You woke up this morning the world turned upside down,
Thing's ain't been the same since the Blues walked into town.
Looks around nervously
Okay I think that new ballpark is finally going to happen. I’m going to err on the side of caution but I think this news means we can rejoice and finally look forward to three years of live webcams of bulldozers and low boys pushing dirt around.
With that being I’ve come up with some cheap ideas in demolishing the metrodome in 2010 when it’s not needed anymore.
1. Get all the baseball/football fans to collectively destroy it.
Here’s what you do,
-buy about 10,000 sledge hammers
-have Bud or Miller or some other cheap ass crappy beer sponsor the demo party and bring a truck out into the parking lot
-have everyone sign a waiver because that many people with sledge hammers drinking beer will probably get someone hurt.
Basically this is the same line of thinking as buying a case of beer and bringing over a couple buddies to roof your house on a Saturday afternoon. Just that with this a couple=about 10,000.
There may be chaos and a riot may break out but I think it would be a good time.
2. Woodstock 4
The last Woodstock was mainly “I hate my suburbanite parents so I gotta break things because Limp Bizkit tells me too” fest. I think this can happen again and what better place than the metrodome where it needs to be leveled anyhow.
Basically bring back all those bands and build a fence of rebar separating the acts from the highly unstable teens in the audience. Maybe even for good measure have a “Rosie O’Donnell” band there to highten the rage to eleven.
Then the kids would be ripping out seats, destroying everything and maybe it could work out in the end. I think there could be two huge dumpsters drug out in the back of the crowd. One dumpster could have a sign that says “no garbage here” and the other says, “don’t throw away chairs here” and the kids will naturally defy the signs and throw all the chairs there which would work out perfectly.
Of course waivers would be an order as well.
Basically buy all the irregular fireworks left over in China and stick them all in the dome. Make one long wick that extends to the parking lot and have a wick lighting ceremony. After watching Max Ex with all those fireworks factories going burning to the ground, I think this could be an entertaining way of demoing the dome. It might not necessarily demo the place but it sure would be fun as hell watching all those fireworks going crazy in the dome.
It couldn’t hurt.
4. White Castle bar crowd.
Round up all the people who were at White Castle at 3am the night before and have them hang out in the dome the next day. Maybe throw in some cattle and fill that dome up with methane.
Drop a match in the place and…done.
5. Find someone really, really made
Get some down on his luck 40 year old man who’s kids just completely suck at school and in life. The guy is constantly at critical meltdown and I’m sure just using his energy alone could bring the dome down in a good half hour.
Maybe have someone place a phone call to this guy and say, “yeah Mr. so and so, you’re daughter is now pregnant” and that should just about do it for the dome.
Those are my ideas. I’ll probably come up with something better in the next three years though.