard panting and BJ's head was slightly moving.

Oh crap.

BJ Guy was on the wrong end of a BJ. BJ guy was eating out my roommate in, once again, the garage.

I closed the door and wanted to blow chunks. The thing about this is, I leave through the garage and they know that I leave at odd times throughout the day. Therefore when I open up the door and I see two people with the combined age of 97 sucking on genitalia I think that may be a bit inappropriate. After all YOU DO HAVE A BEDROOM!

I would even be alright with BJ Guy popping his head in my door and saying,
BJ Guy: Hey, I'm going to be bent over a chair and eating out J in the garage so...could you be a treat and leave through the front door?
Boof: Okay got it. Sexual acts by old people being had in the garage. Don't go in. Got it.

But again, the garage? Would any woman let their guy 'take out the garbage' in the garage?

Oh but it doesn't end there. After I got through trying to sanitize my body of such a scene I decided to head over to the grocery store for some frozen pizza. The garage was half open because they have this heater that runs on propane and they were using the grill all while watching tv and screwing. My car, being parked outside the half opened garage, has the running lights that automatically kick in during the day. I turn the ignition in my car, the lights come on, and the lights shine on these pasty white asses in the garage.

I then shielded my face and put on my sunglasses to protect my eyes from whatever fecal white rays that pasty white asses emit. Actually living in a place that has 2 tanning beds there really is no excuse to having pasty white asses.
There's no excuse to having exposed asses in the garage either.

I have no problem with this in the garage if roommate is Sara Evans and she happens to be going out with Salma Hayek in which case I would never EVER leave the house but they're not Sara Evans and/or Salma Hayek. In fact they're not even close and that's very unfortunate in my situation.

It does bring up some really weird coincidences such as the day I moved in I found her going down on him and the day I decide to move out he's going down on her. Both in the garage.


2. Across the Universe

First some background
Musicals: I hate them. I can't stand the singing and dancing and the "I'M HAPPY, I'M SO HAP, HAP, HAPPY!" I think there's a great way to mix song and story with the final product being cool just that the "musicals" don't do this.
Beatles: I'm a luke warm fan. I know about Pete Best, the Cavern Club, Presley being their deep inspiration, and Yoko Ono. I'm not the best person to ask about Beatles stuff but I can definitely hold my own in Beatles trivia.

Across the Universe is a musical-type-thing based off the music of the Beatles. When I saw the trailer I completely fell in love with the idea. A movie based off of the music of the Beatles. Half the movie is already completed as far as I'm concerned. With these types of songs and breadth and depth of the music there is nearly a guarantee of about ten "moments" within the movie. Add the fact that Bono and Joe Cocker appear and sing in the movie and I'm nearly exploding with anticipation.

This movie sucked a god damn ass load

Good movies have character development, a good plot with subplots, and a great use of of the score. This movie had the score, no character development, and barely any story. This movie was nothing more than an excuse to play Oasis' versions of Beatles songs for, sometimes, no apparent reason.

Why was there a character of Prudence? Was it because there was one Beatles song that featured someone by the name of Prudence? Because other than that there was no reason why she should've been in the movie. Then there's Sadie and the Jimi Hendrix fellow who just kinda hung out for most of the movie. They had every opportunity to give a new spin on classic Beatles songs and all were either okay or stupid. The only song that stood out was 'Come Together' and that's because it featured Joe Cocker and he kicked some serious ass.

I'm not a huge Beatles fan but I was I would be thoroughly pissed about this movie. In fact I was thoroughly pissed at this movie. They ruined it! They really need a mulligan for this movie. A do-over where they bring in new, better writers who can actually visualize something better than this piece of crap.

With a movie off of the Beatles I would hope someone comes up with something so amazing that it gets checked and double checked by the hardest core Beatle fans first before it would be approved.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

week 4 picks

I gotta get my picks in so....

Green Bay
San Diego
New England

will all win this week. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Sex Swing Bits

And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me

-Because I've been so damn busy lately I called a wrote a note to my company asking for a raise.  In the note I gave some damn good points on why I should get a raise and what I've been up to lately.  I got the idea after watching 'The Negotiation' episode of 'The Office' about 5 times.  I'm ready to negotiate if that's the case.  Maybe I'll negotiate my way into millionaire status!

Solid gold house here I come!

-Great moments in Boof speech history:
2004 Remote Sensing class

I was grouped up with super duper nerd (graduate) student who was so painfully boring that I found myself carving out my name in my forearm just to liven her up a notch.  She drove me nuts and simply took control of this project that we had to do.  I couldn't stand the class as it was because the professor was horribly boring and lazy by giving us power point lectures passed down from the years.

The day we had to present our final project our class of complete nerds had to present their project to the rest of us.  Everyone sucked at speaking by looking at the ground, smacking of the lips, and no assertion in their voices.  It was listening to a bunch of scientists amongst sports fans.

Then came time to present our project and we agreed that the nerd would start things off and she did.  Poorly.  She did what everyone else did in terms of hesitation and being scared strait.

Then came my turn.

I was the only one who spoke with power, voice inflection, hand gestures, eye contact, and I even walked around in front of the class.  It was as if I injected life into the class for the first time ever. I never gave a "ah" or "um" either. 

When I was finished my nerd for a partner said,
"good job" and I replied with,
"I know."

-I bring up that story because I had to give a speech at my cousin's eagle scout court of honor this weekend in Iowa.  My cousin didn't give me much direction in what to say,

Boof:  What would you like me to talk about?
Cuz:  Ah, whatever you want to talk about.

Alright.  So I was really nervous going up in front of my relatives because I don't think they've ever seen me speak like this before.  In fact I was a bit afraid of fainting just before I stood up because I didn't have much to eat before hand.

I went up and gave a so-so job in my unbelievably high standards.  As it turns out I got a ton of compliments and my aunt and uncle were really grateful of me doing such a nice speech.  I even made another aunt cry! 

-My roommate and BJ guy had the neighbors over this weekend and as I walked up my roommate freaked me out,

Rmmt:  So G says that the first night you walked in here you caught us having sex in the garage
At this point I nearly pissed my pants.  We were now talking about the unspeakable night right here in the open.
Boof:  haha well I didn't want to interrupt or anything.
Rmmt: You could've asked to join in!  Hell, I don't even remember that.
Boof with a disgusting look on his face:  haha yeah well...

If that conversation wasn't bad enough the sex swing was all set up in the garage and BJ actually got in to show it off.  Stirrups and all!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Pyramid Crap

But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child

I had a bad headache Sunday night so I'm doing my crap list right now.  Dammit!

Crap List

1.  Those sugar coated pyramid schemes

2001 phone rings
Boof:  Hello?
Roy:  hey Tom?  It's Roy.
Boof:  Roy?  How the hell are you doing?  It's been since high school since I've talked to you!
Roy:  Yeah I know.  Say I was wondering if you wanted to catch up over coffee sometime.
Boof:  hell yeah I would. 

I was really happy to talk to Roy and I couldn't wait to catch up on things with him. 

When the time came I walked into the coffee shop where I immediately saw Roy along with another older guy.  I said my hello's and greeted this stranger.

Boof:  So what have you been up to?
Roy:  I got a new job and I thought you might be interested as well.

That's when my smile turned into a frown.

This older guy then takes over the conversation and pulls out his briefcase.  He shows me these pamphets and I'm looking at Roy like 'seriously, what the fuck?'.  The man continues until he wraps it up.

Guy:  So does this sound like something you may be interested in?

I looked at Roy and he had this genuine look on his face like he's doing me a favor.  I got up, respectfully declined, and left.

I don't consider Roy a friend anymore and if I saw him in a grocery store and he asked me where the milk was, I would show him to the opposite side of the store.  I thought that was low as all hell what he did was pretty much a sin in my world.

It happened again last week

I received a phone call and this guy throws out the name of a longtime acquaintance.

Douche:  Hey Tom, Jeff soandso referred me to you and I was wondering if you were still looking for a job or if you have your opportunities open?
Boof: yeah sure.
Douche:  Well I'm looking to fill a position in....

We talked, we found a time to meet, and left on good terms.

I then googled the number he gave me and immediately found the company that he worked for.  It was another one of those companies that basically end up screwing over people.  It fucking happened again.

So I was so pissed that I didn't even bother showing up for the interview or calling the guy.  I figured, 'I can't be the first person to do this and screw him for trying to ruin my life'.

I then get a call from my longtime acquaintance Jeff, the guy who gave this douchy company my number.  I didn't answer because I was pretty pissed at him.  He left this message to make sure I went to the interview with his buddy.

I wanted to call him back and say,
"You're dead to me...but I'll still accept free drinks at your establishment."

I think that any friend that refers you to these deals is automatically reduced two points in the friendship scale.  For instance J was a longtime friend and now he's reduced from longtime friend to close acquaintance to 'that one guy'. 

The only time I think referring someone to this BS is if you're a good friend and to just waste the douche bag company's designated douche bag.

2. My parents and the trip down to Iowa.

I don't think it's my relatives that I mind when I go down to Iowa but rather my parents who don't know how to act.  Whenever we go to Iowa I always ride with my parents because they usually leave early in the morning so I can sleep and I don't want to pay for gas (otherwise I probably wouldn't go). 

A little refresher first

My mom bothers everyone with stupid, pointless questions ("So what is the name of your friend's boss?")
My dad is incredibly anal when it comes to temperature and he gets bothered if you touch the temperature knobs. 

They both were basically looking for blood on this particular day going to Iowa. 

The air was on and my dad would, like a crack head, adjust the temperature knob from 71 to 70 and then back to 71 every 5 minutes. 

Boof:  hey, could you turn the blower off back here.  I'm getting kinda cold.
Dad looks at his panel of knobs, buttons, and colors:  I ah-what eh.  ARE YOU REALLY THAT COLD?
Boof:  I just want the blower turned down a bit.
Mom then motions over to the panel:  Lets see... where is the blower switch?
Dad noticeably angry that someone is complaining about his optimal temperature and wants to touch the panel:  Ugh...Is this it?  Maybe this?  OKAY HOW ABOUT NO AIR!

He then turns it the whole thing off.  I'm fine with that because my dad acts like a complete baby when he gets frustrated but I know my mom will say something in no time.

Mom after 5 minutes:  It's getting stuffy in here.  Turn the air back on.
Mom:  alright what is this number?
Dad in a pissy mood:  it's the temperature.  What temperature do you want it?
Mom ignores him:  Lets see, how about 60.
Mom:  Well how do I do this?

And that's when my dad said fuck for, what I've heard, the 3rd time.

I'm sitting in the back and I basically just want to leave them both on the side of the road because they're acting like kids. 

And that's before we get to our destination where my dad acts like a jackass in front of everyone screaming for attention and my mom suddenly loses her irritation behavior (how come she never acts like this all the time?).

I seriously can't believe I spent 18 years with these people.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Week 3 Picks

You made 'em laugh - you made 'em cry
You made us feel like we could fly

Last week I went 8-8 and almost called that Titans upset.  I blame last week on the crappiness of the colts, Stephen Jackson, and the lack of defense by the Bengals (51 points?).

This week I'm going to dust myself off, keep my head up, and look towards the sky because I at least know one win, the Vikings.

Like I said, last week I went 8-8 with an overall record of 16-15 so I'm looking for blood god dammit.


Miami @ NY Jets
The Jets are my team this year.  I normally don't care for the Jets or any New York team but because I have L. Coles I have to root for them.  That Jets game last week royally sucked but I didn't start Coles so that game can bite me, right on my ass.
Jets 27 Dolphins 13

Arizona @ Baltimore
Baltimore will always have a gang banger defense and there is no other way about it. 
Ravens 23 Cards 20

San Diego @ Green Bay
woah, I thought the Chargers were good and the Pats just rip them a new one.  The damn Packers are surprising as well.  Suprisingly stupid!  ahhahahahahha
Chargers 27 Packers 24

Buffalo @ New England
The Patriots have this aura that reminds me of the old 49ers teams for the 80's and 90's.  It's as if it's an honor to get slaughtered by the Patriots.
Patriots 30 Bills 3

Indianapolis @ Houston
It seems as if the Colts never really get any better or any worse.  It's like they're stuck in their own efficient bubble where they either win boringly or win efficiently.  Basically what I'm saying is I want the Colts to win or lose by 60 points.
Texans 30 Colts 28

San Francisco @ Pittsburgh
yuck... Steelers and don't even play the game
Steelers 33 49ers 10

St. Louis @ Tampa Bay
I'm liking the Garcia/Galloway connection.  I think Tampa may have something there.  St. Louis on the other hand is like the crappy and loser version of the Colts.
Bucs 23 Rams 17

Detroit @ Philadelphia
eh, I think I'm actually going to go with Detroit on this.  Philly really sucks and their defense is not very impressive.  It's just that seeing a crappy Eagles team seems really strange and wrong.
Lions 28 Eagles 27

Cleveland @ Oakland
It's probably the first Browns/Raiders game I've ever somewhat wanted to watch.  Here's to another shoot-out!
Raiders 35 Browns 24

Cincinnati @ Seattle
And then this game could be a crazy ass shoot out as well!  Chad Johnson's dances were pretty lame except the jumping in the opponents stands bit--that was entertaining.  I'm hoping he does something really cool for this game.
Bengals 24 Seahawks 20

Jacksonville @ Denver
I'm tired so ...Denver wins

Carolina @ Atlanta
Any game with Atlanta is now boring until they start Byron Sammitch

NY Giants @ Washington
Same deal with the joke of a team called the Giants

Dallas @ Chicago
Chicago is again just relying on their awesome defense.  Other than that they suck.  Dallas in this game.

Tennessee @ New Orleans
Saints are so god damn bad that all the Saints fans should sign a petition and get dollar double cheeseburgers from Burger King.  Tennessee baby

Minnesota @ Kansas City
Oh yuck.  Basically this game is just the Vikings defense and whatever the Chiefs have left of an offense.  Vikes should probably just kneel the ball every chance they get it and the Chiefs should punt every chance they get it because this game will be decided on defense and which defense scores the most points.
Vikings 24 Chiefs 6

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Crap load of Bits

Light it up, baby,
light up that fire
‘Cause I don't know what's gonna save me,
from the cold now

It's not that I don't have anything to write about but rather, I have no time to write it down.  Every day I've had some entries that I plan on writing about but I just cannot find the time to write it. 

-First of all I'm beginning to think that my time with the 45 year old roommate and BJ guy are about done.  It's not that I've been sick of living there but it's more along the lines of money.  It just seems as if they're nickel and dime-ing me.  Every month it seems as if rent mysteriously goes up $10.  Maybe it's to fund their sex swing.

-That's another thing, I can't remember if I mentioned this but they set up a sex swing in the garage.  Yeah, you read that correctly, a sex swing. 

-Then after a grueling day of work I decided to take a dip in the hot tub when I found a condom pouch (unused) sitting inside.  There's nothing more exhilarating than seeing a condom packet in the hot tub.  So yadda, yadda, yadda...I'm pregnant.

-I'm really thinking about resurrecting the Twin Cities Guerrilla Masquerade Party.  I didn't come up with the idea and I certainly didn't start it up here but these GMP's are where a large group of people gather in a random bar dressed according to a theme.  For instance 4 years ago there was about 20 of us who went to Chino Latino's dressed up as lumberjacks.  It was completely awesome!  Unfortunately the club died off after 2 meetings due to a busy schedule or something.  I know Halloween is coming but I'm thinking the first event could be during the 2nd weekend of November or something. 

For a theme I'm thinking of something tame-ish.  Something that no one will necessarily feel embarrassed about.  I'm thinking of an outdated jersey day.  Let me know if you would be interested in doing something like this (tentatively of course) because I would need a good core group to get the club kick started.  Believe me, it's very good times!

-I got a job offer recently!  The only thing is this job is being offered by this salesman douche who I've never really trusted.  The job seems like a nice position but...A) it's in Los Angeles which I've never been crazy about.  Too many stupid people and the cost of living is higher.  For instance a shithole 1br apartment in LA is at least $1000.  B) I've already been warned that the workers aren't the best and are destroying the company.  If it's one thing I know, you live and die by the workers you have and I don't know if I want to have the stress and BS that comes with it.  C) while the pay is above what I'm getting here, it still counts as a pay reduction factoring in the cost of living so that sucks. 

But the guy is flying me out so I might just take the opportunity to at least take a look.  I the very least it's a paid vacation so to speak right?