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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Red Ones Bits

ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'.'

-Thank god baseball season has started. It’s like I’ve been locked in a giant cardboard box and inside I’ve been sweating and twitching while in the fetal position.

-Speaking of which, the best baseball commercial I have ever seen has been released. I know I’m a little biased but “That’s how you win Cy Youngs baby” is awesome!

-My dad delivered a strange letter to me last weekend. On the outside read, ANTITRUST LITIGATION and I had no idea what that was about. Apparently back in the day I signed up for this antitrust lawsuit against the record companies for simply buying overpriced music--because back in the day CD’s used to be close to $20 or so. Our side won a total of over $67 million dollars and inside this envelope was my check worth….

drum roll please

Thirteen dollars which is better than nothing I suppose. I considered it a huge bonus and if I remembered correctly, all I had to do was put my name and address in this website. I’ll probably use the money to buy a CD now.

-Why do chicken coups only have two doors?

Because if they had 4 it would be a sedan!



-I have rediscovered the jolly rancher guy here at work again. Once upon a time there was this desk in this department next to our department and he would have a bowl full of jolly ranchers on his desk. Knowing this I would make my nightly two trips to his desk and pick his bowl for my favorite flavors. I would always pick the red ones and I think that kinda pissed him off because one day he made a note saying, “please don’t just pick the red ones” . I’ve always ignored that note because I use the same excuse for whatever unmarked food is in our refrigerator “hey, I work nights so any food without a name is mine”.

Then one day I made my trip to his desk and there was nothing there! No computer, no chair, no cup of jolly ranchers! The guy just vanished and I was left without my nightly candy fix.

Last week after wandering around a little bit I found his new desk complete with the bowl of jolly ranchers plum full of red ones. It’s like I rediscovered treasure again.

-speaking of people with candy, this place I work at is like candy heaven. Sometimes I find myself doing this office trick or treating by taking a plastic bag and filling it up with the courtesy candy that all these office people have on their desk. I figured “hey, I work nights” so I’m entitled to any benefits I can get.

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