Ever since I've know you you've walked that walk
You've broken all the records
Now you've broken all the clocks
And everytime it breaks my heart to hear you talk this way
Because I didn’t have a crap list yesterday I thought I’d do a special Tuesday edition of the Crap List.
1. Stupid attempts at being cute
This is mostly directed at the final farewell sayings that some people have. With Herb Carneal dying it seems a bit natural to state one’s peace and say some heartfelt tidbits like,
“He’s in a better place” or
“At least he’s without pain now”
“It’s all for the best” all of which I have no problems with. Those are all short and sweet examples but sometimes people go a bit overboard.
“Now Kirby Puckett has someone doing the play-by-play with Bob Casey announcing up there in heaven.
Stuff like that, though, makes me want to puke. It’s just so uncreative and completely stupid to think that people actually do the same thing in the afterlife as to what they did during their real life.
I mean what the hell? When my dad passes I hope to god that no one says,
“We’ll I’m sure the angels need someone to wire their refrigerator and their basement when your dad gets up there.” Because I would probably take the turkey off the finger food tray and stuff it in their mouth so they would never ever say something so incredibly stupid ever again.
I suppose I should ignore such a comment but it’s about the lamest, stupidest attempt at being cute. Imagine Craig who was a sewer inspector. I suppose when he passes someone should say,
“We’ll I’m sure St. Peter needs someone to inspect his heavenly sewer up there in heaven.”
2. What might end up being a useless lunch.
Last week I got an email from the head office lady at my place of employment,
Lady: Tom, we’re having lunch next Tuesday. Please come because we haven’t seen you in a LOOOOOONG time.
See, my company has these catered lunches once a month and I always skip these because,
A) I’m not much of a lunch person
B) I’d have to go in to work way before I usually come in and I see way too much of work as it is.
C) I’m not getting paid to come in for lunch.
After all, I’m sure they wouldn’t want to come here for 6pm supper because…yeah that would be inconvenient.
So I told this lady all my reasons for not showing up and that I would show up this Tuesday to eat Mexican food with my coworkers. My head coworker then sent an email to my department announcing this lunch and also stating “…with a special appearance from Tom!”
I didn’t know exactly how to take it but why exactly was everyone trying to get me to go to lunch? I always felt there was the understanding that I work nights and lunch just is not going to happen but they insisted and nearly begged me to come for this lunch.
I have come to the conclusion that they’re going to give me something. They have to because if I don’t then I’m going to be soooooooooooo pissed that I came for fucking burritos on my off time with nothing to show for it.
I wouldn’t think they would do that because…what the fuck? But we’ll see. We’ll see.