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Monday, March 26, 2007

Beware of Snow

But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

1. Some of the people at the Patty Griffin concert last night.
Concerts always seem to be a “catch 22” for me because I can’t wait to hear the music but these concerts always have the one or two obnoxious drunken fans who can’t seem to SHUT THE FUCK UP! Take last night for example- Griffin finishes up a heart stopping version of “When it Don’t Come Easy” and everyone’s clapping, giving their hoots and hollers, and giving her the love she deserved. The applause comes to an end as Griffin steps up to the mic and everyone is waiting for some between song anecdotes. Then this crazy bitch yells,
“RAAAAAAIIIIIIINN! PLAY RAIN!!!” Griffin looks over nervously and tries to ignore her. Another song plays and after the song, “RAAAAAAIIIN! I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU PLAY RAIN!”

And this is not a pleasant voice. This is a voice of a fat woman who yells from across the room to get her kids to wash the dishes with the belief of ‘the louder and more crazy the voice, the more the message will come across’. She also clearly idolized Rosanne Barr as well.

At one point she made this noise that sounded like a feral cat. It was like “reeeerrrrwwwwrrr!”. I think she meant “Rain” but it was enough that if she sat near me I would’ve gotten up and punched her in the gunt good and hard.

Finally Griffin played fucking “Rain” (which is a good song) but I believe she played it just so that fucking crazy bitch would just shut the fuck up.

2. People who apparently have never lived in Minnesota and who should know better.

I’ve heard way too many comments about how “we can finally put the coats away because summer is coming” or my favorite “This had to be the worst winter we’ve had in 50 years”.

Me and my coworker were talking about this the other day and this was, in no way, a bad winter. It’s actually a little bit of what I expect every winter minus the lack of snowfall going into January. I remember back in the day when we wouldn’t see bare ground at all between the months of December and March. I remember at least once a year where drifts would come up to my waist--granted the height of my waist as changed through the years but you know.

The fact is the past 5 years have been the absolute weakest winters I have ever seen. Temperatures of 70 in November, barely any snow at all, and rarely have temperatures been below zero. Then suddenly all that happens and people think we should ask for government funding we happen to be having an actual winter for the first time in 5 years.

And then the notion that summer is already here…COME ON.
I know today is going to be 75 and sunny but it’s still March 26th and it does (and will) snow in April. Every year Mother Nature plays her practical joke on us by giving us a week of great 60 and 70 degree weather. All the girls come from ‘hot girl camp’, we bust out the t-shirts, and everyone is happy. Then you wake up that one morning and open the blinds and find a retinal piercing wall of winter wonderland. No more sun. No more grass. The hotties have briefly hopped back on the bus back to ‘hot girl camp’. Whatever hopes and dreams the previous week with great weather has now been destroyed and it seems as if all that progress of melting snow is down the drain.
It’s one of the most depressing days in the year but it happens EVERY. FUCKING. YEAR!

I’m not a meteorologist but I’m telling everyone right now, IT WILL SNOW AGAIN! So don’t bitch about it when it does and don’t you dare tell me how unusual it is!

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