His hands wouldn't work the machinery
'Cause his brain told them what to say
It was a helluva of a life
But its somebody's life
Up and down the street all day
Sugar tits: No, I didn’t have anyone touch my “peepee”. I only had a scout leader feel me up is all
Today I thought I would give you miscellaneous memories of my childhood. The kind of stuff I remember and then think, “Why do I remember this?”
-I remember I had this awesome rope swing in my back yard where everyone would in the neighborhood would come and swing on it. This one time the rope rotted out and my bro decided to duct tape the rope together. I was dumb enough to continue swinging on it and sure enough the duct tape wasn’t strong enough so I fell
-I remember when the neighbor girl took a dump on our lawn and it sat there and decomposed for forever.
-I remember at my grandparents anniversary mini get-together I bumped my head on the slide and it started bleeding like a siv. We took family pictures with me smiling and having blood trickling down my face. It was so cute.
-This one time when my bro and his friend were playing around this frozen crick and I came over and tried to jump in when the ice gave away and I fell in the frozen crick
-me and my bro soaking our underwear and freezing them in the freezer to they turned into frisbies.
-me and my bro stealing our caps and throwing them on the roof.
-This week me and my bro went to our grandparents farm for a week. This week we were so pepped up and ready to fight each other that after the week my grandma gave my mom a lecture on how she doesn’t want us to stay over anymore. I don’t blame her because we were bastards of little kids.
-Thinking Hog was a wuss for hugging a girl and relentlessly pointing and laughing at him for his hug. Shows how much I knew (or didn’t know) about relationships at the time.
Hey, would you turn down a hug from Pamela Anderson? I sure as hell wouldn’t. I’d give her a nice big hug!
-playing football in my buddies 40x30’ back yard and enjoying it. I don’t even think you can fit a football on that piece of land.
-playing tackle football 4 days a week and being so sore biking home.
-playing little league and landing in this huge mud pit after blundering this easy pop fly.
-going to my dad’s air force reunions and him constantly telling my 8 year old self to “get out of here” as he would talk to his buddies.
-following the 1990 Twins team and thinking they were the 6th best team in the AL when in fact they were the 6th best team in the West and therefore a really crappy team.
-March of 1991 at the bus stop
Tom: Have you seen the Twins this spring training? They’re awesome!
Todd: Yeah well the games don’t mean anything.
Tom: I think they could win it all this year
Todd: What are you talking about? They don’t even have Gary Gaetti.
-Constantly watching the Vikings lose in the playoffs to the 49ers by a score of 67-14
-Being able to freely roam around our neighborhood without any parental consent or supervision. We had a band of like 5 kids that we’d just walk around willy nilly.
-Breaking off this huge branch at our neighbor’s house. Neighbor lady was PISSED about that.
-My parents buying me the “best of Kenny Rodgers” cassette and I absolutely loved it.
-swimming at Lake Jane and taking this can of pop and drinking the whole thing with only one breath of air.
-going grocery shopping with my parents when I was 5 and going over to the bottles of pop and trying to grab my parents a 6-pack when I grabbed the bottom pack and like 4 packs came crashing down on me. I was crying like a manly man when I had to explain myself to the manager.
-being deathly afraid of floods for some odd reason. Every time the bath water would run I would freak out.
-actually wearing a Green Bay Packers winter hat to school on really cold days. That’s right, you read that correctly. I wore a freaking Packers hat to school.
-Hosting our family Christmas get-together back in ‘91 and everyone in the family at our house sledding, talking, and having a good ole time. Twas snowing and everything, it was perfect.
-biking anywhere and everywhere.
-Finally making my good friend cry when I threw a pool ball at his fingers. He ran to his room and cried and I was a little bit satisfied being a bit of a cry baby myself and wanted to see if he was able to cry.
-life in general without the internet. Hmmm weird eh?
-zoobaz and neon colored clothes
-panicking at home when I drifted off to sleep watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and calling my friend’s mom to see if she could come and pick me up. She did and my dad was actually closer than she was. Still was a pretty nice thing to do.
-when my buddy asked the teacher if Monday was 8th grade skip day.
-reading my sports almanac until the think broke in 4 different creases and also seeing how the Vikings lost 4 super bowls.
“Hmm I wonder if they won any?” I thought to myself as I scanned the SB winner column.