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Monday, February 19, 2007

Timed Crap

Everywhere, the water's getting rough
And your best intentions may not be enough
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight


Crap List

1. Bathrooms in locker rooms

I’ve been meaning to add this particular point for the past couple years and I’m constantly reminded of it every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday when I go to the gym.

Please don’t drop a deuce while I’m: taking a shower, putting on or off my clothes, or taking off my shoes. You might as well be on a stage with a spotlight dropping said deuce because bathrooms have pretty damn good acoustics and the smell goes everywhere. There’s nothing more depressing than when you’re showering and have that clean feeling going on when poop stank comes creeping in.

The only time I can see where that action is called for is if there’s a Dumb and Dumber type of colossal dump of biblical proportions in which case the guy should be dumped with Gatorade after such an accomplishment. Anything less than that is just sick and wrong…even for guys.

I suppose some locker rooms are the only bathroom in the joint so I guess you can only do what you can do in that case. Don’t expect me to dump you with Gatorade though.

2. Movies with timed plots

I loved Saw when I finally saw it. I thought it was smart, well done, and it grabbed you all the way through. I have been meaning to see Saw II for awhile but, for some reason, I just never got around to doing so. I saw it, and it just pissed me off.

These kids have 2 hours to figure a way out of this house. What do they do? They sit around and bitch and moan and cry and fight for about an hour in a half.

That. Drives. Me. Nuts.

Basically stuff like that makes me root for the antagonist because I figure if you’re too stupid to focus on the problem at hand then you don’t deserve to live…or my attention for that matter. Basically movies that go like that just make me want to jump up and down and swear really loudly. It’s frustrating and I can’t believe the audience is supposed to root for such stupid people.

1 comment:

Hedy De Vine said...

pooping in public is a definite no-no. although i have to admit i am guilty of having done it a few times in my life. sometimes you just can't hold that shit in.