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Friday, March 30, 2007

Twins 2007 Preview

Bus is rolling along, outside it's looking kind of strange
There earth is shaking, the clouds are breaking
Everything is blue, where it was gray

2007 Twins Preview

Oh thank Christ the baseball season is back! I just barely survived the endless NBA and Spring Training bullshit that always happens after the NCAA 1st and 2nd rounds and before opening day. Like I said last year, baseball is that sweet, beautiful, good woman that brings you banana bread in the morning.

With that being said it’s hard to say that the Twins outlook looks promising with the unbelievable run they had last year (what can top that?). But this year the lineup remains unchanged, the bullpen is unchanged, but the starting rotation seems to be suspect. With that being said, I believe the Twins are a stronger team than the paper that represents them says. I also think that they have as good of a lineup as one could ask for in MLB.

The one area of concern is how awesome the AL Central is supposed to be. I believe the Central has 4 of the top ten teams in baseball and any team could win in the NL. Too bad they’re all in the AL I guess

Pitching is without a doubt the biggest question coming into 2007. Twins added some very questionable pitchers in Ramon Ortiz, Sidney Ponson, and signing Carlos Silva to an extension. The automatic reaction is to drop the jaw and say “WTF?” but pitching coach Rick Anderson has a knack for resurrecting pitchers and is considered a “pitching guru” by the baseball community. Perhaps, just perhaps, a change in scenery and a winning attitude would be enough to convince these guys to pitch some quality starts.
Twins lost a couple pitchers from last season in Radke and Liriano but people forget that he only pitched one game after July 28th and the Twins still managed a record of 37-24 after his July 28th start.
Radke is a bit of a loss but…at least we don’t have to deal with the obligatory first inning run anymore. Plus the Twins have some decent options to take his place.

Johan Santana
Best pitcher in baseball and the national media even says so.
21-6 2.65 ERA

Carlos Silva
Probably the most controversial pitcher in the rotation. Fans were amazed that the Twins gave Silva a $4M extension after his ‘06 year in which he had as bad of an ERA as any starting pitcher in the AL. The guy has been mostly a mess and can certainly give up a lot of home runs BUT…when his sinker is working he can be as efficient as a pitcher can be. I think his ‘05 year has been very much overlooked when he gained a 3.44 ERA and a couple complete games. I understand his work in spring training has been terrible but I don’t really consider anything I see in spring training anything worth talking about.
I believe Silva will be in the rotation longer than most people will believe and if not, there are some quick options in Garza and Slowey in the minors waiting for a chance

6-8 4.90ERA

Boof Bonser
I know I’m a bit biased but Boof is a lot better than people are giving him credit for. The guy was as responsible as any team for the 2nd half streak by going 4-1 with a 2.63 ERA in September. One notable game was against the Tigers when he pitched 7 innings and gave up one run in a 2-1 win. This year I think he’ll surprise a ton of people in the national media. He can strike guys out and can find his way out of jams.
15-7 3.70 ERA

Ramon Ortiz
Ugh… I don’t really know why the Twins got this guy but they had to have seen something by offering him $3M. Last year the guy had the spacious RFK stadium to pitch with and he still gave up 31 home runs. I just don’t know. I have a feeling that with the outrageous prices that most pitchers went for last offseason that $3M for a starter was decent insurance for a starting rotation in dire need of a veteran presence. I don’t fuckin know.
I’m hoping a new catcher and pitching coach will help solve some problems
8-14 5.20ERA

Sidney Ponson
Eh…again, I just don’t know. Twins obviously have liked him enough to keep him on the rotation and thus signing him to $1M. I guess he’s a sinker ball pitcher and perhaps him and Silva can pool their resources and come up with a great sinker or something. It’s really hard to say.
2-5 5.80 ERA

So…with those starters you’d think that the Twins are destined for failure. Well, maybe and maybe not but there is some relief in the minors with Matt Garza, Kevin Slowey, and Glen Perkins

Matt Garza
Has been considered one of the top *top* prospects in baseball. Whatever they said about Liriano is almost what they’re saying about Garza. He is considered to be a future Ace

Kevin Slowey
Is one of the best control pitchers in the minors and has actually been compared to Greg Maddox on more than one occasion. He’s also a highly regarded prospect and would be any other teams coveted prospect.

Glen Perkins
Was very impressive in the 5 innings that he pitched in relief last year. Perkins struck out 6 batters In the 5.66 innings he pitched. Not too bad.

If any starter falls off, I would like to believe that Garza would be the absolute first pitcher to be called up and should be a considerable improvement. Next maybe Perkins and Slowey. I think the only reason why these guys are in the minors is because Terry Ryan wants to keep their MLB playing time down to a minimum just to maximize their value. The longer they stay down in the minors the longer the Twins can keep them for cheap.


Last year the Twins had as good of a bullpen as any team in the majors. They have the best closer in the game, one of the best setup men in Rincon and Crain, and two of the best righty/lefty specialists in Reyes and Neshek.
Reyes and Neshek were especially surprising last year with how they could easily fill their role. Neshek against right handed hitters is almost laughable just as Reyes is with lefties.

There’s nothing much else to say about this except that Perkins may end up back in the bullpen at some point to get some experience.


Last year the Twins hitters were as efficient as any team in baseball. They weren’t the most powerful team but they certainly have their piranhas who will seem to score with every double hit. What is most interesting about this lineup is the 7,8,9 hitters who could be the best 7,8,9 hitters in baseball.

Luis Castillo
Efficient, fast for his age, and plays his role. His switch hitting role is highly underrated and his defense is still pretty decent. His age and durability is somewhat questionable but minor leaguer Alexi Casilla is considered to be Castillo’s clone (right on down to the switch hitting) and he can come up and fill this position whenever he’s needed.

.290 4 HR 55RBI’s

Nick Punto
Everyone considers whatever Punto did last year to be his absolute career year. I say, how the hell does one know what a career year is until one hits 74 homers and drives in 150RBI’s? Punto is definitely a piranha and showed me some guts and a very athletic third basemen. For a corner infielder he doesn’t have the prototypical type of power that some people believe is absolutely essential for every corner infielder but so what. I think with his lack of power he makes up in speed and athleticism.
.305 2HR 50

Joe Mauer
I love looking at this guy’s on base percentage from last year of .429 and his slugging percentage of .507 shows that he’s more than just a “singles hitter”. Watching the guy work a count is fascinating and knowing that he’s also great defensively make him one of the top players in baseball
.330 20 100

Michael Cuddyer
I think this spot in the order could be the instantaneous slump buster because how could one not hit well between Mauer and Morneau who isn’t left handed? I think Cuddyer could have a killer year now that he’s the set right fielder (remember last year he wasn’t a lock until May). His arm in right field also is something to witness live. Not many players will be running in his cannon.

.310 34 120

Justin Morneau
I’m worried about Morneau. Last time he had this much expectation he hit .240 and was almost sent down to the minor leagues. This year he has the expectations of any previous MVP can gather. Can he repeat or even exceed his numbers of last year? I don’t know and I tend not to think so because I still question his character. To me Morneau is the barometer to the lineup. I think if he struggles then the team will struggle, if he hits well then the rest of the lineup will excel. One thing that is promising his OBP of .375 which isn’t that huge but considering that he was only intentionally walked 9 times shows that he can work his way on base.

.290 37 110

Torii Hunter
I dunno, he’s getting older and I’ve been pretty harsh on him in the past. He should be batting in the 6th position which should help him find pitches. I can see his age allowing him to regress but I also see that mistake in the playoffs encouraging him to try to live it off.

.265, 22, 78

Rondell White
Everyone looks to his awful first half of last year and say the guy is worthless. What they fail to tell you is how good he hit after the all star game with his numbers of .321/.354/.538. The guy had the one huge slump of his career and luckily the Twins were able to cope with such a slump. I think he’s another .300 hitter this year and him batting 7th makes the lineup really impressive

.310, 15, 70

Jason Kubel/Mark Redmond
Kubel had all year to rest up his bum legs--last year my grandma could’ve thrown him out--but the Twins still like the guy and he’s the left handed hitter platoon guy they’re looking at. Redmond found tons of success feasting against left handed pitchers with his .467OBP against lefties.
.290 7 30

Jason Bartlett
My favorite player on the team. I love how I can look at a box score and see the Twins having only 5 hits, 3 of which come from the nine hitter in Bartlett. I love how Jason can find his way on base and I think he’s a pretty good shortstop. He doesn’t get any national attention but I can’t help but think he’s got to be the best hitting ninth hitter in baseball. This being his third season (and first full season) I’m curious to know how this year goes for him.
.300 5 40

AL Central

I believe the AL Central is the strongest in baseball. I also think the central has the best team in baseball with the Tigers and their immense depth. To me the Tigers have every facet of baseball covered with their unbelievable starting five and that lineup. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Tigers won 110 games this year.

The White Sox come into this year with Darin Erstad in center and without Freddy Garcia which I think is a definite loss to their rotation. That lineup they have still has Konerko/Thome/Dye as the 3,4,5 hitters so that is always scary but I just don’t trust that rotation and their bullpen.

The Indians is the new favorite in the baseball world but I just don’t understand how that is. Last year they had great years out of Hafner, Sizemore, Martinez, and Sabathia but they still managed a losing record. I understand that was due to errors but how exactly did they find 20 wins in the offseason? Also whenever someone mentions how great the Indians will be they talk about Sabathia but then glaze over the rest of the rotation and dismiss it as very good. No doubt they have some decent arms but it’s a lot like Jekyll and Hyde. I just don’t’ see this team matching up with the Tigers or even Twins when you compare position to position.

The Royals have nowhere to go but up. Unfortunately they’re in the wrong division to try and manage anything (imagine being in the same division as Chicago, Detroit, Minnesota, and Cleveland! Good lord!)

The way I see it, the AL Central is as follows
White Sox

And happy opening day for everyone!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Phillips is an Idiot Bits

but I cut some cord, and i shouldn't have done it,
and it won't forgive me after all these years

-I still have yet to tell my landlord about my plans for moving out. Lately she’s been having health problems but I think that may have something to do with her being a hypochondriac. She has also expressed to me in the past how she wants me to stay there until I’m 42 which would make her….yikes.

But god, of course she would like me to stay until I’m 42 because I’d be shelling out $400 to her every month (and that’s if she doesn’t raise the rent) until she’s sucking up the rest of social security. Hell, I could only hope I get a roommate even half as cool as me (not very likely) when I get my hizzy.

--just think of all the power three of me would have. Damn--

-Last Saturday I had to change the serpentine belt in my car. I stole some of my brother’s crappy clothes and walked up to the car when my dad asked,
“What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna do this and you’re gonna tell me what to do”

Reason being, I want to learn how to do it and I want to know more about changing shit in my car.
So we began and we started off by simply staring at the belt, then the engine mount located inside the belt, finally the engine. GM, or some reason, decided to put the engine mount right inside the belt so one has to lift the engine up enough to wiggle the belt from the mount…..blah blah blah basically it was a job that was beyond me and I needed the help of my dad.

Actually it was a two person job because someone’s gotta bring my dad ice water and tune the radio while he’s lifting the engine. Looks like I wore crappy clothes for a good reason.

-Looks like Anna Nicole died because of drugs.


-I attended orientation at the U of M last Tuesday. I believe this is about the 5th orientation I have been to in my collegiate career and I have concluded that after 150 credits I should be immune to any kind of stupid bullshit a school hosts.

They stuck me along with a dozen 20 year olds in this dungeon where workers were cutting up scrap copper next door. Then this woman went on to tell us about how wonderful the college of Liberal Arts is. I have to go to CLA because college of architecture just doesn’t allow some bum off the street in their program. I have always felt that CLA is the worst excuse for college period with their plethora of liberal arts programs and their degrees that…don’t go anywhere…like the ones that I have collected so far *frown*

So I have to decide after this first class whether or not I want to continue my architecture dreams. I have to admit that I’m inclined to doing so with the thought of having cheap gophers season tickets in 2009 as sad as that sounds.

-Twins are rated the 14th best franchise in terms of fan satisfaction.
Vikes are 120. HA!

-I just read the latest article by Steve Phillips who is constantly featured on Baseball Tonight on ESPN. After reading the article I felt the need to do a quick google search.

“Steve Phillips is so stupid” is what I typed in the google box and I found these excellent pages and most notably this mockery of his latest article.

Tomorrow…is the 2007 Twins preview. BE THERE!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Good Movies...uh Yo

When troubles call, and your backs to the wall
There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

The Departed
Stranger Than Fiction
Rocky Balboa
Black Snake Moan

These are the last four movies that I have seen and with me having the notion that 2 out of ten movies will be decent, this is one hell of a good movie streak.

First let me give a quickie review of Rocky Balboa since some of you may be surprised to see that up there. I have been a semi-Rocky fan. I don’t love Rocky movies but every time one is on TNT I will drop everything in life just to watch the end of said movie--especially if it’s Rocky IV…I can’t get enough of Carl Weathers dancing like an idiot.

I came into this movie thinking what a fucking joke it is for Stallone to make another Rocky movie with him being 65 or whatever. This is actually what everyone should think and unbelievably, Stallone knew that and based a movie around that notion. Thinking this was going to be an extension of that awful Rocky V movie, I felt that this would be another yawn fest of making a comeback and “rock-ey, rock-ey, rock-ey” which I guess both are true but it’s respectful in the way of if Bud Grant came back to coach or something.

The movie does have a weird way of gripping the audience before they know it. Stallone does a great job of reacquainting the character of Rocky by dedicating a third of the movie with straight dialogue and laying the foundation of a very dignified and lovable hero. Also he doesn’t waste the time in setting up some contrived love scene but instead making a friendship with a woman he helped back 30 years ago.

I’m not kidding. This movie is really good and is arguably in the top 3 range for Rocky movies.

Review over

But I am amazed at how many good and new movies I have ran into. Without a doubt I’ve been avoiding movies with Tim Allen and directed by M. Night. Shymalon so I figure I have a good radar for things like that but still I always run into a dud like Saw II or Reign of Fire or crap like that.

I just read that last paragraph and I did something that I dislike when I read blogs, it’s the “I can’t believe how boring my example is” type of thing. Oh well, deal with it I guess.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Beware of Snow

But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

1. Some of the people at the Patty Griffin concert last night.
Concerts always seem to be a “catch 22” for me because I can’t wait to hear the music but these concerts always have the one or two obnoxious drunken fans who can’t seem to SHUT THE FUCK UP! Take last night for example- Griffin finishes up a heart stopping version of “When it Don’t Come Easy” and everyone’s clapping, giving their hoots and hollers, and giving her the love she deserved. The applause comes to an end as Griffin steps up to the mic and everyone is waiting for some between song anecdotes. Then this crazy bitch yells,
“RAAAAAAIIIIIIINN! PLAY RAIN!!!” Griffin looks over nervously and tries to ignore her. Another song plays and after the song, “RAAAAAAIIIN! I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU PLAY RAIN!”

And this is not a pleasant voice. This is a voice of a fat woman who yells from across the room to get her kids to wash the dishes with the belief of ‘the louder and more crazy the voice, the more the message will come across’. She also clearly idolized Rosanne Barr as well.

At one point she made this noise that sounded like a feral cat. It was like “reeeerrrrwwwwrrr!”. I think she meant “Rain” but it was enough that if she sat near me I would’ve gotten up and punched her in the gunt good and hard.

Finally Griffin played fucking “Rain” (which is a good song) but I believe she played it just so that fucking crazy bitch would just shut the fuck up.

2. People who apparently have never lived in Minnesota and who should know better.

I’ve heard way too many comments about how “we can finally put the coats away because summer is coming” or my favorite “This had to be the worst winter we’ve had in 50 years”.

Me and my coworker were talking about this the other day and this was, in no way, a bad winter. It’s actually a little bit of what I expect every winter minus the lack of snowfall going into January. I remember back in the day when we wouldn’t see bare ground at all between the months of December and March. I remember at least once a year where drifts would come up to my waist--granted the height of my waist as changed through the years but you know.

The fact is the past 5 years have been the absolute weakest winters I have ever seen. Temperatures of 70 in November, barely any snow at all, and rarely have temperatures been below zero. Then suddenly all that happens and people think we should ask for government funding we happen to be having an actual winter for the first time in 5 years.

And then the notion that summer is already here…COME ON.
I know today is going to be 75 and sunny but it’s still March 26th and it does (and will) snow in April. Every year Mother Nature plays her practical joke on us by giving us a week of great 60 and 70 degree weather. All the girls come from ‘hot girl camp’, we bust out the t-shirts, and everyone is happy. Then you wake up that one morning and open the blinds and find a retinal piercing wall of winter wonderland. No more sun. No more grass. The hotties have briefly hopped back on the bus back to ‘hot girl camp’. Whatever hopes and dreams the previous week with great weather has now been destroyed and it seems as if all that progress of melting snow is down the drain.
It’s one of the most depressing days in the year but it happens EVERY. FUCKING. YEAR!

I’m not a meteorologist but I’m telling everyone right now, IT WILL SNOW AGAIN! So don’t bitch about it when it does and don’t you dare tell me how unusual it is!

Friday, March 23, 2007


Did you ever wonder
Why we had to run for shelter
When the promise of a brave new world
Unfurled beneath a clear blue sky

Listening to the radio on my way to the bank…

Host:…obviously the recruiting job between Kentucky and the U of M is vastly different.
Producer: yeah, pfff but if he was to have the success that he’s had at Kentucky then things would be great!

Boof thinks to himself: well obviously it’s a slow sports day and these guys are dreaming the utterly stupid scenario of the Gophers hiring Tubby Smith from Kentucky. Whatever.

So I then go on my merry way into the bank.

Come back and turn the radio on.

Host:…Saunders has recently said that he’s not interested and I’m wondering how this rates with that?

Huh? How what rates with who?

Producer: I just can’t believe Tubby Smith is coming here.
Host: It just doesn’t seem true does it?
Producer: Just unbelievable.

Uh…What. The. Fuck?

Host: If you’ve just tuned in, it will be announced in the next hour that Tubby Smith will be leaving the University of Kentucky and will be joining the University of Minnesota for it’s head basketball coaching position.


Now just the simple phrase of (coaches name) leaving the University of Kentucky and will be joining the University of Minnesota for it’s head basketball coach position is pure comedy gold.

It reminds me of Ron Burgandy when he said,
“I THOUGHT THAT WAS A JOKE! I EVEN WROTE IT IN MY DIARY! I laughed about it later that night!”

It’s pretty much the same scenario with me. If someone were to tell me this, I would be slapping my knees in gut busting laughter. The thought of Tubby Smith ignoring a job in Michigan and Iowa (to name a few) and coming to this school--who everyone agrees that their basketball team is in shambles--is just flat out funny.

When a basketball team has their entire team coming back the next year it’s usually a good thing. A bragging point about the next year even. With the gophers and how bad they were this year, it’s decidedly a humbling fact. I mean, I watched that Michigan-Minnesota Big Ten tournament game and the gophers scored 16 points in the first half.
16 fucking points! It was also as if I was watching 5 gangly blind men playing out there.

Gophers just hired a guy who’s won as many national championships as Tom Izzo. A guy who's third place in the last ten years in games won! OMFG!!!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Big Bits

Fluorescent lights engage
Blackbirds frying on a wire
Same birds that followed me to school When I was young
Were they trying to tell me something
Were they telling me to run

-What the hell is up with the media’s flat-out love for the Indians? Good lord you’d think they just added a couple pitchers or a hitter. Sports Illustrated and Fox sports has already predicted the Indians to win the AL Central this year. SI also has the Twins as being the 17th best team in the majors.

Haha 17th! Santana, by himself, is the 17th best team in baseball.

-I watched Stranger than Fiction last week and I must say, that might be top 5 material right there. I love those roles where big name comedians play these weird roles like Carrey in Truman show and Eternal sunshine or Adam Sandler in Drunk Punch Love and Spanglish….even though I didn’t care for the movie.
I felt that Maggie Gyllenhaal was damn good in that movie as well.

I bought it.

-I’ve talked to a couple different mortgage lenders and I’m not terribly worried about that aspect in the whole “home buying” deal. What I am worried about is finding a realtor who isn’t a complete douche bag. My last one would call me up at the weirdest times and he made me drive to his damn office in Roseville just so we can have a meet and greet. That wasn’t so bad but would it hurt to have some donuts and some punch available? Also the guy was working with his wife and they looked like a very intimidating couple.

Like you could be telling them about how bad this fart smelled like and the guy would give you the ultra fake laugh and completely ignore what you’re saying. Meanwhile the woman would be professionally wrapping the tunicate around her arm as she inject heroin while I go on about farts. Plus, he had this really weird George Hamilton tan along with one hell of a stupid looking mugshot on his business card. Why do realtors insist on going with the fake ass mugshot? Does it really make someone say, “Hey, that guy looks nice. Lets go with him for our $200,000 purchase.”

-This is probably one of the most realistic free internet games out there.

-I wonder if I could be a realtor and just do the opposite of what the typical realtors do. I’d just come right out and say “I’m not a douche bag” and maybe have a cool symbol to represent me. I think that might go over well. I could drive with my client and simply go “hey, that ones for sale. How bout that place? Oooh that one’s got a chimney!”

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a-the time

I must admit, the past couple of entries I’ve started to write about the recent local topics around the Twin Cities. I’ll write a couple paragraphs and then realize that I don’t really care about these topics. In fact I’m only really looking forward to one particular entry. The Twins 2007 season preview.

Oh my god would I revel in talking about Nick Punto and Jason Kubel and how I think they’ll play this year. I yearn to talk about the new ballpark and other ball parks. Speaking of which, check out the Nationals upcoming ballpark!

I want to talk about my plans to go to NYC and see Yankee stadium and my thoughts on other numerous small trips (note to self: “numerous small trips” to see baseball wont happen with the purchase of a hizzy. Damn) I want to write about how Steve Phillips keeps surprising me on how fucking stupid he is (and he was the GM of the Mets for god sakes!).

Oh god, and curling! I would love to pick the brain of some hardcore curler (namely this curler) and do curling (or whatever).

I should stop before this turns into bit.

Monday, March 19, 2007


And the battle's just begun
There's many lost, but tell me who has won?
The trenches dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart.

2006-07 Lease: signed through June

Notice of leave: 3 months

3 months from now: end of June

Boof: say when are you moving out of here?

Bro: well, me and a buddy are looking for places but we haven’t figured on anything yet

T: So if you know anyone looking for a roommate, let me know.

Current roommate: yeah…we’re going to have to bump up rent a little bit.

And now I have to return to the hardest decision of my life, renting vs. buying. I remember three years ago I was like “I’M TOTALLY BUYING!” and then I rented at a pathetically high ended apartment complex.

Last year I was like: “I’M TOTALLY BUYING!” and I ended up moving in with a 40 year old woman.

I’ve been finding myself daydreaming of making cabinets and customizing my dream home into something that I would thoroughly be proud of. I’m also thinking about that first house warming party and how this place would be noticeably unfurnished. I’m thinking I’d have to buy a ton of returnable beer cases so I can make some furniture.

I remember back in the day my biggest worry was simply mowing my lawn but now that’s been a part of my daydream because I could go about it with my farmers tan and my ear muffs. I could greet the neighbor and host all these cool football parties.

Believe it or not, despite the BJ’s in the garage, the STD buffet (aka: hot tub), and all the drunken weirdness I’m probably going to end up missing this place that I’m at now. It’s going to be a bit sad leaving my current place of residence. Eh I have a couple more days to mull things over so we’ll see what happens.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Curling Fever!

I wasn't in the mood for crap so here's a picture of curling goodness.

Friday, March 16, 2007

March Madness Bits

call you on the telephone
my voice too rough with cigarettes.
I sometimes thing I should just go home but I'm dealing with a memory
that never forgets

-Thank Christ Virginia Commonwealth won or else this would be the worst NCAA Thursday in the history of mankind. Nearly very seed that was supposed to win won. I was thinking of picking against Duke--what, with my hatred toward the ACC and especially Duke it seemed like an almost certainty. I was even going to bitch about Duke even being in the tournament as a 6 seed when they lost like 11 games. Either way, I’m going to tell my future kids to attend VCU just because they saved this first day of the tournament.

-Actually despite that game this first day has been pretty terrible. I was rooting hardcore for Davidson but they couldn’t keep things going. My big upset for the first round with George Washington beating…well, whoever it was, didn’t quite work out with GW losing by 35 points.
Eastern Carolina gave me a little bit of hope by trailing North Carolina by 4 in the 2nd half but sure enough they couldn’t keep it up

-I find that the family pack of snack sized miscellaneous chips is kind of fun. I’ll reach in the giant “family sack” and close my eyes hoping for Fritos or Doritos when I’ll pull out Lays Original. It’s like a good times in a giant sack.

The bad part about it is you have like 15 packs of empty chips bags hanging around your place. It makes me believe I’m the Simpsons Comic Book Guy or something.

-I love the commentary by Bill Simmons here. I think Hog and I could give him a run for his money though. Just give us a garage with HD and couches and a fridge full of beer and…someones gonna get pregnant I’m guessing. Maybe that wouldn’t be a good idea.

-I guess the 1st and 2nd round games are coming to the Metrodome (ugh) in 2009 and therefore I can safely say that I’m totally there. Hog and I went to the 1st and 2nd round games back in 2000 and it was a damn cool experience. The one thing that stuck out to me was actually the bands and believe me I’m not one of those weird band guys either.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

In Preparation for the Tourny

God damn do I hope I get Wavy Lays instead of Ruffles.
Do they still make those?

NCAA Tourny Prejudices

I dreamed you had left my side
No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me
It was clear that I could not do a thing for you

Favorite tournament moment: Watching Syracuse beat (whoever it was) back in ‘95 to solidify my prediction of a UNC, Syracuse, Mississippi St. and Kentucky final four. I didn’t win any money but I did get a ton of pride…from myself. Or watching UCLA lose to Princeton (a 15 seed) to which I predicted that upset. My greatest prediction ever!

Least favorite moment: Watching Duke win the national championship back in (what was it?) ‘92. I remember Christian Laettner shooting free throws and how I was yelling at the tv going “MISS! MISS!!!” and he would hit everything. He just couldn’t miss a bucket.

I suppose I’ll give out my prediction for this year. I like my prediction so much that I decided not to enter any pools because I wouldn’t want to cheat people out of any money or anything.

This year I have done what I always do:

-I unnaturally give the Big Ten a huge advantage in the tournament in general. I don’t think there’s been one year where I haven’t had two big ten teams in the final four. It’s so bad that I remember picking our Golden Gophers to beat North Carolina a couple years ago. (This year I have Wisconsin and Ohio St. in the final four)

-I unnaturally give the ACC a huge disadvantage in the tournament in general. I’ve just been so bitter about how the ACC is so “high flying”, “fast paced“, and ”high octane BAYBEEEEE” that I always subconsciously believe the ACC is like the NBA of college basketball and just care about the highlights instead of team basketball (like the big ten). I know it’s unbelievably prejudice and short sided of me but…big ten all the way baby! Screw you Duke Vitale. (This year I have one ACC team in the elite 8.)

-I usually give my yearly favorite teams a huge advantage too. Like I’ve really, really wanted Virginia Tech ( I know, they’re ACC now) and Texas A&M (basically because of their awesome home court) a huge advantage. (Virginia tech goes into the sweet sixteen and it ends there because they play the buzz saw known as Kansas. Texas A&M play another favorite of mine, Louisville and don’t even make it to the Sweet 16. How disappointing?)

-Florida…I know it seems like I’m picking on you Steph but…I’ve always had Florida knocked out by the sweet sixteen. Haha God, my bias is always strong in the NCAA tournament. I’m like the clan leader of the tournament. (I have Florida losing to Arizona in the 2nd round. Pff that’s not even credible!)

-I’ve always liked Louisville, Kentucky, Tennessee, a lot of Pac Ten teams, and schools with names that I like (Xavier, Winthrop, ect). (Xavier wins the first round, Winthrop heads into the Sweet 16.)

This year my colossal upset of the tournament will be….two 11 seeds in Winthrop and George Washington. I have Winthrop making the Sweet 16 against Wisconsin. It’s nothing meatnourmous or anything but I just don’t care for any of the 12-5 seed/classic upset games. (Gasp) In fact I hadn’t even picked a 12 seeded upset! Good God, someone shoot me now.

I have a Final four of Wisconsin, Kansas, North Carolina, and Ohio State with Kansas winning it all.

I look forward to eating a lot of chips and drinking tons of coke.
Please God, let a 16 seed win!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Black Snake Moan Review

Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.

Bottom line: Best movie I’ve seen since Walk The Line.

Basically take Samuel L. Jackson, a hot nymphomaniac hooked on a 40lb chain leash, hardcore southern blues, and great dialogue and you have a fucking awesome movie.

I actually was wanting to see 300 or Zodiac but I figured I’d probably end up hating 300 (all action and no story) and Zodiac…well, I just wasn’t in the mood to see zodiac. Black Snake Moan was a movie I’ve been wanting to see but it’s just fallen off the radar with those other two movies coming out. Also I think the advertisement for Black Snake Moan look a little tacky but I’ve heard so many reviews that this movie is just a bit different in style so that got me destined to see it.

The story takes place in the deep south (Tennessee I think) and Lazarus (Samuel L.) gets burned in a couple different relationships and basically gives up on his faith and life in general until one morning. After a cathartic night of drinking Lazarus finds a half naked, completely drugged, and beaten up Rae (Christina Ricci) laying in the street.

Next she’s chained up to Lazarus’ radiator to help her get over her “ailment” (ie her crazy urge to fuck).

I wont go on to what happens after that but god damn this movie is awesome. What I loved more than anything about this movie was the soundtrack with hardcore blues blaring during the climax of the movie. Lazarus plays a song that’s never been sung to anyone else in “Black Snake Moan” being the actual name of the song and it’s as powerful of a blues song that I’ve ever heard. Very stylish in the sense of a Quentin Tarantino film.

What I didn’t know was anything about Christina Ricci. I’ve heard the name before but I couldn’t tell you any movie she’s been in based on how she looked in this movie. After seeing her in I found out that she was that actress that always looked like Wednesday Adams from the Adams Family in every movie she’d been in.

If there was a weakness in the movie it’s probably Justin Timberlake who didn’t really match the performance by Jackson or Ricci but he didn’t do a horrible job so it’s not like watching Paul Walker do his best manikin impersonation.

Overall I’m definitely buying this movie and don’t let the weird ads for this movie bug ya. This movie is awesome and it’s got some good soul to it.

Monday, March 12, 2007

One Crap

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy

Crap List

1. A Lie?
BJ guy and I have developed into a pretty nice set of roommates: we don’t bug each other and we can both make fun of the one woman in the house. We got common ground and we get along. Great.

The one issue that we both have been coming to a dead end on is politics. When it comes to politics I try as hard as I can to be objective and neutral as possible. I don’t bleed a certain color and I sure as hell don’t blindly vote one way on a ballot come November. I tend to lean left and I am generally not understanding the republican point of view but I’m not afraid to vote republican if I believe they are the better candidate. In fact I have…

(pause for drama)

I have even voted for a republican on a couple different occasions.

I know, I know. My fellow natural resources classmates and friends have all dropped their mouths. Even me from two years ago would punch myself in the face but I’m just not going to support a fucking idiot for a candidate.

BJ guy though said this,
“Well, those libs keep on talking about global warming but it’s a complete LIE!”

A lie? I will more than likely agree to disagree on most points of view regarding this subject (can we do something now about it? How will temps be in 40 years? Exactly how much will the oceans grow?) but A LIE?

To me that is the “LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” syndrome where someone could be given 99 bits of evidence to support something but it’s the one opposing view that he’ll treat like the Bible. Nevermind the fact that the amount of carbon being put into the atmosphere has correlated with increases in temperature since the industrial age, but I suppose that’s just an amazing coincidence.

To me that would be like Steph saying that the Gators are going to win the NCAA basketball tournament (I hope not) and me shooting back with “you’re a liar!” which doesn’t make any sense.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Yeah I'm Special, I Realize That

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
in the wind of change

Since March Madness has started to begin I wanted to point out one of the most underrated aspects to college basketball: The courts. I have always secretly been a fan of the different basketball courts around the country. I think it’s because I tend to like shiney things and the floors at these courts are always so buffed up and they look so cool. Therefore I thought I would add my thoughts on some cool courts and interesting courts.

First and foremost the inspiration to talking about this subject (and probably the killer of it too) is Texas A&M’s Reed Arena. That court is about the coolest thing I have ever seen. I remember watching Sportscenter one day and not even paying attention to the game but that bad-ass court instead. The cross cutting shaded boards along with the huge darker state of Texas for the midcourt makes me want to sit there and simply look at the sheer beauty of the thing. Simply put this court is amazing. I should construct a miniature of this court.

Williams arena: I’ll admit I’m not much of a historian when it comes to basketball or basketball courts so I’m sorry if I end up offending anyone. I understand that Williams Arena is about as hallowed as we have here but I think the court needs to be redone a bit. The gopher dribbling a basketball is cool but not nearly as cool as a huge “M” logo on there. Also the sidelines could definitely use a new font and maybe more gold and not so much yellow.

Allen Field house (Kansas): I’ve always enjoyed looking at this court because I’m a big fan of that particular color of blue. Also that court seems a lot shinier than other courts. The oversized Jayhawk at center court is a bit much though

Target Center: blah boring and not even close to shiny enough. If I do end up watching the Timber wolves (I don’t think I’ve watched a T-wolves game in like 3 years) It’s not because of the court which should count as a major insult.

Oklahoma State: I like how they blend the black with the orange and the slanty like O at center court is really cool. I’m a big fan of giant slanty-like letters.

Florida (just because Steph reads this): Eh, my bias will come out a bit (you know, people with huge southern drawls saying “gators”) It’s alright. I like that color blue and I’ve always thought that orange was very underrated. With that being said the oversized gators logo is kinda stupid but it’s better than Williams arena in terms of court looks and shininess.

The old Phoenix Suns place. I’m talking about the place before America West Arena (or whatever the hell they call it now). I remember this was the reason I rooted for the Suns, because their court was exceptionally shiny. Actually it was as shiny as could be and I loved how the faded purple lane seemed dull but super shiny at the same time. This was probably my favorite basketball court growing up.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

2nd Place Bits

Lunatic fringe
We know you're out there
But in these new dark ages
There will still be light

-My job ended up making front page news the other day when a deer smashed through a window and decided to wander around inside the building. I don’t really have much to add other than the cops took the credit for almost everything when it was really a security guard that did all the dirty work.

In fact there was a point where the deer was in the hallway and only had one way to go. One way was a dead end and the other way was an open door to get outside. The deer stood in the hallway as the cops and other workers held cardboard (to make the deer think it was a wall). There was silence for a good couple minutes when some fucking dumbass lab worker decides to stick his head out in the hallway and say,
“HEY DEER! GO OVER THIS WAY!” and since the deer doesn’t know English, the deer went the other way.

The guy was probably a Ph.D too.

-I was a bit humbled in the music trivia category the other day. Basically when it comes to music trivia I’m not the best but I would consider my knowledge of popular music to be above average. I can name names, songs, albums, inspirations, and deaths as well as anyone. I can pretty much tell you anything you want to know about Pink Floyd (sadly) and the same for my favorite artists. I grew up on MTV (when they had music) and VH1 and loved all of it. Whenever there is a “documentary” I’m glued. Then this nugget came to me,

A: So yeah every St. Patricks day we celebrate by drinking Guinness and playing Van Morrison.

Boof: Van Morrison? Uh…is he Irish?

A: (pause….blink:blink) um yes. Van Morrison is very Irish.

I had no idea. See, I have my own copy of Van Morrison’s greatest hits and I love to bother my friend who hates *hates* Moondance by singing it every now and then, but I had no idea he was Irish. I feel ashamed for not knowing that.
He friggen had an album called “Irish Heartbeat” for chrissakes

-But it does answer a question I had to myself while watching The Departed last week. So I’m watching The Departed and I’m noticing the music has a distinct Irish/Scorsese feel to it. Most of the tunes were hardcore Irish or Rolling Stones, or something that complimented the movie. Then Comfortably Numb came on with Van Morrison singing the vocals. Now with my extensive knowledge of Pink Floyd I knew this was Roger Waters’ Wall concerts from 1990 at the Berlin Wall. What I didn’t understand was why Martin Scorsese picked this song and this version of this song for the movie. What big named director picks live songs for their movies? Scorsese even has it on The Departed trailor.

Ahhhh because Van the Man is Irish. That makes sense.

-I’m getting very lucky on concerts this year. Neko Case is coming April 7th on a Saturday, Patty Griffin is coming March 25th (on a Sunday), and Roger Waters is playing sometime in June on a Saturday.

Roger Waters may be a problem because I just noticed that cheapo tickets to Roger Waters is $77. Throw in Ticketmaster douche charges and I’ll be paying around $200 per ticket (well closer to $100). He hasn’t come out with new material since I last saw him and he’s only gotten older since.

As much as I’d love to see him, I just don’t have the drive to support him for $77 fucking dollars. How many times do I need to hear Money regurgitated? I’ll watch Live Earth instead.

-Front page of both online local newspapers had the Vikings latest signing, wide reciever Bobby Wade as big news.

Who the fuck is Bobby Wade? And I play fantasy football too (2nd place fantasy football for that matter hehe).

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Video Game Ramblings

I would climb the deepest river
Swim the tallest mountain
Wash my feet in lemonade
If I knew it’d make you love me I’d put soup on a stick

CompUSA is apparently going out of business and so I decided to attempt to feed on the wounded computer department store by buying some of their marked down crap. The first thing I was worried about was seeing my old friend there who I worked at Toys R Us with.
M was this gangly, goofy kid who would gleek on you for hours until you were at the point where you placed his arm in the paper slicer and then he’d finally quit. He, plain and simply, was a douche and he would try to get out of his funk by coming to school hungover and try to get pissy every now and then but he just couldn’t shake his doucheness. M eventually got fired for allegedly stealing stuff from Toys R Us and we just grew apart.

Boof: Hey M, wanna go and watch Space Cowboys at the theatre?

M: Um.. No thanks

I think that was about it for quite some time.

Last year I went to CompUSA to buy some more memory for my old computer which had 64MB of RAM and a 4gig hard drive (yeah, this was about 2 years ago sadly enough--my ipod is more proficient than this piece of crap). I tried to act like I knew what I was doing but I just couldn’t get rid of the googly eyes and the drool falling from my lips. That’s when M spotted me and started walking my way.

At first I didn’t even recognize who this person with the douche-like face and the weird smile was. After a couple seconds it dawned on me, this was M plus about 30 pounds of fat. We talked, he helped me while he was bewildered (because he sold me that piece of shit 4 gig computer 6 years previously), and we talked about going for drinks sometime. I knew I wasn’t going to go for a drink because I believe that people come and go in life and I consider him to be “gone”. Plus, I didn’t want to be back in that weird Toys R Us crowd that I was almost forced into.

So I strolled into CompUSA and luckily I didn’t find M but I think I found a couple other old Toys R Us workers who I don’t think recognized me. I perused and everything was about 20% off. I found this bin with “managers choice” marked on the side. This bin was stuff they REALLY wanted to get rid of. Inside I found “Final Fight: Streetwise” for the PS2. Apparently this game was a new and improved version of the old school classic “Final Fight” where you destroy the cars. It was $14.95 and I wasn’t seriously going to buy it until I found out that it contained the original Final Fight arcade game. I was all over that so I bought it.

When it comes to video games, I’m not really one to talk to. I had my moment twenty years ago in the Nintendo 8-bit era when I was a religious subscriber to Nintendo Power and read every magazine from front to back in school. I would have dreams of playing one of those Nickelodeon game shows where kids grab a bunch of games from the wall and I would extend both my arms and grab as many games as I could. I envisioned myself to take games and put them down my pants and under my shirt to maximize my game grabbing potential. I was as crazy as can be when it came to Nintendo. Then Super NES came out and I was done. I was not about to start over in buying new games and a new system. Since then I’ve been almost anti-video game and, other than a couple small phases with Tiger Woods golf, I don’t really play much of them.

I do still have a love for old school arcade games but only the most simple ones. My games of choice are, first and foremost, the games where you’re in a jet (or plane) and you simply press the “A” button and fire your generic shot at the enemies and “B” which drops this super duper atomic bomb which erases everyone. The game is simply nothing more than moving a joystick and mashing the “A” button. What I liked the most from these games is the items you collect which would make your gun into something completely crazy. Like one of my favorite games is “Raiden” and in it you can get this “green gun” and it eventually turns into an electrical current which can destroy all the other planes in its path. Then there’s the (sigh) spread which always gives me a hard-on seeing a weapon that nearly covers the whole screen. God bless the spread item.

My other favorite games are the scrolling level games where you fight other guys and pick up weapons. There were good versions of these games (teenage mutant ninja turtles, double dragon, ect) and bad ones (Xmen, Simpsons, ect). The one game I liked the best was Final Fight if nothing more than the car trashing bonus round. I would wander around the arcade and find myself watching someone play this game the most out of any other.

So at CompUSA I saw this game had the old school version of Final Fight and I was ready and willing to part with $14.95 for this game.

I came to the check out counter and talked to the employee which I think was a previous worker of Toys R Us that I worked with and asked him about his job.

Boof: So did you guys just lose your jobs?
Worker agitated: yup and they didn’t even want to tell us until the public knew. That will be $4.75.

$4.75?!? Oh hell yeah! So that night I played the arcade version complete with enemies named after 80’s hair bands (slash, Axel, Poison) and yes, I got to destroy a car too. So much joy for $4.75

Monday, March 05, 2007

Spring Training Crap

I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone

-Anna Nicole’s Death

CNN had live coverage of her funeral…

(blink: blink)

I could understand the E network because what else are they going to show? Girls Next Door? (great show btw) But CNN???

How can Anna Nicole be this popular? Let’s try to break it down.

1. She’s got some killer bagumbas
2. She’s stupid
3. She’s a former playmate
4. She’s been on drugs
5. She married a millionaire

So how is that different than any other millionaire’s wife? In fact I don’t even think she was all that special for a playmate. She’s hot and I’d love to do the motorboat on her but I can name ten playmates right now that were hotter than her.

But why do people care this much? Who cares where the millionaire kid goes? Who cares about minute-by-minute updates on her funeral. SHE WASN’T THAT TALENTED OR MEMORABLE!

When Marlon Brando died we didn’t have all this coverage…and he was considered the best actor ever.
Hell, I can’t remember the last actor/musician to have this much coverage. I guess Princess Di had this much but come on, she’s Princess fucking Diana. Let’s take a moment and compare princess Di to Anna Nicole Smith…after a good 4 minutes then ask yourself WHY. Why is she getting Princess type coverage? What did she ever do to make that many people care? Act stupid for a year?

2. Twins fans basing the entire 2007 season on 4 spring training games.

Fans are already saying stuff like,
“wow, this is going to be a long season”
“soandso is going to be very disappointing this year”

Spring training games are like the first couple rolls when you get to the bowling alley. You’re just trying to get used to the ball and knocking down all the pins aren’t a must.
Spring training games are like salad before the main course. You just kinda pick at all the all the stuff that you like and leave whatever doesn’t have dressing on it.
Spring training games are like grabbing the un cooked cookie dough and eating it. You don’t care if you get Salmonella but the stuff tastes good.

Spring Training is just glorified practice that people actually pay for. Because Carlos Silva had a bad outing on March 1st doesn’t mean he’s going to have a bad year.

Come on people…

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Red Ones Bits

ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'.'

-Thank god baseball season has started. It’s like I’ve been locked in a giant cardboard box and inside I’ve been sweating and twitching while in the fetal position.

-Speaking of which, the best baseball commercial I have ever seen has been released. I know I’m a little biased but “That’s how you win Cy Youngs baby” is awesome!

-My dad delivered a strange letter to me last weekend. On the outside read, ANTITRUST LITIGATION and I had no idea what that was about. Apparently back in the day I signed up for this antitrust lawsuit against the record companies for simply buying overpriced music--because back in the day CD’s used to be close to $20 or so. Our side won a total of over $67 million dollars and inside this envelope was my check worth….

drum roll please

Thirteen dollars which is better than nothing I suppose. I considered it a huge bonus and if I remembered correctly, all I had to do was put my name and address in this website. I’ll probably use the money to buy a CD now.

-Why do chicken coups only have two doors?

Because if they had 4 it would be a sedan!



-I have rediscovered the jolly rancher guy here at work again. Once upon a time there was this desk in this department next to our department and he would have a bowl full of jolly ranchers on his desk. Knowing this I would make my nightly two trips to his desk and pick his bowl for my favorite flavors. I would always pick the red ones and I think that kinda pissed him off because one day he made a note saying, “please don’t just pick the red ones” . I’ve always ignored that note because I use the same excuse for whatever unmarked food is in our refrigerator “hey, I work nights so any food without a name is mine”.

Then one day I made my trip to his desk and there was nothing there! No computer, no chair, no cup of jolly ranchers! The guy just vanished and I was left without my nightly candy fix.

Last week after wandering around a little bit I found his new desk complete with the bowl of jolly ranchers plum full of red ones. It’s like I rediscovered treasure again.

-speaking of people with candy, this place I work at is like candy heaven. Sometimes I find myself doing this office trick or treating by taking a plastic bag and filling it up with the courtesy candy that all these office people have on their desk. I figured “hey, I work nights” so I’m entitled to any benefits I can get.