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Friday, June 08, 2007

Live Aid: A Play-by-Play

And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you


With my love of concert dvds I recently bought a teaser dvd of the Live Aid concert in 1985. The concert featured 63 artists from around the world on two stages in London and Philadelphia. The concert also featured the most glorious mullets I have ever seen.

With that I’m going to give you my play-by-play of this teaser dvd as I see it. I will include the act, song, and how many mullets I see in the set for your enjoyment.

Why? Because I care.
That’s why.

The Royal Salute
(mullets: Bob Geldof with his general style mullet along with numerous acts sitting behind princess Diana and Prince Charles)
I’m not British but this seems kinda stupid.

Status Quo: Rockin’ All Over The World
Mullet count: 1-the guitarist has this jerry curl mullet deal goin.
Who the hell is Status Quo anyway? Of all the acts why would these guys kick off one of the biggest rock concerts in history. This song is on the wrong side of horrible. Must’ve been a request from Princess Di.
The fans seem to like it but what the hell do they know. Status Quo actually did the triple guitar leaning deal too. Yuck.

Boomtown Rats: I Don’t Like Mondays
Mullet count: 2- Geldof has this tears for fears type thing going and the drummer has a mini mullet
Now I know why I never got into the Boomtown Rats--it’s because they suck and I don’t care for Geldof’s singing. I remember totally disliking Geldof because I didn’t know who he was but somehow he was able to bring the whos who of singers to this gig.

The Style Council: Walls Come Tumbling Down
Mullet count: nothing… wow
I don’t really know the Style Council either. They seem really happy as if they came out of a Wham video.

Ultravox: ???
Mullets: 0
Again, Ultravox doesn’t ring a bell but the song seemed pretty cool. Whatever it was.

Spandau Ballet: True
Mullets: 2--the guitarist has a modest mullet while the lead singer has this poor man’s mullet deal going on.
These guys suck too. I think they had a song on GTA and judging by how bad the singer is, I think it’s good these guys didn’t continue on.

Bryan Ferry: Slave to Love
Mullets: 1 the guitarist has this droopy dog ear thing going.
Nothing really to say here. The guy looks like a math teacher.

Nik Kershaw: Wouldn’t it be Good
Mullets: Jackpot-everyone has a sizable mullet in this group. Nothing spectacular but they’re indeed mullets
Pure 80’s is all I can say.

Sade: Your Love is King
Mullets: 0
If you can get past that almost baritone voice and mute the song, she’s got a lovely set of DSL’s. I mean eee gads.

Paul Young with Alison Moyet: That’s the Way Love Is.
Mullets: 3- Young, Guitarist, and Drummer. Young has this spiky business end going while the party end seems like an 11 in the white trash dept.

I can’t remember what Paul Young did that he was so popular but he did something and I have no idea who Moyet is. When I first saw her I figured she was a woman then I heard her sing and I started to wonder a bit because she sounds like a man. Not that the song was bad but Alison Moyet really threw things off for me.

Sting: Roxanne
Mullets: none
I assume this was after the Police split up (well, Sting had enough with the other guys in The Police). A pretty weak version of Roxanne with just a clarinet and his guitar. You know, if all these acts donated half their fortunes there probably wouldn’t be any poverty in Africa.

Howard Jones: Hide and Seek
Mullets: 1-it looks like a cat died on his head about 2 weeks ago. You may want to wash that at some point.
Fans throwing the finger and are bored at this guy. God that mullet is bad though.

Elvis Costello: All You Need is Love
Mullets: none
Very cool rendition of the Beatles classic. Not a bad idea to get 80,000 fans together

Dire Straights with Sting: Money for Nothing
Mullets: 3 (guitarists, drummer, and sorry to say that Knopfler has a subtle sorry one)
I don’t care Mark Knopfler rules

U2: Sunday Bloody Sunday
Mullets: 2 really good ones (Edge actually has hair and is sporting a permed mullet complete with bald spot and Bono…) Bono has just about the most glorious mullet I have ever seen. It looks like he’s wearing a kids size fur coat on his head. It blows in the wind and everything. If you’re going to grow a mullet, this is how you do it. Wow I bet he never gets cold in the winter.
U2 live is about as good as it gets live and they certainly don’t disappoint here. I don’t really think they’ve lost much in the 20 years since. Well, except their writing ability.

Bryan Adams: Kids Wanna Rock
Mullets: 1.5 (guitarist has a huge mullet and Adams has a debatable one)
The mixing wasn’t up to speed right away with the bass drum sounding like a shot gun. I bet Summer of ‘69 was good though.

Kenny Loggins: Footloose
Mullets: Everyone has some low end version of a mullet. They’re all about an inch too long in the party area.
It seems that Loggins wore his pajamas to the gig today. Also I wonder how many people vomited from this song as the performance was bad enough but the people dancing in crowd… ugh. I should never ever watch Footloose ever again.

Neil Young: Nothing is Perfect
Mullets: 2-the guitarist has one and the drummer has the makings of one
I’m wondering if this song was part of his country album that he came out with. His record company then, I believe, made him have his next record more rock ‘n roll so he came out with a 50’s style album.

The Cars: Just What I Needed
Mullets: 3- bassist, drummer, guitarist
I pretty much dislike The Cars with a passion and looking at Rick Ocasec makes me want to vomit. Knowing who Rick Ocasec married makes me want to vomit too.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: American Girl
Mullets:1- drummer
Petty doesn’t really have a mullet as much as he has a carney hair style but he does have these mutton chops that almost come down to his mouth. I’ve really changed my stance on Petty through the years. I hated him at first (I never understood the like for ‘Freefallin’) but now he’s alright in my book. He puts on a decent show. He also flicks off the crowd too which is cool.

Pretenders: Stop Your Sobbing
Mullets: none that I can see
Pretenders suck… that’s it.

Simple Minds: Don’t You Forget About Me
Mulets: ???
I could never ever stand anything that has to do with Simple Minds. I couldn’t stand how VH-1 played this stupid video 20 times a day and I couldn’t stand how the lead singer bounces around everywhere he goes. Nails on a chalkboard.

Judas Priest: Livin After Midnight
Mullets: none, just a ton of hair
Thank god they got a little metal into this deal. All this pop is kinda giving me a headache ironically enough.

Madonna: Holiday
Mullets: 1- the drummer has something weird going…and he’s African American! Oh my god, can that be possible?
This is…crap especially her two dancers who can only be described as fag-hags. They seem really happy to be back there though. I wonder if any of them got a piece of that?

The Beach Boys: Wouldn’t it be Nice
Mullets: none but they’re all tan as hell.
I think the Beach Boys pretty much carried the stock of florescent colored clothes in the 80’s. This was before John Stamos joined the band (did he join in place of Brian Wilson?). Here, it looks like Brian Wilson is playing along with them which I was a bit surprised of.

Crosby, Stills, and Nash: Teach Your Children
Mullets: none although Stills has a rat tail I think
Very nice song to play and it was a great touch to have everyone singing the chorus. Who doesn’t know the words to this song?

Queen: Radio Gaga
Mullets: who cares
I’ve never been much of a Queen guy but the best front man in the history of the world IS Freddy Mercury. The guy could sing “oops, I did it again” and it would be tremendous. I mean the crowd is completely into this performance. Simply amazing is Queen live.

David Bowie: Heroes
Mullets: None, Bowie knows better than that.

Not bad. I went to school with a guy that looked like David Bowie. We called him David Bowie.

The Who: Wont Get Fooled Again
Mullets: The Who don’t do mullets
The Who simply kick ass live. John Entwistle is somewhere in there I think.

Elton John: Bennie and the Jets
Mullets: too many- nearly everyone has one including the Wham dancers in the back (who’s shorts are way too short--Elton’s gay you say eh?) and unbelievably Elton himself has a mullet.
Elton John looks really pale in this concert and I’m wondering if this is close to the time where Elton was starting to lose it. I mean looking at him is like looking at cocaine. He even acts like it.

Elton John and George Micheal: Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me
Mullets: Elton and the Wham singers back there.
I wonder if Elton and George ever…uh so how bout them Twins eh?

Phil Collins: In the Air Tonight
Mullets: Collins has this balding mullet deal going
Collins actually performed in London and then flew to Philadelphia because I guess it’s cool to waste that much time and money and gas to play on two continents in the same day. I dunno. Where’s Peter Gabriel when you need him?

Eric Clapton: Layla
Mullets: none that I can see
It’s probably the 1 millionth time Layla had been performed and he doesn’t disappoint. Now if someone could only tell him to put screens on all his windows. Why does he use two drummers?

Duran Duran: Reflex
Mullets: The guitarist has the 2nd best mullet of the day. I bet he could shelter a couple African villages with his hair.
Surprisingly enough the lead singer does not have any hair. I was expecting a mullet of biblical proportions but he didn’t have one.

Temptations w/ Hall and Oates: Aint to Proud to Beg
Mullets: The two white guys both have outstanding mullets. Oates has the perm mullet while Hall has the 3rd best mullet of the day going. It’s blond so it glistens.
Hall and Oates probably had the worst decade in the 80’s because it was like they wanted to be hair band but they would play R&B stuff. Who were they trying to attract?

Mick Jagger w/ Tina Turner: State of Shock
Mullets: Jagger has something going there.
This was definitely a highlight of the show because Turner and Jagger had so much energy. I wonder how many pills it would take for them to retain half that energy if they tried that same performance now?

Bob Dylan with Ron Wood and Keith Richards: Blowing in the Wind
Mullets: can’t tell
So I wonder why Richards and Wood didn’t play with Mick Jagger? They played with Dylan right after Jagger’s set . Very good ending to the US show.

Paul McCartney: Let it Be
Mullets: none
Of course McCartney has to end the show even though he isn’t really the best act. What is worse is that David Bowie, Alison Moyet, Pete Townsend, and Bob Geldof--of the four people, why these 4?-- join in with the “Let it Be” parts and they somehow screw it up. It’s very awkward like the Live 8 send off where McCartney and company were trying to force the “na na na’s” onto everyone after “Hey Jude”

Everyone: Do They Know it’s Christmas
Mullets: oh my god…everywhere
It seems kinda weird the they’re singing a Christmas song in the middle of July. It’s a good moment but I’d rather they just give the microphone to Freddy Mercury and simply let him do the whole thing.
I don’t know why they didn’t put the “we are the world” version on here but I suppose it sucked so whatever.

I was a little surprised that none of the Led Zeppelin set appeared on here. You’d think that them simply standing around would be enough to warrant them their own boxed set. They had to really suck in order to not make the list.

I suppose I’ll have to wait until Live Earth starts

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OMG! your a loser, who ever posted the "Mullet" thingy.... i mean, i LOVE mullets, but how dare you insult Howard Jones's mullet and say it looked like a "cat died in it a week ago", and "go wash it"!! You rude person! Howard had the BEST mullet of the 80s! and he washes his hair all the time! And NO-ONE in the crowd were giving him the finger! they all enjoyed it!! i love him, and DO NOT insult him!! AND! you insulted Spandau Ballet!! They were/are a REALLY good band! how could you say that Tony Hadley (the lead singer) has a stupid voice! cos i think its incredible! And the guitarists (Martin Kemp) hair is AWESOME! I'm glad you didn't say anything bad about Queen! Cos they were indeed the best band of the 80s, and you wouldn't dare insult them!
How could you insult Anyone from Live Aid, cos they were all indeed very good artists.
-I'v had my say.