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Monday, April 16, 2007

Soon Forget Crap

Sorry is the fool who trades his soul for a corvette.
Thinks he'll get the girl he'll only get the mechanic.
What's missing? He's living a day he'll soon forget


Crap List

1. This story
Because this happened in my neck of the woods I feel I need to say a couple things about this story--this very screwed up story. I mean I probably met the girl since she works at the grocery store that I peruse all the time.

Lets start with this,
Society officially has a huge weight problem when people are having kids and they are clueless about it. How na├»ve/clueless/overweight can one be? I mean that poking in your stomach is not the white castles from last night! Also if you’re finding yourself wearing adult diapers for two days, you know something might not be right.

If I had to suddenly start walking down the diaper aisle at the grocery store, I would probably have the idea that maybe, just maybe, there might be something worth taking my ass into the doctor for.

Then you have to imagine someone giving birth when they had never been clued into being preggers before. I mean someone heads into the bathroom for a couple hours, screams and shouts from within, and then she comes out with a baby. Suddenly movie night is over.
Good god.

THEN, imagine being on the receiving end of this conversation

New mother: So I had a pretty interesting evening last night
Boof: wow, you look thinner for some reason.
NM: yeah, I gave birth on my laundry room floor last night.
Boof: oh…uh…did you see the Twins last night? They won.
NM: nah it wasn’t twins, it was a girl actually. So I’m laying down with her…
Boof: Cuddy went 4-5
NM: and I saw her finger move
Boof: uh…MORNEAU STRUCK OUT IN THE FOURTH
Nm: So I then I got freaked out and took my knife
Boof: AAAAAAH THIS JAPANESE GUY WAS PLAYING!! HE HAD A FUNNY NAME!
NM: and after about twenty minutes of that I then…
Boof: LALALALALALALA TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU HATE THE TOILET SEAT BEING UP LALALALALALA.
NM: ….and then I threw it in the dumpster.
Boof: AAAAAH!! NAPPY HEADED HOS, NAPPY HEADED HOS!!!!ANYTHING!!! LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!

2. The getting over part
I’m pretty sure she doesn’t read this but there’s a bit mental anguish in trying to get over someone. For the most part I’m fine and I can easily move on with going about things like I would always. In fact I can do that all the time. It’s when that certain song plays, or when that certain subject of conversation, or anything that sparks up memories of before is when it starts to eat away at me.

You think you miss them but is that really true? See, I don’t think so because “they” are a completely different person than what you knew. It’s the honeymoon/everyone is drunk on love period that you miss. You don’t miss the times when she wasn’t giving you enough or when the calls are not returned. Or it could’ve been the total lack of respect that when something was wrong it wasn’t that she didn’t feel right, it’s because her conscience couldn’t stand the thought of being with one guy and thinking about another.

Still you feel like you should contact her just so you can hear her voice and hope that she’s in the same situation that you’re in. That maybe she was possessed and now that Whoopi Goldberg is out of her body, she can think rationally now.

But, like I said, I don’t miss the headaches and questions. I don’t miss the baggage and wondering. It is refreshing being single just reading that but it’s those few moments that are tough.

Eh, it’s nothing a little meth can’t handle I guess… kidding, kidding.

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