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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

New Roommate?

You slide down into the seat
From twelve hours on your feet
And get the tide to wash you away
For thousands and thousands of days

Phone rings…
J: Tom, I want to know how you feel about another roommate.
Boof: uh, I uh…huh?
J: L really needs a place to stay and I offered my place for her temporarily.
Boof: are you asking me to move out?
J: bwahhahahaha no, oh no! She’d take the top room and you’d continue paying me--living in your place.
Boof: oh alright, that’s cool. Who is this person?
J: We’ll she’s a woman--
Boof: oooooh yeah?
J:--who is 50 years old--
Boof: oh ugh

Which would make the combined age of my roommates at about 95 years old. Not exactly my ideal situation of living as Sara Evan’s love slave in the mountains but at least the rent would be cheaper.

I suppose it would be like living with a couple lesbians…and a BJ guy and be really weird, and it would automatically make any other female way more attractive (that’s assuming the 50 year old is not a hot piece of ass) and it would also make me feel really young.

So there would definitely be some benefits but I want too look at the negatives.

-Two women living together. If I know anything about women it’s that women just can not live together. At all. I remember at scout camp we’d take crayfish and put two in a coffee can and watch them fight. Basically women are the same god damn way. Two guys together, no biggie. Two women together and you may as well string some ropes and a giant stage so everyone can see the rumble mania about to unfold.
I was talking to BJ guy today about this whole thing

Boof: So, two women living together
BJ: yeah….NOT a good ideal.
Boof: yeah? What do you think will happen?
BJ: Ahhhhh nothing good. I can tell you that much
Boof: bit of a cat fight?
BJ: yeah or if you’re a fan of bitching and moaning, imagine that in stereo!
Boof: dear god!
BJ: yeah.

And that’s a perfect example, me and BJ guy: we started out with him yelling violently at me and progressed into having a good conversation of “guy talk”.

-Apparently this new roommate has been extremely needy and very dependent. Dependant to the point where she’s never had to live on her own and has never had roommates. My landlord talked to her about potential arrangements and the newbie wanted me to jockey the cars around when I get home after midnight.

Envisioned midnight w/ new roommate
-park my car on the side of the road
-find keys to newbies car.
-park her car out on the street
-park my car in the garage
-walk to newbies car and park her car behind mine in the garage.

Ah haaaaaaaaa….FUCK NO!!!

She pretty much demanded this of me.

So that pretty much sucks.

Last night my landlord met with newbie about the arrangements and apparently this little meeting they had didn’t go well. My landlord (45 female) first touched on the car arrangements and newbie (50 female) didn’t care for it. Landlord then got pissed off. Newbie got pissed off. BJ guy sat and listened to the whole show and now I guess I’m not getting a new roommate.

Thank god

I think the women/crayfish deal worked in our favor this time since they decidedly couldn’t play nice enough for move-in day.

So now rent is back up to where it was. Damn.

1 comment:

The Steph said...

You should write a new comedy for NBC Thursday nights based on you life and what doesn't happen.