Here's a little agit for the never-believer.
Here's a little ghost for the offering.
Here's a truck stop instead of Saint Peter's.
Mister Andy Kaufman's gone wrestling
My roommate and BJ guy left for vacation yesterday and since then I find myself in this scenario,
Watching TV with my baby (my huge tv) and spending quality time with my special friend (bag of Doritos). I’ll have one of my favorite programs on when something really funny happens so, naturally I act like a glutenous pig with my,
“bwahahahahhaha WAAAAHAHAHAHAHHA” as chips fly out my mouth. As I’m done laughing I notice my gaze slowly turns to the STD buffet (the hot tub) outside and I start to wonder how much better this scenario would be with me sitting in the hot tub.
I’ve been looking longingly at the STD buffet lately.
I believe I have talked about how the neighbors hate this thing because it creates “ungodly noises” to which I can’t even hear (and my room is under the circulating pump). The neighbors have yelled, bitched, moaned, “threatened” to move, and now they are suing my roommate over the so-called noise this buffet makes.
I know I talked really badly about this hot tub in the past but after trying it a couple times, it’s actually kinda cool. I mean it overlooks the golf course and it has a waterfall feature. It also has cool colors that flash under the water. And...I like cool colors. In fact if one wants to make me happy all you have to do is show me something shiny with cool changing colors and I’ll be out of your hair all night.
I’ve been avoiding this hot tub in the past because I don’t want my roommate to know how cool I think it is. When she first purchased it she wanted to raise my rent $50 a month to which I nixed that idea good and fast. Also, if I was to use it, there’s the off chance that my roommate and BJ guy would decide to come and join me which would give me a Charlie Brown-eque frown on my face.
BUT now that they’re gone I have this wild and crazy idea that I would wheel my tv outside and watch something as I relax in the hot tub. Like I could throw in something retardedly funny like Super Troopers and just have a ball.
Boof in the hot tub
Officer Farva: I’ll take a liter of cola.
Boof watching the tv and splashing the water: BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA A LITER OF COLA!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *splash, splash*
Then the neighbor comes out: Hey! Will you shut up?
Boof spilling his beer in the hot tub and setting his bag of Doritos on some floaty thing: Uh, I didn’t uh…say anything.