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Monday, May 07, 2007

Motorboatin' Crap

Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me

Crap List

1. The “back out”

So I’m at Hog’s place on Saturday night and we have this idea that we’re going out to have drinks. The main place is the Chatterbox since no one else has been there and it’s a great environment for a bunch of people. So the 5 of us at Hog’s place are waiting for two others. Everything is good and we’re ready to go.

Then J and Tit’s McGee show up. J, we’ve known for a couple years and is Hog’s pal from St. Peter. Tit’s McGee is J’s fiancé and she’s porn star hot. Okay ass, chest is something you can’t help but to look at, and…I guess that’s all that matters. I suppose if one was going to complain: the tit’s aren’t real (tangent: tit’s not being real aren’t going to keep me from ogling or touching or “motor boating”. Of course real is always better but fake isn’t going to keep me from living out my porn star dreams. I mean how natural are vibrators?), she’s got a bit of a butter face (but a paper bag helps that cause), and--the biggie--she’s annoying as hell.

Needless to say it’s obvious why J is marrying her and it’s because of the “babe” factor. Obviously “motor boating” is way high on J’s list and I can’t necessarily blame him but, good lord, she’s annoying. After about a half hour of hearing her talk about pooping or laughing about how drunk she is and ogling her I quickly changed my tone on going out. Raymond and Shawn already left conspicuously early so now it was just the 5 of us (2 couples and me).

I still kinda wanted to so I tried--TRIED-- to get them to go out somewhere, anywhere. After about a half hour of “ho-humm, I dunno” (tangent: god, I love that--when no one can decide on where to go. Let‘s go outside or hang out in the parking lot anything to get the hell out of here) we decided to go downtown. The more I thought about it and the more I heard that woman’s voice, the more I wanted out of here.

So on the way to the cars to go downtown I pulled this little move,
Boof: We’ll, I think I’m gonna call it a night and bugger off

Hog had this look of “YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” and was noticeably pissed in front of the Tit’s and J. Hog’s gf, Baby Cakes, was probably just as pissed but the way I saw it, it was a way out of a very bad situation. Once I got in that car with everyone else, I would be stuck in social hell--like Hog and Baby Cakes were.

I mean if a big boobed girl jumped off a bridge I probably would too unless she was annoying as hell.

2. Twins baseball
Our lineup sucks ass without Cuddy and Mauer. Suddenly Justin Morneau and Torii Hunter look like two men in a sea of boys. No power, no consistency and plenty of 4 hit games. It’s 2005 all over again and damn was that a fun year--about as fun as being married to Tit’s McGee without the motorboat.

Hunter (was injured for a period of time)

Can injuries get any worse?


baby cakes said...

Hey, I don't blame ya for bailing out, I was suprised you stayed around as long as you did! I admit I was irritated that everyone backed out of the Chatterbox after we made that decision. The Lodge wasn't that bad, it was loud so we didn't have to listen to Tits McGee that much. I still wanted to kill myself on the way home though.

Eric Wormann said...

So here's my Roger Clemens theory:

Remember last year when he didn't come back until June? I think that two years ago he tested positive for steroids, but the league didn't want a controversy so they kept it quiet and gave him two consecutive 40 game suspensions.