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Monday, January 29, 2007

Oh How I Miss Baseball

Whatever happened to
The life that we once knew
Can we really live without each other?

Crap List

1. People who have to park behind you in the driveway.

So I have a space reserved for me in the garage and my roommate (the owner) has the other spot. When BJ guy parks in the parking lot he usually parks behind my roommate. Great, doesn’t affect me and I couldn’t give a damn if I tried. Sometimes, though, he’ll park behind me which has always frustrated the crap outta me.

Summer 2003, the hizzy
I was in the middle of my marathon training and I always ran my “long run” on Saturdays because it was just convenient that way. I wake up, drink my much needed amount of water, grab my radio, my assortment of Gatorade and water bottles, and carefully took time to think of anything else that I needed. I had to move quickly because I needed to run as much as I could before it really got hot out.
I walk outside…
“Fucking god damn shit! Why does she do that? FAAAAAK!” My roommate decided to park right behind me because apparently the street (about less than 20 feet away) was too far to walk. That or she may have thought there was a snow emergency in August so she would steer clear of that by parking in the driveway.
I dunno.

So that whole situation causes me to try to control myself, knock on her door, and try not to give the impression that I’m mad.
Knock, knock
Knock, knock

Faaaak, she’s not even around. UGH!!!

I just cannot understand how or why some people don’t just park on the street. Does 25 yards (if that) really make much of a difference--and don’t think about football.

I dunno, maybe 25 yards is too much for people to walk. If so… good god.

2. War movies
I will come out right now and say that war movies absolutely have no effect on me. Basically it’s to the point where I could probably come out with some sort of a war movie with the US involved and critics would give it 3-4 stars based on a weird form of McCarthyism. It would be considered anti-American/VFW if I didn’t like a particular war movie.

I did see Letters from Iwo Jima and the movie wasn’t necessarily bad--I’m not saying that--but they just are all similar. They’re like football movies in which every movie is like Remember the Titans which is probably like another football movie. Or it’s like space movies in which almost any movie about space completely copies Apollo 13 down to the point that the same actors are involved.

War movies always have these traits

1. Some historic perspective: They always show real war clips of the soldiers running on the beach or hiding behind the bunker.
2. Characters from all over the country: obviously they have to but it’s just like Forrest Gump in which there’s a guy named Tex and some guy named “Zeke” and another guy named “Bud” and they’re all distinctly different

3. There’s absolutely no women in these movies: Say what you want but I’m a big fan of women: I listen to mostly women in music, I fantasize about women, and women make me…happy. Therefore, I need women (hot women preferably) in any movie. In Iwo Jima they had a total of about 2 women. If there are women they’re usually on a dock waving a handkerchief and crying.

4. Tons of artillery being shot off: again, totally understandable but this is the equivalent of someone clicking a pen next to me.

And yadda-yadda-yadda. Iwo Jima wasn’t bad--It was a bit interesting having a new perspective on things with the movie giving the Japanese side of things, but it’s still a war movie.

I will say this though, Glory is pretty awesome. I believe war movies begin and end with Glory but that’s probably because I like the racial prejudice type of movies.

3. $4 for a coke at Twinsfest
Twinsfest is just like any marathon expo where they make you attend just to collect your bib and numbers. Twins fest marks the first time tickets go on sale for the 2007 season and they have all the ballplayers out to give autographs, booths with radio stations, and it’s the upper midwests largest card show. It sounds like a gimmick and it’s even $10 to get in BUT you get a free twins ticket with the admission. And it’s not just any ticket, it’s a $20 valued ticket too so it pays to go there!

But amongst the booths, they have the typical ballpark cafĂ© where they serve typical ballpark stuff: chips, beer, pretzels, hot dogs, and popcorn. I actually thought that prices would be somewhat cheaper since there didn’t seem to be any fund raiser involved with the concessions and it’s the middle of January. Nope, $4 for a damn 20oz. Of Coke. $4! Now that’s about a 400% profit on the a damn bottle of pop.
I know it’s no different than a typical ball game but this isn’t a typical ballgame! People paid $10 for crap and most of their money is going to charity so why not give the crowd a bit of a break.

Come on, why can’t that $.75 RC Cola booth at the State Fair just come to the places that I go to.

Baaah!

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