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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Radio Memories

I tripped on a cloud and fell eight miles high
I tore my mind on a jagged sky
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

Error: I have to report an error from yesterday’s entry. I thought the girl was unaware she was pregnant due to her fatness. Apparently she was aware of her pregnancy and she was just trying to hide it from everyone.

I was talking to a couple people about radio and it gave me a showering of memories from my stint in Marshall radio.

-I remember when I played Comfortably Numb (in cue: only so I could hear it and not over the air) and I would kinda do the deaf singing stuff where only the hums and the S’s come out…with my mic still on.

-I remember when this other hot shit DJ left his mic on and he was going about his story that went something like this,

“So then I tells this crazy stupid fuckin fucker, ‘hey, get your asshole off of my fucking assface.’ and he just took a shit on his fuckin head.”
(then the secretary starts banging on the glass to tell the guy that he’s on the air)
“What the fuck does Suzie want? She’s fuckin PMS’ing or something. Bwahahaha what a bitch. Uh are we on the air?”
(secretary nods as pissed off as one can nod)

-This one time I came in to do my 5-9 shift and I saw this note. Usually little notes are left for announcing porpuses like a lost child, information needed, something got cancelled, stuff like that. This note had written,
“LOST COIN PURSE: found on the corner of Main and 5th”

I says, “haha that’s just stupid”
And the guy that I was taking over for was looking at me and said, “you know, you have to announce that. We’ve been doing so all day”
“No way, who the hell cares about a coin purse?”
“People care.”

-It was also a good moment when I went on the air and told all the Marshall listeners that the morning show sucks on the air. I was being a guest doing impersonation (I did some good ones) and someone wanted me to do a morning show bit. No one on that morning show had a distinct voice so I told the caller,
“nah we don’t do the morning show because that sucks.”

-Then there was the time my boss berated me on the air. He was doing a remote from some brand new car wash or sewing barn and I was supposed to introduce him being at…wherever he was. I didn’t have the proper info in front of me so I said,
“and here’s Brad live from…where are you Brad?” and he paused and said,
“The damn note card is right in front of you Tom. Just read it.”

I didn’t have this note card and I just let him have a dose of dead air because I already knew that radio wasn’t my calling and I couldn’t give a damn if he was to fire me. What--and lose out on $6 an hour? Pfff.

-Then there was the time Chad Kolander came in. Chad Kolander was the Gopher center from ‘91-94 and he sucked ass. I couldn’t stand seeing Kolander out there because he was the only one that could air ball a shot from two feet away. I saw his 6’10 self standing at the desk (because he was dating a sales lady) and I had to introduce myself. I wanted to tell him how much he sucked but I told him that he played a grand version of basketball.

-The radio station was a great place to take a dump. I remember running across campus and to the radio station just so I could leave my mark there instead of at school where a bunch of hotties could shun me away.

The radio station bathroom was a fall-out dumpsite for a lot of the on-air talent.

That’s all I can remember right now.

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